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Confessions of an Empress's Love slave! Hallucinogenic Drugs Blamed!
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Muck Raker
Gutter Press
#1 - 2012-01-09 00:32:34 UTC
AMAZING!

Gutter Press has been informed of a sensational confession by an alleged "Love Slave" of none other than the Amarr Empress Jamyl 1 herself!

Sensational!

The "love slave", a True Amarr woman in her mid twenties said that she enjoyed "several hours of passion" with the Empress, and was not alone in this!

In-credible!

The woman went on to state that everyone present used a drug, "Cryllisium", in this incredible hours long orgy.

Astonishing!

The Empress was described as having an "ample bosom".

Un-believeable!

We asked a pharmaceuticals expert at Poteque for their opinion on this story:
"Cryllisium is a derivative substance, and people use it for so called erotic highs" was their opinion. "I suppose it could be used for a drug fuelled orgy, but so could many things, what's your point?"

Astounding!

We then asked an ethnic Amarr for their opinion about this incredible story:
"My family moved here a century ago. What in God's name would I know or care about what the Empress does in her private time?"

Flabbergasting!

Opinions on the streets in Caille were similarly divided:
"The Amarr queen did what? Huh, I didn't know they were into that sort of thing" said a male delivery driver.
"Drug fuelled orgies eh? Well, I tell you what, blondie, If you like that, I know where it's at. You busy?" said a female air-taxi driver.

Gutter Press is indeed busy, investigating the stories that matter to someone, somewhere.

Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours!
Khazarn Areth
Viziam
Amarr Empire
#2 - 2012-01-09 00:45:11 UTC  |  Edited by: Khazarn Areth
Is there any proof at all to these stories?, as the implications are astounding to say the least.

Bloody Omir's coming back Monsters from the endless black Wading through a crimson flood Omir's come to drink your blood

Caellach Marellus
Stormcrows
#3 - 2012-01-09 01:08:58 UTC
So after all the drug use comments I've seen Amarrians make about the Gallente, their holy Empress gets accused of this?

Of course Muck Raker is usually as accurate as a drunken Titan pilot trying to hit a moving Rifter, so chances are this is a load of baloney. But the thought of it is hilarious.

When your gut instincts tell you something is wrong, trust them. When your heart tells you something is right, ignore it, check with your brain first. Accept nothing, challenge everything.
Ston Momaki
Disciples of Ston
#4 - 2012-01-09 01:26:36 UTC
This report is unfortunate and inappropriate on many levels. First, true or not, such reporting does nothing to dignify our humanity or raise it to higher levels. Second, this report hinders any who would strive to bring peace and understanding among the peoples based on justice, mercy, self-control and other higher human qualities. Third, this story feeds only the base characteristics of mankind, feeding the voyeur's insatiable appetite for the shame of others.

The Disciples of Ston bid you peace
Astrid Stjerna
Sebiestor Tribe
#5 - 2012-01-09 02:29:33 UTC
Ston Momaki wrote:
This report is unfortunate and inappropriate on many levels. First, true or not, such reporting does nothing to dignify our humanity or raise it to higher levels. Second, this report hinders any who would strive to bring peace and understanding among the peoples based on justice, mercy, self-control and other higher human qualities. Third, this story feeds only the base characteristics of mankind, feeding the voyeur's insatiable appetite for the shame of others.


Ston, it's Gutter Press. If it's not 'sen-sational', they're not interested. Smile

I can't get rid of my darn signature!  Oh, wait....
Rek Jaiga
Teraa Matar
#6 - 2012-01-09 03:27:28 UTC
Even world leaders have basic need of love and compassion, right?

Of course, one should take such reports with a grain of salt.
Uraniae Fehrnah
Viziam
Amarr Empire
#7 - 2012-01-09 03:34:32 UTC
Rek Jaiga wrote:

Of course, one should take such reports with a grain of salt.


A grain of salt? I think taking it with a pinch of Crash might be more appropriate.
Caellach Marellus
Stormcrows
#8 - 2012-01-09 03:42:02 UTC
Uraniae Fehrnah wrote:
Rek Jaiga wrote:

Of course, one should take such reports with a grain of salt.


A grain of salt? I think taking it with a pinch of Crash might be more appropriate.


I think that's the inspiration for such stories Captain Fehrnah.

When your gut instincts tell you something is wrong, trust them. When your heart tells you something is right, ignore it, check with your brain first. Accept nothing, challenge everything.
Mikkel Lybecker
Native Freshfood
Minmatar Republic
#9 - 2012-01-09 07:10:13 UTC  |  Edited by: Mikkel Lybecker
Muck Raker wrote:

The Empress was described as having an "ample bosom".


