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Crime & Punishment

 
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The Pirate Story Thread

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Yang Aurilen
State War Academy
Caldari State
#801 - 2013-10-03 14:30:06 UTC
After reading the entire thread I must say I enjoyed reading Kane's adventures. As for me I just got my first tear in lowsec in front of a miner's PoS.

My first tear <3

Local Chat:
Rose Okaski > AYDONT BE HRTING HIM
Yang Aurilen > grrr
Icer1989 Spears > ah more company
Rose Okaski > WHY U ROLLIN
Rose Okaski > IN MA ******* HOOD
Icer1989 Spears > well anyi ******* time now sweetheart
Icer1989 Spears > only steers and queers come from sankkassen
Rose Okaski > U DONT LOOK LIKE U BELONG IN ELUNALA
Rose Okaski > U BEONG IN JITA WITH THE MERCHATS AND THE FAGS
Icer1989 Spears > You canm pass through Our galaxy
Icer1989 Spears > But u mus tpay
Icer1989 Spears > with Oral
Icer1989 Spears > you muist orally please and satisfy
Icer1989 Spears > both of us
Rose Okaski > TWIC
Rose Okaski > TWICE
Rose Okaski > ALEX
Rose Okaski > WHAT U DOIN
Rose Okaski > IN MA HOOD
alex 121 > wat
Rose Okaski > WHADDUP
Rose Okaski > U GOTTA PAYH TO TOLL
Rose Okaski > THE TOLL
Rose Okaski > ORAL
Icer1989 Spears > Meaning
Icer1989 Spears > to come through here
Icer1989 Spears > you have to provide us with oral, me every day at 7:25 and rose everyday at 4:30
Yang Aurilen > do you accept scourge fury missiles for your oral session? They're armed of course
Icer1989 Spears > Nope, Oral. or u find the pic of Mintchips ****
Icer1989 Spears > **** or GTFO
Yang Aurilen > Fine I'll give you oral with my HAM's. They're bigger and badder. So open up.
Icer1989 Spears > No.
Rose Okaski > no
Icer1989 Spears > actually
Icer1989 Spears > fine
Rose Okaski > WHY UR CORP
Icer1989 Spears > come to me
Rose Okaski > BEEFING WITH OUR CORP
Yang Aurilen > because you keep speaking. No speaking when giving oral.
Yang Aurilen > \o/
Icer1989 Spears > GET DAT COON!
Yang Aurilen > please spare me :(
Yang Aurilen > I'm just a frigate
Rose Okaski > BAWWW
Yang Aurilen > so how did you like your oral?
Icer1989 Spears > terrorist!
Rose Okaski > WHY ALL THE HATE
Rose Okaski > I THOUGHT WE WAS
Rose Okaski > TIGHT
Yang Aurilen > you were tight
Yang Aurilen > Rose I think I've fallen in love with you. Could you please come out. I'll kiss you.
Rose Okaski > STIP BEING MEAN
Rose Okaski > IM RUNNING A BUSINESS
Rose Okaski > WE DONT LIKE NIGGERS ON OUR LAND
Yang Aurilen > that's racism
Yang Aurilen > using the N word :(
Yang Aurilen > I'll report you for rracism
Icer1989 Spears > To me we are all equally worthless in space
Yang Aurilen > your kestrel hirts
Rose Okaski > NO IT DOESNT
Rose Okaski > WHY YOU TROLL
Rose Okaski > WE ARE NICE
Yang Aurilen > Rose want me to play with my kestrel
Yang Aurilen > brb afk keeping at range at 30km
Icer1989 Spears > atleast that other dude Left
Icer1989 Spears > we are legitimate crack dealers
Yang Aurilen > aw he was innocent
Icer1989 Spears > Bruce
Icer1989 Spears > have you ever seen the movie
Icer1989 Spears > Fat pizza
Yang Aurilen > no
Yang Aurilen > why?
Icer1989 Spears > Jus wondering cus i put it on last night buyt fell asleep
Yang Aurilen > awww
Yang Aurilen > nothing worse than falling asleep while watching
Yang Aurilen > it happens
Rose Okaski > why all the hate
Yang Aurilen > I don't really hate you
Rose Okaski > IM TRYNA RUN A BUSINESS HERE
Yang Aurilen > this is lowsec and you were a neut in a PoS without guns
Rose Okaski > AW
Yang Aurilen > besides that deadspace stuff was yummy
Rose Okaski > LEAVE ME ALONE NOW
Rose Okaski > CUS
Jen Moriarty > linky?
Rose Okaski > IM PEACEFUL
Yang Aurilen > o/ jen
Yang Aurilen > are you here to kill me again?
Jen Moriarty > I don't think you got the idea of this game Rose
Rose Okaski > I DO
Rose Okaski > PEOPKLE GON MURDER ME
Rose Okaski > AND BE BRUTAL
Rose Okaski > N STUFF
Yang Aurilen > then you should understand I can brutally murder you

