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New Implants

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Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#1 - 2013-11-05 22:55:48 UTC
So, it seems that CCP has covered most of the bases when it comes to implants. Soon, we will even have player made implants..which is yet to be determined whether theyre Grrrrrrrrrr PMI! or YAY PMI! But What I see is a severe lacking of implants dedicated to the noblest of combatants....The Forum Warriors.

CCP, I ask that you implement implants for Forum toons. Ive got a few suggestions for them:

LW-509 "Like Farmer" - +5% chance of likes for post

QQ-101 "Departure" - -15% chance of being asked for your stuff during a QQ thread.

STF-224 "Procurer" - +5% chance of receiving stuff from QQ thread.

ISD-444 "Locksmith" - -5% chance of having thread locked.

10YR-BV "Bittervet" - Allows perception of how good things used to be.

N3-RF "Hamstringer" - +15% chance of successful "Nerf [thing]" thread.

WAA-299 "Waterworks" - +20% to amount of tears in threads you post in.

HBH-900 "Freedom" - +5% chance of successful Highsec Braveheart / Herding Cats thread.

CNT-210 "Substance" - +5 units of "Content". Can be used along side ISD-444 to further decrease chance of thread lockage for lack of 'content'.

ISD -JR "Deputy" - +10% chance of having a thread moved to correct subforum once wearer points out where thread is supposed to go.

TR0-L2 "Kobold" - +25% chance of successful trolling.

CN-FRM "Authenticator" - +99% chance of confirming a stated fact.

GO-0N2 "Growler" - +50% chance of 'Grrrrrrrrrrrrr [thing]' thread success.

ST-341TH "Covert" - +35% chance of true subject of thread not being revealed.

There would also be named implants:

Alex's "Beholder" implant - allows wearer to hallucinate wildly and vividly recall hallucinations for documentation purposes.

Nicky's "Terribad" implant - allows wearer to make just..awful posts...just awful, that just aren't locked soon enough.

Feyd's "Shillaber" implant - allows wearer to inject links to his/her own blog into random threads, or start new ones with only that intention.

Erotica's "Accreditted" implant - allows wearer to be completely legit.

Michael's "Bedstead" implant - allows wearer to run "to the bunk!"

Ill leave this list open for any more suggestions.

Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?
Jarod Garamonde
Jolly Codgers
Tactical Narcotics Team
#2 - 2013-11-05 22:59:26 UTC  |  Edited by: Jarod Garamonde
You forgot a Garamonde implant.
I'm not going to self-promote.... someone else roast me.

(If I had to pick, it would be something about immunity to all patch day malfunctions, and +10% to posts which taunt everyone about how I can log on just fine... anyone that has been around for more than one expansion knows that me doing that is a staple of patch day)

That moment when you realize the crazy lady with all the cats was right...

    [#savethelance]
Sabriz Adoudel
Move along there is nothing here
#3 - 2013-11-05 23:04:55 UTC
Thank you for an excellent post, Nicky.

I support the New Order and CODE. alliance. www.minerbumping.com
Zimmy Zeta
Perkone
Caldari State
#4 - 2013-11-05 23:13:03 UTC
We need a Tippia implant that grants you an automated "multiquote" option while posting.

I'd like to apologize for the poor quality of the post above and sincerely hope you didn't waste your time reading it. Yes, I do feel bad about it.
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#5 - 2013-11-05 23:16:26 UTC
Sabriz Adoudel wrote:
Thank you for an excellent post, Nicky.


That was a low blow.... ouch.

Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?
KnowUsByTheDead
Sunlight...Through The Blight.
#6 - 2013-11-05 23:22:38 UTC  |  Edited by: KnowUsByTheDead
This post is full, so full of win.

10/10, sir.

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the comedian is the only thing that makes sense.
Karak Terrel
Foundation for CODE and THE NEW ORDER
#7 - 2013-11-05 23:30:31 UTC
best post ever
Solstice Project
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#8 - 2013-11-05 23:32:24 UTC
10/10 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA XD
Jarod Garamonde
Jolly Codgers
Tactical Narcotics Team
#9 - 2013-11-05 23:49:00 UTC
would recommend. Post has incredible replayability....

That moment when you realize the crazy lady with all the cats was right...

