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Crime & Punishment

 
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The Pirate Story Thread

First post First post
Author
Vimsy Vortis
Shoulda Checked Local
Break-A-Wish Foundation
#1121 - 2016-01-08 15:02:18 UTC  |  Edited by: Vimsy Vortis
Break-A-Wish Foundation own quite a lot of popular customs offices and as a result we occasionally get mail from individuals regarding how butthurt they are about the tax rate (which is actually very low, most of it is NPC tax).

Mostly it's just "b-but RVB didn't charge me anything!" But recently Yuller, our actual diplomat for real received this fairly innocuous mail:

Quote:
PI on one of your planets in Perimeter.
From: [REDACTED]
Sent: 2016.01.06 00:49
To: Yuller,

I am looking at setting up a factory world on Perimeter I. I would like to negotiate a deal for you to lower the tax rate on the planet. I would be shipping goods from Jita to the planet to be processed, then shipping the products back to Jita.

Your benefit is the tax income from me shipping things on and off the planet. If you don't lower the rate, I simply won't do it and you will make nothing off of me. I will likely be doing a large volume of high-value goods, so it is in your best interest to lower the rate for me so I will use your planet.


Yuller, being a sophisticated gentleman and not an angry redneck politely informed this individual exactly how many rats asses we give about his particular business venture and precisely where he can insert his PI if he doesn't want to use our planets. The response he got was this:

Quote:
Re: PI on one of your planets in Perimeter.
From: [REDACTED]
Sent: 2016.01.08 06:05
To: Yuller,

What the **** did you just ******* say about me, you little duster? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Caldari State Navy Academy, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Sansha's nation, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top ganker in the entire CODE armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the **** out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this galaxy, mark my ******* words. You think you can get away with saying that **** to me over the Internet? Think again, ******. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across all four empires (And goons) and your Galactic Identifier is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re ******* dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my Velator. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the CODE New Order Alliance and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the constellation, you little ****. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ******* tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will **** fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re ******* dead, kiddo.


As a result Break-A-Wish foundation is on maximum alert and we are uncertain about our future.
Nitshe Razvedka
#1122 - 2016-01-08 15:15:46 UTC
I park my ibis near your poco, deter would be aggressors, charge 7 isk a month. happy yes

Thieving pirates discuss INTEGRITY; Anarchist gankers give us LAWS; and Whoring merc's cry then blow off clients with INSULTS.

Up is down and down is up in the C&P Forum.

Zosius
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#1123 - 2016-01-08 16:21:25 UTC
Tyyler DURden
Mordechai and Sons Distribution Co.
#1124 - 2016-01-09 02:57:17 UTC
Vimsy Vortis wrote:
Break-A-Wish Foundation own quite a lot of popular customs offices and as a result we occasionally get mail from individuals regarding how butthurt they are about the tax rate (which is actually very low, most of it is NPC tax).

Mostly it's just "b-but RVB didn't charge me anything!" But recently Yuller, our actual diplomat for real received this fairly innocuous mail:

Quote:
PI on one of your planets in Perimeter.
From: [REDACTED]
Sent: 2016.01.06 00:49
To: Yuller,

I am looking at setting up a factory world on Perimeter I. I would like to negotiate a deal for you to lower the tax rate on the planet. I would be shipping goods from Jita to the planet to be processed, then shipping the products back to Jita.

Your benefit is the tax income from me shipping things on and off the planet. If you don't lower the rate, I simply won't do it and you will make nothing off of me. I will likely be doing a large volume of high-value goods, so it is in your best interest to lower the rate for me so I will use your planet.


