These forums have been archived and are now read-only.

The new forums are live and can be found at https://forums.eveonline.com/

Intergalactic Summit

 
  • Topic is locked indefinitely.
 

No walls to hold me, no chains to bind me.
Author
Previous Topic Next Topic
Deceiver's Echo
Pator Tech School
Minmatar Republic
#1 - 2016-11-14 21:03:39 UTC
The thought is always there. Tugging at consciousness. Whispering secrets I struggle to hear. Asking questions that I cannot quite make out.

Who am I?

I am a young Amarrian noble. Male by the heaviness of my steps, confirmed by looking down at my hands. Running through the corridors, I hear them all around me. Clanging of feet and static over radios. They are getting closer. God save me…

I am conflicted. They told me I didn’t need a name. I could take a callsign, reinvent myself. The sky was the limit. Somewhere along the line I forgot who I was, or it no longer mattered. Either way I gave myself over to something I did not comprehend. The loneliness was abated.

”Run, Niki, run!” The voice of a woman. She is older, perhaps late 60’s. I feel lighter. Young. A child scared of the “monsters” chasing her. A young girl too inexperienced to understand the fear in her mother’s voice. All she knows is that her mother is hurt, and telling her to go. It is me. Turning, I see a corridor to run down. I hear them getting closer. Clicks and scratching. They’re searching for me. My heart pounds, my vision gets narrower and lights shimmer across my vision. I feel lightheaded and stumble. As the lights fade I see them in front of me. I’m caught.

Then the strangest thing happened; I was free. No longer shackled. The loneliness returned. I had holes inside. Missing pieces. When they offered to fill in the blanks, I jumped at the chance. They gave me what I needed. I was part of something again. But as all things it seems, it was a temporary fix. His voice became quieter and quieter, until I could no longer hear.
I was alone with myself again, and I loathed that feeling.

I fall from the tube onto cold, hard metal. Fluid is still dripping from me as I stand up. I feel weight on my back. I’m still attached to what seems to be a modified capsule interface rig. It starts to move, and I see what it truly is now. Pointed, clawed metal legs pull it from the same tube I was unceremoniously dropped out of. An array of cameras survey the room. Tentacles of what seems to be a flexible metal detach from it as it finally emerges. I hear a voice in my mind; “Do not stray from the path.”

I walk down the corridors. They seem familiar yet I cannot place the design. Almost organic. I come to a room and see him sitting there. A tattoo on his cheek that is not clear. Caldari? Maybe. He is looking at screens of data. I cannot make out the details. “It’s about time,” he says. “I’ve been waiting.”

It’s the same voice as the drone. Where am I?

I look in the mirror and do not recognize myself. Lines silhouetted by shadow, a pale field capped in darkness. This is not who I was. It is who I am now, and I cannot bring myself to change it too much. I am now this person staring back at myself, a stranger in my own skin. It is as much my home now as anything. Still, the question lingers.

Who am I?
Valerie Valate
Church of The Crimson Saviour
#2 - 2016-11-14 21:24:43 UTC
Deceiver's Echo wrote:
Who am I?


If you have sufficient willpower, you're who you choose to be.

Doctor V. Valate, Professor of Archaeology at Kaztropolis Imperial University.
Pieter Tuulinen
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#3 - 2016-11-15 05:20:09 UTC
Freedom's just another word for "nothing left to lose".

For the first time since I started the conversation, he looks me dead in the eye. In his gaze are steel jackhammers, quiet vengeance, a hundred thousand orbital bombs frozen in still life.
Veikitamo Gesakaarin
Doomheim
#4 - 2016-11-15 08:23:14 UTC
Do you still have a floor to keep you standing, though?

Kurilaivonen|Concern
Yarosara Ruil
#5 - 2016-11-15 10:02:41 UTC
Station walls and market supply chains would disagree with you.
Claudia Osyn
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#6 - 2016-11-16 16:39:32 UTC
Pieter Tuulinen wrote:
Freedom's just another word for "nothing left to lose".

