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Capsuleer Comedy

Author
Anslo
Scope Works
#1 - 2014-08-14 20:22:33 UTC
The title alone is irony when looking at the **** normally discussed around here, but meh, need something that's a break from ~drama~.

We got baseliner comedians, how about egger comedians? You got jokes? Let's hear 'em! GOGOGO.

[center]-_For the Proveldtariat_/-[/center]

Odelya d'Hanguest
Order of St. Severian
#2 - 2014-08-14 20:25:42 UTC
Anslo wrote:
The title alone is irony when looking at the **** normally discussed around here, but meh, need something that's a break from ~drama~.

We got baseliner comedians, how about egger comedians? You got jokes? Let's hear 'em! GOGOGO.
And what is this ridiculous post then? Act One?
Anslo
Scope Works
#3 - 2014-08-14 20:26:10 UTC  |  Edited by: Anslo
Odelya d'Hanguest wrote:
Anslo wrote:
The title alone is irony when looking at the **** normally discussed around here, but meh, need something that's a break from ~drama~.

We got baseliner comedians, how about egger comedians? You got jokes? Let's hear 'em! GOGOGO.
And what is this ridiculous post then? Act One?


Con-*******-firmed. Come on, you got a good joke I'm sure right?

[center]-_For the Proveldtariat_/-[/center]

Lunarisse Aspenstar
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#4 - 2014-08-14 20:40:32 UTC  |  Edited by: Lunarisse Aspenstar
Hmmph. Fine. Here's a peculiarly Amarr one.

A friend was in front of me coming out of the Amarr Legio Basilica one day, and the clergyman was standing at the door as to bid farewell to the Faithful. He accosted my friend by the hand and pulled her aside.

The Clergyman said to her, "While all are not called to join the 24th Imperial Crusade, even you must join the 'Army of the God'!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the 'Army of the God', Sir."

The Clergyman questioned, "How come I don't see you except at the High Holy Days?"

My friend whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
Stitcher
School of Applied Knowledge
Caldari State
#5 - 2014-08-14 21:00:12 UTC
Two newbies autopilot through Rancer: boom boom.

AKA Hambone

Author of The Deathworlders

Jandice Ymladris
Aurora Arcology
#6 - 2014-08-14 21:10:56 UTC
Q: How many Gallente you need to screw in a lightbulb?

A: 2 , they'll replace the lightbulb after they're done screwing in the dark.

Providing a new home for refugees in the Aurora Arcology

Zenariae
#7 - 2014-08-14 21:34:47 UTC
Um... Two Fedos are talking ...

"My Gallentean owner has no nose."

"That's terrible! How does he smell?"

"Awful."


Mizhir
Devara Biotech
#8 - 2014-08-14 21:41:09 UTC
The Drill Sergeant said to the recruit:

"I didn't see you at the covops training today"

To which he replied:

"Thank you sir"

β€οΈοΈπŸ’›πŸ’šπŸ’™πŸ’œ

Ibrahim Tash-Murkon
Itsukame-Zainou Hyperspatial Inquiries Ltd.
Arataka Research Consortium
#9 - 2014-08-14 21:45:59 UTC
Perhaps slightly blasphemous, but for a laugh all things become permissible. Also, might as well shame the bad holders.

A shuttle carrying a Caldari, a Gallente, a Minmatar, and an Amarr has just entered the atmosphere of the destination planet. As the final sonic boom echoes away the onboard AI alerts the passengers to a fault in the craft that will result in a crash unless a significant amount of weight is jettisoned.

The Caldari passenger resolutely opens the side door and, yelling "For the State!", leaps out of the ship lightening the load. This is not sufficient to save the ship. The Gallente passenger proclaims, "For the Federation!" and follows the Caldari out of the ship. The AI registers that not enough weight has been shed. The Amarr and Minmatar look at one another and then, in a feat of strength, the Amarr lifts the Minmatar above his head and throws the unfortunate man out shouting, "For the Empire!"

"I give you the destiny of Faith, and you will bring its message to every planet of every star in the heavens: Go forth, conquer in my Name, and reclaim that which I have given." - Book of Reclaiming 22:13

Claudia Osyn
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#10 - 2014-08-14 21:50:25 UTC
Knock, knock

A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.

Elmund Egivand
Sebestacny Circle
#11 - 2014-08-15 01:20:28 UTC
And they say the Amarr are humourless!

A Minmatar warship is like a rusting Beetle with 500 horsepower Cardillac engines in the rear, armour plating bolted to chassis and a M2 Browning stuck on top.

