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Out of Pod Experience

 
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The Office Diaries: By popular demand

First post
Author
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#21 - 2014-03-24 19:10:08 UTC
Freshly Rolled Goodness wrote:
How the **** are you still a supervisor? UAE with authority is a scary thought.


What she neglects to say is that out of 4 "violations", 4 were thrown out due to my extreme use of common sense. Im not worried one bit, if it starts going badly, Ill just use my highsec miner entitlement whine voice and demand that we overhaul the whole companies policy around my lifestyle too, and make it so we all cant have nice things. Im sure it wont come to that. Can you imagine Low carb, sugar free, gluten free, tree nut free, no trans fat paleo vegan snacks in the break room? That would be the end of this thread!

Btw, im typing this with my arms tucked into my shirt sleeves so I look like a T-Rex and im making loud Wookie sounds. I don't know whats worse, the fact that the boss walked by looked at me and laughed, or the fact that he is now answering my Wookie calls with his own from his office...

Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?

Bagrat Skalski
Koinuun Kotei
#22 - 2014-03-24 19:14:28 UTC  |  Edited by: Bagrat Skalski
Unsuccessful At Everything wrote:
Can you imagine Low carb, sugar free, gluten free, tree nut free, no trans fat paleo vegan snacks in the break room? That would be the end of this thread!


One particular kind of chips.

/thread? Lol
Tollen Gallen
Glory of Reprisal Enterprise
#23 - 2014-03-24 22:08:29 UTC
Awesome!





I like Haggis.

Zimmy Zeta - I f*cking love martinis. the original ones, with gin, not that vodka martini crap. Your old Friends can use me for 7 days, free!!!

Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#24 - 2014-03-25 19:13:04 UTC
Victory.

Another complaint down. Drowned by the liquid awesomeness that is common sense, and a large dose of someone making my point for me. My boss decided to sit in on my "Action Meeting" in leu of reviewing the file afterwards. I gave a 10 minute dissertation on the merits of HTFU, which he watched with interest. Becky, resident militant Vegan ***** (yes, I will be referring to her this way from now on, yes the whole thing, yes every single time) decided to showcase her angry vegan side when I mentioned Pork Rinds. Yep, Pork rinds, those deliciously fried bits of that wonderous bacon giving animal known as the pig! Who knew that those would be a red button topic for Becky resident militant vegan *****? All I did was ask if I could bring them as a snack for me and the Low Carb Crew (name approved, boss signed off, t-shirts shall be made, flags shall be raised), and she went off on me in front of the boss and HR lady. That pretty much right there got the complaint thrown out, and made my point. I love it when people do that. Kinda like highseccers if you think about it. Anyways, the HR lady is disgusted with me. She really thought she had me this time. She keeps walking by, sighing and giving me the stink-eye. I waved to Larry a couple times, which made her look at me funny. Its not Larry's fault that he grew out of such a *****'s neck. Im sure if Larry could talk, hed want to be separated from her. So HR lady, we are stuck together. Im staying because...well..im me..and slightly awesome (mostly in my own eyes, a little bit in my section's eyes), and shes staying because shes easy...and possibly sleeping with the boss. Its more possible now..he did stay in the HR office after the meeting and they closed the door for about 15 minutes. This will require a shot or three of mind bleach tonight... but that's tonight, for now is time for celebration! My friends, lift your bags of pork rinds , your bacon, your beef jerky, your veal filets......in VICTORY!

For those who wondered, Monday was Muffin Monday. Muffin Monday is never complete without a friend of mine..Mr Muffin. Mr Muffin came about because of the fact that I don't eat muffins..but still wanted to take one anyways. I now slice the top off, place googly eyes on him, flap his head and speak in ridiculous accents. Mr Muffin can be a prick at times. Its the poppy seeds. im almost sure of it. Mr Muffin was still sitting on my desk this morning, so we are all having to listen to Mr Muffin's stale jokes today. He re-enacted the French castle scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail this morning. Mr Muffin, you so crazy.

