Crime & Punishment

I've posed the below in eve fiction but I feel like it has room for love here as well.

Good Morning, Afternoon and Evening Gentlemen,

Attached below is the start of a new series I've written, based on how it's received is how i'll determine if i'll publish a Vol. 2.

315 Vol. 1

Regards,
Jaxi

A good read. I wish there were more publications like this.

I especially liked your narration related to Carl glancing thoughtfully at space, the dramatic representation of the commander's Code adherence words, the lazy and silly atmosphere onboard the Hulk 7 (followed by chaos) and also your description of the Orca getting damaged.

Keep up with EVE fiction.

I really like it was a good read to be sure, slight problem I notice a simple error in the story line,

"Loyalanon strode proudly towards his Alliance Issue Catalyst", So Loyal was in a Cat, but then suddenly: He’d (Loyal) been given the command to uncloak his Machariel and at all costs and ensure the command ship was unable to leave.


When did he switch ships?


Personally I would it make like so, or something like it,

Loyalanon strode proudly across the corporate hangars, glancing around showed the proud CODE. fleet of catalyst, armed to the teeth with the latest in Void technologies, The CODE. Alliance released hundreds of these fragile spacefaring mini-supernova's to the general members, in preparation for the upcoming purge of the heretics that mindlessly defied the rule of James and the Law Of The CODE.

But his destiny, although a beautiful one it would be, was not in the Catalyst. What stood before him was a far greater task, the Machariel, a Battleship that originated from the Angel Cartel. It was the combination of Minmatar Plasma engines, making it the fastest Battleship of it's class, and the Gallente Crystalline Carbonide armour plating, making the mass of the hull being at 94,680,000 kg. The dark sheen of it's armor glared harshly in the light of the station, the ship could sense the blood that was about to enter the cold vacuum of space, and earned for it as much as Loyalanon did.

It was a beast to contend with, and It was all his. He would spearhead the assault, his mind and ship as one, and he would spread his wings in the glory of James, and the CODE.

Or something like that.


It was a great read though, I look forward to chapter two.

AH, I see so Loyal gave the command to the scout who was in the Mach, I did miss read.

Regardless. +1

A great work of fiction keep up the good work :)

However the reality is far from less glamorous. From my own experience, I was waiting outside outside the Spacelane Patrol Assembly/VII in Piekura in my Orca when I got a bit peckish so a went for a pot of tea. Upon my return everywhere was littered with blown up cataysts (20/21) lead by none other than Loyalanon. I assume there was a great battle which I was sorry to miss but the Conference Elite were great, they apologised and compensated me for scratching the Orca's structure which had to be repaired at great expense.

Also your story reminded me of this video from Ganking4Good: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9IVIdpDlqo (this one has no Machariels in it though )

A good read, OP! Keep it up.

Personally, I like plot twists and happy endings. You could easily 'borrow' them aplenty from minerbumping.

For example, I was kind of expecting Carl to join CODE at the end. Or maybe getting killed himself, and at the very last moment catching a glimpse of his own sister laughing diabolically behind her blasters.

My opinion is definitely biased, I wrote it . With that said though, I am glad that I've now received some negative feedback. From my experience negative feedback is more important even because it means that person cares and wants me to improve! I will take this into consideration and will hopefully move forward with it. Thank you, Cavalira!

Edit: Perhaps I will just start another series altogether. In order to appeal to another crowd. I like taking things that happen in eve, which i was apart of and then adding some fiction to it.

Firstly, thank you for the kind words. I can't tell you what it's like to have to put your name on something that everyone could potentially hate.

Anyhow, I really tried to capture the life of a miner. The fact that they were constantly trying to do and look for things outside of Mining was really what I was going for. Carl and Jeff decide at the end that they're giving up the dull life which they've created for themselves and joined Concord. Only now can they fight the menace that is the Code. Alliance. No emotion burns hotter in one's heart than vengeance.

Thank you once more for taking time to read my story.

You should post this on http://podborn.com so that it can look good.