These forums have been archived and are now read-only.

The new forums are live and can be found at https://forums.eveonline.com/

EVE General Discussion

 
  • Topic is locked indefinitely.
Previous page12
 

New Implants

First post
Author
Previous Topic Next Topic
Xen Solarus
Furious Destruction and Salvage
#21 - 2013-11-06 02:35:14 UTC
Haha, awesome!

How about:

HS-666 "Gankbear" - 100% chance user claims to be elite PvPer, but never leaves highsec.
DY-9000 "Endgame" - Allows the creation of constant "EvE is dying" threads.

Post with your main, like a BOSS!

And no, i don't live in highsec.  As if that would make your opinion any less wrong.  
Alex Grison
Grison Universal
#22 - 2013-11-06 02:45:25 UTC
Here at Grison Interstellar, and our sister company Grison Funkworks we have developed a number of proprietary implants

URINRGB - "colorworks" Allows the user to urinate any color on demand.

DO-OR "pathenhancer" Causes automatic doors at stations to open for you a few seconds earlier than a normal person.

HDE-SK-1 "findme" We only tested this in one employee, We are still looking for him :/

SML-VNL "olfactron" Allows the user to emit an odor similar to vanilla from their body at will.

All of our other implants are HIGHLY classified.

ELES-D-01 "lysergerator" Produces LSD, usually on demand. But sometimes just when you get excited.

AD-HD "lookapenny!" Gives the user ADHD.

SC-RT "blabber" Makes the user unable to keep secrets.

yes
Jarod Garamonde
Jolly Codgers
Tactical Narcotics Team
#23 - 2013-11-06 06:13:47 UTC
UR-D0N3 "MicDrop" Augmentor: Enables epic counterargument that instantly ends any debate

That moment when you realize the crazy lady with all the cats was right...

    [#savethelance]
Cecil Montague
PCG Enterprises
Intaki-Business Logistics Union
#24 - 2013-11-06 07:56:06 UTC
ST-ORY "Bro" - 20% reduction your epic post won't be dismissed with "Cool story bro" in the first 3 replys.

"There is no such thing as an effective segment of Totality" - Bruce Lee: The only man with a Chuck Norris killmail.
Erotica 1
Krypteia Operations
#25 - 2013-11-06 10:10:11 UTC
Violet Crumble wrote:
Violet Crumble wrote:
Wheres's the implant to keep our forum sigs?

Maybe:

FW-605 "Signature Hardwiring": +5% chance of keeping your forum signature when the software awoxes the database


and of course:

BR-1005 "Bonus Round Noob": +99% chance of being scammed in bonus round
BR-916 "Bonus Round Spammer": +100% chance of spamming evemail and forum with bonus round hopes and fears
BR-810 "Canibal Kane Response": +100% chance that you'll be killed by Canibal Kane for spamming his evemail

Implant set bonus: -100% faith in the Code, ensuring you'll fail the bonus round, but receive a 'so close' message of support

Keep it civil, thanks! -ISD Dorrim Barstorlode


To Eve-Search!

I always love hearing from my fans. I promise to represent you well as your next CSM.

See Bio for isk doubling rules. If you didn't read bio, chances are you funded those who did.
Kaarous Aldurald
Black Hydra Consortium.
#26 - 2013-11-06 10:19:08 UTC
I logged in to like the OP's post.

Best laugh I have had all night, and I thank you for it. Stuff like this is why I keep coming back to GD.

"Verily, I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good because they had no claws."

One of ours, ten of theirs.

Best Meltdown Ever.
Ruskarn Andedare
Lion Investments
#27 - 2013-11-06 11:33:52 UTC
ISD-F41L "TrollFace" - +20% chance of having replies wondering why the thread hasn't been locked yet.
Sable Moran
Moran Light Industries
#28 - 2013-11-06 13:22:36 UTC  |  Edited by: Sable Moran
Not living up to your name??? Good for you sir +1

Sable's Ammo Shop at Alentene V - Moon 4 - Duvolle Labs Factory. Hybrid charges, Projectile ammo, Missiles, Drones, Ships, Need'em? We have'em, at affordable prices. Pop in at our Ammo Shop in sunny Alentene.
Silvetica Dian
Imperial Shipment
Amarr Empire
#29 - 2013-11-06 13:28:56 UTC
Nice thread.

