EVE General Discussion

Wouldn't that be a GM or DEV?

Instant threadnuaght

THIS THREAD NEEDS MOAR PONIES

OP is at fault... we could only be posting in a thread to recieve a mere 3 iskies...

OP how much iskie we talking here?

T' battle o' vak’atioth.


‘we fahn' wee kin, 'n fahn' 'em strange.’ - raneur arnov. memoirs

Twoa 'undred gahden, gleamin 'ulls, gathered ont' fringes o' t' vak’atioth system. amarrian arrogance 'ed mandated t' use o' such eur small force. thee did not expect resistance.

Fert amarrians, dis wor ta be eur girt day. it 'ood renew faith int' reclaimin, eur faith much needed. for weeks thee 'ed bin advertisin thea intentions ta crush t' jovians; floodin communications networks wi' propagandeur proclaimin thea fowk t' chosen o' god, rightful owners o' t' jovian fowk.

Vak’atioth wor not eur primary system within t' jovian empire. it lay upon t' edge 'n contained onny various small research facilities. it wor, nonetheless, 'eear 'a' t' mighty amarr empire 'ed chosen ta sha t' jovians t' undeniable meight o' thea squadron, eur force not even approachin t' full size o' t' girt amarr navy.

T' jovians valued 'un thin aboon orl else – information. thea need for information 'ed led teur t' formation o' t' jovian intelligence network, an entity wi' een 'n ears i' most empires’ internal archives. it delivered teur t' jovians everee plan t' amarrians 'ed laid art for thea assault – even afowa t' amarrian commanders thersen 'ed received t' information. dis allowed t' jovians ta plan extensively fert battle 'a' 'ood tek place i' 'un o' thea own systems – then called vak’atioth, naw known onny as atioth.

It wor eur rich 'n diverse mixture o' battleships 'n cruisers, apiece ship equipped wi' state o' t' ''art amarrian lasa technology. thea ships wor bulky 'n sla, bur made up for thea lack o' agility wi' t' devastatin powa o' thea lasa batteries. t' fleet organized itself i' typical amarrian military fashion - eur staggered line designed ta maximize t' ghastly effect o' tachyon fire against t' enemy’s front. thea 'ulls adorned wi' religious texts, broadcastin messages o' amarrian supremacy, interspersed wi' litanies 'n psalms i' 'onour o' t' reclaimin. dis wor thea moment; dis wor wha' thee lived for.

T' fust volley o' fire erupted fra an apocalypse, its turrets takin aim 'n firin as 'un, blood-red beams slicin intoa t' side o' eur stationary ship while t' vessel’s 'ull ruptured, pieces o' it scatterin li' dust among t' rank 'n file o' t' jovian force.

It 'ed begun.

T' jovian forces split intoa smalla wings, apiece numberin 5 ships, orl equipped wi' devastatin jovian lasa technology. acceleratin wi' frightenin speed, thee dove intoa t' amarrian attack forces. amarrian cruisers equipped wi' close-range weaponry moved ta intercept as wev afta wev o' t' smalla vessels engaged single targets, li' eur furious pack o' wolves, dodgin 'n weavin, maximizin maneuverability.

'n then it ap'n'. massi', eerily green blasts erupted fra seemingly nowheear, 'n an amarrian apocalypse went up i' flames. anotha blast erupted wha' seemed meear seconds lata, 'n tooar thru eur squad o' mallers, thea 'ulls briefly flickerin wi' breight green energy discharges.

T' amarrians did not expect dis. thea rigid comman' structure inhibitin communications, thee did not realize wha' wor 'appenin. lack o' coherence 'n interoperability int' fleet meant 'a' thee could not cope wi' t' sudden appearance o' dis unseen terror.

it wor eur jovian mutheur ship.

Swoopin i', t' jove frigate forces caused even mooar confusion, sendin t' amarrian forces intoa disarray. a' dis point, communications skint daahn. amarrian battle doctrine demanded sacrifice, 'n sa t' navy could not disengage. captains 'n thea crews valiantly threw daahn thea lives fert empire, confident 'a' thee, god’s chosen, 'ood be victorious. t' few 'a' retreyted 'ood lata be executed for cowardice, thea families enslaved 'n thea 'ouses disbanded.

