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New Chronicle: After The Fall

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Dersen Lowery
The Scope
#61 - 2013-03-25 20:40:32 UTC
Calathorn Virpio wrote:
other galentians Twisted

(the walls would have made it a tad difficult to get at us caldari)


Except that he knew that "our people were only let through under exceptional circumstances, and never allowed to stay for long." So at the very least, he tried, and he likely succeeded in getting out and back at least once.

I'm sure he would have relished the challenge.

Proud founder and member of the Belligerent Desirables.

I voted in CSM X!
Bagrat Skalski
Koinuun Kotei
#62 - 2013-03-25 20:43:28 UTC
What you would expect from Gallente? Now you can realize why Caldari wanted to have nothing in common with them.

Custom ship skins, character creator style "repaint". Bring it!
Circumstantial Evidence
#63 - 2013-03-25 20:54:38 UTC
A couple edit suggestions, [in brackets]

Quote:
I think we lashed out as much as [at] ourselves and our own ineffectiveness [,] as we did at the invading force.

Quote:
I couldn't even process it, so I lay there, empty and hollow, a truer cipher [more] than ever.
Dersen Lowery
The Scope
#64 - 2013-03-25 21:19:07 UTC  |  Edited by: Dersen Lowery
Circumstantial Evidence wrote:
Quote:
I couldn't even process it, so I lay there, empty and hollow, a truer cipher [more] than ever.


No. "Truer... than ever" makes sense. "Truer... more than ever" does not. The choice would be between "a truer cipher than ever" and "a cipher more than ever." The use of "truer" there is not really idiomatic, especially modifying "cipher," so I would lean toward using "more than."

Proud founder and member of the Belligerent Desirables.

I voted in CSM X!
Marcion Cravik
Phoibe Enterprises
#65 - 2013-03-25 21:43:58 UTC
Vincent Athena wrote:
And a bit of a hole: We are never given any indication he had the capability to kill someone. Weapons? Never mentioned. Training? Never mentioned. Brute strength? Hes and old man. In good shape, but still.... For example you could have mentioned near the beginning when he was clearing the back yard for a garden that he had a tool that cut away the brush with almost no effort. That would also solve the "How did he haul a body back?" issue. He did not, just an arm or a leg.


Here?
Quote:
Gardening turned out to be more difficult than I thought, because although I still had a bit of my wiry strength, and remembered how to use my tools, I was old, and out of practice. But I persisted. It was a purpose.
Debora Tsung
Perkone
Caldari State
#66 - 2013-03-25 22:02:56 UTC
That last sentence was creepy... o_O

Stupidity should be a bannable offense.

Fighting back is more fun than not.

Sticky: AFK Cloaking Thread It's not pretty, but it's there.
Debora Tsung
Perkone
Caldari State
#67 - 2013-03-25 22:08:26 UTC
CCP Abraxas wrote:
I love when people actually catch that I'm doing it intentionally. For me it's always about the lives of ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances, and not about politicians shouting at one another.


Wait, serial killers are ordinary people You? Shocked

Stupidity should be a bannable offense.

Fighting back is more fun than not.

Sticky: AFK Cloaking Thread It's not pretty, but it's there.
Debora Tsung
Perkone
Caldari State
#68 - 2013-03-25 22:18:25 UTC
Dersen Lowery wrote:
Calathorn Virpio wrote:
other galentians Twisted

(the walls would have made it a tad difficult to get at us caldari)


Except that he knew that "our people were only let through under exceptional circumstances, and never allowed to stay for long." So at the very least, he tried, and he likely succeeded in getting out and back at least once.

I'm sure he would have relished the challenge.



This only proves that the walls were completely justified to defend innocent stand up citizens from those animals on the other side.

Stupidity should be a bannable offense.

Fighting back is more fun than not.

Sticky: AFK Cloaking Thread It's not pretty, but it's there.
Steve Ronuken
Fuzzwork Enterprises
Vote Steve Ronuken for CSM
#69 - 2013-03-25 22:28:38 UTC
Vincent Athena wrote:
CCP Abraxas wrote:
Destroyer of Souls wrote:
Love those continuity errors.
Argh. Yes. These'll be fixed forthwith.



Another one

"My neighbors on both sides disappeared in the space of one night."