Yang Aurilen
Caldari Colonial Defense Ministry
Templis CALSF
#12 - 2014-08-15 03:00:08 UTC
What do miners read while mining? Oretica weekly.

Post with your NPC alt main and not your main main alt!

Ophelia Kiselouvre
Both Hands on the Keyboard at All Times
#13 - 2014-08-15 04:43:47 UTC
Anslo wrote:
You got jokes? Let's hear 'em! GOGOGO.


Obligatory.

Hi~~~β™₯

Arista Shahni
Ministry of War
Amarr Empire
#14 - 2014-08-15 04:49:39 UTC
Some have heard this one already:


A Kingdom woman applied for a job with the Theology Council of the Empire.

During the interview, she was asked by the Inquisitor, "What do you feel is your greatest weakness?"

"I would say my greatest weakness is honesty", she replied.

"Honesty?", the Inquisitor asked, "I don't think that's a weakness at all - I think that is a strength."

To which she replied, "I don't give a **** what you think."

"I say that even as the holy and the righteous cannot rise beyond the highest which is in each one of you - so the wicked and the weak cannot fall lower than the lowest which is in you also. Β And as a single leaf turns not yellow but with the silent knowledge of the whole tree, so the wrong-doer cannot do wrong without the hidden will of you all."

Synthetic Cultist
Church of The Crimson Saviour
#15 - 2014-08-15 04:58:22 UTC
N human People appear in a Social Venue. N-1 of them behave in a Manner Stereotypical of their Ethnicity in a Neutral fashion. The Nth Human person behaves in a Manner Stereotypical of their Ethnicity in a Humorous Manner !


An Amarr Person and a Gallente Person are Discussing:
The Gallente Person Questions: "How can you put a Value on a human Life ?"
The Amarr Person Answers: "Simple. You Ask the slave Valuer !"


Why are Amarr Traffic Police officers Strict in their Enforcement of Traffic Laws ?
Because It is Written:
"There will be neither compassion nor mercy; Nor peace, nor solace, For those who bear witness to these Signs, And still do not believe."
- The Scriptures, Book of Reclaiming 25:10


It is the Way that I Tell Them.

Synthia 1, Empress of Kaztropol.

It is Written.

Diana Kim
State Protectorate
Caldari State
#16 - 2014-08-15 08:05:49 UTC
Anslo wrote:
You got jokes? Let's hear 'em! GOGOGO.

Anslo.

Honored are the dead, for their legacy guides us.

In memory of Tibus Heth, Caldari State Executor YC110-115, Hero and Patriot.

Kohiko Sun
Stormcrows
#17 - 2014-08-15 08:45:14 UTC
Four monks were in their monastery on Achura when a flag on the roof started flapping.

The youngest monk said, "Flag is flapping."

The second monk, who was clever, said, "Wind is flapping."

The third monk, who was thoughtful, said, "Mind is flapping."

The fourth monk, who was the eldest, said, "Mouths are flapping!"
Nicoletta Mithra
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#18 - 2014-08-15 10:26:11 UTC
For even God is fond of a good joke, here's a Sarumite one:

A mendicant monk took all his savings and went to buy a shirt. All eyes and ears he entered a tailor's shop, was measured and told: "Will you be back in a week? God willing - your shirt will be finished." The week was an exercise in patience, which duly passed and our hero returned to the tailor: "Unfortunately, there's been a delay. But - God willing - your shirt will be ready tomorrow." The mendicant returned the next day. "I am sorry" he was greeted "just a few more stiches, a few more...Pray be back tomorrow and - God willing - it will be ready." "And..." was the vexed mendicant's response "how long will it take, if we leave God out of it?"
Shiori Shaishi
Doomheim
#19 - 2014-08-15 13:10:53 UTC
Kohiko Sun wrote:
Four monks were in their monastery on Achura when a flag on the roof started flapping.

The youngest monk said, "Flag is flapping."

The second monk, who was clever, said, "Wind is flapping."

The third monk, who was thoughtful, said, "Mind is flapping."

The fourth monk, who was the eldest, said, "Mouths are flapping!"


And then the head of the monastery slapped him with his fan.
Pieter Tuulinen
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#20 - 2014-08-15 15:08:09 UTC
Why do Provists always travel around in threes?

One who can read, one who can type and one to keep the two intellectuals out of trouble.

For the first time since I started the conversation, he looks me dead in the eye. In his gaze are steel jackhammers, quiet vengeance, a hundred thousand orbital bombs frozen in still life.

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