Crime & Punishment

Last night I wrote long story (took around 1h) about PVP action, and then I clicked "POST" and the text just disappeared... So if somepart in this lifetime my other text shows up (which I highly doubt) you can say thanks for CCP forum and its functionability. So let me begin my amazing story about world of PVP and its unpredictable ways to success... or not.

I was having a chatter in a teamspeak with ally mates, and kind of semiactively watching my client screen typing intel of traffic passing by while ratting with my other account. There was quite of hostile activity compared to other days, so you could see gangs like 50 to 10 roaming by and trying to catch people, so not kind of day that I like if you think about killing lone wolves. So I just sit still and quiet in my amarr recon.

Here and there people popping up in the local, and couldnt see nothing interesting. Just some cloakers going by, and those are kind of hard ones to kill with afterbuner fitted pilgrim with scram and tungsten. It just felt like im not having the right fit for the day at all... So, I just kept staring the screen and talking crap in TS.

Well then there was long silent moment and local goes up by one... two, and three.. I started to scan, nothing... Then I saw stealthbomber uncloaking at gate about 200km away where I was floating and jumping thru and I started to whack scanner again.

HULK! I was wondering if this was one coming out from pocket system which gate was about 100.000km away. Before I even reacted by inputting less range on my scanner or even directed it with narrow angle into that direction I saw this hulk landing from the warp at this very same gate that I was watching at. Immediately I aligned towards the gate and hit the warp, keeping in mind that there has been pretty active hostile movement in the area, and wouldnt like to end up in the dictor bubble with my lazy recon. My killer instinct took control, and I just pushed all the blobgank fear behind.

At the same time when my pilgrim was dropping out from quick zoom to gate the hulk jumped, and I managed to toss the coins for the gate operator and got in system almost in same time with my prey. I was kind of hoping that gate fairy would be in a good mood for me since pilgrim with AB and scram.... Brrrrr... No 25km please, thank you.

So, I saw this hulk pilot decloaking at 10km off me - thank you gate fairy - and aligned my sneaky boat at him. Tried to click target but its not targeting, in that split second I went thru all my goddamn fails all the way from tapping cloak instead of afterburner etcetc scary sh*t. ...After second or two, I heard this godly sound of targeting systems giving its best to locate my target in 10km away with all the fearsome 300 scan resolution and hes kicking the foot thru the floor trying to speed up for his barge and watching hands sweating from the side window eyes almost popping out.

LOCK! In this very same moment my ships electronics heated up when all the systems launching energy neutralizers, scrambler, webifier, and defensive systems going on at same time. Dronebay hatches launched those fearsome drones at him screaming thru the cold space.

Same time I was thinking that in the system next of me local is spiking like hell and some cowboy whipping his interdictor just to make my day even worse. Hulk started to melt like butter on the frying pan, and same time I started to align towards random celestial ready for little sprint if gateflare is shown. Was ready to wave my middlefinger to these guys jumping in, if there was any. Then, right when the hulk started to take its last breath the gate activates, managed to pull my little friends inside the dronebay, and held my finger on the cloak just to show whoever there is coming, that he was little too late. Saw something decloaking and I engaged my cloaking systems and saw a thorax gaining speed and warping off with the pod... Thats all? Yea, even his stealthbomber friend wasnt there to sacrifice himself nor the thorax pilot.

I waited cloaked around the wreck and was waiting bomb getting lauched or so, but the guys just ran away tail between the legs. So, started to navigate straight towards the wreck devilish grin at my face, just to see what this little piñata got for me.

I took a look in the wreck and saw pretty much goodies inside. Mining crystals all kind, many of those, warp disruptor, and some other t2 loot propably from the cargo bay, found a sisters probe laucher and enyo... ENYO!? Ok, now I got some of the loot and asking help to get rest of the goodies off from this wreck.

But the real shock hits me after I saw the killmail! This... Ok, lets say "fearless" pilot, not to make his ego hurt any worse, had juuuuuust a littlebit more stuff inside that I would NEVER EVER imagine.

*DRUMMING SOUND WITH CYMBAL HIT!!!*

Total Loss at current prices:
52,501,119,507.00

Seriously, there was so much stuff inside that my fingertip almost wore off while I was scrolling thru this shocking mile long list! I had to double check the decimals, like ...4 times. Honestly honest, there was almost every single ships blueprints in the cargobay that eve has. Rig, drone, ship, ammo, module blueprints like endless list. 157 blueprints.

Atleast he was 'smart' enough to put those items in a container, so all of them went with his barge, but im not worried about that. This has to be my best EVER kill in my gaming career in eve online, and I highly doubt that there is going to be any better even Ive been killing a titan and so.. But for a solo kill, jeesh..

Im propably going to make a picture of this killmail on my wall with golden frames. And if I get lucky, maybe someday I can get his autograph on it. LOL!

What we can learn from this? Well, DONT fit your hulk with tech 1 cloak, 2x strip miners, tech 1 survey scanner, and two cargo expander and fly thru 0.0 space with super expensive stuff in your cargobay.

Fly safe!

They were copies bro, but still cool story.

Good read, but we need pictures of this gate fairy.

...is she hot?

Listen up little space buddies and pay attention real quick. If you manage to out-:words: me or Venus Vermillion then your post is too long and you should shorten it. I walk the thin line between acceptable lengths and unreadable piles of vomit. If you step past me even a hair's breadth, then you have gone far beyond what you can handle. Best to keep things to a few short sentences, with clear and direct language and simple, straight-forward messages.

At least your gimmick's novel.

TL;DR.

Is it only me or have others too given up reading long rants on C&P?

When I was young, I read them all. Heck, I even read every posting on the 30-page threadnaughts. But nowadays my patience has grown thin; posts like OP's here get an instant ignore-hammer.

OP types out entertaining story.

This guy doesn't read a damn word of it, then acts like he knows what is going on.


I love people like you. If you aren't going to read the post, then click the back button and get like the misbehaving dog you are!

Please. You can read the crime and punishment posting rules. It says kind of that you'd better type something instead just posting a link - or two rows text.

What I can say? [irony]Too many letters typed by persons that did not have anything worth of saying that I'd like to hear...[/irony]

If you dont like to spend 2min by reading something, your free not to do so. I dont need your opinion about that text is long. Yes, it is long text, I know it. Thank you.

Haha! Hilarious, but doesent chance a thing. :) Well played.

Cool story bro.

Keep up the good work, hulks can't kill themselve you know...they don't have any guns to shoot themselves with.