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3 WORD EVE STORY
Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the comedian is the only thing that makes sense.
Quoted from Doc Fury: "Concerned citizens: Doc seldom plays EVE on the weekends during spring and summer, so you will always be on your own for a couple days a week. Doc spends that time collecting kittens for the on-going sacrifices, engaging in reckless outdoor activities, and speaking in the 3rd person."
Mike Azariah ┬──┬ ¯|(ツ)/¯