"The houses to either side of me had never been occupied,"

Perhaps "The houses to either side of me had never been re-occupied,"

And a bit of a hole: We are never given any indication he had the capability to kill someone. Weapons? Never mentioned. Training? Never mentioned. Brute strength? Hes and old man. In good shape, but still.... For example you could have mentioned near the beginning when he was clearing the back yard for a garden that he had a tool that cut away the brush with almost no effort. That would also solve the "How did he haul a body back?" issue. He did not, just an arm or a leg.


Maybe he poisoned them.

The actual murder, as long as you don't care about the means, isn't the difficult bit of killing someone. It's getting away with it that is.

Woo! CSM XI!

Fuzzwork Enterprises

Twitter: @fuzzysteve on Twitter
Otto Kring
Brutor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#70 - 2013-03-25 22:45:42 UTC

I like the individual perspective indeed.
I like how the story line is open enough for one's own interpretation and most importantly a sequel!
P
Ramius Decimus
Daitengu Fleet
#71 - 2013-03-25 23:23:56 UTC  |  Edited by: Ramius Decimus
So CCP Falcon is Gallentean. Figures. No wonder all the news articles were so slanted (with many errors, like "Caldari Provincial Directorate", which doesn't exist and should have read "Caldari Providence Directorate" and the Caldari Navy commanding officer is really Admiral Morda Engsten and not Mininela Erinen, who's name still appears in-game info because some devs were too lazy to keep up with their own lore).

Could we please get the Caldari side of these events? You know, one that doesn't paint us all as monsters for taking back our own homeland. Or a more objective story would suffice.

Also, when it comes to the news articles, all we ever see are ones from The Scope. What about articles from Echelon Entertainment or the Amarrian news service? Need more variety, out of fairness, devs!

Rear Admiral

Commander-in-Chief

90th Fleet

Caldari Navy
Xindi Kraid
Itsukame-Zainou Hyperspatial Inquiries Ltd.
Arataka Research Consortium
#72 - 2013-03-25 23:31:46 UTC
Tasiv Deka wrote:
Ill read it over my lunch break but i have to ask is this going to be as biased against Caldari as ccp is? (i know its a gallente POV but still...)

I mean this isnt some in character rant or anything but seriously its kind of irritating seeing Caldari (and Amarr) get the short end of the stick on quite a few things.

still though i'll read it and hopefully it isnt too biased

It didn't seem biased to me.

If anything it seems to cast the Caldari in a better light than the Gallente.

Steve Ronuken wrote:
Vincent Athena wrote:
CCP Abraxas wrote:
Destroyer of Souls wrote:
Love those continuity errors.
Argh. Yes. These'll be fixed forthwith.



Another one

"My neighbors on both sides disappeared in the space of one night."

"The houses to either side of me had never been occupied,"

Perhaps "The houses to either side of me had never been re-occupied,"

And a bit of a hole: We are never given any indication he had the capability to kill someone. Weapons? Never mentioned. Training? Never mentioned. Brute strength? Hes and old man. In good shape, but still.... For example you could have mentioned near the beginning when he was clearing the back yard for a garden that he had a tool that cut away the brush with almost no effort. That would also solve the "How did he haul a body back?" issue. He did not, just an arm or a leg.


Maybe he poisoned them.

The actual murder, as long as you don't care about the means, isn't the difficult bit of killing someone. It's getting away with it that is.
I just assumed the bodies he talked about were miscreants killed by the guards after trying to wreck the garden.
MirrorGod
Imperial Academy
Amarr Empire
#73 - 2013-03-26 00:08:48 UTC
Rees Noturana wrote:
Dog lives. That's all that really matters. You kill off the dog and you go on the list, right above the Amarr.


I logged in to like this.

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6070/6122338654_85e9bbfca9_z.jpg
Kieth Eto
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#74 - 2013-03-26 00:13:35 UTC
Very nice story. I love how it shows the inefficiency of the Gallentean mindset during times of stress. People seem to forget that the Caldari are so strict for a reason, and that when things need to get done, they get it done.
Isao Jaatikonen
State War Academy
Caldari State
#75 - 2013-03-26 01:01:02 UTC  |  Edited by: Isao Jaatikonen
Great story that gets a bit chilling at the end. Makes you go back and re-read it in a different light. But...
Goun-Hung Lo wrote:

The only reason they took back Caldari Prime was because a traitor leaked information on the Gallente security network, add that with 95% of the Caldari Navy and the odds were clearly on the State's side.