"Nothing left to lose" is just a pessimistic way of saying "everything to gain"

A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.
Teinyhr
Ourumur
#7 - 2016-11-16 19:53:26 UTC
You are someone who needs to stop using Drop. Even CONCORD knows boosters kill braincells.
Deceiver's Echo
Pator Tech School
Minmatar Republic
#8 - 2016-11-17 03:03:21 UTC
Claudia Osyn wrote:
"Nothing left to lose" is just a pessimistic way of saying "everything to gain"

I don't believe that. It is not binary. It is not an "either or" statement. Having nothing to lose is accurate, as is having everything to gain.

The other responses are expected, but this seems to be thought out. There is a problem with having everything to gain and nothing to lose. Without those chains and walls what keeps you from hurting others or yourself?

For me it is more than an intellectual exercise.

She's lying there on the bed. Tubes in her nose, her mouth, IV drips and monitoring equipment. She won't last the night. I hold her hand and she opens her eyes for a moment before sinking back into unconsciousness. I feel empty. There should be something more, right? Loneliness, anger, something. Not this hollow numbness. Am I a bad person?

Who am I?
Jason Galente
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#9 - 2016-11-17 16:19:57 UTC
Valerie Valate wrote:
Deceiver's Echo wrote:
Who am I?


If you have sufficient willpower, you're who you choose to be.


Assuming form of: potato.

Only the liberty of the individual assures the prosperity of the whole. And this foundation must be defended.

At any cost
Claudia Osyn
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#10 - 2016-11-17 16:25:54 UTC
Deceiver's Echo wrote:
Claudia Osyn wrote:
"Nothing left to lose" is just a pessimistic way of saying "everything to gain"


The other responses are expected, but this seems to be thought out.

Not really. It was actually just an off the cuff quip....

A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.
Valerie Valate
Church of The Crimson Saviour
#11 - 2016-11-17 18:16:02 UTC
Deceiver's Echo wrote:
Without those chains and walls what keeps you from hurting others or yourself?


Nothing. The same answer, that horrifies people for some reason, when they ask what keeps Synthia from embarking on a reign of terror.

It sounds like you are in need of guidance, but of course, guidance is contextual, based on who it is that needs guidance. Advice for a queen is quite different from advice for a crusader, or an inquisitor.

So. What do you want to be ? Let's start with that.

Doctor V. Valate, Professor of Archaeology at Kaztropolis Imperial University.
Jade Blackwind
#12 - 2016-11-17 18:31:01 UTC  |  Edited by: Jade Blackwind
Deceiver's Echo wrote:

Who am I?
A mind sentient enough to ask this question.

Work from there.
Rhoxy Runekin
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#13 - 2016-11-17 21:10:06 UTC
I often find myself wondering who I am, too.
I was adopted at a very young age, I don't remember anything of my short life before my father found me. You sounds like you were adopted too, sorta. I found most of myself in the faith, or really, it found me. Holy Amarr is all i knew growing up. It wasn't until I received my pilot's license that I was able to branch out and see what else was in the world.

But... having seen so much more of the world, i began to wonder who I was and what I was before the faith. If you keep finding yourself searching, maybe we could look together?
Kybernetes Moros
Itsukame-Zainou Hyperspatial Inquiries Ltd.
Arataka Research Consortium
#14 - 2016-11-17 22:12:25 UTC  |  Edited by: Kybernetes Moros
Oh my! I've not done this for a while, so this should be pretty rusty.

One never quite knows where one catches the more, well, "exuberant" capsuleers on any particular iteration. I'm, I suspect, more guilty of that than most, but you may well be more guilty again than me!

I'll take that as a cue to answer your question in the broadest, most general sense. The category-theoretic approach! Abstract all the fine--or even coarse--details away until there's really not much left beyond the kernel of the question. At least, the kernel as I see it.

