Out of Pod Experience

You didn't have Mr Muffin to play bad cop for you?

I'm also dissapointed that you haven't reacted to my subtle little joke. Maybe you haven't spotted it yet.

Operation Chair… reassignment.. no no no.. relocation? Damn.. operational names are hard. Operation Get rid of this broken ass chair and steal the HR lady’s chair as a replacement. Thatll do. Operation: GROTBACASTHRLCASR for short. That’s gonna require a copy/paste if I type it again. I was really hoping it would spell something awesome and easy to remember. Next time ill start with an acronym and make up the name. Operation: PITCHFORK… Pain in the calf / hamstring for other reasons..k? That makes no sense at all. Im glad I didn’t go with that. Operation CHAIR.. Chair h-something and it replace… gah. I give up.

Anyways, the operation was completed early this morning. No witnesses.. no loose ends. Replacement duct tape installed on my armrest to camouflage the chair, and it was thoroughly sanitized with a combination of pilfered monitor cleaner and hand sanitizer. I regretted that immeadiately.. as it reeks of purfumey (is that even a word?!??!) hand sanitizer and some awful glass cleaner smell. Ugh.. It had to be done. Now comes the hard part… wearing a new ass groove in the cushion. Luckily the HR lady doesn’t weight that much.. and replacing her bony ass groove with mine should be relatively simple. Just got to sit here and do nothing. Im on it.

What the hell is a “Black and white” muffin? I want to know who here is buying these things.. because they are moving away from muffin type muffins and more of these foofy cupcake like muffins. Breakfast muffins have a nice texture and hold up well to the rigors of Mr Muffin.. while these things are more cake like.. CAKE CANNOT HOLD UP TO BEING A CHARACTER DAMNIT. Sigh. I will have to make do with what I have. When life gives you lemons…. Yeah.. not sure how that meshes with my current muffin situation.. unless it was a lemon muffin.. THAT I can work with. So today, Mr Muffin is just all over the place…literally. Hes tried several characters from classic black and white movies.. all while losing pieces of his head.. all over the floor. DAMN YOU CRUMBLY CAKE MUFFIN THING. Hes like a poor zombie.. with pieces all falling off. Can one feel sorry for an object that he himself is giving personification to? Deep stuff there. Muffin Philosophy. Whoa. Maybe Ive stumbled onto a whole new outlook on life.. or reason for being. Life is like a muffin. If you make it out of inferior stuff.. and you abuse it.. it crumbles, but if you take the time and build it right with the proper ingredients.. you can make much hilarity. Hmm.. not quite there yet. Perhaps I should think this over more, spend years pondering it... Who knows if one day in the future, Unsuccessful at Everything will be looked back upon as the father of Muffin Philosophy and how it changed how the world views itself.

Oh thank god. For a moment there I thought I was going to need to buy you flowers or tell you all the reasons why you are so much prettier than your sister who I totally don't think is attractive and never have and should totally be jealous of you because of your epic prettiness and how if you left me I would probably die from things and be ruined for all women and would pine for you until the end of time but then of course id be dead and of course id be ruined for all other women except maybe some freaky necropheliacs who I would never ever find attractive because they weren't you.


(ive been away all weekend... haven't logged in at all .. to think.. it was a free weekend for all the bots and carebear prairie dogs Ive been AFK camping.. I feel bad for letting them do things.)

This has just been a wonderful read and end to my workshift. Thank you! I can't wait for more stories

*gasp*

Nail biting, intense action scenes?

UAEzilla vs Kevinra? o_O

Dramatic chipmunk might do overtime to comment that fight.

All of us who are rank and file get these office chairs that feel like you're sitting on a bag of potatoes. One day I went to another building to smoke in its atrium while also avoiding somebody and I spotted this exec room with Aerons. Sometimes I work pretty late with the janitor being the only other living soul in the building. So one night I wheel out one of these chairs, put it at my desk and enjoy the spoils.

So embarrassingly one day I'm on NineWest micromanaging my shopping cart and this lady in a blue pantsuit sidles up to me and asks me if she can take her chair back. Can't even believe the nerve on this strange person, I scoff and look confused like how could you possibly think I'd give you my *my* chair. I was ready with a story about a lumbar thing and the department expense card, and she squeaks: You know that's the only room we have with blue chairs, followed up with a look of "how could you? what would your mother say?". Immediately I look at her suit, then at the chair (I had to do it twice) and then begged and groveled for this not to go to my boss.

I hate these potato chairs.

bumb, because I can.

Mm. Got hungry at work and needed Mr. Muffin to save me.

Muffin on a chariot makes me wonder if some Ben Hur action is coming..

So busy this week. Deadlines approaching rapidly, additional work piled upon us at the last second. Such is life in the office jungle.

IT has implemented a way to block me from the forums on company hardware. It took them long enough. Luckily, I can get a bar or 2 of Wifi from the coffee shop across the street on my tablet thanks to their admin password being "password" (I know.. I was shocked too) and a strategically placed wifi booster on the wall facing the coffee shop. The lengths I go for you people.

Monday was much disappoint. The muffins were absent.. replaced with bagels. Now, Im all for a good bagel every now and then, but im not for using a bagel as a stand in for a muffin. Just look at the thing.. its always surprised. Nope.

Came in early today to finish a large report that goes out tomorrow That Section 3 dropped the ball on. Sometimes you just got to suck it up, put your head down and power through it. 50 pages and 10 visuals down. I faintly remember hearing the horn that sounds the beginning of Doughnut Thunderdome. I saw the prizes earlier. 3 boxes of those store brand crap doughnuts. Those Hostess wannabe doughnuts. The ones that taste completely of shortening and are covered with so much powdered sugar that you end up looking like you just snorted a line. The ones with the weird jelly ring in the center.. ugh. Ruined by good bakery store doughnuts I have been. Why would people fight over those things? Im sure there were arguments, thrown elbows, shoving.. just for the sake of it. Rhonda the Hutt's suit dress jacket thingy shows the telltale powdered sugar handwipe marks of a victor. Chair Thief Kevin is absent today.. or else he would have surely taken three. He sure is sick alot on Thursdays and Fridays. Sigh. To be an execs pet must be a plush life. Rumor has it Chair Thief Kevin has a key to the next floor's exec bathroom. Ive yet to witness him using it.. not that I go up there much by choice. One does not simply wander through the floor of insanity and madness for no reason. Like Camelot, it is a silly place. Home of the VP who like to say mind bending things that break reality and cause traumatic brain injury.

Oh, Chair Thief Kevin had turned in a HR complaint yesterday. Apparently someone superglued his period key down so that e.....v......e...r.y....t..h...I...n...g.... ..h..e.. ..t....y..p...e..s.. ....l....o.....o...k...s... .l..i...k....e. ....t..h.....I...s. I can see how that could be annoying, so his complaint might be justified.. although he didn't put anyones name down as the offender. He might have some fun getting that keyboard unplugged... pretty sure its epoxied into the socket. I can imagine the frustration on the HR ladies face when she read the complaint he typed out... that must have been painful. Probably less painful than an outbreak.. but still.. yeah. Maybe Chair Thief Kevin is gone today due to a period overload? I hear that some periods can be worse than others. Man I want to know what he said when he called out now...

Well, im informed that OH Lindy is going to her grandmothers house tonight for dinner. I have placed an order for her potroast and sweet potato pie for my lunch tomorrow. Man I hope that happens.. just thinking about it is making my stomach growl. Ive worked clear through my lunch apparently.. hopefully there.. is.. YES! Emergency package of Beef Jerky in the bottom drawer! This should get me through the end of the day... maybe.

Remind me never to **** you off UAE...