This has taken me entirely too long to write. So many distractions at work. Becky resident militant vegan ***** is still going off about her defeat in the HR battle arena. WE CAN HEAR YOU BECKY RESIDENT MILITANT VEGAN *****! She is like 2 offices over too...its got to be an air duct thing.

Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?

Tollen Gallen
Glory of Reprisal Enterprise
#25 - 2014-03-25 19:22:28 UTC
I want to meet Mr Muffin






I like Mr Muffin.

Zimmy Zeta - I f*cking love martinis. the original ones, with gin, not that vodka martini crap. Your old Friends can use me for 7 days, free!!!

Freshly Rolled Goodness
Doomheim
#26 - 2014-03-25 19:31:55 UTC
How are we just now finding out about Mr Muffin?
jason hill
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#27 - 2014-03-25 19:33:12 UTC
seems like becky the resident vegan ***** just needs a good stiff porking in my opinion .a useless looks like the chap to give her one Big smile
Noxisia Arkana
Deadspace Knights
#28 - 2014-03-25 20:32:30 UTC
I wonder if you two are related: http://www.27bslash6.com/f26a.html
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#29 - 2014-03-25 20:39:09 UTC
Noxisia Arkana wrote:
I wonder if you two are related: http://www.27bslash6.com/f26a.html



Oh god... the Business Card one is going to happen...its going to happen so hard... You can have all my +1s today.

Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?

Noxisia Arkana
Deadspace Knights
#30 - 2014-03-25 20:40:56 UTC  |  Edited by: Noxisia Arkana
He's pretty genius. I've embarrassed myself at work laughing at that blog.


Edit: Check out missing missy. It's his finest work.
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#31 - 2014-03-27 17:14:10 UTC
Doughnut Thunderdome: The most holy of group combat.

Today, 2 boxes of those fried rings of deliciousness appeared in the arena. Encouraged by the increased bounty, more contestants entered the fray. The Crew and I sat back and watched in horror (and a little curiosity) as the battle ensued. Elbows were thrown, arguments were had, and the doughnuts were devoured by what I can only describe as human squirrels...hunched over in protective stances in corners of the room. How can we call ourselves civilized when simply pastries turn us into animals?

Steve (alpha douche) made off with 2 doughnuts...the maple bars... debatably the most coveted of doughnut treasures...and is now in his cubicle..gloating over his prizes. I can hear whispers of a raiding party coming from my right.... from Rhonda's cubicle... We may have more action on the horizon.

The raiding party has departed its base... its the entirety of Section 3! Run Steve! Youre outnumbered!

Its too late... his cubicle is surrounded.... demands are being made. Steve is looking like a trapped animal. His exits are blocked. Rhonda demands the doughnut...Steve counters with a comment about Rhonda's weight. Bad move Steve....HR complaint incoming.

Steve has a hostage! Hes threatening now to lick the doughnut! The raiding party is looking at each other.... this just got more complicated.

Steve demands something... A HELLO KITTY POSTER! Excellent move Steve... Rhonda cannot stand Hello Kitty... Negotiations are ongoing about the size of said poster and content...

An accord has been reached! The maple bar..for a medium sized very colorful Hello Kitty poster to be purchased during lunchtime from Walmart. Handshakes have been made, doughnuts have gone unlicked...and Section 3 retreats back to their domain...Maple bar in hand.

The precious is too alluring! Section 3 has erupted into internal strife! Who gets how much of the precious!?!?!? Weight comments have been made! More HR complaints incoming! Voices are raised...the pack is turning on its leader! RHONDA HAS ALREADY HAD A DOUGHNUT!!!!! Greed!

The Section 3 underlings have turned on their pack leader. The doughnut has been snatched... and divided evenly. Rhonda is pissed. Steve is reminding Rhonda from across the room about the deal... ITS OFF! THE DEAL IS OFF! Steve is now very upset...the accord has been breached...there will be blood....

We are less than 4 hours into the workday. Dictators have been toppled, wars have been fought... and soon..Steve will have his revenge....

Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?

Trii Seo
Goonswarm Federation
#32 - 2014-03-28 11:24:46 UTC
Lost it at "Doughnut Thunderdome".

Now people are looking at me funny.

