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The jokes thread

Author
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
#21 - 2014-08-20 00:14:31 UTC
Adunh Slavy wrote:
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.

My fake plants died, because I did not pretend to water them.

Every McDonald's commercial ends the same way: Prices and participation may vary. I wanna open a McDonald's and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald's owner. 'Cheeseburgers? Nope! We got spaghetti and blankets.

I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?


Gotta love Mitch Hedburg.

Mitch Hedburg wrote:
I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn my music down and that made me angry 'cause I like loud music... so when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say "Go around! I cannot open the wall! I dunno if you have a door on your side but over here there's nothin'. It's just flat."

Cynter's Law of feature suggestion: Thou shalt not suggest NPCs do something players could do instead.

Hengle Teron
Rorquals Anonymous
Two Maidens One Chalice
#22 - 2014-08-20 15:07:03 UTC
oh I have a good one!

People in "democratic" countries think they live in democracy
Ares Desideratus
UNSAFE SPACE
#23 - 2014-08-20 16:29:57 UTC
Hengle Teron wrote:
oh I have a good one!

People in "democratic" countries think they live in democracy

That hardly counts as a joke since it's just the truth. Smile

What does a nosy pepper do?

It gets jalapeno business !
Pepper Swift
Perkone
Caldari State
#24 - 2014-08-20 16:37:42 UTC
Ares Desideratus wrote:
Hengle Teron wrote:
oh I have a good one!

People in "democratic" countries think they live in democracy

That hardly counts as a joke since it's just the truth. Smile

What does a nosy pepper do?

It gets jalapeno business !



I AM NOT NOSEY Twisted

What I need most.. is a day between Saturday and Sunday...

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic

selket Shihari
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#25 - 2014-08-21 03:47:07 UTC
a man walks into a church, and asks the priest "hows it hanging?"

When life gives you lemons...BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

Derrick Miles
Death Rabbit Ky Oneida
#26 - 2014-08-21 07:36:02 UTC
A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.

The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had."

The bartender asks, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cents."
Mizhir
Devara Biotech
#27 - 2014-08-21 09:56:41 UTC
So there was this Stormtrooper who got an iPhone.

He couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.

❤️️💛💚💙💜

Indahmawar Fazmarai
#28 - 2014-08-21 13:52:43 UTC
Mizhir wrote:
So there was this Stormtrooper who got an iPhone.

He couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.


What has been read can't be unread...
RoAnnon
Republic University
Minmatar Republic
#29 - 2014-08-22 17:07:42 UTC
A Stormtrooper and a Redshirt get into a firefight.

The Stormtrooper misses with every shot.

The Redshirt dies anyway...

So, you're a bounty hunter. No, that ain't it at all. Then what are you? I'm a bounty hunter.

Broadcast4Reps

Eve Vegas 2015 Pub Crawl Group 9

Houston EVE Meet

Random Nardieu
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#30 - 2014-08-22 17:13:18 UTC
World of Warcraft
Ares Desideratus
UNSAFE SPACE
#31 - 2014-08-22 17:28:50 UTC
Random Nardieu wrote:
World of Warcraft

World of Warcraft is a MMO game isnt it?

How is that a joke?

It snot even funny...

Oh wait, youre saying WoW is so bad that its a joke?

Ok I get it, ha hahahahahahahahaha

You are a FUNNY GUY
Random Nardieu
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#32 - 2014-08-22 19:10:10 UTC
Ares Desideratus wrote:
Random Nardieu wrote:
World of Warcraft

World of Warcraft is a MMO game isnt it?

How is that a joke?

It snot even funny...

Oh wait, youre saying WoW is so bad that its a joke?

Ok I get it, ha hahahahahahahahaha

You are a FUNNY GUY


Why so butthurt?
Ares Desideratus
UNSAFE SPACE
#33 - 2014-08-22 19:29:04 UTC
Random Nardieu wrote:


Why so butthurt?


Because butt is hurt?

Why did the butt get hurt?

Because he got pounded up the ass.
Doc Fury
Furious Enterprises
#34 - 2014-08-22 21:38:47 UTC  |  Edited by: Doc Fury
There is a new person at work who appears to be a vegetarian. How can you tell if they are Vegan?























No worries, if they are, they'll let you know soon enough.

There's a million angry citizens looking down their tubes..at me.

Pepper Swift
Perkone
Caldari State
#35 - 2014-08-23 06:46:25 UTC
I'll tell you a joke about UDP and I don't give a **** if you get it.
I'll tell you a joke about TCP. Let me know when you know I'm going to tell you a joke about TCP and then I'll tell you the joke about TCP.

What I need most.. is a day between Saturday and Sunday...

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic

Pepper Swift
Perkone
Caldari State
#36 - 2014-08-23 10:09:11 UTC
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide-and-seek in Heaven. Einstein counts up to 100, while Pascal hides behind a tree. Meanwhile, Newton draws a 1 * 1 m square on the ground and sits in it, right behind Einsten. Einstein starts seeking, immediately sees Newton and says "Pascal, I found you!".

What I need most.. is a day between Saturday and Sunday...

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic

Hengle Teron
Rorquals Anonymous
Two Maidens One Chalice
#37 - 2014-08-23 12:55:49 UTC
Pepper Swift wrote:
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide-and-seek in Heaven. Einstein counts up to 100, while Pascal hides behind a tree. Meanwhile, Newton draws a 1 * 1 m square on the ground and sits in it, right behind Einsten. Einstein starts seeking, immediately sees Newton and says "Pascal, I found you!".

that's one nerdy joke
Pepper Swift
Perkone
Caldari State
#38 - 2014-08-24 10:30:30 UTC
Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".
So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."
"What? He had two arseholes?" asked the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes....'"

What I need most.. is a day between Saturday and Sunday...

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic

Mizhir
Devara Biotech
#39 - 2014-08-24 10:37:07 UTC
Pepper Swift wrote:
Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".
So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."
"What? He had two arseholes?" asked the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes....'"


That was hilarious. You win the thread.

❤️️💛💚💙💜

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