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Crime & Punishment

 
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The Pirate Story Thread

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Cannibal Kane
Viziam
Amarr Empire
#641 - 2013-02-14 18:10:42 UTC
Reppyk wrote:
culo duro wrote:
[20:06:58] Unknown relation to kill > You couldnt handel real pvp where the enemy fights back.
[20:08:03] Unknown relation to kill > Your just compensating.
[20:08:11] Unknown relation to kill > o/ Fly safe nub.
It's not tears, but still entertaining. Pirate


I get that alot....

"Kane is the End Boss of Highsec." -Psychotic Monk
Manu Militari
Neurotoxin Control
Cynosural Field Theory.
#642 - 2013-02-15 07:47:54 UTC
So, i finally think I had an experience worthy of sharing. I chuckle when I look back at it and hope you all do.

So I was traveling through hi sec recently, in search of new pastures when I came across a pretty comedy opportunity. As I am a pirate, yarr, I was traversing through in a swiftly fit atron bc the faction police do not take kindly to me being around. Anyways, as I landed on a gate I realized there was a pod slow-boating in from about 14km away. Well since the po po were nearby I jumped through and held cloak while I checked the pilot's info. I was shocked to learn he was over 3 years old and was apparently afk traveling in a pod. I thought this couldn't be right. After some debate I decided to jump back through and try to make contact with the pod traveler to warn him of the dangers of traveling in a pod particularly while afk. As I clicked his name on my overview, the unthinkable happened. My cat decided to come say hello and well he jumped on my keyboard and before I knew it, the pod was gone, all that was left was his cold body floating in space. The gentleman I am, I went to scoop his body in hopes of re-uniting it with his family when concord pounced upon me. It wasn't until hearing from concord that I realized that my cat had accidentally caused me to destroy the poor soul I was trying to help. In the end though, I was quite happy that he perished as he failed to see the good intentions in my actions and proceeded to bombard me with accusations and slander.


[02:13:57] *********** > what's wrong with u?
[02:14:29] *********** > You have problems ?
[02:14:48] *********** > Hello?
[02:14:50] Manu Militari > sorry my cat jumped on my keyboard
[02:14:55] *********** > right
[02:15:02] Manu Militari > dude so sorry
[02:15:04] Manu Militari > ill reimburse
[02:15:11] *********** > okay 150mil
[02:15:24] *********** > at leats jeez
[02:15:29] *********** > 350 mil in implants onge
[02:15:38] *********** > just wow man
[02:15:50] Manu Militari > dont autopilot through space in a pod
[02:15:51] *********** > didnt even lok at the kill sheet 350 mil in implants
[02:15:56] Manu Militari > its not safe
[02:16:09] *********** > I didnt I looked away from the keyboard
[02:16:25] *********** > Not the point anyway why would you do something liek that other than to be mean
[02:16:36] Manu Militari > its ok you did, lesson learned. you were 15km from gate slowboating in aka autopilot
[02:16:39] *********** > so you have 350mil to credit me then?
[02:16:58] Manu Militari > ya i gotta log on alt n then ill send it
[02:16:59] *********** > I dont need you to teach me anything
[02:17:02] *********** > yeah right
[02:17:13] *********** > whatever man what comes around goes around go back to your pathetic life
[02:17:32] Manu Militari > o7
[02:18:03] *********** > I'll never understand people like you, got a screw lose or something wrong with you daddy didnt love you something
[02:18:35] Manu Militari > (MANU MILITARI 6MILL ATRON KM - CONCORD) dude i got killed right after fuckkk
[02:18:38] Manu Militari > i didnt realize
[02:18:49] Manu Militari > gna cost me to replace that ship sorry cant reimburse
[02:19:10] *********** > I feel sorry for your family and the people who care about you in real life I bet you're a total douche
[02:20:57] *********** > wtf do u want
[02:21:01] Manu Militari > cry all u want
[02:21:05] Manu Militari > but no need to insult me irl
[02:21:07] *********** > shut the **** up talking to me
[02:21:16] Manu Militari > u noob
[02:21:19] *********** > LMAO
[02:21:22] Manu Militari > autopiloting through space lol
[02:21:26] Manu Militari > thanks for the KM
[02:22:04] Manu Militari > 3 years old and you dont have noobie sense to not autopilot haha
[02:22:06] *********** > I really dont care, it's not about the money, it's not about the implants it's not about any of that, it's the fact that you did it. It's the thought process going through your head when you did it
[02:22:18] Manu Militari > i TOLD YOU IT WAS MY CAT!
[02:22:26] *********** > That's how i KNOW your family hates you and you are DOUCHE
[02:22:52] Manu Militari > why bc we have a cat who wants to be pat?
[02:22:58] *********** > so enjoy you're PATHETIC life reject because anyone who does stuff like that just to be mean will end up ALONE and REJECTED
[02:23:16] *********** > You're a LIAR and if it was an accident then give me 350 mil right now
[02:23:22] *********** > thought so
[02:23:23] Manu Militari > i TOLD you i would
[02:23:28] *********** > then do it
[02:23:31] *********** > stop talking and do it
[02:23:33] Manu Militari > but my ship got destroyed by those damn faction police
[02:23:37] Manu Militari > and i need to see how much my alt has
[02:23:42] *********** > o wow an atron lmao
[02:23:50] Manu Militari > if my cat could cough up isk he would and this would be settled
[02:24:08] *********** > Ignorance is blissfull huh ?
[02:24:23] *********** > Pathetic
[02:24:24] Manu Militari > funny my cats name is bliss lol thats so weird