Yuller, being a sophisticated gentleman and not an angry redneck politely informed this individual exactly how many rats asses we give about his particular business venture and precisely where he can insert his PI if he doesn't want to use our planets. The response he got was this:

Quote:
Re: PI on one of your planets in Perimeter.
From: [REDACTED]
Sent: 2016.01.08 06:05
To: Yuller,

What the **** did you just ******* say about me, you little duster? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Caldari State Navy Academy, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Sansha's nation, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top ganker in the entire CODE armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the **** out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this galaxy, mark my ******* words. You think you can get away with saying that **** to me over the Internet? Think again, ******. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across all four empires (And goons) and your Galactic Identifier is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re ******* dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my Velator. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the CODE New Order Alliance and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the constellation, you little ****. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ******* tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will **** fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re ******* dead, kiddo.


As a result Break-A-Wish foundation is on maximum alert and we are uncertain about our future.
Thats actually pretty funny as I think it was intended to be. Maybe you should try removing the piece of wood from your anus and growing a sense of humor.

Tyyler DURden says "use soap"

Valkin Mordirc
#1125 - 2016-01-12 08:17:27 UTC
I would venture to say, and I'm just guessing here mind you, that Vimsy is joking and is sharing the encounter because he understands the joke and finds it humorous.

Quote:
removing the piece of wood from your anus and growing a sense of humor.


I could possibly suggest the same for you.
#DeleteTheWeak
Vimsy Vortis
Shoulda Checked Local
Break-A-Wish Foundation
#1126 - 2016-01-12 11:39:17 UTC
Why would I post it if I didn't think it was funny.
Switch Savage
Garoun Investment Bank
Gallente Federation
#1127 - 2016-01-13 10:06:46 UTC
Switch Savage wrote:
For months now I have had a desire for a specific kill.

It consumes me more than ever of late. It gnaws at my very soul and I find myself waking in the middle of the night cold and clammy, to face the reality that it may never come to pass.

I have killed Slicers https://zkillboard.com/kill/48962590/, defeated frigate legends https://zkillboard.com/kill/49699590/ and farmed more non faction frigates than i care to count. Yet my white whale stares blankly at me across the waves, taunting me even now.

Yesterday I saw him again, I gave chase and bitter sweet victory was mine. I cheered with joy as his structure failed but my quest was not to end. My white whale is out there still and the search continues.

Garmur: https://zkillboard.com/kill/50042629/

[Been attempting to kill a properly fit Garmur in an Imicus. I killed one solo for the first time yesterday but he was badly fit thus it does not count. (He was full hp when the fight started the other Tusker on the mail got blobbed by him and his friends 10 mins earlier)]



My white Whale still exists, hiding between the nebula's of space but for now I shall hunt him no more. Close did i come some moons ago but corp mates are born to join the fray https://zkillboard.com/kill/50848174/.

They say though that you cannot kill an idea. Yesterday my Whale presented himself to me once more, a chance to end our seemingly eternal dance. The fight ended predictably and as the Garmur fell I felt only sadness knowing my hunt was at an end. https://zkillboard.com/kill/51330994/.

[Finally killed a reasonably fit Garmur solo in an Imicus]
Tyyler DURden
Mordechai and Sons Distribution Co.
#1128 - 2016-01-15 02:54:54 UTC
Valkin Mordirc wrote:
I would venture to say, and I'm just guessing here mind you, that Vimsy is joking and is sharing the encounter because he understands the joke and finds it humorous.

Quote:
removing the piece of wood from your anus and growing a sense of humor.


I could possibly suggest the same for you.

The big badass postureing merc theme in the overwhelming majority of vimsy's posts gets old and my post was trying to suggest that its ok to drop out of character now and again but I can see how it came across as douchey rather then sarcastic so ill concede the point and offer my apologies.

Tyyler DURden says "use soap"

Kyra Tsunami
State Protectorate
Caldari State
#1129 - 2016-01-25 07:56:32 UTC
So others have asked me to tell them the story and so I wrote it all down for someone and figured Id share it with you guys in here too..


I had just got done plexing for the night and had returned to my high sec haunt to call it a night. I jump into kuomi and dscan pops up a hulk and a provi and I notice of the 4 guys besides me in local that one is suspect. I tell myself noone is that stupid. But I go and check it out.

Warp to first belt, dang, wrong belt, warp to right belt and as i warp in low and behold there it is, this big beautiful suspect freighter.

