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Crime & Punishment

 
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The Pirate Story Thread

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Cipreh
Native Freshfood
Minmatar Republic
#121 - 2011-11-17 02:33:08 UTC  |  Edited by: Cipreh
So I have been known to go pirating occasionally, and sometimes I get good fights, others I get blown up in new and sometimes hilarious ways.

This is not one of those stories.

This one goes back a little ways, I had just finished training Heavy Assault Cruisers IV, and finally gotten into a Vagabond, and I had been anxious to give it a try in a real fight. Unfortunately, no such opportunity presented itself.

So, I decided to go can flipping with my brand new Vagabond. I swapped out the Energy Neutralizer, for a Tech II Cloaking Device, and headed out to high sec.

I jump out, and check my D-Scan, see a couple of Hulk's, and decide to look around. Warp to the first belt, and there's a guy mining in a Hulk here, but no jet can. So I hopped around the belts a bit, but none of the people out there seemed to be mining into a can.

Well then... Onward to the next system!

I jumped into Freatlidur, and warped to a central planet to D-Scan. I saw quite a few Hulks out there, but only a couple of jet cans.

Alright, looks promising so far...

I land in a belt, with a Hulk mining into a jet can about 60km off. I burn over towards him with my MWD. Jeez the Vagabond is fast, covered the 60km in several seconds as I approached the can. I quickly dropped my own can and scooped his minerals over to it. The Hulk immediately warped off.

So I started burning away from the can, and hit my cloak when I got to about 20km off. Aligned my ship to the can, and waited patiently. After about five minutes, I started to get bored of sitting there, and wanted to go find some other less invisible target, but I stayed put. Man, I am glad I did. So fast forward to about 15 minutes later, I know it was at least 15 minutes, my aggression timer had expired. I am just getting ready to take off, and in warps... An Orca!

He has my full attention now, as he lazily slow boats over to the jet can, and as he gets in transfer range, I decloak. He grabs the can and starts to align, and I overheat my MWD and slam my brand new Vagabond right into the side of his Orca, I was spamming the target lock, waiting for the sensor recalbration timer to expire.

Those six seconds seemed to take forever, but finally I got him locked and pointed.

I hit my guns, and start orbiting him at 17km. I am slowly burning my way through his shields, and he launches Hammerhead II's and sends them after me. I manage to keep them off me for a while by pulsing my MWD, but I am starting to run dangerously low on cap, and his drones soon began making headway through my shields.

By this point he is at about three quarters armor, and I am just hitting my peak recharge on my shields. I start wondering if I am going to be able to pull this off, and decide to try to ransom him and save myself the risk of losing the kill. So I try to convo him, and I get the popup that he is "offline or unavailable". This fool tried to logoffski. No ransom for him! I bring my concentration back to the task at hand, overheat my guns, and try to get through this guys armor. My shields are at about 10%, and they won't last much longer. He is just hitting 1/3 armor.

At this point, it could no longer be a solo kill, so I started calling for help in corp chat, and two of my buddies jumped out and headed over. I was starting to take armor damage, so I told them to hurry up! The Orca is almost in structure and I am about half armor when they finally land on grid with us, and we finish him off in short order.

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=12467932

Awesome first kill for my brand new Vagabond. After we post the mail, we notice that it was a double kill! He had a Muninn in his ship bay of the Orca. Ouch.

You can read more of my stories like this at http://lostwithoutlocal.blogspot.com

Blog: http://lostwithoutlocal.blogspot.com Twitter: @Cipreh I am also available on Skype, details available upon request. Feel free to contact me via any of the above methods,or in-game.
Alice Saki
Nocturnal Romance
Cynosural Field Theory.
#122 - 2011-11-17 14:22:10 UTC
hehe good stuff everyone, and nice Blog I like reading this kinda stuff during work hours :D

FREEZE! Drop the LIKES AND WALK AWAY! - Currenly rebuilding gaming machine, I will Return.
Kilobar
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Caldari State
#123 - 2011-11-17 15:25:55 UTC
Cannibal Kane wrote:
I was on one of my travels and decided to doc up in Jouv.

figured the locals has been getting lax wth me not around there anymore. Scanned the belts on directional and saw a can with a bantam and a Raven.