Post with your NPC alt main and not your main main alt!
Manu Militari
Neurotoxin Control
Cynosural Field Theory.
#802 - 2013-10-06 20:01:42 UTC
what the..
Jint Hikaru
OffWorld Exploration Inc
#803 - 2013-10-07 15:29:18 UTC
Quote:
Icer1989 Spears > ah more company
Rose Okaski > WHY U ROLLIN
Rose Okaski > IN MA ******* HOOD
Icer1989 Spears > well anyi ******* time now sweetheart
Icer1989 Spears > only steers and queers come from sankkassen
Rose Okaski > U DONT LOOK LIKE U BELONG IN ELUNALA
Rose Okaski > U BEONG IN JITA WITH THE MERCHATS AND THE FAGS
Icer1989 Spears > You canm pass through Our galaxy
Icer1989 Spears > But u mus tpay
Icer1989 Spears > with Oral
Icer1989 Spears > you muist orally please and satisfy
Icer1989 Spears > both of us
Rose Okaski > TWIC
Rose Okaski > TWICE
Rose Okaski > ALEX
Rose Okaski > WHAT U DOIN
Rose Okaski > IN MA HOOD



Jebus Space Christ.... that pair really fell short on their intelligence roll.

Jint Hikaru - Miner / Salvager / Explorer / SpaceBum In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
Eyrok Mauldin
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#804 - 2013-10-08 12:58:52 UTC
Yang Aurilen wrote:


Snipped



I... was that even english? Was that even a terrestrial human language?
Sevendeadly Sins
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#805 - 2013-10-08 14:13:16 UTC
Jint Hikaru wrote:
Quote:
Icer1989 Spears > ah more company
Rose Okaski > WHY U ROLLIN
Rose Okaski > IN MA ******* HOOD
Icer1989 Spears > well anyi ******* time now sweetheart
Icer1989 Spears > only steers and queers come from sankkassen
Rose Okaski > U DONT LOOK LIKE U BELONG IN ELUNALA
Rose Okaski > U BEONG IN JITA WITH THE MERCHATS AND THE FAGS
Icer1989 Spears > You canm pass through Our galaxy
Icer1989 Spears > But u mus tpay
Icer1989 Spears > with Oral
Icer1989 Spears > you muist orally please and satisfy
Icer1989 Spears > both of us
Rose Okaski > TWIC
Rose Okaski > TWICE
Rose Okaski > ALEX
Rose Okaski > WHAT U DOIN
Rose Okaski > IN MA HOOD



Jebus Space Christ.... that pair really fell short on their intelligence roll.

Just hope they don't breed and further destroy the human gene pool.

http://www.zombo.com
Inxentas Ultramar
Ultramar Independent Contracting
#806 - 2013-10-09 12:02:57 UTC
I logged in, my mind still a mess from caffeine withdrawal. The day before we killed a small POS and I was in the process of moving my ships back to my own POS as they were sitting 1 jump further. As I moved the Cheetah first (wanting to take a look in local myself before I hopped back in a Battleship) I notice a 2 month old newbie and an ally sitting in local. I greet the ally and disregard the newbie. Suddenly my comms crackle. It's the ally, telling me there is a Tempest in belt 5 of planet 6...