If you need to rely on third party interviews to confirm the Empress' measurements, your paparazzi must not be working very hard.

Also, all this "sensational", "unbelievable" etc... Gutter Press' stories would actually be a lot more sensational without that stuff awkwardly shoehorned in between every line. The need to point out the sensationalism of the story hints at the idea that it may actually not be all that sensational at all, which weakens the shock value of the content considerably. And we can't have less shock value. For maximum effectiveness and readability, let the story speak for itself, don't editorialise, and let people decide for themselves if they're shocked/astounded/unbelieving or not.

Ston Momaki wrote:
First, true or not, such reporting does nothing to dignify our humanity or raise it to higher levels.


Yeah, because since the beginning of time, that's always been tabloid journalism's primary intention. Isn't that right, Muck Raker? Big smile
Jowen Datloran
Science and Trade Institute
Caldari State
#10 - 2012-01-09 07:24:03 UTC
Uhm... you don't happen to have any pictures of said alleged event?

Mr. Science & Trade Institute, EVE Online Lorebook 

Akrasjel Lanate
Immemorial Coalescence Administration
Immemorial Coalescence
#11 - 2012-01-09 09:44:02 UTC
What is this bullshit.

CEO of Lanate Industries

Citizen of Solitude
Norrin Ellis
Doomheim
#12 - 2012-01-09 10:20:04 UTC
Akrasjel Lanate wrote:
What is this bullshit.


Empress Jamyl apparently has an impressive chest and likes to share it with others while high on drugs. Perhaps I missed something else in the story, though.

CEO, Venture Racing

Manager, EVE Online Hold'Em
Jev North
Doomheim
#13 - 2012-01-09 10:52:36 UTC
I believe the traditional phrase is "Pics or it didn't happen."

Even though our love is cruel; even though our stars are crossed.
Daniel L'Siata
Phoenix Naval Operations
Phoenix Naval Systems
#14 - 2012-01-10 02:54:24 UTC
I for one hope that Muck Raker did indeed put extensive effort into this research and has hopefully found love with that woman and will have something else to do.
Gistatis Tribunus
Doomheim
#15 - 2012-01-10 08:14:04 UTC  |  Edited by: Gistatis Tribunus
I would be honored for the Empress to treat me the same way she did that lowly slave.

Also, how was that taxi driver, Muck?
Akrasjel Lanate
Immemorial Coalescence Administration
Immemorial Coalescence
#16 - 2012-01-10 09:40:53 UTC
Gistatis Tribunus wrote:
I would be honored for the Empress to treat me the same way she did that lowly slave.


And you belive in all what this tabloid writes.


CEO of Lanate Industries

Citizen of Solitude
Clyde ElectraGlide
Emara Entertainment Inc.
#17 - 2012-01-10 15:30:19 UTC
This just goes to show the level of hypocrisy in the Empire. They claim to adhere strictly to the Amarr religion, and yet even the Empress goes out on drug-crazed orgies. I shudder to think about how many of the Amarrian higher ups take part in similar activities.

In Need of a New Signature
Tiberious Thessalonia
True Slave Foundations
#18 - 2012-01-10 15:34:28 UTC
Clyde ElectraGlide wrote:
This just goes to show the level of hypocrisy in the Empire. They claim to adhere strictly to the Amarr religion, and yet even the Empress goes out on drug-crazed orgies. I shudder to think about how many of the Amarrian higher ups take part in similar activities.


I think Muck Raker has ever directly attributed a quote once, and that was by me.

Taking Muck Raker seriously as any kind of evidence what-so-ever is probably the silliest thing you could do.

It's fun tabloid "journalism".
Khazarn Areth
Viziam
Amarr Empire
#19 - 2012-01-10 15:38:44 UTC
Clyde ElectraGlide wrote:
This just goes to show the level of hypocrisy in the Empire. They claim to adhere strictly to the Amarr religion, and yet even the Empress goes out on drug-crazed orgies. I shudder to think about how many of the Amarrian higher ups take part in similar activities.


The whole of Amarr empire is rotten to the core, i wouldnt be surprised if they all participate in similar acts.

Bloody Omir's coming back Monsters from the endless black Wading through a crimson flood Omir's come to drink your blood

Rakk Andedare
The Iron Asylum
#20 - 2012-01-10 17:50:21 UTC
And to think, I was laboring under the delusion that all Amarrians are boring prudes that don’t know how to have a bit of fun. Thank you Gutter Press for enlightening me! Educational and informative, as usual!
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