Crime & Punishment

Dear Faithful Admirer,

I am humbled by your tireless admiration and trailing of my persona. Not every forum reader has the spirit and the stomach to "Like" every single one of my questionable posts on these here forums, some that even I had forgotten I'd crafted in my oft-inebriated states. Indeed, I've found myself "Liked" by you as often as 11 times in a single day--incidentally, the same number of times my virile body can fantasize to the pleasing form of Lianda Burreau's last-known-photograph. (We shall be together someday, my love; just you wait and see.)

It only pains me to know that we have never met--nay, nor shared a single word of communications. I can only wonder if perhaps you are no more than fevered splinter of my own brain, signing on late at night while my conscious mind is asleep and boosting my self-confidence in secret. Yet, when I awake, everything is as it should be, and the neighbors have not complained of any unusual noises. More so than normal, of course. Even my dog views me with no more suspicion and distrust than average and wets my slipper with the customary amount.

I found it all too easy to fall into a daily routine, an easy assumption that your love and affection would always be there for me. But already, you see, doubts begin to slowly take root. The seconds drag by slowly for those three hours I am offline each night; who else might have you been "Liking" while my back has been turned? What other forums have you been secretly browsing, while I blissfully bask in the conviction your thumbs-up are only for me? General Discussion? Out of Pod? *shudder* COAD???

An envious fury suddenly fills my bones, and I find myself whispering maddened promises to the darkness. That should I ever discover your unfaithfulness, my fury would know no bounds. That I would finally be forced to undock, having fitted not one but TWO Civilian railguns to my trusty Ibis, and lay waste to the first unpiloted Shuttle I came across. (Pray do not hate me, noble shuttle, for it was love that decreed your destruction.)

Yet even now I pray, secret admirer, that I have only been foolish and temperamental; and that your love and devotion for me has been as faithful as the first day I learned of your marvelous existence.

Write speedily and allay the fears of this jealous and foolish man.

Yours ever,
Nathan

P.S. If this is about that autographed Justin Bieber album I waited eight hours in line to get, you're not getting your grubby little mitts on it.

Unbelievable.

Here I thought that Destination SkillQueue truly admired me, and me alone. And lo, I discover that he's been playing us both for fools. It takes time and dedication to like 36 of my posts from almost 3 months ago - ordered chronologically in but an hour. I am upset, nay - outraged over his infidelity. I thought that he cared for me for my intellectual responses and witty retorts. But it seems that he will wag his tail for any poster who trolls these forums.

We must have our revenge, I say.

I feel so used and dirty...

tl:dr ?

Posting in a Destination SkillQueue thread.

I thought it was just me...

Likes are likes. So what if some weirdo I've never met wants to like me. Who am I to sneer at free likes?

Man, do I feel like such a dirty little forum whore.

How to troll everyone before 2012.

Accomplished.

Our first 'Like' bot?

Dear destiny, thank you for your giving me even more internet points to whore.


All my love, Aiwha.