Warp to and there it was, seems like a two friends mining with the Raven buddie pilot there for Anti Flipper Duties. The can belonging to the Raven pilot and the bantam mining into it.

So I got my little Merlin into gear thinking wth... If I loose it I loose in a blaze of retardation engaging a Raven.

So.. click click, can flipped. The Raven yellow boxes me and starts firing his cruise missles doing a whopping 11 damage. My passive recharge rate was tanking him, so I wait for the drones as I start to engage. No drones? Slowly eating into his shields, slowly wearing him down with my Merlin.

Local erupts into an orgy of TEARS about how can a ship as cheap as mine survive this long against a Raven. 10 minutes later and Jouv Local looking like Jita local the Raven pops.

Threats of petitions for cheating since there is no way a Merlin can kill a Raven.

In this case... Yes it can. Never gage a Character by his age.

Killmail

I wish I could have been perched on the raven pilot's shoulder when "the capacitor is empty" let him know he was f#cked
Princess Bride
SharkNado
#124 - 2011-11-20 19:35:43 UTC  |  Edited by: Princess Bride
Tl;dr Victim buys empty container via contract scam for 50m. Victim gets himself CONCORDed..twice..trying unsuccessfully to suicide gank my shuttle at Jita undock completely destroying his sec status. After an epic 7 pages of lols, victim turns to scamming in desperation and pastes his scam contract to me instead of Jita local by accident. Proof at the end.

This was in January, 2011.