Quickly deducting the only person this could be is that 2 month old player, I decided to take my chances. Knowing my ally was in a cloaky and probably in position, I ask him to track the Tempest while I jumped gate, rushing to grab my Typhoon. As I warped back on the gate I asked if he was still in the same belt: he was. I jumped, and warped on 0 at his position. I landed 5K off, locked him up, and blow him up in a surprisingly short amount of time.

I check the killmail: three small guns, three small launchers, probes, data + relic analyzers, small shield boosters + medium armor repper, lows full of overdrive injector systems... as a corpie pointed out very eloquently, the fit did everything and nothing at the same time. I convo the pilot, as I cand stand such travesties and wanted to at least wisen up this guy. He turned out to be Russian... and terribly butthurt. I really can't paste the convo log, as the majority of the contents consisted of colorfull allegations of homosexuality. As a cherry on top, I was granted the dubious honor of recieving a 1 billion ISK bounty.
Inxentas Ultramar
Ultramar Independent Contracting
#807 - 2013-10-09 12:18:24 UTC  |  Edited by: Inxentas Ultramar
In other news... we recieved a wardec two days ago. I may or may not have been the reason I was messing around in lowsec with some alliance mates. At some point I find myself chasing a Condor, but he's slippery and makes a run for it once he sees my Hurricane on d-scan. Warping from place to place, we notice an Ishtar from EVE University. Unistas should be gratefull for a lesson so we decide to give him one. We congregate on the gate he wants to pass. Alas, the Ishtar warps in at 100 km but doesn't linger, and warps off. I give chase, but he jumped into a cluster and I susequently lose him on 360 d-scans.

Suddenly my mate tells me 'he's back on scan at the gate'. Almost without thinking I warp to 100 Km on that gate, I will tackle that Ishtar. In warp I realize that specific gate is regional and way off the systems 'solar plane'. Wherever I came from, my angle can't differ much from that Ishtar. If only he warped to 100 Km again.... and he did. I land within 5 Km. Lock, point, neut, DPS... and suddenly his armor drops like a fly! A second or two later he explodes. I think he might have panicked, he never ran his repper or released drones. I share the killmail with my equally surprised alliance mates, sit out my timers, and return home with some nice loot in the cargohold.
Maccian
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
#808 - 2013-10-09 18:44:07 UTC
Quote:
Cuntface
From: Roman Vegas
Sent: 2013.08.19 07:25
To: Maccian,

Heres a few bucks for your cuntface.


Quote:
Yo cuntface wake up!
From: Roman Vegas
Sent: 2013.08.19 07:27
To: Maccian,

Do you even moisterize bro?


Quote:
Can't dish it out.
From: Roman Vegas
Sent: 2013.08.19 07:33
To: Maccian,

Weak sauce!


Quote:
From: Spud Stone
Sent: 2013.08.16 19:27
To: Maccian,

Old Man pirates are just that bro.. They move like old men.. too slow and not too bright.. I've offed a few of you too.. When it's not 16 on one.. Out of all pirates you guys have the least skill ... YOU KNOW IT BRO!!!


Quote:
podkill
From: Quattro Haldex
Sent: 2013.08.09 01:06
To: Maccian,

was the podkill really necessary?
Maccian
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
#809 - 2013-10-09 18:45:33 UTC
Quote:
lameness
From: Gio Saissore
Sent: 2013.08.09 00:36
To: Maccian,

lame...nuff said


Quote:
kILL
From: Coal Durex
Sent: 2013.07.30 03:56
To: Maccian,

Damn !!!! You got me good. Your the first to kill me :( Put i am glad that i did have anything in my cargo. I has about to go grab a contract. Wow that was close. You made me see why it is dangerous to traval in low sec damn !!!! Had to learn the hard way :) See ya


Quote:
From: Totoro Achasse
Sent: 2013.07.17 23:33
To: Maccian,

I've allready boom enough ... As i understood i took something of thing i shouldnt touch .. ok ... My apologize ...