Wha!?
culo duro
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#643 - 2013-02-15 07:56:01 UTC
Manu Militari wrote:

[02:22:18] Manu Militari > i TOLD YOU IT WAS MY CAT!
[02:22:26] *********** > That's how i KNOW your family hates you and you are DOUCHE



Well it seems you can now become a Douche by having a cat. Aw man, that's just awesome.

I've starting blogging http://www.epvpc.blogspot.com 
Reppyk
The Black Shell
#644 - 2013-02-15 09:50:30 UTC
Manu Militari wrote:
[02:22:52] Manu Militari > why bc we have a cat who wants to be pat?
[02:22:58] *********** > so enjoy you're PATHETIC life reject because anyone who does stuff like that just to be mean will end up ALONE and REJECTED
Aha ! Lol

I GOT CAT ; NOT FOREVER ALONE

I AM SPACE CAPTAIN REPPYK. BEWARE.

Proud co-admin of frugu.net, a French fansite about EVE !
Liam Inkuras
Furnace
#645 - 2013-02-15 13:41:17 UTC
Confirming that cats are awoxers in disguise that sit on your keyboard at the worst possible times.

I wear my goggles at night.

Any spelling/grammatical errors come complimentary with my typing on a phone
Reppyk
The Black Shell
#646 - 2013-02-19 09:28:28 UTC
This lack of content makes me sad. Straight

I browse different killboards, to check what (and how bad) my favorite victims are doing in EVE.
And I found this :
http://www.echoes-of-nowhere.net/killboard/index.php/kill_detail/12130/
Note that mining in Teo/Gelfi is not the smartest choice, because it's next to the MoldenH lowsec, and when pirates get bored, ganks happen. Well it was juste an untanked retriever (and a pod).

A few days later, I had to come in the area to move a few ships. I saw him in local and remembered the killmail.
"Raztout's retriever" on dscan. Ok, where are my -10 toons ? Pirate

One hour and 2 catalysts later, I got this :
http://www.echoes-of-nowhere.net/killboard/index.php/kill_detail/12189/
The loot was worth more than my catalysts and the fits :soon-spacerich:.
You may notice that he didnt learn at all and was still using an untanked, cargo-riggued barge.

5 minutes later, he undocked in a third retriever. Really ?
http://www.echoes-of-nowhere.net/killboard/index.php/kill_detail/12190/
Ooops. This time I used T2 guns, because he probably refitted in a tanky setup. Oh wait.
Most of the guns dropped, and I made another few millions of it.

This time he got mad of it, and insulted me in (an approximate) French. Basically I'm a terrible player that cannot PVP, that I should go in lowsec or 00 to learn to pewpew (lolwut?) and that next time, he'll be waiting for me in WSK (which is one of the most remote area of EVE).

Well the next day, he was still online, but not in Teo... Hmm...
Where is he...
Oh, got it.
http://www.echoes-of-nowhere.net/killboard/index.php/kill_detail/12206/
http://www.echoes-of-nowhere.net/killboard/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=12205 (his alt)

Cool, I don't have to go there. Pirate

I AM SPACE CAPTAIN REPPYK. BEWARE.

Proud co-admin of frugu.net, a French fansite about EVE !
culo duro
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#647 - 2013-02-19 09:33:41 UTC
Reppyk wrote:
Pirate

I read his corp name as "sense of stupidity".

Can't believe he undocked 3 times into the same system right after. :p

I've starting blogging http://www.epvpc.blogspot.com 
Cable Udan
Mea Culpa.
Shadow Cartel
#648 - 2013-02-20 23:12:29 UTC
Alana Charen-Teng wrote:
ShahFluffers wrote:
(Chatlogs of angry miner)


In my humble experience, there is a discernible pattern to how highsec miners react to inconveniences like this.