I run in, apply scram and start applying dps... a paltry 162.6 dps I might add. It takes a while for him to notice whats going on and he sits there continuing to mine in his hulk. Soon the jig is up and he pops drones from the hulk. Fearing the worst as I eat through the provis shields quite quickly he decides he will aggro me with the hulk.

Kill: Yankin Urchain (Hulk) https://zkillboard.com/kill/51528830/

I keep scram on the provi and whore a few shots on the Hulk. The hulks drones before it pops to concords loving fire get me down to about 50% armor. Nothing too bad, worth it to even kill the hulk. As I am now killboard green even losing the provi kill wont be a total loss on the night for me.

Return fire on the provi and he starts aligning to station. Chewing... ever sooo... slowly...

Im spamming dscan the entire time. Waiting for friends, alts, anyone else to show up and stop this pity party this guys having and blow my lil ship to kingdom come. Then I notice an arby undock from his station, concord disappears and I know its him trying desperately to save his poor provi but alas global timers wont let him warp off station and soon sure enough I see his egg sitting there on dscan. I lol in local and say "bye arby". This of course resets his global timer which he couldve let wear off, undock the arby and kill me... hell he couldve done it in the first place instead of losing the hulk. :D But stupid is as stupid does.

He, this time, waits out his global countdown and Im starting on hull. Ugh and its slow going. But what pops up on overview? A cheetah? Wtf you gonna do with that mate?!? Spit on me? Sure enough he aggros and tries to shoot with his pea shooter.

Kill: Yankin Urchain (Cheetah) https://zkillboard.com/kill/51528999/

That it seems was his last ship and last straw. He returns to station and docks up and only a short TWENTY minutes from the initial scram on the provi does it blow up in hilariously epic killmail fashion.


Kill: toregg (Providence) https://zkillboard.com/kill/51529018/

So all told he lost 4 ships that day. 3 to me and 3 to concord.

[ 2016.01.22 04:45:39 ] Kyra Tsunami > that was a really expensive lesson

The irony is thats not the funniest part.

Bounty placed on you
From: CONCORD
Sent: 2016.01.22 07:17

toregg placed 100,000,000 ISK in bounty on your head.

So Im worth something now....

Kill right earned
From: CONCORD
Sent: 2016.01.22 04:26

As a victim of Yankin Urchain‘s unlawful aggression you now have a kill right against them. Once activated, the kill right allows you to seek revenge, alone or with friends, without CONCORD intervention.


Kill right earned
From: CONCORD
Sent: 2016.01.22 04:42

As a victim of Yankin Urchain‘s unlawful aggression you now have a kill right against them. Once activated, the kill right allows you to seek revenge, alone or with friends, without CONCORD intervention.

Not one but TWO chances to kill him in the next 30 days again. Yeah itll be a fun 30 days.


And thats the entire story. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed telling it and doing it!
Dom Arkaral
Bannheim
Cuttlefish Collective
#1130 - 2016-02-28 08:12:42 UTC  |  Edited by: Dom Arkaral
One day, not so long ago, I had bought PLEX from steam (never do that).
I usually sell in the further reaches of highsec so I took my malediction out to go and redeem+sell at said place.

On my way back, I passed through Hek and noticed a war target sitting on gate in a stabber fleet issue.
Being in a diction, I wondered to myself: "hmm afk sfi, must be a trap... and even if it isn't I don't have the dps to burn it"
So I did what anyone brilliant would do, I went to the Boundless station, bought a NOmen and went out to blap it.

Turns out the guy really was afk on a gate whilst at war with P45
SFI km
Pod

I don't recall sending him a Complaint form afterwards, but it was a uselessly stressful moment Lol
And obviously, he won't be the last to suffer this fate Twisted

Tear Gatherer. Quebecker. Has no Honer. Salt Harvester.

