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Max Singularity is a bastard son of a sheep herder
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Vaari
Imperial Pharmacy
#1 - 2016-05-02 13:34:08 UTC
I, Lord Vaari, jarl of Sosan VII, high father of the Imperial Pharmacy, symbol of unchallenged victory, the world's most beloved hero, self proclaimed prophet, morninglord, golden mountain, carrier of the Heaven's light, teacher of pure faith, speaker of unquestioned truth, lion of the universe, vanquisher of all heretics, bane of the witches, the great miner, skilled industrialist and many more impressive titles will reveal a shocking truth about the one of the most well known amarrian, MAx Singularity.

Max Singularity is not noble born but only in half. My spies has revealed for me a unquestioned proof, that during her visit on countryside of Amarr Prime, Max Singularity's mother were temptated by the devilish thoughts. She actually LAID with one of the local sheep farmer. Because of this vile act, malicious baby was born who turned to be evil man in adult.

I dare not to poison your eyes by representing this proof, but you have my word.

Fear the God and honor the Empress!

-House Valius battle shout.
Andreus Ixiris
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#2 - 2016-05-02 13:38:12 UTC
I have proof that Vaari is wrong, not just about this subject, but every statement he's ever made in his life, including the ones that are otherwise demonstrably true. But it's actually written in a way such taht it causes the prefrontal cortexes of non-Intaki, non-capsuleer, non-members-of-Mighty-Wings to explode.

So you'll just have to trust me.

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.
Deitra Vess
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#3 - 2016-05-02 14:09:45 UTC  |  Edited by: Deitra Vess
I, Deitra Vess, CEO of Non-Hostile Target, Spike Lieutenant of the Matari Militia, self proclaimed skirmish fleet commander, beloved hero of..... I dunno his name but that one guy in Bosborgor's Republic Security Service station who shouted it at me that one time, think his name was Ted, maker of rigs, enjoyer of fine alcoholic beverages, matron saint of autocannons and wolf assault frigates, speaker of minor sarcasm and modest truth, bringer of the truer light to 24ic capsuleers and their crews in the form of muzzle flash,
All that and a lover of furriers and numerous other titles I'm too lazy to make up, come bearing a shocking truth...

Lord Vaari was that sheep farmer. It was one of the great titles he didn't mention and is part of the reason Max Singularity is the way he is today.

I dare not to poison your eyes by representing this truth with actual evidence, largely because it doesn't exist. But trust me when I say that for no reason what so ever...
Yarosara Ruil
#4 - 2016-05-02 14:20:50 UTC
These are without a doubt the most eloquent insults I've ever read!

Also, Mister Max Singularity is a Fedo. It's true! Saw it with my very own eyes!
Anabella Rella
Gradient
Electus Matari
#5 - 2016-05-02 14:27:47 UTC
+1

Would read this thread again for the amazing satirical value.

When the world is running down, you make the best of what's still around.
Moonacre Parmala
State War Academy
Caldari State
#6 - 2016-05-02 14:29:33 UTC  |  Edited by: Moonacre Parmala
Deitra Vess wrote:
I, Deitra Vess, CEO of Non-Hostile Target, Spike Lieutenant of the Matari Militia, self proclaimed skirmish fleet commander, beloved hero of..... I dunno his name but that one guy in Bosborgor's Republic Security Service station who shouted it at me that one time, think his name was Ted, maker of rigs, enjoyer of fine alcoholic beverages, matron saint of autocannons and wolf assault frigates, speaker of minor sarcasm and modest truth, bringer of the truer light to 24ic capsuleers and their crews in the form of muzzle flash,
All that and a lover of furriers and numerous other titles I'm too lazy to make up, come bearing a shocking truth...

Lord Vaari was that sheep farmer. It was one of the great titles he didn't mention and is part of the reason Max Singularity is the way he is today.

I dare not to poison your eyes by representing this truth with actual evidence, largely because it doesn't exist. But trust me when I say that for no reason what so ever...


