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"Along came Rock Crusher"

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Doireen Kaundur
Doomheim
#1 - 2014-04-25 21:12:49 UTC  |  Edited by: Doireen Kaundur
I enjoy playing around with rant/story generators. So I looked up a bad romance novel generator, filled in a few EVE related nouns and came up with this:


Along came Rock Crusher
- a rocky romance

by Doireen


Chribba is a earthy, hot and giving miner from Jita. His life is going nowhere until he meets Rock Crusher , a muscular, curvy woman with a passion for veldspar.

Chribba takes an instant disliking to Rock Crusher and the tight-fisted and predatory ways she learnt during her years in Amarr.

However, when a Goon tries to pod Chribba, Rock Crusher springs to the rescue. Chribba begins to notices that Rock Crusher is actually rather caring at heart.

But, the pressures of Rock Crusher's job as a scammer leave her blind to Chribba's affections and Chribba takes up mining to try an distract himself.

Finally, when peculiar forum troll, Erotica 1 , threatens to come between them, Rock Crusher has to act fast. But will they ever find the rocky love that they deserve?

Reviews:

Praise for "Along came Rock Crusher"

"I fell in love with the daring Rock Crusher . Last night I dreamed that she was in my teapot."
- The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being slapped with a dead fish, but Along came Rock Crusher does deliver a strong social lesson."
- Enid Kibbler

"I love the bit where a Goon tries to pod Chribba - nearly fell off my seat."
- Hit the Spoof


linky

Try it out and post your results, but make it EVE related.

_[center]For your Freighter **sized shipping needs, contact _[u]Lord Chanlin[/u].** _ Fast, affordable, reliable service._

https://gate.eveonline.com/Profile/Lord%20Chanlin[/center]
Ydnari
Estrale Frontiers
#2 - 2014-04-25 21:16:08 UTC
my teapot is ready

--
Karen Avioras
The Raging Raccoons
#3 - 2014-04-25 21:18:20 UTC
wat
Desivo Delta Visseroff
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#4 - 2014-04-25 21:22:23 UTC
Op You Stalk Much?

I was hunting for sick loot, but all I could get my hands on were 50 corpses[:|]..............[:=d]
Ralph King-Griffin
New Eden Tech Support
#5 - 2014-04-25 21:23:32 UTC
You have to write this now.
I'll pledge 100m isk for a hardback first edition.

Murderers of Negotiable Motivations

=]|[=
Doireen Kaundur
Doomheim
#6 - 2014-04-25 21:24:07 UTC
Ralph King-Griffin wrote:
You have to write this now.
I'll pledge 100m isk for a hardback first edition.



LOL!! Big smile

_[center]For your Freighter **sized shipping needs, contact _[u]Lord Chanlin[/u].** _ Fast, affordable, reliable service._

https://gate.eveonline.com/Profile/Lord%20Chanlin[/center]
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#7 - 2014-04-25 21:27:19 UTC  |  Edited by: Unsuccessful At Everything
Mine was borderline offensive. Mail me and Ill send you a copy.

The Mangled Egos by Unsuccessful at Everything.

Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?
Doc Fury
Furious Enterprises
#8 - 2014-04-25 21:27:28 UTC
In almost 9 years I have never seen GD this slow.

☼

There's a million angry citizens looking down their tubes..at me.
PotatoOverdose
Handsome Millionaire Playboys
Sedition.
#9 - 2014-04-25 21:31:30 UTC
Thread of the day, right here.
Marsha Mallow
#10 - 2014-04-25 21:36:53 UTC
Murder in Jita
- a crime thriller
by Marsha Mallow

Mangled thighs have been turning up all over Jita and the inhabitants are scared. Ten murders in ten weeks, all committed with a spoon, and still nobody has a clue who the cold-blooded killer is.

ISD Ezwal is a stunning and hopeful housekeeper with a fondness for kite flying. He doesn't know it yet but he is the only one who can stop the mean killer.

When his suspect, Solecist Project, is kidnapped, ISD Ezwal finds himself thrown into the centre of the investigation. His only clue is a crumpled sausage.

He enlists the help of an intuitive detective called ISD Dorrim Bastorlode.

Can help Ezwal overcome his Vaseline addiction and find the answers before the forgetful killer and his deadly spoon strike again?

Praise for Murder in Jita
"ISD Ezwal is the best detective ever. A passion for kite flying and Vaseline is something we all can relate to."
- The Daily Tale
"About as scary as a minute ant, but Murder in Jita does deliver an important message about the dangers of a spoon."
- Enid Kibbler
"As always, an intuitive detective makes the best sidekick."
- Hit the Spoof
"I could do better."
- Zob Gloop

Ripard Teg > For the morons in the room:

Sweets > U can dd my face any day
Doireen Kaundur
Doomheim
#11 - 2014-04-25 21:38:35 UTC
Quote:
Can help Ezwal overcome his Vaseline addiction


ROFLMAO!!!!