Re: Re: Fair Enough
From: Azor Ahai Targaryen
Sent: 2013.07.16 02:58
To: Maccian,

I think I will just find another route. But thanks for popping my cherry (you were my first murderer).

Re: Fair Enough
From: Maccian
Sent: 2013.07.16 02:57
To: Azor Ahai Targaryen,

do come back o7

Fair Enough
From: Azor Ahai Targaryen
Sent: 2013.07.16 02:56
To: Maccian,

Kudos to you; I very much deserved that. xP


Quote:
WTF???
From: john bardock
Sent: 2013.06.29 17:39
To: Maccian,

what the **** did i do to you prick?


Quote:
Re: Why oh Why, Survey
From: Aprosexia
Sent: 2013.06.08 23:24
To: Maccian,

Dear Victim, Congratulations on your ship/pod loss!!

Please help us make our ganking service better by filling out and returning this simple survey.

I was killed by _a douche_ on date _2013.06.08_ in system _Parts_

How was your death? too fast/too slow/about right_entertaining_

Are you angered by your death? Yes/No _No_____

Will you be taking revenge? Yes/No __Yes__

If taking revenge, who will you be hunting ? _*.*____

Do you care about membership in our begging programm to get your loss back ? _Hahahahahaha___



~S~

Thanks **********




Vazkez
Doomheim
#810 - 2013-10-10 21:32:25 UTC
BuzzyBeagle wrote:
So i was AFK jetcan mining in a BattleHulk hoping a greedy little canflipper would try me on for size. I had innocent looking mining drones doing the work for me so it looked like i was totally bearing it up, by not having combat drones.
I mined about 10 minutes dumping ore in a can sitting next to me when a Rifter flies in and goes red.
I target/insta warp/scramble and follow.
I pull in mining drones and release Hobgoblin 2's

The following ensues.

[ 2011.08.05 17:21:02] BuzzyBeagle > hello there
[ 2011.08.05 17:21:12] victim > WTF?
[ 2011.08.05 17:21:18] BuzzyBeagle > you have commited a crime.
[ 2011.08.05 17:21:24] victim > what kind of noob miner has a point and web on a HULK?
[ 2011.08.05 17:21:33] BuzzyBeagle > the kind that does not use a hulk for mining.
(i proceed to kill the rifter that is chipping away at my shield)
[ 2011.08.05 17:22:09] BuzzyBeagle > i hate bears as much as the next guy, but i hate people that are unprepared for unexpected circumstances worse.
[ 2011.08.05 17:22:24] victim > LOL U NOOB KILLING A FRIG WITH A HULK IS NOT FAIR!!!
[ 2011.08.05 17:22:35] BuzzyBeagle > have you not been enlightened in rule one of Eve?
[ 2011.08.05 17:22:50] victim > yeah yeah.. 'trust no-one' well i trusted your mother you #@$$$#
[ 2011.08.05 17:23:03] BuzzyBeagle > that is unfortunate that you trusted her. i hope you enjoy the Herpes that will afflict you for the rest of your pathetic existance.
[ 2011.08.05 17:23:19] victim > @#$% you , you @#$(* @%%hole
[ 2011.08.05 17:24:02] BuzzyBeagle > umadbro?
[ 2011.08.05 17:24:19] victim > if i ever see you im going to #$%^&*% kil lyou
[ 2011.08.05 17:25:50] BuzzyBeagle > i guess i lied. My Hulk is awesome at mining...TEARS.


The bit bolded made me really laugh.

Nice one Buzzy LOL
Praxis Ginimic
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#811 - 2013-10-11 16:41:12 UTC
I was flitting around in my buzzard a few days ago looking for explorers to sneak up on and exploit when I see a retribution sitting on station all alone.

I decloak...no reaction
I bump him...no reaction

Well, not being one to look a gift horse in the mouth I quickly grab the closest thing I have that can take sentry fire. A sh¡t fit gnosis 2 jumps out. When I get back the retribution still seems to be afk in the worst possible spot.