Proud pilot of the Imperium

Arek'Jaalan: Heliograph

Graygor
1kB Realty
#33 - 2014-03-28 11:40:35 UTC
How the hell did i miss this thread? Shocked

UAE I am half tempted to hire you as professional office s**t stirrer.

The antics alone are worth it.

"I think you should buy a new Mayan calendar. Mine has muscle cars on it." -ย Kenneth O'Hara

"I dont think that can happen, you can see Gray has his invuln field on in his portrait." - Commissar "Cake" Kate

Bobble Hat
Federal Navy Academy
Gallente Federation
#34 - 2014-03-28 11:57:26 UTC
I approve of this Threadnaught!

Marcus Gord wrote: Bobble, please get out of my head... Bobble Hat wrote: But it's so nice and warm in here wiggles

Mizhir
TOP DAMAGE Ltd.
Trigger Happy.
#35 - 2014-03-28 12:16:21 UTC
WTF

What kind of place are you working at? It is worse than politics and kindergarten combined.

โค๏ธ๏ธ๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’œ

Samoth Egnoled
Caldari Provisions
#36 - 2014-03-28 12:41:36 UTC
Oh this made my morning at work.
Marcus Gord
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#37 - 2014-03-28 13:23:26 UTC
this is a superb thread! it's good for practicing my poker face, trying not to laugh at work when i'm supposed to be working.

In a few moments you will have an experience that will seem completely real. It will be the result of your subconscious fears transformed to your conscious awareness.

http://i.imgur.com/LM2NKUf.png

Random McNally
Stay Frosty.
A Band Apart.
#38 - 2014-03-28 13:51:12 UTC
Smile
Big smile
LolLolLol

Host of High Drag Podcast. http://highdrag.wordpress.com/

Space music http://minddivided.com

I G Channel HighDragChat

Broadcast4Reps

Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#39 - 2014-03-28 19:14:15 UTC
Welcome to Pie-day.

Its apple today. I love apple pie...but this time...its dutch apple pie..and I am not a fan of the crumbly top. GIVE ME TOP CRUST...OR GIVE ME...Some other form of top crusted apple pie. DAMN YOU CRUMBLY STUFF! Ruined my morning has become! Its smells so good... it was made this morning...so its fresh..and its delightful aroma wafts through the catacombs of cubicleville....

Now you may be asking yourself...why is there no stampede? Steve (douche) is the reason. Steve is why we cant have nice things. Steves revenge wasn't against Rhonda..but everyone! Everyone who wanted dutch apple pie that is...

After yesterdays pastry hostage crisis, and subsequent betrayal of Hello Kitty poster promises.. Steve this morning decided to race from our Friday morning relaxation and teambuilding exercises..straight to the break room. Standing atop the breakroom table in front of the mases drawn by the smell of deliciousness...Steve proceeded to hold the pie, and recite the entirety of "Little jack Horner", and at the appropriate moment..licked his thumb..and stuck it dead center in the pie! Forever tainted that pie has become! Now, the pie sits on the table... with only the thumb hole as any evidence that it has been touched. The smell, forever taunting us with treasures we dare not touch.

Damn you Steve, you magnificent douche.

Rhonda was not spared personally from retribution. Her mouse was defiled. The ball removed, and a fake eyeball inserted instead. When Rhonda went to look at the ball to see why it wasn't working.. she shrieked in horror to find the mouse staring back at her! Fantastic! No! No! Noooooo! IT JUST GAVE HER A NEW WIRELESS MOUSE. IT guy...we are not going to be friends.. first your refusal to give me new monitors when mine are tainted by coffee...now...this.

There is a war now on the horizon. Section 3 is planning a counter strike over the defiling of the pie. I am planning my attack on IT... the battle ....promises to be a bloody one.

Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?

Trii Seo
Goonswarm Federation
#40 - 2014-03-28 19:53:21 UTC
Beware the elder IT monks wielding CAT5 cable whips.

I'm not sure if that's genuine material or a damn brilliant scheme but it's making laughter increasingly hard to control.

Proud pilot of the Imperium

Arek'Jaalan: Heliograph