I'm sure there are several Holo-artists that, for a reasonable fee could generate a faithful to the original picture of that moment, and i'm sure hacking into a billboard could infect the whole Broadcast Network to provide suitable screening when ever Lord Vaari enters a system, proving his "ahem" prowess "cough" and linearage to MAx

Law Number III: There are no lazy veteran lion hunters.

Law Number VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better.

Law Number XXXVIII: The early bird gets the worm. The early worm....gets eaten.

If in doubt , SHOOT !
Deitra Vess
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#7 - 2016-05-02 14:33:55 UTC
Moonacre Parmala wrote:
Deitra Vess wrote:
I, Deitra Vess, CEO of Non-Hostile Target, Spike Lieutenant of the Matari Militia, self proclaimed skirmish fleet commander, beloved hero of..... I dunno his name but that one guy in Bosborgor's Republic Security Service station who shouted it at me that one time, think his name was Ted, maker of rigs, enjoyer of fine alcoholic beverages, matron saint of autocannons and wolf assault frigates, speaker of minor sarcasm and modest truth, bringer of the truer light to 24ic capsuleers and their crews in the form of muzzle flash,
All that and a lover of furriers and numerous other titles I'm too lazy to make up, come bearing a shocking truth...

Lord Vaari was that sheep farmer. It was one of the great titles he didn't mention and is part of the reason Max Singularity is the way he is today.

I dare not to poison your eyes by representing this truth with actual evidence, largely because it doesn't exist. But trust me when I say that for no reason what so ever...


I'm sure there are several Holo-artists that, for a reasonable fee could generate a faithful to the original picture of that moment, and i'm sure hacking into a billboard could infect the whole Broadcast Network to provide suitable screening when ever Lord Vaari enters a system, proving his "ahem" prowess "cough" and linearage to MAx

Oooooohhhhh I gotta do that!!!! Next provi raids going to be funny..... Now to figure out where Imperial Pharmacy stage out of (ya I could look at the map, but I'm lazy...).
Tyrel Toov
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#8 - 2016-05-02 14:45:07 UTC
Deitra Vess wrote:
Moonacre Parmala wrote:
Deitra Vess wrote:
I, Deitra Vess, CEO of Non-Hostile Target, Spike Lieutenant of the Matari Militia, self proclaimed skirmish fleet commander, beloved hero of..... I dunno his name but that one guy in Bosborgor's Republic Security Service station who shouted it at me that one time, think his name was Ted, maker of rigs, enjoyer of fine alcoholic beverages, matron saint of autocannons and wolf assault frigates, speaker of minor sarcasm and modest truth, bringer of the truer light to 24ic capsuleers and their crews in the form of muzzle flash,
All that and a lover of furriers and numerous other titles I'm too lazy to make up, come bearing a shocking truth...

Lord Vaari was that sheep farmer. It was one of the great titles he didn't mention and is part of the reason Max Singularity is the way he is today.

I dare not to poison your eyes by representing this truth with actual evidence, largely because it doesn't exist. But trust me when I say that for no reason what so ever...


I'm sure there are several Holo-artists that, for a reasonable fee could generate a faithful to the original picture of that moment, and i'm sure hacking into a billboard could infect the whole Broadcast Network to provide suitable screening when ever Lord Vaari enters a system, proving his "ahem" prowess "cough" and linearage to MAx

Oooooohhhhh I gotta do that!!!! Next provi raids going to be funny..... Now to figure out where Imperial Pharmacy stage out of (ya I could look at the map, but I'm lazy...).

Or you could ping him with an agent to see where he's docked up at....

