Out of Pod Experience

To be stuck in a room with no means to take a huge dump.

Halp!

PS. No I wont do it anywhere in the room.

Minute 84. No sound in the hallway. The cleaning lady might have left. Still to early to take a chance. Pain almost unbearable.

Because he's naked?

*eats popcorn*

Not that there isn't enough drama... but context man!! CONTEXT!

Find a storage closet... alleyway... dumpster... JUS DU EET!!!!!

Minute 104. Nobody is coming for me. I may have to ju- AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGHH

A pig farmer wanted to win the Blue Ribbon at the fair, so he asked the previous year's winner how he did it. "You have to fatten up your best pig, get it REALLY fat," he said.
"How do I do that?" asked the farmer.
"Easy. You take a cork and plug up the pig's ass. That way it'll gain weight, and you'll have the fattest pig. Then you'll win the Blue Ribbon."
Well, it seemed simple enough, so the farmer tried it, and sure enough, his pig won the Blue Ribbon at the county fair that year.
The farmer took the pig home, and then he started thinking, "Now how will I get the cork out? There's a lot of pressure on that cork!" So he called up the last year's winner again and asked him.

"Easy," he replied. "You go to the pet store, get a monkey, then drill a hole in a piece of plywood and put the cork in it. Then teach the monkey to pull the cork out."
That sounds easy enough, thought the farmer. So he went to the pet store, bought a monkey, drilled a hole in a piece of plywood, and put the cork in it. Then he trained the monkey to take the cork out of the plywood.
The time came to put the monkey's training to use. The farmer thought, "I don't want to be too close to the action when the monkey pulls that cork out - after all, there's a lot of pressure behind that cork!" So he asked his brother-in-law to stand right behind the monkey and the pig. He asked his other brother-in-law to stand 50 yards back. Then, just to be sure, he asked a drinking buddy to stand 100 yards away from the action. Then he took a stroll and walked back another 50 yards, thinking 150 yards ought to be plenty of distance. Then he yelled at the monkey, "PULL THE PLUG!"

Well, the monkey pulled the plug, and even though he was 150 yards away, there was so much pressure on that cork that he got his face and hands all splattered with pig poop. Disgusted, he wiped his hands on the grass and walked up to his drinking buddy. Even 100 yards away, his drinking buddy had been splattered even worse than he had, and he was cussing up a storm until the farmer promised to buy his next couple of drinks.

He kept walking to his brother-in-law 50 yards away, and he was covered, and cussing like a sailor. He had to promise him a six-pack before he cooled down. Then he walked on up to where his first brother-in-law was standing next to the pig. He was literally covered head to toe, and globs were dripping off of him. But to the farmer's astonishment, that brother-in-law was laughing so hard he was doubled up and clutching his stomach. Stunned, the farmer asked him, "Why are you laughing even though you're covered up with sh*t"?

The brother-in-law could barely get the words out, but gasping, he finally managed to say:

"You should have seen that monkey trying to put the cork back in...!"

So good to know, OP. I think you are now ready for New York City, a city of 8 million people, endless traffic and public transportation delays, and 0 public rest rooms. OK, if you can find run across a McDonald's or a Starbucks in the next walking mile, where the rest room isn't out of order... you're in luck and you join the back of the line.

But, it's possible you could get stuck in the Roosevelt Island overhead tram, with 47 other people, from 5:00 PM to 3:00 AM. Then you're kind of S.O.L. That's when you have to dig back and call on what you learned from Master Kan.

I genuinely want to say......"Pics or it didn't happen!"

But on second thought, i'm pretty happy not having this photographed.

This thread is amazing.

Hell is when you stub your toe. Omahgawd.