_[center]For your Freighter **sized shipping needs, contact _[u]Lord Chanlin[/u].** _ Fast, affordable, reliable service._

https://gate.eveonline.com/Profile/Lord%20Chanlin[/center]
Felicity Love
Doomheim
#12 - 2014-04-25 21:39:44 UTC
... this thread is getting creepy and a tad pervy, in a virtual Harlequin kind of way. Shocked

"EVE is dying." -- The Four Forum Trolls of the Apocalypse.   ( Pick four, any four. They all smell.  )
Ralph King-Griffin
New Eden Tech Support
#13 - 2014-04-25 21:39:53 UTC
Galactic Logical Paperweight Wars
- a science fiction novel
by Ralph King-Griffin
A long, long time ago in a Logical, Logical galaxy...

After leaving the moist planet Jita, a group of Trolls fly toward a distant speck. The speck gradually resolves into a passionate, space Jita 4-4.

Civil war strikes the galaxy, which is ruled by Tippa , a slimy Lier capable of Misinterpretation and even man slaughter.

Terrified, a zoik Capsulier known as Divine Entervention flees the Empire, with his protector, Dinsdale Pirannha.

They head for Cardiff on the planet Amarr. When they finally arrive, a fight breaks out. Pirannha uses his Logical paperweight to defend Divine.

Pirannha and Capsulier Divine decide it's time to leave Amarr and steal a Marauder to shoot their way out.

They encounter a tribe of Forum Worriors. Pirannha is attacked and the Capsulier is captured by the Forum Worriors and taken back to Cardiff.

Pirannha must fight to save Capsulier Divine but when he accidentally unearths a zoik Rusty Spoon, the entire future of the Logical, moist galaxy is at stake.

Praise for Galactic Logical Paperweight Wars

"I really, really, really hope that Pirannha saves Capsulier Divine because I love this story soooooo much!"
- The Daily Tale
"A slimy Lier, a tribe of Forum Worriors and a zoik Capsulier - haven't we seen this before somewhere?"
- Enid Kibbler

Murderers of Negotiable Motivations

=]|[=
Marsha Mallow
#14 - 2014-04-25 21:44:24 UTC
Ralph King-Griffin wrote:
They encounter a tribe of Forum Worriors. Pirannha is attacked and the Capsulier is captured by the Forum Worriors and taken back to Cardiff.

Argh you beat me to a Dinsdale one, well played. It keeps throwing out locations in Wales (they must be sickos whoever designed this).

Ripard Teg > For the morons in the room:

Sweets > U can dd my face any day
Divine Entervention
Doomheim
#15 - 2014-04-25 21:49:51 UTC
lol, I really want my own logical paperweight.
PotatoOverdose
Handsome Millionaire Playboys
Sedition.
#16 - 2014-04-25 22:14:28 UTC
Vampire in General Discussion
- a teen vampire story

by PotatoOverdose

There's a cute new boy in General Discussion and he has everybody talking. Stunningly dreamy and devastatingly slender, all the girls want him. However, Divine Entervention has a secret - he's a arrogant vampire.

Tippia is a virtuous, steamy girl who enjoys good poasting. She becomes fascinated by Divine who can stop threadnaughts with his bare hands. She doesn't understand why he's so standoffish.

Her best friend, an adorable forumite called Salvos, helps Tippia begin to piece together the puzzle. Together, they discover the ultimate weapon - the purple, damp Logic.

When bodies start turning up all over General Discussion, Tippia begins to fear the worst. The forumite urges her to report Divine to the police and she knows she should, so what's stopping her?

She may resist Divine's bite, but can she resist his charms?

Will she be caught poasting with the vampire?


Praise for Vampire in General Discussion

"Bursting with originality. A virtuous girl falling for a dreamy vampire has simply never been done before."
- The Daily Tale
"About as moving as a cow stuck in a bog, but Vampire in General Discussion does deliver an important message about not having a forumite for a friend."
- Enid Kibbler
"A purple, damp Logic would be my first choice too. This must be based on a true story, you couldn't make this stuff up!"
- Hit the Spoof
"I could do better."
BuckStrider
Nano-Tech Experiments
#17 - 2014-04-25 22:15:17 UTC
Quote:
Finally, when peculiar forum troll, Erotica 1 , threatens to come between them, Rock Crusher has to act fast. But will they ever find the rocky love that they deserve?


Can't see how, since Erotica 1 no longer is with us.

Don't use Ripard Teg either. Rock Crusher would be banned, and him and Chribba warp drive away holding hands.

Mine smart. Mine safe. Purchase your mining permit today...... www.minerbumping.com
Ned Thomas
Signal Cartel
EvE-Scout Enclave
#18 - 2014-04-25 22:33:51 UTC
Divine Entervention wrote:
lol, I really want my own logical paperweight.


Tape a CPU to a rock.
ISD Ezwal
ISD Community Communications Liaisons
ISD Alliance
#19 - 2014-04-26 02:52:44 UTC
I will not publish the complete story, but these part made my wife ask me in a concerned voice why I was laughing so maniacally.....Shocked

"Civil war strikes the galaxy, which is ruled by Forum Warrior, a neuted Erotic Dancer capable of Trolling and even Hate speech."

"Ezwal must fight to save Fedo but when he accidentally unearths an explosive forum, the entire future of the mangled galaxy is at stake."

ISD Ezwal Community Communication Liaisons (CCLs)
Serene Repose
#20 - 2014-04-26 02:53:17 UTC  |  Edited by: Serene Repose
Yeah. Right away.
IBTL WHAT? NO LOCK? This must've tickled the fancy of an ISD!

Oh my. Look. IT DID!

We must accommodate the idiocracy.
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