Princess Bride > Hey
Victim > ok I bought out ur contract wheres the stuff at?
Victim > hey
Princess Bride > There is no stuff. :(
Princess Bride > Sorry about that.
[Notice, I did apologize, and did not taunt him.]
Victim > so ur a swindlert
Princess Bride > Yes
Victim > lol it's ok I have 50 bil anyway
Princess Bride > Where did you see my contract?
Victim > in jita
Princess Bride > k
Princess Bride > 50 bil, damn!
Victim > but now I am going to wardec you
Princess Bride > Oh, just give me the 100 mil instead :)
Princess Bride > How'd you make 50 bil?
Victim > nope I'm hiring UTC and adopt to do my dirty work
Victim > using 4 alts
Princess Bride > Boy will they be happy
Princess Bride > Since they won't have to do anything
Princess Bride > I'm in the wrong business!
Victim > station spin if you want
Princess Bride > Why would I do that?
Victim > well give me half back to be fair or I will waste far more isk just to make u regrete being a nub spamer
Victim > because u will lose all the isk u just scamed
Princess Bride > How would I lose it?
Victim > by me killing everything you fly
Princess Bride > But I only fly shuttles
Princess Bride > 50m is a LOT of shuttles.
Victim > yes i know
Princess Bride > 7250 ISK in Jita
Victim > well your such a young player I'd hate to see you leave because of me
Princess Bride > You would have to kill me 6,896 times to make me lose 50 mil.
Princess Bride > Gotta love the embedded calculator.
Victim > oh no no I will have other people watch you then when you fly something more I will give the kill order
Princess Bride > And I would hate to see that too.
Princess Bride > If you send me another 50m I will give you the combination for the container.
Victim > lol do you know how long it takes to make 50 mil
Victim > it wasn't assembles
Princess Bride > OH
Victim > *assembled
Princess Bride > How terrible
[Oops. I always forget to assemble the damn things.]
Princess Bride > What makes you think I fly more?
Princess Bride > Ever?
Victim > 5 hours to make 50 mil
Victim > no ever
Victim > I know people
Princess Bride > In your 3 years playing here, have you noticed that you can have two "alternate" characters?
Victim > I have 4 alts
Victim > I will find ur main
Victim > and abuse it
Princess Bride > Oh, and how will you do that?
[Okay, at this point I was a little annoyed by his threats and begin to seriously **** with him.]
Victim > I have sources
Princess Bride > Reallllly
Princess Bride > What kind of "Sources" do you possess?
Victim > yup I know pvp's in corps and use my intel to find their alts so they can use nuet fleet help
Victim > on a need to know bases
Princess Bride > Um
Princess Bride > Huh?
[I truly did not understand his lingo/typo filled threat.]
Victim > In ur nubbie little exsistence do you think in 3 years I haven't made vast connections
Princess Bride > Vast connections with who?
Victim > you don't need to know
Princess Bride > lol
Victim > how do you think I made 50+bil
Princess Bride > So, if I give you half back
Princess Bride > You'll leave me alone?
Victim > you have my word
Princess Bride > Hmmm.
Princess Bride > /emote is thinking.
Princess Bride > Nah.
Princess Bride > I think I'll take my chances.
Victim > ok have it your way don't say I didn't warn you
Princess Bride > Come back to me tomorrow with the name of my main, and then maybe we'll discuss your extortion further.
Princess Bride > But at this point, it -could- just be a scam you're running.
Victim > thats fine give me a hour
Princess Bride > Cool cool
Princess Bride > It is 17:20
Princess Bride > I shall wait till 18:20
Victim > actually 17:21
Princess Bride > Right then.
Princess Bride > I shall wait till 17:21.
Princess Bride > er 18:21.
Victim > oh yes you should leave your corp too I'm wardecing them shortly
Princess Bride > You shouldn't have told me, now I'm gonna warn all of them.
Princess Bride > Tactical error sir!
[Note: I am in a 1-man corp.]
Victim > this is your main
Princess Bride > *gasp*
Victim > and no I want you oustied
Princess Bride > How did you find out?!
Victim > fyi does't matter
Princess Bride > You better tell me or I'll be forced to report you to CCP for hacking.
Victim > go for it
Princess Bride > zomg you better not wardec my corp, they're good people
Princess Bride > They didn't do anything wrong
Victim > better hope they don't have a pos
Princess Bride > They do but you'll never find it.
Victim > haha I bet it's in WH
Princess Bride > wtf
Princess Bride > How did you KNOW that?
Victim > I have a titan or 2 and few more capital ships on payroll
Victim > does it matter
Princess Bride > Look man this corp only has frigs and badgers. You need to leave them alone!
Victim > pay up or enjoy a countless amount of days station spinning
Princess Bride > Fine.
[Sent him 50k]
Princess Bride > There
Princess Bride > I paid, now leave them alone!
Victim > no 25 mil
Princess Bride > I paid back the full 50 mil

Continued HERE because it is huge.

Proof.

Don't forget to like it if you like it. Big smile

http://eveprincessbride.wordpress.com/
Mr Bigwinky
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#125 - 2011-11-21 14:26:25 UTC
Cipreh wrote:
So I have been known to go pirating occasionally, and sometimes I get good fights, others I get blown up in new and sometimes hilarious ways.

This is not one of those stories.

This one goes back a little ways, I had just finished training Heavy Assault Cruisers IV, and finally gotten into a Vagabond, and I had been anxious to give it a try in a real fight. Unfortunately, no such opportunity presented itself.

So, I decided to go can flipping with my brand new Vagabond. I swapped out the Energy Neutralizer, for a Tech II Cloaking Device, and headed out to high sec.

I jump out, and check my D-Scan, see a couple of Hulk's, and decide to look around. Warp to the first belt, and there's a guy mining in a Hulk here, but no jet can. So I hopped around the belts a bit, but none of the people out there seemed to be mining into a can.

Well then... Onward to the next system!

I jumped into Freatlidur, and warped to a central planet to D-Scan. I saw quite a few Hulks out there, but only a couple of jet cans.

Alright, looks promising so far...