You are your choices! More specifically, you are the choices you allow yourself--or you are allowed--to make. You are your walls and your chains! You construct your walls and chains with sufficient elegance and solidity that you don't just follow your bliss, but are driven towards it. If you can't do that yourself, you just need to find a framework that works for you!

I do have a nagging feeling that the abstract answer isn't quite what you wanted, but there's a problem. Nobody knows the concrete answer! You'll never get a satisfactory answer to that from anybody.

(This could all be one large riddle rather than a genuine query, I suppose--you always did enjoy those!--but if that's the case, well, I never was very good at them!)
Deceiver's Echo
Pator Tech School
Minmatar Republic
#15 - 2016-11-18 01:51:40 UTC
Kybernetes Moros wrote:
I'll take that as a cue to answer your question in the broadest, most general sense. The category-theoretic approach! Abstract all the fine--or even coarse--details away until there's really not much left beyond the kernel of the question....

You are speaking of first principles. Look at the problem not to fit a theory. A rather interesting approach. In short, "I am who I am."

Quote:
(This could all be one large riddle rather than a genuine query, I suppose--you always did enjoy those!--but if that's the case, well, I never was very good at them!)

I find overlapping approaches to a problem rather interesting. Thinking that resonates on multiple levels. A "trigger" if you will. Not a single question but many overlapping and rising into a crescendo.

He's standing in front of me. Smug look on his face. Staring out the porthole, he tells me he knows what I'm doing. A look of shock as he feels the pain in his side. I move closer, savoring the pain expressed in his features.

"You never knew me."

The twist brings him to his knees, and he collapses. I feel no solace, no joy. It's over and I feel just as empty as ever. The pain still there as I turn and walk away. She is avenged and all that I can think about is how empty I am. What is wrong with me?
Diana Kim
State Protectorate
Caldari State
#16 - 2016-11-18 07:13:22 UTC
I know perfectly well who am I.

I am Caldari Officer. Soldier of the State. I have duty and obligations to Caldari people and to our State. I have a job to do and goals to achieve. I know where my Way is leading to, and I follow it, disregarding obstacles, gritting teeth and killing every son of a *censored* who would stay on my path.

But I cannot tell who are you and what path you shall choose. This is not for me to decide, but for you. Because it is what humans do - we choose our paths and we follow them. That's what makes us humans, and not just live beings. We proceed to our ends, willingly accepting decisions, choosing rules and directions, showing strengths and weaknesses, proving ourselves worthy or failing in that.

There is the Universe and its doors are open for you. There are miriads of ways and roles you can play. Some are easy, others are hard. But you can't choose a road, you can't choose the Way to follow if you won't choose whom you shall be.

In the State we have a developed institution that will allow to find your way, to help you realize your strong and weak sides, to estimate your abilities and to offer you the best position that will suit your person. Maybe you should try something similar. Run some tests, do some exams... find yourself and your place, and maybe you will see new Paths to follow.

Just keep in mind one thing. Humans by themselves are nothing. Just a living organisms, a mounds of flesh and bones. Only being in a society, only living for others and doing something for others makes you into a person. Only by the service you will become somebody, and not remain as something.

Then you will be able to define your own destiny, build your own road, and erect the walls. Make your own chains and hold them, for they will become not just for you, but for others. You will link yourself to others, who will be holding them on other side. Millions of faces and hands, that you will never see and never feel - but they will be with you, holding the chain you have created. This way you will be able to get rid of these dark feelings of freedom and loneliness.

Now, go. And become Somebody. For Somebody else.

Honored are the dead, for their legacy guides us.

In memory of Tibus Heth, Caldari State Executor YC110-115, Hero and Patriot.
Deceiver's Echo
Pator Tech School
Minmatar Republic
#17 - 2016-11-18 16:35:25 UTC
Diana Kim wrote:
I know perfectly well who am I.

Good for you.

Quote:
Now, go. And become Somebody. For Somebody else.

No.