Broadcast 4 Reps -- YOU ARE NOT ALONE, EVER

Instigator of the First ISD Thunderdome

CCL Loyalist

xkaty pearcex
Snack Attack
#1131 - 2016-03-23 19:31:17 UTC
Vimsy Vortis wrote:
Break-A-Wish Foundation own quite a lot of popular customs offices and as a result we occasionally get mail from individuals regarding how butthurt they are about the tax rate (which is actually very low, most of it is NPC tax).

Mostly it's just "b-but RVB didn't charge me anything!" But recently Yuller, our actual diplomat for real received this fairly innocuous mail:

Quote:
PI on one of your planets in Perimeter.
From: [REDACTED]
Sent: 2016.01.06 00:49
To: Yuller,

I am looking at setting up a factory world on Perimeter I. I would like to negotiate a deal for you to lower the tax rate on the planet. I would be shipping goods from Jita to the planet to be processed, then shipping the products back to Jita.

Your benefit is the tax income from me shipping things on and off the planet. If you don't lower the rate, I simply won't do it and you will make nothing off of me. I will likely be doing a large volume of high-value goods, so it is in your best interest to lower the rate for me so I will use your planet.


Yuller, being a sophisticated gentleman and not an angry redneck politely informed this individual exactly how many rats asses we give about his particular business venture and precisely where he can insert his PI if he doesn't want to use our planets. The response he got was this:

Quote:
Re: PI on one of your planets in Perimeter.
From: [REDACTED]
Sent: 2016.01.08 06:05
To: Yuller,

What the **** did you just ******* say about me, you little duster? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Caldari State Navy Academy, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Sansha's nation, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top ganker in the entire CODE armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the **** out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this galaxy, mark my ******* words. You think you can get away with saying that **** to me over the Internet? Think again, ******. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across all four empires (And goons) and your Galactic Identifier is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re ******* dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my Velator. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the CODE New Order Alliance and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the constellation, you little ****. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ******* tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will **** fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re ******* dead, kiddo.


As a result Break-A-Wish foundation is on maximum alert and we are uncertain about our future.


With the concentrations of Pi goo in high sec, why are you so proud? I think you'd have to be an idiot to farm planets in high sec.
I got great concentrations, all 15 p1's....and wait for it...0% tax. But you're not allowed there high security puppy dog.
Lynni Ellecon
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#1132 - 2016-04-22 07:15:50 UTC  |  Edited by: Lynni Ellecon
Dear C&P,

i was asked to tell you this story and was pointed here.

So prepare for some bad written wall of text.

I started around 8 days ago playing EvE. For now i use a Venture (i got some isk in Rookie Help) for mining while i read guides or watch Eveiseasy on youtube. 2 or 3 days ago i was invited into a chatchannel from people i didn't know before. Here i was able to toss questions a lot (which was and still is awesome).

Yesterday I jumped into my Venture and warped to the belt in my startersystem (there is only one). There was a hulk (impressive ship! flown by a 2 years+ old player) with a freigther container (i believe) right besides him. The container was yellow on overview. Never seen before. Tossed a question. Recieved the hint to check the container. Taking mined ore is faster then mining on your own. After i realised that "green safety-mode" wont work i switched to "defcon orange". I filled my ore-hold and warped back to station. My cargo-window told me that i had almost 900k isk in my hold. After my 2nd run i learned that i can bookmark containers. So i almost emptied the container (i only let 800m³ inside), docked up and went afk (also to get rid of the yellow timer in the top left corner). Half an hour later i come back and was happy to see there is more free ore (yay). Sadly i only took 2 more runs before he realized what happens. He started a convo and talked with me in cyrillic which i dont understand. i started to thank him for the free ore and if he can mine some more - because this is kind of the help we noobies need.

He sent me 100k bounty.

Somehow the guys (and lads?) in the channel thought that´s very funny. As the hulk locked me they told me to dock up and get some things (shopping list was: tristan, warp scrambler, web, 2 small armor repairs, damage control, neutron blasters, anti matter).