Might i humbly suggest the 'Unsuccessful "Billygoat" implant. Reducing the chance of a troll derailing your thread by 5%'

Money at its root is a form of rationing. When the richest 85 people have as much wealth as the poorest 3.5 billion (50% of humanity) it is clear where the source of poverty is. http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jan/20/trickle-down-economics-broken-promise-richest-85
Jarod Garamonde
Jolly Codgers
Tactical Narcotics Team
#30 - 2013-11-06 16:16:53 UTC
Ezwal's Modified Garamonde-Hunter - zooms in on posts made by someone you hate for no apparent reason, with a 25% chance of instantly destroying them. :p

That moment when you realize the crazy lady with all the cats was right...

    [#savethelance]
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#31 - 2013-11-06 16:40:41 UTC
EVW-600 "Comparitor" - Enables wearer to instantly compare two dissimilar genre games and suggest implementing options from one into the other.

NT4-RL "Physicist" - Allows wearer to debate real life physics in a fluid universe space submarine simulator.

Eterne's modified "Banhammer" implant - Allows wearer to make people disappear for longer and longer periods with each successful hit.

Falcon's modified "Badpun" implant - Allows wearer to make bad dad-like puns that somehow gains user lots of likes.

GN-PET "Yesman" - +15% chance of successful self-backpatting / self congratulatory post.

UAE-001 "Archer" - +35% chance of successful sarcastic yet clever one liner.

LRN-2 "Advisor" - Allows wearer to assess competency of another user and to make suggestions on future learning processes.

SCRN-1 "Protector" - -30% chance of coffee contamination of keyboard and monitor arising from oratory expulsion.

GB2-WOW "Portal" - Allows wearer to go back to another game he/she apparently likes a lot more.

Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?
War Kitten
Panda McLegion
#32 - 2013-11-06 16:57:48 UTC
F5-F5 "Competitor" - +30% chance of getting in the first reply to new threads.

SN-F01L "Pirannha" - +100% chance of mentioning a great nullsec conspiracy in every post.

I don't judge people by their race, religion, color, size, age, gender, or ethnicity. I judge them by their grammar, spelling, syntax, punctuation, clarity of expression, and logical consistency.
Jake Warbird
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
#33 - 2013-11-06 16:58:36 UTC  |  Edited by: Jake Warbird
Lol. Thread voted best in GD 2013.

e:

TLDR-3210 "Précis" Enables users to drastically shorten the length of any bad, needlessly elaborate text upto a maximum of 20 posts length into 5 words.

GS-F01L "Grr Goons" an upcoming and a specialised variant of the "Pirannha" implant. Instead of a common bonus to any nullsec entity, it specifically targets Goonswarm and CFC.

P0E-BUTTMAD "Picture Reviews" once inserted, liquidates all in-game assets and sells on eBay, posts 5 rant blogs and gives out amateur explanations of how user thinks security is handled at CCP. Higher levels of implant also creates some totally unrelated random 'Nerd' blog and excludes same blog from the general public by having a 'invited readers only' page.

Sugar Von MurdererTits : Jake Warbird gets my vote for most intriguing and attractive male character in Eve.
Fervor Alduin
Pator Tech School
Minmatar Republic
#34 - 2013-11-06 19:53:50 UTC
GF-BR-0 : +20% Chance of "Gud Fights"!
ElQuirko
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#35 - 2013-11-06 19:56:28 UTC  |  Edited by: ElQuirko
You. You I like.

Can I make a suggestion for an SR-C implant? Paints a big red target on a player's in-game pod after trying to compare EVE to Star Citizen.

Dodixie > Hek
Previous page12