1. Make liberal use of profanity and ad hominems. Call into question your attacker's sexual orientation, maturity, and financial security. Accuse them of being sociopaths.
2. Make empty threats of revenge in-game (and, if you're particularly unbalanced, in Real Life). Tell them about the powerful lowsec/nullsec friends that you don't actually have.
3. Sulk off and return to mining - don't actually follow through with any of your threats, remember your own impotence. Doom yourself to repeat this unfortunate pattern of behavior.


I want this in my bio.
Pannax Ni
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#649 - 2013-02-22 02:17:52 UTC
Took a recent dive into FW, sometimes I look for other things to do.
Started suicide ganking the near by high-sec miners. One came off as funny.
Scout scanned a retriever with no tank and nothing worth of moduels either. Then I remembered to check the bounty, Corp had a 300m bounty. Quick market check gave a hull price of 30m, my thoughts were that at 20% that would cover my costs.

http://eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=16469875

My wallet flashes, 13m bounty, heh I think to my self. Bounties could hurt miners.
Scout wallet flashes, 13m bounty.
What!?
I check the KM
I check the cargo.
Maybe I should have cargo scanners on my scout.
Reppyk
The Black Shell
#650 - 2013-02-22 03:23:04 UTC
Goldrush : you can find tokens deep inside the veldspar. Pirate

I AM SPACE CAPTAIN REPPYK. BEWARE.

Proud co-admin of frugu.net, a French fansite about EVE !
Helgur
The State
#651 - 2013-02-22 11:18:04 UTC  |  Edited by: Helgur
Time to contribute with a little story. This happened some time ago when I was roaming around trying to find a can to flip. It is worth to mention that the corp I was in at the time, was actually called "The State", adding to the confusion :D

Helgur > Hello
Miner > oh man u got men cornered
Miner > if i take u just gonna kill me :P
Miner > this is the second time ive been done over
Miner > the exact same move
Helgur > I am sorry sir, the reason I'm here is because The State have audited your tax logs
Miner > ey? :P
Helgur > you have recently been falling back on your taxes to the The State and I have therefore been sent to confiscate your ore
Miner > wat
Helgur > You do understand as a government official I require your full cooperation in this matter?
Miner > dont bullshit man
Miner > can i have it back
Miner > whats going to happen?
Helgur > I am sorry, this ore is now the property of The State if you want to make a complaint you are free to do so through official channels and by sending in form RF-31119
Miner > u gonna kill me
Miner > wat
Helgur > yes, if you interfare with an governemt official, retaliation will be swift
Helgur > now please move along
Miner > what
Miner > hang on
Miner > look i know u can just kill me in one hit
Helgur > I am glad we have come to an agreement and that you are fully cooperating in this investigation
Miner > can u just give it back
Helgur > as I said, I am here with authority from The State
Helgur > it belongs to the government now
Helgur > allthough you are offcourse free to send in an complaint if you so wish
Miner > how
Miner > ill get concorde over here
Miner > :P
Helgur > Concord has no authority in internal civic matters concerning The State, this is Caldari space
Miner > so what shall i do
Miner > i dont really want to leave this stuff, ive spent ages getting it
Helgur > hold on, let me check up on our internal records regarding your files...
Helgur > ah...
Miner > and tbh this feels like a big scam
Helgur > this is more serious than I thought
Helgur > you currently owe The State 12 million ISK in backtaxes
Helgur > minus the ore i've just confiscated
Helgur > you are due a total sum of 8.320.000 ISK
Miner > wat is backtaxes
Helgur > taxes sir, we all have to contribute a little bit to make the Caldari nation the pride and glory wich it is
Helgur > and you have fallen back on your taxes, as it seems
Miner > what u on about, i dont control whether i pay taxes
Miner > its automatic
Helgur > that is untrue, for players with direct contract under an agent yes
Miner > what
Helgur > but for freelancers as yourself you are responsible to pay your taxes by your own means
Miner > no im not
Miner > selling my crago, tax is automatically take off
Helgur > yes that is sales tax
Helgur > we are talking about income tax here, sir
Miner > wat income
Miner > omg wtf
Helgur > please hold on sir
Miner > stop killin him
Miner > what did he do
Helgur > while I deal with this criminal
EVE System > Channel changed to Veisto Local Channel
Helgur > HOLD IT RIGHT THERE
Helgur > PULL YOUR GOD DAMN SPACE VEHICLE OVER, SIR!!
Miners Corp Mate > u steal from my freind ill steal from u :D
Miners Corp Mate > and all uve done is give me money :D
Miners Corp Mate > im coming for u :D
Miners Corp Mate > sucks to be you
Helgur > interference with official The State business is a serious crime, sir. Please stay out of this for your own good
Miners Corp Mate > shut up mate
Miners Corp Mate > taking the game a bit too serious
Miners Corp Mate > lol
Helgur > now, now, there is no need for that kind of language
Miners Corp Mate > why dont u give the stuff back to hairy
Miners Corp Mate > and dont start BSing about 'the state' and 'how i have no life'
Vrawynn Krosectorr > L2eve
Miners Corp Mate > ?
Vrawynn Krosectorr > L
Vrawynn Krosectorr > 2
Vrawynn Krosectorr > Eve
Miners Corp Mate > im not following
Vrawynn Krosectorr > the letter L
Vrawynn Krosectorr > the numerical value of 2
Vrawynn Krosectorr > and the sci fi MMORPG
Vrawynn Krosectorr > Eve online
Vrawynn Krosectorr > L2Eve
Miners Corp Mate > yes i no
Miners Corp Mate > but i dont get L2eve
Miners Corp Mate > what does it stand for
Muffser > lol
Miners Corp Mate > alright gays
Saltysailor Funaila > LOL haha u complete idiot *** =P
Miners Corp Mate > lol
Miner > he;s the criminal?
Helgur > interfering with a government investigation is a serious crime, he also was cought redhandidly stealing from The State
Miner > where can i bring up my records
Helgur > your records are on file, and can be retrieved by filing a petition for them
Miner > how
Helgur > go to http://www.eve-online.com
Helgur > go to the forums
Miner > if ur from the state, why are you red
Helgur > under eve general make a new post with the title: petition for personal tax records: Miner
Helgur > and state your request there
Miner > kk
Helgur > you may also include this chat log for reference, it might speed up the request
Miner > could u just put all the ore back in the carg container
Helgur > This is government property now
Helgur > another State official will come by shortly to pick it up
Miner > y
Miner > hello
Miner > y u picking it up
Helgur > yes
Miner > y
Miner > wat the hell man
[miner watches haplessly while my alt slowly tractors the can away]
Miner > common
Miner > now this has all been a scam but why
Miner > u dont need the money i bet
Helgur > thank you for your cooperation sir o7 now keep in mind that if your backtaxes are not payed by the end of next week our officials might need to pay you another visit very soon
Miner > lola
Miner > gottcha
Miner > wont happen again sir
Helgur > Thank you, fly safe o7
culo duro
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#652 - 2013-02-22 11:51:32 UTC
Helgur wrote:
-snip-