I kept "chatting" with the hulkpilot (no idea if he was able to understand me) and warped back in to the container.
He instantly locked me up (my tristan was renamed "Venture" as i was told) and launched 2 hobgoblins I. Then a window popped up "Pilot_X wants to duell you" (or so). I accepted and parked right besides him. The two drones were webbed and fast killed by my guns while the scrambler did some nice gfx on the hulk. as he moved slowly away i kept on following him and also activated the web. Slowly but steady i kept hitting him with my blasters. Chat-guys said he did probably run out of cap because after the 2nd reload his shield started to drop faster.

He sent me 1m bounty.

I typed in the convo that i would stop shooting for 150m. As the hulk entered the last 25% armor there was a message about self-destruction and a pod appeared on overview. He warped off and i popped the hulk (i was told afterwards that i should have said a word so someone had come to hijack the vessel *sigh*).

He sent me another 50m bounty.


So in total i had 20 minutes of mining, 30 minutes of pure fun and earned myself 30m ISK. That´s the opportunity i´d like to see in the tutorial.
I´m 8 days old, not a single skillpoint was trained (as Lynni is supposed to be a passive-income char; i also got a Lynni + 1 day old combat char (security missions)).

There are still a couple questions that are unanswered:
- can i shoot the rescuepod in a duell?
- me that should be something i'm able to link to them
- I'm pretty sure i saw the 51.1m bounty yesterday ingame... but on eve-gate it tells me 0 isk bounty
- i had some serious adrenaline rush and heavy heartbeating as i started my guns. I almost was not able to lock those drones up - had to zoom quite far out. WTF is this? it seems this is refered to as "The Shakes" and should dissapear after more pvp experience.

Oh... as i forgot to mention it: If this is what eve can be like... HELLO WORLD!

EDIT:
I found the chatlog and as far as goolge translate told me there was not a single kind word in it (though some translations looked very awkward):

[ 2016.04.21 20:15:07 ] Someone > ты какого хуя пиздишь ресурсы из контейнера?
[ 2016.04.21 20:27:18 ] Someone > ты тупая сука зачем чужие контейнеры воруешь?
[ 2016.04.21 20:29:09 ] Someone > за твою голову теперь назначен 1000000 исков
[ 2016.04.21 20:38:24 ] Someone > ну ты тварь вобще охуела
[ 2016.04.21 20:40:41 ] Someone > пиздец тебе увижу нахер убью
Darth Terona
Krigsgaldr
#1133 - 2016-04-22 08:39:23 UTC
8 day old noob schooling vets. Makes me feel all tingly inside.

Welcome to eve. Sadly I don't know the answers to any of your questions.

But damn good job sir. Damn good
Lynni Ellecon
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#1134 - 2016-05-10 06:21:43 UTC  |  Edited by: Lynni Ellecon
Realized yesterday that i indeed got a killreport. No idea when it popped up.
If aynone is interrested in the can-mining-hulk-kill, please send me an evemail. I´ll answer with linkage in few hours (it´s offcie time right now :))

EDIT:
Nevermind. I try to put the kill to the killboard and just link it into my post above.
Morgan Agrivar
Doomheim
#1135 - 2016-05-10 07:07:40 UTC
Lynni Ellecon wrote:


There are still a couple questions that are unanswered:
- can i shoot the rescuepod in a duell?
- why is there not a killreport? people told me that should be something i'm able to link to them (no killmail because of ejecting the vessel)
- I'm pretty sure i saw the 51.1m bounty yesterday ingame... but on eve-gate it tells me 0 isk bounty
- i had some serious adrenaline rush and heavy heartbeating as i started my guns. I almost was not able to lock those drones up - had to zoom quite far out. WTF is this? it seems this is refered to as "The Shakes" and should dissapear after more pvp experience.

Can I shoot the pod in a duel? Yes, you can. As long as he is blinking teal to you, shoot away...
About the bounty...Do not worry about it at all. Bounties are pretty much useless anyways.
About the killmail...You need to register your character for eve-kill or zkillboard to show it there. Him ejecting from the Hulk doesn't take that away since he was the last one in that ship, he was the owner. And there should be a killmail. Pull up your character screen in game, go to Combat log and then pull up Kills and it should be there...