This battle showed that the Gallente Federation will not tolerate the Caldari intrusion any longer!

Glory to the Federation!
I find it absolutely terrifying and amusing that a peoples so in love with the idea of freedom and democracy would claim that we Caldari do not have the right to live within our own system, on our own homeworld. Reading some of the comments here shows more of the Gallentean attitude towards others:

Your free so long as we say you are, and your an equal member of our society so long as our culture rules over yours.

Luminaire is both Gallentean and Caldari's home system. Caldari Prime is OUR homeworld. How do we not have right live on our own land? I'd like to see you Gallente survive on a world such as ours, or to have your homeworld taken from you.

I have no hate for you Gallenteans, just those that exspouse that Luminaire and Caldari Prime isn't also our home as well as yours.

I love you Gallentean Doves and hate you Hawkes with passion.
Velarra
#76 - 2013-03-26 01:04:11 UTC
When was this chronicle envisioned, written and cleared through a final editing process, before being posted/added to the evelopedia chronicles collection?
Vora Dumem
Aliastra
Gallente Federation
#77 - 2013-03-26 01:41:48 UTC
Top story!
The last sentence changes just about everything. If you reread the story now it paints a totally different picture... as if it was complete different story. Two stories in one.

Well done, sir, well done!
Ninavask
Alexylva Paradox
#78 - 2013-03-26 02:38:25 UTC
Very good story, ending caught me off guard, to my own disgrace. Very well done

Dr. Ninavask Revan

Colonist

Alexylva Paradox

The views above are the opinions and beliefs of Dr. Ninavask and do in no way reflect on his employeers or associates at the time of posting.
stoicfaux
#79 - 2013-03-26 03:19:43 UTC
That is one creepy dude after you go back and re-read it:

I gave in at last and took up some old hobbies. I needed something to do. A mind my age will begin to fade if not put to use, and I had no intention of becoming one of those ciphers who stops leaving tracks in the earth altogether.

I began gardening again, carting away the grass from part of our yard and setting down rows of seedlings in the bare dirt

. I hadn't done it since before I met Levotta, when I'd put all that aside to get married and start a family

Others in my position might've tried to keep everything going.... You focus your energy on what you're doing or you don't do it at all

Gardening turned out to be more difficult than I thought, because although I still had a bit of my wiry strength, and remembered how to use my tools, I was old, and out of practice. But I persisted. It was a purpose.

All the while, I tended to my garden, which consistently took over more of my yard, and to my dog, whom I grew to love more deeply with each day. ... I was glad to have the company of someone who was simply happy to be alive and didn't judge me ... No wonder we turned on ourselves.

An old man, exhausted and at the end of his rope, and the hated enemies of my people treated me like one of their own.
They had known about my garden for a while. They spoke of it with respect

They had been planning to irrevocably ruin what little quiet patch I had built for myself here, and they would have succeeded. In the state I was, this would have ended me, for good.

I would not judge myself for who I was, no matter what others thought. I was a driven man who had been blessed, at my old age, with the health and the mental acuity to fulfill a purpose on this earth... had my garden. I would tend it, I would give the earth all the nourishment it needed, and I would let it grow, flourish, and outlast me

I would have kept on gardening for many, many years, hidden in that shadow



Yeah, the serial killer angle seems spot on.

Pon Farr Memorial: once every 7 years, all the carebears in high-sec must PvP or they will be temp-banned.
Unit XS365BT
Unit Commune
#80 - 2013-03-26 03:35:45 UTC
Calathorn Virpio wrote:
excellent article

in all that ruin, at least one gallente persevered with such a dedication to a singular goal is to be commended

however, i take offence at the main character calling it HIS planet, it was never the gallentes, nor will it ever be theirs


He was born there, had lived his entire life there, had made a family and home there, and you don't think he has the right to call it his home?

If i were to move from the UK to the US, or Australia or any other country for that matter, spend the rest of my days there, raise kids there and make it my home, i'd think i have the right to call it my home.
Seems a little bigoted that you might say otherwise.

food for thought.

Unit XS365BT. Designated Communications Officer. Unit Commune.