EVE General Discussion

The seething tide of neckbeards literally rippled with excitement as the beginning of the presentation drew near. From his vantage point high above the crowds, Hilmar was puzzling over the intricate patterns caused by the layout of overweight, pasty-white bodies far below. There appeared to be nine rings of almost concentric circles amassed in the crowd, each five or six lardsters deep... but why?

Suddenly Hilmar recalled a comment from the pre-fanfest briefing that morning - CCP Punkteris had reported with breathless excitement that this year, ten fanfest tickets had been bought by people who ticked the "female" gender box on the application form. It had turned out that one had been in error - KFC grease had obscured the relevant section of the form and in fact the submitter had been male, but nine was still an all-time record for fanfest so the team were excited. Hilmar had even considered lowering the number of bodyguards protecting Punkteris from the greasy adulations of the masses as a nod to the more gender-equal crowd, but recalling the 2007 Pann gang-**** incident and ensuing lawsuits, he had thought better of it.

He straightened his bowtie as the time for commencement of proceedings approached, and descended to the level of the stage. Passing the still-drawn curtain he was almost knocked off his feet by the stench of stale sweat and cheetos that coursed through the small gap in the centre. Good, he thought, sweat meant excitement, and excitement meant money. He had heavily tooled up the premium refreshments stand this year - as well as the usual crisps and soft drinks available at the 'pleb' stand, for a small Aurum fee fans could upgrade their beverages to include alcohol and real food. He had craftily allowed ice to be dispensed only from the premium stand, with the 'pleb' drinks being sold at a little above room temperature his final stroke of genius was to have the auditorium's air conditioners disabled. The temperature was approaching 38 degrees and anyone wishing to cool down would need to suckle at CCP's micro-transaction nipple. Hilmar felt a ripple of pleasure slice down his spine - it was going to be a good weekend.

Turning his attention to the podium, Hilmar put the finishing touches to his outfit by adding a top hat and custom-made gold monocle. Giving the signal to one of the more supple young volunteer bug-hunters hastily press-ganged as Hilmar's personal assistant, Hilmar drew to his full 5'8 height in the centre of the podium. The curtain creaked slowly open and the full odour of the assembled masses hit. Hilmar's self-satisfaction was such that he was easily able to supress the urge to retch.

Reaching the climax of his speech, Hilmar let out a triumphant guttural cry of "FEARLESS!!". A hot pulsating spurt on his inner high alterted Hilmar that he had climaxed in more ways than one, and although those $8000 jeans would be a ***** to dry-clean, no matter, there was plenty more money where that came from...

Good God...

Tl:Dr version... This is not worth reading...move along.

Didn't read it and skipped to the replies. Seems I made the right choice.

I don't think you CAN build up an immunity to a (literary version of a) STD... though god knows I've tried.

Have you tried My Immortal. Cupcakes did it for me but MI is the big guns.