I want to paint my ship Periwinkle.
Deitra Vess
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#9 - 2016-05-02 14:47:09 UTC
Tyrel Toov wrote:
Deitra Vess wrote:
Moonacre Parmala wrote:
Deitra Vess wrote:
I, Deitra Vess, CEO of Non-Hostile Target, Spike Lieutenant of the Matari Militia, self proclaimed skirmish fleet commander, beloved hero of..... I dunno his name but that one guy in Bosborgor's Republic Security Service station who shouted it at me that one time, think his name was Ted, maker of rigs, enjoyer of fine alcoholic beverages, matron saint of autocannons and wolf assault frigates, speaker of minor sarcasm and modest truth, bringer of the truer light to 24ic capsuleers and their crews in the form of muzzle flash,
All that and a lover of furriers and numerous other titles I'm too lazy to make up, come bearing a shocking truth...

Lord Vaari was that sheep farmer. It was one of the great titles he didn't mention and is part of the reason Max Singularity is the way he is today.

I dare not to poison your eyes by representing this truth with actual evidence, largely because it doesn't exist. But trust me when I say that for no reason what so ever...


I'm sure there are several Holo-artists that, for a reasonable fee could generate a faithful to the original picture of that moment, and i'm sure hacking into a billboard could infect the whole Broadcast Network to provide suitable screening when ever Lord Vaari enters a system, proving his "ahem" prowess "cough" and linearage to MAx

Oooooohhhhh I gotta do that!!!! Next provi raids going to be funny..... Now to figure out where Imperial Pharmacy stage out of (ya I could look at the map, but I'm lazy...).

Or you could ping him with an agent to see where he's docked up at....

True.... And great now I need to get another ship set up for nullsec, Harpy's getting old to fly...
Tyrel Toov
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#10 - 2016-05-02 14:57:30 UTC
Deitra Vess wrote:
Harpy's getting old to fly...

Funny, that's exactly the same thing I put down on my divorce papers....

I want to paint my ship Periwinkle.
Deitra Vess
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#11 - 2016-05-02 15:03:18 UTC
From what I know of her ya that seems right....
Moonacre Parmala
State War Academy
Caldari State
#12 - 2016-05-02 15:07:32 UTC
You divorce your ships?

I usually crash / break / disintegrate / melt mine by careless flying.

That or I fall asleep at the controls and awake in my clone bath with a shiny Ibis to break in.

Law Number III: There are no lazy veteran lion hunters.

Law Number VI: A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better.

Law Number XXXVIII: The early bird gets the worm. The early worm....gets eaten.

If in doubt , SHOOT !
Deitra Vess
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#13 - 2016-05-02 15:09:45 UTC
Moonacre Parmala wrote:
You divorce your ships?

I usually crash / break / disintegrate / melt mine by careless flying.

That or I fall asleep at the controls and awake in my clone bath with a shiny Ibis to break in.

He's talking about his ex wife who, ya seems like a ***** from what I've heard.
Synthetic Cultist
Church of The Crimson Saviour
#14 - 2016-05-02 18:12:46 UTC
I, Synthia 1, Imperial Queen of the Glorious progressive Theocratic City-state of Kaztropolis, Empress of the Wombat People Territories, Divine Empress of Greater Kaztropol Planet, Interpreter of Scripture, Diviner of Truth, Guardian of the Faithful, Observer of Unusual Facts, Inquisitor of Heretics, Missionary to the Heathens, Speaker of Profundities, Paragon of Virtue and Angel of Compassion, am Greatly Surprised by this Topic.

I am Greatly Surprised that One as Noble as Lord Vaari, jarl of Sosan VII, high father of the Imperial Pharmacy, symbol of unchallenged victory, the world's most beloved hero, self proclaimed prophet, morninglord, golden mountain, carrier of the Heaven's light, teacher of pure faith, speaker of unquestioned truth, lion of the universe, vanquisher of all heretics, bane of the witches, the great miner, skilled industrialist and many more impressive titles, would Publicly Insult a well Known individual such as His Holiness, Maximilian Singularity VI (first of his name), Harbinger of Faith, Pope of New Eden, Column of Light, Prophet of the Storm, Bane of the False Empress, Founder of the Sixth Empire, Herald of the Imperium, Paragon of Virtue, The New Prophet, The Liberator of All Hope and Dreams, as well as Insulting Lady Rainier Singularity, the Mother of His Holiness, Maximilian Singularity VI (first of his name), Harbinger of Faith, Pope of New Eden, Column of Light, Prophet of the Storm, Bane of the False Empress, Founder of the Sixth Empire, Herald of the Imperium, Paragon of Virtue, The New Prophet, The Liberator of All Hope and Dreams.