Congratulations. You did one hell of a fine job and it is newbies like you that I love to come across. He was probably afk mining and didn't notice what you were doing. He learned a lesson...well maybe, he is Russian...
Lynni Ellecon
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#1136 - 2016-05-10 09:40:00 UTC
Hello Morgan,

thank you very much for your words and your answers.

Will deliver the killmail later the day.
Dilligafmofo
Public Enemies CO
Vastly Outnumbered
#1137 - 2016-05-27 12:16:48 UTC
Great work Lynni, welcome to eve.


I thought I'd mention a one off that occurred to me this week.

I found myself in a system near to my home and I had noticed 2 citidels on scan. having not had much interest in them before, I warped to the first and found I was able to dock. Upon docking, I noticed a red cheveron with the message take control. I hit it and found myself in charge of the defences for the citidel. I awaited one of the owners coming home so as to hopefully lock and shoot him. This didn't happen so I found myself clicking on the different modules and noticed a hangar full of fighter drones. Almost 40 in total.

To my amazement, I found I was able to open a hangar and move all of the drones and missiles into my own hangar, which I duly did. A quick nip next door to my frieghter and I yoinked the lot, even had a friendly rep from the citidel as I absconded with my billion isks worth of loot.

Not sure if the owners had a message to state I was in there and controlling, but local filled with them as I went into warp. I placed everything on the market and opened a convo with the owner. I pointed out that I had rounded up his fighters and placed them safely on the market. It would appear they had set their corp into an alliance and this had messed their settings up, anyone could have done what I had for almost 20 hours, guess I just got lucky.

1 Billion isk isnt a huge haul but made me chuckle all the same.
Lynni Ellecon
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#1138 - 2016-05-27 20:16:36 UTC
I m terrible at remembering things.
Here is the long ago "promised" kill: https://zkillboard.com/kill/53459358/

@ Dilligafmofo:
Nice story :)

Quote:
1 Billion isk isnt a huge haul but made me chuckle all the same.

You´re joking? 1b is an awafull lot of isk...
Morgan Agrivar
Doomheim
#1139 - 2016-05-28 03:18:24 UTC
Lynni Ellecon wrote:
I m terrible at remembering things.
Here is the long ago "promised" kill: https://zkillboard.com/kill/53459358/

@ Dilligafmofo:
Nice story :)

Quote:
1 Billion isk isnt a huge haul but made me chuckle all the same.

You´re joking? 1b is an awafull lot of isk...

Ok, I want to first thank you for killing that abomination of a mining exhumer. That was probably the worst fit I have seen on a Hulk, and the expanded cargohold IIs made my eyes bleed. He had no tank to speak of and no defense, which is why you got him so easily.

Great job.
Omar Alharazaad
An Interesting Corp
Spectrum Alliance
#1140 - 2016-06-09 14:45:52 UTC
As I was one of very few online yesterday morning my selection of targets of was pretty limited.
So, I decided to look for volunteers.

I like Aphend a very great deal. It's really close to where I chain my fedo and there are many a bear that is sent there on various missions.
Unfortunately there are some usual suspects who lurk in that area. These are crusty old bears who are most definitely 'on to my ****'. That's okay, i've got them set to grey and try to remember the scan sigs of their ships so I don't waste too much of my time on folks who are too wary to play with me. But, what's this? Not one, but TWO battleships in the same place, not even remotely near a station. I don't recognize their scan sigs, so I send my trusty Fed Navy Comet hurtling towards them.

I love the Fed Navy Comet. Like, a lot. More on this later.