    [#savethelance]
Violet Crumble
Weaponised Vegemite
Flying Dangerous
#10 - 2013-11-05 23:53:30 UTC  |  Edited by: Violet Crumble
Wheres's the implant to keep our forum sigs?

Maybe:

FW-605 "Signature Hardwiring": +5% chance of keeping your forum signature when the software awoxes the database

Funtime Factory - We put the fun back in funtime
Violet Crumble
Weaponised Vegemite
Flying Dangerous
#11 - 2013-11-06 00:00:55 UTC  |  Edited by: Violet Crumble
Violet Crumble wrote:
Wheres's the implant to keep our forum sigs?

Maybe:

FW-605 "Signature Hardwiring": +5% chance of keeping your forum signature when the software awoxes the database


and of course:

BR-1005 "Bonus Round Noob": +99% chance of being scammed in bonus round
BR-916 "Bonus Round Spammer": +100% chance of spamming evemail and forum with bonus round hopes and fears
BR-810 "Canibal Kane Response": +100% chance that you'll be killed by Canibal Kane for spamming his evemail

Implant set bonus: -100% faith in the Code, ensuring you'll fail the bonus round, but receive a 'so close' message of support

Keep it civil, thanks! -ISD Dorrim Barstorlode

Funtime Factory - We put the fun back in funtime
Karak Terrel
Foundation for CODE and THE NEW ORDER
#12 - 2013-11-06 00:01:32 UTC
Also missing:

Reika's "Deathwish" Implant - +50% more hungry cats
BeBopAReBop RhubarbPie
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#13 - 2013-11-06 00:12:09 UTC  |  Edited by: BeBopAReBop RhubarbPie
I'm wondering where the "harry forever" implant is, I assume it would allow you to state wild inaccuracies that no one believes.

Also K4-N3 could give you a 50% bonus chance to be wardecked after posting in C&P

Founder of Violet Squadron, a small gang NPSI community! Mail me for more information.

BeBopAReBop RhubarbPie's Space Mediation Service!
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#14 - 2013-11-06 00:37:03 UTC
Additional implants:

N0-F4C3 "Concealment" - +70% chance of posting without revealing your main.

0-CRP "Plebian" - Allows posting in GD from the safety of a NPC corporation.

9000-PLS "Scouter" - Allows wearer to instantly gauge power level of ships he/she has never flown and assess how overpowered they are. Effects are nullified if you have the N3-RF "Hamstringer" installed.

HTFU-001 "Bolster" - Allows wearer to equip "Humor".

IB4L-09 "Fleetness" - Allows posting in bad threads before they are locked.


more on the way...

Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?
Eli Green
The Arrow Project
#15 - 2013-11-06 00:38:46 UTC
Unsuccessful At Everything wrote:


WAA-299 "Waterworks" - +20% to amount of tears in threads you post in.




I'll take 20.

wumbo
SueEcide
Ice Axe Psycho Killers
#16 - 2013-11-06 01:28:35 UTC
C3P0-90210p- Oder Eaters for the New Order- Helps in game, but you damn sure don't ever wanna meet them inperson, on their rare ventures from Mom's basement.
Jake Warbird
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
#17 - 2013-11-06 01:39:01 UTC
UAE-420 "Success" - 10% Humour Attribute increase, 5% GudPoasting, 15% Like probability increase, +100 One man troll corp for trolling NPC Corp alts.

Sugar Von MurdererTits : Jake Warbird gets my vote for most intriguing and attractive male character in Eve.
Anomaly One
Doomheim
#18 - 2013-11-06 01:46:21 UTC
Quote:
WAA-299 "Waterworks" - +20% to amount of tears in threads you post in.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5HOt0ZOcYk
John Bosch
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#19 - 2013-11-06 01:58:47 UTC
133T-PVPR "Expert" - 25% chance of successful solo/small gang PVP whine thread.
WTF-D1S "Huh" - 50% chance someone links this again.
ISD Dorrim Barstorlode
ISD Community Communications Liaisons
ISD Alliance
#20 - 2013-11-06 02:11:35 UTC
I had a good laugh at these. Very silly, made my day.

ISD Dorrim Barstorlode

Senior Lead

Community Communication Liaisons (CCLs)

Interstellar Services Department
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