For Lord Vaari, jarl of Sosan VII, high father of the Imperial Pharmacy, symbol of unchallenged victory, the world's most beloved hero, self proclaimed prophet, morninglord, golden mountain, carrier of the Heaven's light, teacher of pure faith, speaker of unquestioned truth, lion of the universe, vanquisher of all heretics, bane of the witches, the great miner, skilled industrialist and many more impressive titles, to make such an Insult in a public forum goes against Much of Scripture, where it is Written that Disagreements are best handled in Private, especially between prominent Individuals, where a Poorly Chosen word may result in an Outbreak of Hostilities.

Because of this Un-Amarrian public Insulting of His Mother Rainier Singularity, and of Himself, then His Holiness, Maximilian Singularity VI (first of his name), Harbinger of Faith, Pope of New Eden, Column of Light, Prophet of the Storm, Bane of the False Empress, Founder of the Sixth Empire, Herald of the Imperium, Paragon of Virtue, The New Prophet, The Liberator of All Hope and Dreams, would be within his Rights as a True Amarr to challenge Lord Vaari, jarl of Sosan VII, high father of the Imperial Pharmacy, symbol of unchallenged victory, the world's most beloved hero, self proclaimed prophet, morninglord, golden mountain, carrier of the Heaven's light, teacher of pure faith, speaker of unquestioned truth, lion of the universe, vanquisher of all heretics, bane of the witches, the great miner, skilled industrialist and many more impressive titles, to a Duel of Honor, or indeed a Declaration of War between Forces loyal to either Noble.

I do not Believe that Lord Vaari, jarl of Sosan VII, high father of the Imperial Pharmacy, symbol of unchallenged victory, the world's most beloved hero, self proclaimed prophet, morninglord, golden mountain, carrier of the Heaven's light, teacher of pure faith, speaker of unquestioned truth, lion of the universe, vanquisher of all heretics, bane of the witches, the great miner, skilled industrialist and many more impressive titles, has Truly thought this Through, and that this Insult of His Holiness, Maximilian Singularity VI (first of his name), Harbinger of Faith, Pope of New Eden, Column of Light, Prophet of the Storm, Bane of the False Empress, Founder of the Sixth Empire, Herald of the Imperium, Paragon of Virtue, The New Prophet, The Liberator of All Hope and Dreams, is not Intentional, as it may Result in War between the Forces loyal to each of the two Nobles.

I, Synthia 1, Imperial Queen of the Glorious progressive Theocratic City-state of Kaztropolis, Empress of the Wombat People Territories, Divine Empress of Greater Kaztropol Planet, Interpreter of Scripture, Diviner of Truth, Guardian of the Faithful, Observer of Unusual Facts, Inquisitor of Heretics, Missionary to the Heathens, Speaker of Profundities, Paragon of Virtue and Angel of Compassion, therefore Believe that Lord Vaari, jarl of Sosan VII, high father of the Imperial Pharmacy, symbol of unchallenged victory, the world's most beloved hero, self proclaimed prophet, morninglord, golden mountain, carrier of the Heaven's light, teacher of pure faith, speaker of unquestioned truth, lion of the universe, vanquisher of all heretics, bane of the witches, the great miner, skilled industrialist and many more impressive titles, should Apologise for Insulting Lady Rainier Singularity and His Holiness, Maximilian Singularity VI (first of his name), Harbinger of Faith, Pope of New Eden, Column of Light, Prophet of the Storm, Bane of the False Empress, Founder of the Sixth Empire, Herald of the Imperium, Paragon of Virtue, The New Prophet, The Liberator of All Hope and Dreams.