GENIUS

I've starting blogging http://www.epvpc.blogspot.com 
Haedonism Bot
People for the Ethical Treatment of Rogue Drones
#653 - 2013-02-22 13:11:51 UTC
Helgur wrote:

Helgur > HOLD IT RIGHT THERE
Helgur > PULL YOUR GOD DAMN SPACE VEHICLE OVER, SIR!!


FunnyLol

www.everevolutionaryfront.blogspot.com

Vote Sabriz Adoudel and Tora Bushido for CSMX. Keep the Evil in EVE!
Reppyk
The Black Shell
#654 - 2013-02-22 15:53:00 UTC
That's why we need the old Comet model back.

I AM SPACE CAPTAIN REPPYK. BEWARE.

Proud co-admin of frugu.net, a French fansite about EVE !
Amanda Rekenwhith
Safeties On Red
#655 - 2013-02-22 19:32:38 UTC
I as salvaging NPC rats in Hek when I find someone doing the same thing but he had a suspect flag.

Killmail

I then scram his pod and pop that too just because I've never don e that before.

Pod

Five minutes later i get my first taste of tears

[19:00:41] Amanda Rekenwhith > Hey buddy
[19:01:02] Dead Guy > you made a huge mistake
[19:01:12] Amanda Rekenwhith > I'm good at that.
[19:01:27] Dead Guy > im out there salvaging and you kill me unprovoked
[19:01:48] Amanda Rekenwhith > You were a suspect. I'm laying out justice
[19:02:20] Dead Guy > b***s*** your going to get murdered now
[19:02:47] Amanda Rekenwhith > Shouldn't take stuff that doesn't belong to you. Bad things happen
[19:03:13] Dead Guy > im salvaging npc wreaks you idiot
[19:03:37] Dead Guy > and you shouldnt shoot people when your only 8 days old

(I think he meant that he's only 8 days old. I'm nearly a month old myself)

