Intergalactic Summit

Now, I would like to move onto something else a little more local. I would like to personally congratulate Senator Andor Gardieu on her election and inauguration to Speaker of the Chamber. However, as fine and dandy as this might be, it seems a little amiss to me that most of the people presiding over her ceremony were major figures in both military and paramilitary groups. Gardieu herself being a former Navy Officer. While I’m sure Gardieu will be a great Speaker of the Chamber (if a little too liberal for my tastes) I am starting to get concerned with military factions rising in power and prominence. The Black Eagles have recently been a major player in Federation politics, and it seems Gardieu’s election will certainly turn the Navy into something a little more than our defence (or offense for you cynics) force. Of course, former military officers being elected to public office is certainly nothing new. However, none of these former officers have as strong ties to their old job as they seem to do now.

Pay attention at the polls ladies, gents, and invertebrates, Federal leadership is becoming more and more militaristic and nationalist. The last time we had a militaristic and nationalistic ruling body we created the biggest threat to our country the Caldari State. While tensions have certainly eased in recent months, it wouldn’t take a lot to have them escalate once more.

All I’m saying my friends is to be cautious when electing politicians with strong military ties. Make sure they still aren’t enlisted if you will.

Let’s go to more positive news though! It seems our comrades across the border in the Republic have had a peaceful and successful reorganization of their government. Shakor, who may or may not be a saturday morning cartoon villain has had his power lessened in the sense he may no longer vote in Tribal Council sessions and merely serve as the presiding officer. Other reorganizations of their government move away from a Gallentean system and more to their own Tribal system. The Federation’s system of running things seems to have worked for the Republic for a while, however times have changed and the Republic needs to adapt. Anyone butthurt over this really needs to lighten up. If your imperialist attitude is making you cry, I will personally come over to your home and wipe your tears whether you want to or not.

And don’t try to contest that either! I have a large team of Caldari lawyers who possess the skills not only to convince you that I should wipe your bigoted tears for you, but that ballroom dancing is an effective form of time travel!

Also, congrats to Ishukone for repairing your headquarters! Let your noble corporation rise from one of the most grim periods in your history back to the forefront of the cluster.

Wow my friends! So much great news lately! There was even a lovely little fireworks show in Umokka! They even got the fireworks to detonate in the shapes of cute fuzzy animals! Look at the furrier pups! So adorable!

Everything is going relatively well in the cluster recently, lets hope it stays that way my friends! Then again, if it did, I probably won’t have a job!

An achuran man in the crowd puts on a tinfoil hat and begins whispering into someone elses ear.

Hey! You there with the tinfoil hat! Don’t go starting conspiracy theories about me! I can hear the headlines already, “Frederik Fredal Bugabus, the root of all evil! Causing disasters to promote his show!” The last thing I need are the Black Eagles kicking my door down at 3 AM… for real this time…

That’s all we have time for today my friends! Remember, an apple a day, will keep the doctor away, causing him to lose his job and force to move to another region, then when a pandemic begins, there is nobody to administer aid and everyone dies, or spontaneously combusts, or just lies in bed all day eating ice cream. I don’t know but farewell for now everyone!

Fred waves to the crowd as his news desk and chair lowers beneath the stage. The crowd applauds and cheers. After the fanfare, they all run to restrooms and giftshops, then proceed to yell and scream at each other as they attempt to pull out of their parking spaces.

I swear, they abducted my entire production crew and refused to give an answer on when they would be returned! At least rogue drones have the courtesy to leave a note behind.

I do love skits!

Perhaps you could include impersonations of famous capsuleers.

If you impersonate me, I swear I will find you and skin you alive on your own damned stage.

... alright, chances are I won't. I will however be very displeased. Especially if you don't even have the common decency to do it correctly.

What have you done?

Something horrible, no doubt.

Should prove entertaining.

Two midgets with foam bats for Heth and Roden. Set up a miniature fighting ring too.

Don't forget the other side if the coin. We need a Shakor in there too, maybe using a mallet to find his way through a fine china shop.