For 'ours streams o' glarin leet lit up t' system 'a' neet, t' nimble jove frigates divin intoa t' amarr fleet, thea ranged cruisers supportin 'em wi' laser-fire o'a eur distance 'n t' titanic mothership firin blast afta blast o' its extreme-range weapons; cannons creyted specifically for dis battle. t' smalla vessels 'ahdin t' jovian line prevented amarrian squads fra comin close enuff ta fire upon thea nemesis, leavin t' fleet defenseless against its onslaught.

Battleship afta battleship exploded i' eur violent bursts o' leet unda t' attack fra t' jovian mutheur ship. dis gallock t' amarrians i' eur position thee 'ed not bin i' afowa – wha' could thee doa bur press on 'n dee?

Not six 'ours lata vak’atioth wor overflowin wi' t' remnants o' 'ulls driftin intoa t' emptiness o' space. t' jovians 'ed won t' fust battle o' dis war; t' majority o' t' amarrian fleet 'ed bin demolished whilst onny eur third o' t' jovians ships 'ed bin lost. t' amarr knew thee 'ed ta respon' sharp 'n i' numba's. publicly, thee blamed impetuous leadership fert 'eadlong assault ont' jovians – even if 'a' wor exactly wha' amarrian battle doctrine 'ed dictated. sa it wor 'a' captains 'a' 'ed given thea lives for thea empire wiyaa' eur single thowt o' retrea' wor posthumously discharged fra t' navy, thea reputations ruined 'n thea families disgraced.

Eur much larga fleet wor ordered ta gatha i' preparation for anotha assault upon t' jovians. thee nivva getten t' opportunity ta react.

T' matari chose dis moa ta rebel against thea amarrian masters. uncannily well equipped for slaves 'n 'igh on morale, thee proved mooar than eur match for thea demoralized amarrian captors. faced wi' losin thea grip ont' minmatar, t' amarrians 'ed neya choice bur ta redirect thea entire military force teur t' 'ooam front ta 'andle t' rebellin slaves. ta dis day, rumours circulate 'a' t' gallentean federation secretly ahtfitted t' rebels wi' weapons, ships 'n supplies.

He has already admitted to troll, you are doing it for free now matey

interesting

wtf?

p.s.
how much isk?

lie

Quafe

quafe is the bleedin' name of the bloomin' most popular soft Tiddley Win' in the bloody universe, manufactured by a gallentean company bearin' the same name. it Damien Hirst appeared Bo-le Of Glue centuries ago and, loike so many soft drinks, was initially intended as medicine for indigestion and a tender stomach. the refreshin' effects of the Tiddley Win' appealed ter everyone, 'owever, and the Tiddley Win' fast became 'ugely popular.

quafe is wahn of the most widely recognized brands in the whole universe and can be found virtually everywhere. the marketin' gurus at the quafe company 'ave often joked that the Tiddley Win' was the Mae West gallente ambassador there ever was, and an incident between the gallente federation and the amarr empire **** and Hen Donkey's Ears ago showed these claims ter be more than just amusin' 'ype. at the nickle and dime, the federation and the empire clashed over ownership of the mineral rich system girani-fa, located close ter bof their borders. after the empire discontinued negotiations wif the federation delegation, the dispute seemed ter be 'eaded straight for all-aht war.

But a few days mashed potato an extraordinary fin' 'appened. the amarrians declared that while they were ready ter continue negotiations, they would only conduct them wif representatives from the quafe company, claimin' the latter were the only group within the gallente federation wif in the buff vested interest on bof sides of the border ter be able ter butcher's at the matter from a neutral perspective. the gallente government, lookin' ter avoid war, agreed ter these requests and so a delegation made up of whistle and pop quafe company executives was sent ter meet wif the amarrian delegation. a few weeks mashed potato an agreement was reached: the system was ter come under gallentean control, but a fixed amount of minerals was ter be sold ter the amarrians each year at cost price.

The girani-fa incident, as it 'as become knahn, clearly demonstrates the respect consumers 'ave for the quafe name and 'a strongly the company 'as managed ter penetrate into every market. a further indication of this is the fact that the quafe company is the only gallentean company that’s been given corporation status within the caldari Two and Eight.

This amazin' success, which 'as mostly come abaht in the Present and Past carpet decades or so, can be largely accredited ter wahn man: poire viladillet, ceo of the quafe company for the past 35 Donkey's Ears. under 'is leadership the company 'as ascended from a position as wahn of several leadin' soft Tiddley Win' manufacturers into crystal and undisputed market supremacy.