I land in a belt, with a Hulk mining into a jet can about 60km off. I burn over towards him with my MWD. Jeez the Vagabond is fast, covered the 60km in several seconds as I approached the can. I quickly dropped my own can and scooped his minerals over to it. The Hulk immediately warped off.

So I started burning away from the can, and hit my cloak when I got to about 20km off. Aligned my ship to the can, and waited patiently. After about five minutes, I started to get bored of sitting there, and wanted to go find some other less invisible target, but I stayed put. Man, I am glad I did. So fast forward to about 15 minutes later, I know it was at least 15 minutes, my aggression timer had expired. I am just getting ready to take off, and in warps... An Orca!

He has my full attention now, as he lazily slow boats over to the jet can, and as he gets in transfer range, I decloak. He grabs the can and starts to align, and I overheat my MWD and slam my brand new Vagabond right into the side of his Orca, I was spamming the target lock, waiting for the sensor recalbration timer to expire.

Those six seconds seemed to take forever, but finally I got him locked and pointed.

I hit my guns, and start orbiting him at 17km. I am slowly burning my way through his shields, and he launches Hammerhead II's and sends them after me. I manage to keep them off me for a while by pulsing my MWD, but I am starting to run dangerously low on cap, and his drones soon began making headway through my shields.

By this point he is at about three quarters armor, and I am just hitting my peak recharge on my shields. I start wondering if I am going to be able to pull this off, and decide to try to ransom him and save myself the risk of losing the kill. So I try to convo him, and I get the popup that he is "offline or unavailable". This fool tried to logoffski. No ransom for him! I bring my concentration back to the task at hand, overheat my guns, and try to get through this guys armor. My shields are at about 10%, and they won't last much longer. He is just hitting 1/3 armor.

At this point, it could no longer be a solo kill, so I started calling for help in corp chat, and two of my buddies jumped out and headed over. I was starting to take armor damage, so I told them to hurry up! The Orca is almost in structure and I am about half armor when they finally land on grid with us, and we finish him off in short order.

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=12467932

Awesome first kill for my brand new Vagabond. After we post the mail, we notice that it was a double kill! He had a Muninn in his ship bay of the Orca. Ouch.

You can read more of my stories like this at http://lostwithoutlocal.blogspot.com


Wait. what? Surely it's painstakingly obvious that you kill his drones, no? No drones, no dps, no orca.
A vagabond should 1 or 2 shot hammerheads especially if they're following you at their orbit range and MWDing now and then! Shocked then you could have just sat at 0 on him, maximising your dps afterward.

What?

- Winky ♥
Welcome to EVE online, here's your rubix cube, go F*** yourself ♥
Cipreh
Native Freshfood
Minmatar Republic
#126 - 2011-11-22 13:15:15 UTC
It was my first time flying the ship in combat, and I was excited about the prospect of an orca kill. I honestly didn't even consider it at the time.Oops

Blog: http://lostwithoutlocal.blogspot.com Twitter: @Cipreh I am also available on Skype, details available upon request. Feel free to contact me via any of the above methods,or in-game.
Mr Bigwinky
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#127 - 2011-11-22 14:08:45 UTC
Cipreh wrote:
It was my first time flying the ship in combat, and I was excited about the prospect of an orca kill. I honestly didn't even consider it at the time.Oops


Awwwwww ♥
Welcome to EVE online, here's your rubix cube, go F*** yourself ♥
Bernie Nator
Seal Club Six
Plug N Play
#128 - 2011-11-25 23:27:40 UTC
This is hands down one of the most entertaining threads I've had the pleasure of reading. Please continue to post more stories about tasty delicious tears.
Tekkera
Native Freshfood
Minmatar Republic
#129 - 2011-11-28 18:03:13 UTC
Petition. Read.

Quote:
Petition Body

I was pirating, like usual, I can flip, he can flips me back, I bring in my battlecruiser. Then he comes back with his hauler, I locked him and attacked him, then CONCORD came and smacked me upside the head. He had aggro through the whole thing, I don't know why I was CONCORDed



Quote:
Greetings Pilot,

Thank you for contacting EvE Online customer support.