Kill this is not a safe spot
Pod the med bay is pretty safe though
Drakast
Native Freshfood
Minmatar Republic
#812 - 2013-10-12 19:42:33 UTC
yarr, just back from a long time inactive, brilliant thread laughed myself to tears +1 CK and others its you guys that make the game what it is.

big changes too and im loving the new crime mechanics. Been floating about osmon looking for a nice fat kill to herald my return to making mission runners miserable, i would have had a lovely KM for you but someone sneaked into my ruppy and installed a f%^*&%^ green button, WTF i say as i spam my guns, >.< grrr faceplant keyboard.

Have to admit tags for sec status epic idea.

next post will include tears and KMs
cpt Varox
Brutor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#813 - 2013-10-21 14:05:56 UTC
Long time stalker of C&P , i think its time to add to it.

Lowsec its quiet ussually , fights are fast and gf's are given. But not this time...
While derping semi-afk i d-scanned a FW maller in a medium plex.Amarrian ... a nice sacrifice to Sani Sabik. Now mallers are nice bait ships and i decided to give it a go. Out comes the noble omen cruiser , warp to plex, enter and POINT! ...and then he warps. Then the mad rambling started.

[17:07:56] tangata kōhuru > dont be mad aye :)
[17:08:07] cpt Varox > how many stabs lol?
[17:08:15] tangata kōhuru > i'm a bit slick
[17:08:33] cpt Varox > in this places we call you coward :P
[17:08:46] tangata kōhuru > good on ya i don't judge u
[17:09:09] cpt Varox > o stuff it you are ****
[17:09:27] tangata kōhuru > hello
[17:09:46] tangata kōhuru > aye captain
[17:09:49] tangata kōhuru > don't be mad
[17:09:50] tangata kōhuru > :)
[17:10:15] cpt Varox > .
[17:10:15] cpt Varox > 1
[17:10:16] cpt Varox > 2
[17:10:18] cpt Varox > 3 (second try - was going for bump and scram)
[17:36:37] cklm > ahaha
[17:36:38] cklm > noob
[17:38:52] tangata kōhuru > easy to say when u 2vs1 (i think he saw double)
[17:39:11] cpt Varox > how many stabs did he had?
[17:40:24] tangata kōhuru > i usually cloak get close to u and stab u that's right
[17:41:24] cklm > lol epic nob
[17:41:35] cklm > leave mitlita
[17:41:37] cklm > ls it nofr you
[17:41:40] tangata kōhuru > ok captain
[17:41:44] CAndrey888 > agree
[17:41:55] tangata kōhuru > give ur orders captain
[17:42:13] tangata kōhuru > the ***** is cryin
[17:42:20] tangata kōhuru > "i didnt get my kill"
[17:42:24] cklm > awtf
[17:42:25] cklm > wtf
[17:43:07] cpt Varox > wow
[17:43:21] cpt Varox > calling me a biatch while u use stabs
[17:43:23] cpt Varox > mmm
[17:43:25] tangata kōhuru > yes
[17:43:26] cpt Varox > ok son
[17:43:32] tangata kōhuru > but getting blox is useless
[17:43:40] cpt Varox > erm?
[17:43:44] cpt Varox > what is blox?
[17:43:55] tangata kōhuru > mistyping
[17:43:56] tangata kōhuru > blow
[17:44:15] cpt Varox > its clear u never gotten blow from a woman yes (a bit angry i was , but only for a second -fitting second scram)
[17:44:28] tangata kōhuru > coz u know
[17:44:34] tangata kōhuru > we know that u know
[17:44:42] tangata kōhuru > see u cannot get me
[17:44:53] tangata kōhuru > ******
[17:45:06] tangata kōhuru > ,,I,,,
[17:45:10] tangata kōhuru > straight in ur ass
[17:45:57] tangata kōhuru > u can also put 2 coz u love it
[17:45:59] tangata kōhuru > ,,IIII,,,
[17:46:19] cpt Varox > i think u need sleap ..you are a bit deranged
[17:46:27] tangata kōhuru > shut up c*&t
[17:46:31] tangata kōhuru > go f*%k urself
[17:46:40] cpt Varox > why are you so hostile?
[17:46:47] cpt Varox > are your pills lost?
[17:46:49] tangata kōhuru > coz u try to f&%k me up
[17:46:55] tangata kōhuru > i just defend myself
[17:46:57] cpt Varox > i will f*$k you up
[17:47:04] cpt Varox > cause now its personal
[17:47:08] tangata kōhuru > lol in ur dreams buddy
[17:47:10] cpt Varox > such bad language
[17:47:14] tangata kōhuru > yeah right
[17:47:26] Warp Disruptor > There's a block function btw.
[17:47:31] cpt Varox > i know
[17:47:40] cpt Varox > but iam recording this
[17:47:47] tangata kōhuru > yes go narc
[17:47:55] tangata kōhuru > hahaha ur fu$#%d
[17:48:08] cpt Varox > keep talking
[17:48:09] tangata kōhuru > yes record u just fu&%ed up
[17:48:27] tangata kōhuru > life noob
[17:50:42] tangata kōhuru > impressive
[17:50:43] cpt Varox Kill: tangata kōhuru (Maller) http://zkillboard.com/detail/33944749/
[17:50:49] tangata kōhuru > nice one boy
[17:50:52] tangata kōhuru > ur the one u got me
[17:51:01] tangata kōhuru > now get outside
[17:51:11] cpt Varox > you are filth
[17:51:21] cpt Varox > there is nothing more to discuss with you
[17:51:42] cpt Varox > inferior amarian breed , your mother had you with a sclave
[17:51:43] tangata kōhuru > give me ur 2008 char maybe i will do better

