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Broken Chain Bards (Moved.)
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Ex Mangeiri
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#1 - 2016-02-06 17:07:16 UTC  |  Edited by: Ex Mangeiri
(Discontinued, everything moved to Ex's backstory, where it will be continued there. So I suppose just moved.)
(And so begins my first Eve Online story, following the adventures of Ex and her attempted job as a writer for all the capsulers out there in New Eden. Also a bit of a writer's experiment for me. Hope you enjoy.)

Ex could barely contain her glee as she scanned her card, opening the door to her new office. Sure, it was used, cheap, a bit run down, had had a few fires due to the previous tenants, but it was hers. All hers. The first office of the Broken Chains Bards. It was beautiful. It was spectacular. It was amazing. It...

Had a picture of a minmatar on the back wall, hanging onto a branch as slave hounds circled underneath. 'Hang in there' indeed. A shame that was one of the few things to survive its previous tenants final blazes of glory. No matter! She looked around at her pittance of an office and started organizing, beginning by modifying the picture(adding a few wrinkles and putting a fancy hat on it made it an amarr hanging and everyone knew that was in the best taste). From there she sat down and waited. And waited. And waited. She then blinked. Wait, had she remembered to submit her ad? Right. Yes. She was... ninety-percent sure she had. Why weren't the people busting down the doors?

Were they right? Was this a crazy idea? Did her fellow capsulers really only care about blowing each other up with ships? But there was so much more to life! Like writing stories about how amazingly well you defeated them, even when out numbered ten to one! Telling epic plays about how you destroyed their massive fleet with a little luck, a lot of skill and a much larger fleet that you just happened to have in your pocket, somehow. Bah. No matter. She was a capsuler, invincible! If they didn't come running to her, well... she'd come running to them! Or flying. Or shipping. She had a ship, she had a plan. She would travel from each corner of the galaxy and tell all of her wonderful plan!

What was the worst that could happen?

Ad:
A gentle jingle plays on the air, moments before a badly synthesized voice starts speaking, barely over the tune.
Hello, are you a corp or pilot who has a lot of fun blowing up things but is really tired of all that pesky paperwork. Tired of having to give long, drawn out reports of how the battle went, having to come up with words to describe your amazingness?
Well, no longer! Thanks to the Broken Chain Bards, having to write your own stories and detailed reports of why all those nasty Amarrians deserve to be shot with their own lasers or those Caldari are truly the pinacle of all that is wrong and greedy in this world is a thing of the past. Just message one of our fine*, upstanding** spokespeople and you too can hire our writers to do the writing for you for a modest*** fee****.
Terms and conditions may apply. May cause loss of breath, loss of bladder control, jovian depression, an urge to pod some poor guy you just met, piratical tendencies and the sudden need to spend 40 hours a week staring at gas and rocks while shooting them with lasers*****.
* Not necessarily fine.
** Definitely not upstanding.
*** Not really modest.
**** A fee though.
***** Only cure is self destruct and hoping your next clone knows better.
Ex Mangeiri
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#2 - 2016-02-07 14:39:37 UTC
Ex stared across the room, eying the completely respectable and not at all dangerous or untrustworthy caldari across the screen. Sure, she'd heard all the stories. Gambling with isk doublers were always just a huge risk and practically guaranteed to lose you the money. But there was just no way. This one HAD to be safe. Why? It was in their ad, 100% guaranteed. Besides, the caldari running it had just won many billions of isk in the library, what possible reason would they have to lie? Yep, all in all she felt very safe and secure in her decision. What could possibly go wrong?

With a flick of her hand, she sent the money. Her wallet flashed and she held her breath. And held her breath. A knowing grin flashed across the caldari's smug face, moments before comms were broken. Curses. They even said 100% trustworthy in their ad! Who did that? Just up and lied in their ads? Sure, she did sometimes, but that wasn't lying, that was... adding dramatic flair. She was a writer. It was totally allowed then. She'd seen the Concord news, they did it all the time. Alas, as in all forms of gambling, the ones who usually win are the house.

She glanced at her mailbox. Still empty. She couldn't imagine why. She'd done all the right things, she was sure. Why, she'd put her add on all the local radio stations, they should have been lining up at the door. Or at least sending her a few mails. Alas, all she'd received was one com request and there her winning personality that was not gruff, angry or scary at all had failed to win the client over.

Well, she'd also had a drunk gallation who claimed he wanted to take her away from this rough and tumble life, to show her his kingdom off in null sec as his bride. But she was too smart to fall for that... a second time at least.

She groaned and leaned back against her desk. Maybe it was time she got a real job. Blowing up pirates with her special space guns. Exploring worm holes. Or even, shudder, mining. A chill ran down her spine and she shook her head. No, she was getting a bit desperate but she wasn't THAT desperate. Hmmmm. Maybe a bit of exploration could do the trick. She pulled out her datapad and downloaded a few small books. What was the worst that could happen?

She gasped as a new ad popped up. Guaranteed isk doubling! 100% trusting! Most definitely not a scam, on their mother's grave. It had to be real, who would lie about their mother's grave?