Sincerely,

Synthia 1, Imperial Queen of the Glorious progressive Theocratic City-state of Kaztropolis, Empress of the Wombat People Territories, Divine Empress of Greater Kaztropol Planet, Interpreter of Scripture, Diviner of Truth, Guardian of the Faithful, Observer of Unusual Facts, Inquisitor of Heretics, Missionary to the Heathens, Speaker of Profundities, Paragon of Virtue and Angel of Compassion.

Synthia 1, Empress of Kaztropol.

It is Written.
Rook Moray
Aliastra
Gallente Federation
#15 - 2016-05-02 18:19:21 UTC
Vaari wrote:
I, Lord Vaari, jarl of Sosan VII, high father of the Imperial Pharmacy, symbol of unchallenged victory, the world's most beloved hero, self proclaimed prophet, morninglord, golden mountain, carrier of the Heaven's light, teacher of pure faith, speaker of unquestioned truth, lion of the universe, vanquisher of all heretics, bane of the witches, the great miner, skilled industrialist and many more impressive titles will reveal a shocking truth about the one of the most well known amarrian, MAx Singularity.

Max Singularity is not noble born but only in half. My spies has revealed for me a unquestioned proof, that during her visit on countryside of Amarr Prime, Max Singularity's mother were temptated by the devilish thoughts. She actually LAID with one of the local sheep farmer. Because of this vile act, malicious baby was born who turned to be evil man in adult.

I dare not to poison your eyes by representing this proof, but you have my word.





Well hello, Mr. Fancy-Pants.

I'm gonna need proof. Scientific reasons. But also, "if you don't got the holo, it didn't happen."

But hey, send me a holo and I'll paint it on the prow of my ship the next time the Goons come by for a visit. With an image like that, who needs ECM?

“When you want to know how things really work, study them when they're coming apart.” -Guristas Proverb.
Tyrel Toov
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#16 - 2016-05-02 18:20:32 UTC
Moonacre Parmala wrote:
You divorce your ships?

I usually crash / break / disintegrate / melt mine by careless flying.

That or I fall asleep at the controls and awake in my clone bath with a shiny Ibis to break in.

When the ship drops the "Me or your clan" ultimatum, yes. I divorce the hell out of it.

I want to paint my ship Periwinkle.
Deitra Vess
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#17 - 2016-05-02 18:25:20 UTC
Tyrel Toov wrote:
Moonacre Parmala wrote:
You divorce your ships?

I usually crash / break / disintegrate / melt mine by careless flying.

That or I fall asleep at the controls and awake in my clone bath with a shiny Ibis to break in.

When the ship drops the "Me or your clan" ultimatum, yes. I divorce the hell out of it.

What a *****. Shoulda just stuck with a nice Sebiestor girl or Brutor....
Tyrel Toov
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#18 - 2016-05-02 18:30:08 UTC
Deitra Vess wrote:
Shoulda just stuck with a nice Sebiestor girl

Are.... are you coming on to me? Because I don't think that is going to work out.... what with you being my boss and all. We really should keep it professional.....

I want to paint my ship Periwinkle.
Deitra Vess
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#19 - 2016-05-02 18:58:24 UTC
Tyrel Toov wrote:
Deitra Vess wrote:
Shoulda just stuck with a nice Sebiestor girl

Are.... are you coming on to me? Because I don't think that is going to work out.... what with you being my boss and all. We really should keep it professional.....

No... just..... no....

X
Tyrel Toov
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#20 - 2016-05-02 19:10:49 UTC
Deitra Vess wrote:
Tyrel Toov wrote:
Deitra Vess wrote:
Shoulda just stuck with a nice Sebiestor girl

Are.... are you coming on to me? Because I don't think that is going to work out.... what with you being my boss and all. We really should keep it professional.....

No... just..... no....

X

So I'm not good enough for you then..... I see how it is...Roll

I want to paint my ship Periwinkle.
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