It appears as tho the pilot in question stole from your jetcan around 17:59, and your combat was initiated at 18:15. It could be a terribly bad timing error, as it appears the criminal flag would have dropped mere moments before you engaged him. Unfortunate, but sadly there is nothing I can do in this instance, Concord were well within their rights to blow up your vessel for criminal activities.

If you require any further assistance please feel free to contact us again.

Best regards,
GM Haggis
EvE Online Customer Support


I was pretty pissed off :|
Solinuas
Viziam
Amarr Empire
#130 - 2011-11-30 09:42:45 UTC
lol i've almost had that happen agro was one second from ending when i caught him, i seriously though my 2bil legion would get concorded.........
Cannibal Kane
Viziam
Amarr Empire
#131 - 2011-11-30 10:23:10 UTC
Solinuas wrote:
lol i've almost had that happen agro was one second from ending when i caught him, i seriously though my 2bil legion would get concorded.........


It would have sucked if it did and it was to kill a badger.

"Kane is the End Boss of Highsec." -Psychotic Monk
Mai Khumm
172.0.0.1
#132 - 2011-12-02 16:06:16 UTC
This is the best thread I've ever read while avoiding my job..
Naburi NasNaburi
Doomheim
#133 - 2011-12-05 06:48:59 UTC  |  Edited by: Naburi NasNaburi
This one time in band.... ermm.. in the German Channel:
A 2009 char comes in, complaining about his 0.0 Corp kicking him, because they thought he was a spy and that he didnt know how to get his stuff out of that area now as he wasnt allowed to dock at the stations.
I had a good day and tried to explain to him that he should just sell his stuff via contracts or find a willing freighter pilot.
He had no idea how contracts work, didnt know about collateral and wanted to offer 1 (ONE) Mil for the job.

This was the moment things got extremely interesting for me *evil grin*
I offered to move his stuff and all that he had to do was contract everything to me so I can sort it out and see how many times I would have to fly *coughs*
As he couldnt figure out how to contract his stuff to me, I offered to join audio channel and explain it to him.
Guess he wasnt ready to hear a female voice.

Within 15 minutes I was in possession of all his assets in 0.0 (about 200/250mil in mods, books and ships).

I was JUST about to say thank you for your kind donation when he mentioned his "nice" Hyperion somewhere in Hisec.
For sure I wanted that ship now, too.

I told him to show me his fitting so that I could give him some ideas how to fit it better... to make his mission-running a bit more efficent.
After seeing the fit I knew how to get my hands on that Hyperion.
"Hmm I have some t2 large rigs laying around that I dont need anymore, if you want to I can fly over and fit them for you... or can you fit them yourself already? Free of course, I found them on a wreck at a gate. Oh no worries you can trust me, I have a good reputation (says the woman with a huge bounty on her head and a neg sec status :P )"
His greed kicked in.

18 jumps later I was the owner of this Hyperion aswell.

What followed this 400/500mil scam is unbelievable: he spammed the German Channel, German Help Channel and English Help Channel for a solid 11 hours about how evil I am, and that NO 40 year old woman should act like this.
He also mentioned that I am a RL criminal for trying to steal his key (we still are trying to figure out what he means lol) and that he feels sorry for my kids.
He demanded to speak to an admin (his words) or customer support about getting me banned from the game for criminal actions..
So, this guy gave me (and 3 channels) a constant flow of delicious tears for over 11 hours.

I was co-host on EVE-Radio that afternoon and of course the DJ found out about the story aswell. We talked about it on air and MANY people joined the German Channel to see the victims tears. Things went crazy *laughs*

People donated me isk left and right and thanked me for the show lol
My husband rewarded me with a medal:
Deluxe Tear Harvester - For supreme skill in extracting and harvesting the most delicious tears in known space.