To my surprise his militia buddies did not come to his rescue :) . The large smile on my face after the kill is worth waay more than the 28 mil he lost. And to the new players reading this, its not the age of the character its the way you fly your ship.
Violet Crumble
Weaponised Vegemite
Flying Dangerous
#814 - 2013-10-23 21:46:08 UTC
cpt Varox wrote:
Long time stalker of C&P , i think its time to add to it.
...
...
...


Congrats on the hunt and kill, but honestly the way it reads, you were both a bit teary there.

Funtime Factory - We put the fun back in funtime
cpt Varox
Brutor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#815 - 2013-10-24 09:23:01 UTC
Violet Crumble wrote:
cpt Varox wrote:
Long time stalker of C&P , i think its time to add to it.
...
...
...


Congrats on the hunt and kill, but honestly the way it reads, you were both a bit teary there.


Well i give you that :) but i kept him typing and emotional ... you know in case he knows how to use D-scan. In any case i have enjoied his ramblings of supreme confidence in his 2 warpcorestabs t2 (who trains that anywhay? Roll).
Praxis Ginimic
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#816 - 2013-10-24 13:49:45 UTC  |  Edited by: Praxis Ginimic
Warp drive operation IV? All of us. The real question is who bothers fitting them? Honestly who invented them to put them on the maket in the first place? That was a bad decision. But hey, I guess that guy bought one?
Sir Spottington
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#817 - 2013-10-27 02:10:40 UTC
cpt Varox wrote:
[17:50:43] cpt Varox Kill: tangata kōhuru (Maller) http://zkillboard.com/detail/33944749/


that has to be the worst maller fit ive ever seen.......
Omar Alharazaad
New Eden Tech Support
#818 - 2013-10-30 09:25:15 UTC
Love the stories in here, keep up the good(?) work guys. That being said, I'll just leave this here...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMhfbLRoGEw

Come hell or high water, this sick world will know I was here.
BeBopAReBop RhubarbPie
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#819 - 2013-11-01 21:31:05 UTC
Sir Spottington wrote:
cpt Varox wrote:
[17:50:43] cpt Varox Kill: tangata kōhuru (Maller) http://zkillboard.com/detail/33944749/


that has to be the worst maller fit ive ever seen.......

Its kinda painful to look at. Almost as bad as my fits...

Founder of Violet Squadron, a small gang NPSI community! Mail me for more information.

BeBopAReBop RhubarbPie's Space Mediation Service!
Pannax Ni
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#820 - 2013-11-03 21:03:19 UTC