I drop into their mission area only to realize that not only are there two battleships, an Abaddon and Raven Navy Issue, but also an Orca in the pocket. Numerous escape pods litter my overview. It's The Anomaly, part 1. Super. I start heading towards the nearest pod and scoop up it's contents. Diddly, stranded pilot. Okay. That's fine, on to the next. By the third pod looted the Orca has given me the carebear stare. No biggie, as I'm still not suspect. Finally I land on that magic pod... nothing in it, but upon opening it a lovely yellow cargo container spawns right next to me. Mission critical object! YAY! I swipe, it's only the right thing to do, and I go flashy yellow.

The Orca decides that this is a very good time to bugger off and does so. Shortly after that both the Abaddon and the RNI both lock me up. I roll the dice and fail to be impressed, I've been stared at by some of the best carebears before and Omar just don't scare that easy. Check their employment histories, 2009 and 2005 players... both in same corp but with drastically different name schemes. Neat, this could be interesting!

I hear that magic ringtone as BOTH battleships engage me. I'm excited, then i check my other tab and realize that they've sent two full flights of drones at me. Oh, snap. I start to spiral in to the Abaddon because... well, lasers. The RNI is gonna do it's damage no matter what, but the Pink Floyd laser light show I can work with. My three drones and blasters are working furiously to get the swarm under control... by this point I've got mister brick tank scrammed and have assumed my usual tight orbit on him. Various alarms are screaming and my ship is starting to glow.

I remember that I can overheat things and proceed to do so, but not my guns. No need, those are busy popping Acolytes and Infiltrators. Eventually the swarm dies down and it's just the steady pounding from the RNI's cruise missiles thumping against my hull. I'm okay with this. My drones are all still alive, but some are pretty mauled. I start the dance of pulling them in and sending them back out to foil the obvious notion that popping them will stop me... battleship targeting time works against my opponents in this, so you know, use whatever tricks you can. They get caught up in trying to kill my little minions that I actually get enough of a respite to repair my badly overworked armor repairer.

The RNI decides to pull range and do Raven things from 90km out, which is okay. I'm hammering on the 'baddon with drones and blasters and my itty bitty neut. At this point i'm also pretty much out of cap charges too, so I'm being a bit more cautious with my cap as I want to come out of this on top. Usually when it's 2 vs 1 for me I'm scurrying off on fire or in a pod.
Next thing I know mister Raven has popped another flight of drones, crap... oh wait, he's 90km out. He's too far by a long shot to send those things at me and we both know it. He starts heading back towards me. Oh, really?

Not a word over local, nor any attempt at conversation over PM either, these guys are in it to win it... I mean it's just one frigate, right? Raven boy skirts to within 25km and sends his drones my way. Bad move. I beeline straight for him and drop scram on the 'baddon and point the RNI instead. This is what I'd wanted from the start. The 'baddon warps off, apparently remembering that he left his oven on or something. I proceed to melt the Raven's drones and get down to business.

Now, here's the thing. I've flown both regular and navy ravens on missions before. What they lack compared to their amarr counterparts is cap recharge. Sure, you can build one that's 'cap stable', but there's a pretty huge difference between 'cap stable' and 'cap stable while a frenzied gallente blasterboat with a small neut and a muderboner is humping my face'.

The comet is pretty much my new favorite boat for violencing battleships, to be honest. It packs dps that sits somewhere between the Ishkur and the Enyo and can field 3 light drones at once while having another 3 in the bay as back up. With a set of snakes the damned thing moves almost twice as fast as it's assault frigate cousins. It's pure joy to fly in these instances.

I've been putting the tongs to the Raven pilot for a while now, and I'm keeping my eye on my timers, and d-scan. With just under a minute left on his timer I see the 'baddon show back up on d-scan. I presume that he's restocked his drone bay and most likely at the very least grabbed some crystals that are better able to track me this time around. This does not bode well for me. With 30 seconds left on the limited engagement timer he drops out of warp... about 100km away from me. It seems the dance with the Raven has drawn the two of us a considerable distance from the warp in point. I start counting down... the limited engagement with him drops a few seconds before he's able to re-establish lock on me. Shocked

https://zkillboard.com/kill/54492144/

Come hell or high water, this sick world will know I was here.