A week later I see the guy in local.
My directional showed him in a Covetor... mining into a can Twisted
I warp to him, flip his can and warp out to a spot 300km away from him.

Convo pops up: NABS!! What have you done ? Your victim is spamming both help channels now, because you were evil to him again.
I join the channels and yep there he is, demanding to speak to an admin/GM to get me banned from EVE for being a RL criminal trying to steal his key (doh?)
This went on for another 2 hours until the people in both channels told him that those channels were HELP channels not Tear Channels.

So yes, I am an evil woman. A bad mother. A RL Criminal (LOL)

Thanks to all those people who provided me the chatlogs, as I wasnt online for the whole 11 hours.. I had a blast reading them :)
whaynethepain
#134 - 2011-12-05 09:04:30 UTC
Naburi NasNaburi wrote:


So yes, I am an evil woman.


I laughed so much I nearly cried when I heard you tell the story on Eve-Radio.

Your a hero and a great roll model, and you have a cute voice.

Getting you on your feet.

So you've further to fall.
Naburi NasNaburi
Doomheim
#135 - 2011-12-05 16:27:15 UTC
whaynethepain wrote:
Naburi NasNaburi wrote:


So yes, I am an evil woman.


I laughed so much I nearly cried when I heard you tell the story on Eve-Radio.

Your a hero and a great roll model, and you have a cute voice.



I was barely able to do the show because of laughing so much :)
Captain Nathaniel Butler
The White Company
#136 - 2011-12-05 17:07:07 UTC
Naburi NasNaburi wrote:
whaynethepain wrote:
Naburi NasNaburi wrote:


So yes, I am an evil woman.


I laughed so much I nearly cried when I heard you tell the story on Eve-Radio.

Your a hero and a great roll model, and you have a cute voice.



I was barely able to do the show because of laughing so much :)



I really wish I'd heard it - great story though Pirate

Lady Spank for C&P moderator.
Dunbar Hulan
Ministry of War
Amarr Empire
#137 - 2011-12-06 15:25:56 UTC
Curious, how does your average piracy encounter play out? Victims pay up ? Or do they just say " F*** it- shoot me"

 ** Manchester United - Paul Scholes= Genius**
Cannibal Kane
Viziam
Amarr Empire
#138 - 2011-12-07 06:27:54 UTC
Dunbar Hulan wrote:
Curious, how does your average piracy encounter play out? Victims pay up ? Or do they just say " F*** it- shoot me"


Depends on how many times they have been killed after paying a ransom. By default minnie pilots pay F ' All. On the other hand people that fly caldari/gallente ships seems to pay alot easier. Amarr Ship like the Minnie ships, they go down fighting.

This is from my personal experience so ofcourse it will differ for others.

"Kane is the End Boss of Highsec." -Psychotic Monk
Austneal
Nero Fazione
#139 - 2011-12-07 16:02:18 UTC
Cannibal Kane wrote:

All I can say is.... Shield Tanked Dramiel... ummm yeah WTF?


Silly Kane P
Mai Khumm
172.0.0.1
#140 - 2011-12-08 14:10:58 UTC  |  Edited by: Mai Khumm
~this is an alt btw~


So, here am I, minding my own business in 0.0 sitting at a gate when all of a sudden a dictor warps in at 20km from gate. So I do what anyone would do.... 

*locks target*
*opens fire* 

Needless to say he went down fast. The interesting thing is that he popped a bubble right before he explodes, preventing his pod of escaping.

*locks pod* *
*opens convo*

Victim: WTF?
Me: You got 10 seconds to transfer 100 mil ISK.

*closes chat* 
5 seconds later I received 20 mil ISK.
Now that is a complete insult!
*opens fire* 
*pop*

1 min later *victim wants to chat with you* 

Victim: What the **** man, I paid!
Me: No you only paid 1/5 of the ransom. So I used 4/5 of the bullets that I would've normally used to kill you.
Victim: **** you, you son of a *****!
*closes window*

*blocks*