Intergalactic Summit

The Guristas Pirates are well known in Caldari space, as a space piracy organisation, founded by two former Caldari Navy pilots, known by their handles as "Fatal" and "The Rabbit", with the word "Guristas" itself meaning "Bad Dudes" in the native Caldari language.

The culture behind the Guristas is however, far more complex than a pair of disgruntled veterans.

Within the Caldari State, there are many that find themselves incompatible with the needs of the Megacorporations. Malcontents, dissidents, people who wrote "OK" below the line that says "Do not write below this line" on complex corporate recruitment forms, and other such persons, who simply do not fit within the roles defined by Caldari society.

Such undesirable elements are the natural recruiting grounds for organised crime organisations, such as the Guristas.

Originally, the two men who founded the Guristas, were Caldari Navy officers. Following some incidents involving misfiled paperwork and/or negligent damage to spacecraft, the two men left the Navy, and set themselves up in business for themselves. Normally the Caldari State looks favourably on small business entrepreneurship, but not in the case of the Guristas, who quickly became one of the major organised crime syndicates operating throughout Caldari space.

With activities ranging from shooting at things in space, to shooting at things on planets from space, to shooting at things on planets from the ground, to shooting at things in space from planets, the Guristas quickly established themselves as the foremost group of Bad Dudes in the State.

This reputation soon gathered them many recruits from amongst the malcontents and dissidents and people who ticked a box on a form that specifically told them to mark the box with a cross.

Possibly the most famous of the Guristas malcontents, other than the founders, are two of their officers, Kaikka Peunato and Estamel Tharchon.

Kaikka Peunato was an ace pilot for the Caldari Navy, until the fateful day that he revealed to his colleagues that he was not, in fact, training for a secret undercover mission in the Gallente Federation, but was in fact, naturally fabulous. He was quickly ostracised for this shocking revelation, and quit the Navy in disgrace, before joining up with the Guristas.

Estamel Tharchon was disowned by her parents after her teenage rebellion, which included glamour modelling. She is particularly famous amongst capsuleers, on account of much of her ships equipment being regarded as the most high-performance of any module yet known. Her fashion sense is less well known, with such things as Estamel's Modified Plastic Corset with Lift & Separate Cups, being known only to the readers of certain special interest fashion magazines.

The Guristas as a whole, conduct space piracy operations against primarily Caldari targets, though they are active throughout New Eden.

The Caldari State officially recognises them as Dangerous Bad Dudes, as does CONCORD, who rates them as 2nd Worst Enemies of New Eden, after Sansha;s Nation.

The truth is somewhat more complex than this though. From a certain point of view, it can be argued that the Guristas are in fact some of the greatest Caldari Patriots that the State has ever known. By constantly harassing Caldari corporations, it compels them to innovate in the fields of spaceships and spaceship accessories, which provides the State with an edge against the Enemies of the State. With a Caldari Navy full of veterans hardened by years of experience fighting the Guristas, the State is more than well prepared to take on any external threat.

Such a viewpoint is considered highly controversial though.

On a personal level, the average Guristas member can be spotted through several traits, such as a tendency to roll their 'R's when speaking, having less than the normal number of eyes, ears, hands, or feet. Or a predilection for gambling, particularly gambling on games of chance, such as dice rolling, though other more modern sports such as Mind Clash or Splinterz are popular amongst Guristas members.

Ship-wise, the Guristas favour ships using missiles and/or drones. Their major designs, the Worm, Gila and Rattlesnake, are similar to some Caldari Navy ships, but have radically different internal systems and weapons hardpoints. They are also named after various forms of snakelike creatures, primarily to annoy Serpentis Corporation who are one of the Guristas rivals in certain business areas.

In short, the Guristas are one of the more competent organised crime outfits in New Eden, which is possibly unsurprising, given their Caldari heritage.

Contrary to what my standings with them would have you believe, I'm actually rather fond of the Guristas. Most of them are angsty, irreverent children who signed on with the military for the cool uniform and to get laid only to find out that it's mostly just a gutter to catch degenerates stupid enough to give up their rights and enlist. They then, naturally, separated after spending a lengthy amount of time as an E-3 and set about building their own organization where they can blow stuff up and snort crash without having to worry about getting up for muster.

Which is to say, we are cut from the same cloth.

It's unfortunate that they are the targets of a majority of my operations (other than the Federation of course) when I'm conducting contracted operations for the State. Maybe someday when my time in Providence has run its course, I return to the North, and I've become a bit more salty and a lot more bitter, I'll try to rehash some sort of standing with them and join their operation.

Wait, what?

They totally stole the Sebiestor's style! The bastards! I bet they even do REVERSE ENGINEERING and R&D like Sebiestors!

That's it! Stealing our style? They have gone too far! We must declare war on them...as soon as our borders intersect!

I have already mentioned Kaikka Peunato's fabulousness, which addressed this issue.

That is so awesome and fabulous, I don't even.

Where can I get one of those berets.... for academic reasons, of course.

Ahem...

Hi there, I am Yarosara, cutesy Guristas scientist and adept of the shipwright principies laid down by Mister Kosakami. And this is Pupa, my odorless Fedo friend.

Fabulous scientific powers were revealed to me the day I climbed on board my awesome Gila and said the words:

"By the power of Fatal!"

I got the science!

Thus Pupa became the mighty Battle Fedo and I received the call-sign "Hydra", the most useless combat pilot in the universe!

Only three others shared this fact: the Strike Commander, Templar Vadam and Mister Borkstar. And together we defended the Intergalactic Summit from the evil doldrums of boredom!

...

I have no idea what compelled me to share this, but I regret nothing!

Hop hop hop.