[19:03:38] Amanda Rekenwhith > salvage is ok. stealing the cargo, no so much. if i did bad stuff i'd be concorded
[19:04:19] Amanda Rekenwhith > don't you read the papers? kids with guns kill people all the time
[19:04:57] Dead Guy > funny still you should leave hek else i will drop you
[19:05:12] Amanda Rekenwhith > nah. i like the attention.
[19:05:26] Dead Guy > ok then
[19:05:39] Amanda Rekenwhith > you're noob too so it's not like you're gonna come with much
[19:06:39] Dead Guy > keep thinking that
[19:07:22] Amanda Rekenwhith > thinking is too hard. i just pew pew when i see blinkys. i gotta run someone is stealing stuff and they need punishment. fly safe. 7o

Delicious. I can't wait to do it again.

For dessert we're offering humble pie.  Would you like some after you're done eating crow?
Liam Inkuras
Furnace
#656 - 2013-02-22 22:32:07 UTC
Amanda Rekenwhith wrote:
I as salvaging NPC rats in Hek when I find someone doing the same thing but he had a suspect flag.

Killmail

I then scram his pod and pop that too just because I've never don e that before.

Pod

Five minutes later i get my first taste of tears

[19:00:41] Amanda Rekenwhith > Hey buddy
[19:01:02] Dead Guy > you made a huge mistake
[19:01:12] Amanda Rekenwhith > I'm good at that.
[19:01:27] Dead Guy > im out there salvaging and you kill me unprovoked
[19:01:48] Amanda Rekenwhith > You were a suspect. I'm laying out justice
[19:02:20] Dead Guy > b***s*** your going to get murdered now
[19:02:47] Amanda Rekenwhith > Shouldn't take stuff that doesn't belong to you. Bad things happen
[19:03:13] Dead Guy > im salvaging npc wreaks you idiot
[19:03:37] Dead Guy > and you shouldnt shoot people when your only 8 days old

(I think he meant that he's only 8 days old. I'm nearly a month old myself)

[19:03:38] Amanda Rekenwhith > salvage is ok. stealing the cargo, no so much. if i did bad stuff i'd be concorded
[19:04:19] Amanda Rekenwhith > don't you read the papers? kids with guns kill people all the time
[19:04:57] Dead Guy > funny still you should leave hek else i will drop you
[19:05:12] Amanda Rekenwhith > nah. i like the attention.
[19:05:26] Dead Guy > ok then
[19:05:39] Amanda Rekenwhith > you're noob too so it's not like you're gonna come with much
[19:06:39] Dead Guy > keep thinking that
[19:07:22] Amanda Rekenwhith > thinking is too hard. i just pew pew when i see blinkys. i gotta run someone is stealing stuff and they need punishment. fly safe. 7o

Delicious. I can't wait to do it again.

Great to see you starting young Pirate

I wear my goggles at night.

Any spelling/grammatical errors come complimentary with my typing on a phone
culo duro
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#657 - 2013-02-22 22:33:55 UTC
Amanda Rekenwhith wrote:

-snip-


Your corp definently fits you.

I've starting blogging http://www.epvpc.blogspot.com 
Amanda Rekenwhith
Safeties On Red
#658 - 2013-02-23 04:52:25 UTC
culo duro wrote:
Amanda Rekenwhith wrote:

-snip-


Your corp definently fits you.



About an hour later he messages me again calling me out for a duel. I guess he fitted his PvP frig.

Killmail

I kited him at 25km. He only got me to 80% shields before my railguns and drones ate him up. Now I have a 1mil bounty on my head. Not sure if space is safe for me anymore, but I'm willing to lose a few ships to find out.

For dessert we're offering humble pie.  Would you like some after you're done eating crow?
culo duro
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#659 - 2013-02-23 13:38:12 UTC
Amanda Rekenwhith wrote:
culo duro wrote:
Amanda Rekenwhith wrote:

-snip-


Your corp definently fits you.



About an hour later he messages me again calling me out for a duel. I guess he fitted his PvP frig.

Killmail

I kited him at 25km. He only got me to 80% shields before my railguns and drones ate him up. Now I have a 1mil bounty on my head. Not sure if space is safe for me anymore, but I'm willing to lose a few ships to find out.


Just a hint fit blasters for pvp in such a lovely boat as the thorax.

I've starting blogging http://www.epvpc.blogspot.com 
Liam Inkuras
Furnace
#660 - 2013-02-23 22:53:28 UTC
culo duro wrote:
Just a hint fit blasters for pvp in such a lovely boat as the thorax.

This man speaks sound advice

I wear my goggles at night.

Any spelling/grammatical errors come complimentary with my typing on a phone