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Hello. Relationship advise needed.
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Pampers Toralen
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#1 - 2014-01-26 20:49:39 UTC  |  Edited by: Pampers Toralen
Hello,

I'm posting my with my main as what i am asking is nothing to be ashamed of, I have met a really nice lady from a well known dating site here in the uk.

We got speaking on the site and i don't know we just clicked, we after a few weeks talking we decided to take it to the next level and met for a drink, I am quite a nervous guy in rl and i was so scared!.
Anyway the date went great and we had alittle to drink, came back to mine and sent the whole early hours of the morning speaking, we was very open with each other.
it got around 6:30 am and and we decided to go to sleep i slept on the couch, but we spoke about everything and i could believe what we spoke about.

Any way the lady in question is afew years older then me I'm 26 and she's 38 and looks fantastic btw, what we were talking about stuff and that she is in the final process of cancer treatment, she has beaten this terrible illness and i mean hearing this made me so sad, and i was happy she told me, it never frightened me away as i really like this person.

I recently celebrated my birthday Saturday and she invited me to go out in her home town, and to spend the night at her's so i accepted her offer and had a fantastic night, we went out for a meal and drinks, and we went back home were i made myself comfortable on the sofa ready to sleep, but she came creeping down stairs in a white work shirt and French pants, the rest is private.

Any way morning comes and were sitting down eating breakfast and her phone goes it was a txt and her smile left her face the quickest time i have ever seen, i later found out after that her ex used to beat her to a pulp and that if he finds out she's dating anyone else he would break both her legs because he loves her so much.

I'm. Now petrified do i stay because we make each other happy or do i take a risk and run to keep her from harm?, as when she was telling me about her ex i was physically sick i had to run the the bathroom. I was disgusted by what she told me what he did to her.

is there anyone happily in a relationship who can give me some advice??

Benn
Alice Saki
Nocturnal Romance
Cynosural Field Theory.
#2 - 2014-01-26 21:03:46 UTC
Risk

FREEZE! Drop the LIKES AND WALK AWAY! - Currenly rebuilding gaming machine, I will Return.
Pampers Toralen
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#3 - 2014-01-26 21:25:24 UTC  |  Edited by: Pampers Toralen
Alice Saki wrote:
Risk

Her safety comes first surely she deserves happiness?
Krixtal Icefluxor
INLAND EMPIRE Galactic
#4 - 2014-01-26 21:36:56 UTC  |  Edited by: Krixtal Icefluxor
She needs to get that situation cleared up post haste, before you should get involved in any way whatsoever.

Getting involved now would be a huge dangerous mistake.

There are plenty of ladies out there your age or at least a bit younger than her as well. I know, I dated older people too when I was much younger ( 21 - 36 spread once), but the issues that the 2 age groups deal with are completely different.

At your age it would be tragic to strap yourself to someone who has not managed to finish off some ugly business, where the dude is intimidating her. She needs a restraining order for if something happens.

Let go and move on.

It's dangerous to let your c**k rule your brain. That's pretty much what's going on here.

I'm 48, just so ya know.


ed: Also, there is no guarantee at all that this will be the end of the cancer. Nobody can possibly know that. And if that's what she told you, I would be highly highly skeptical. May be looking for a caretaker. Betcha'd love that (not). She is better off served by close family members and long time friends for that.

"He has mounted his hind-legs, and blown crass vapidities through the bowel of his neck."  - Ambrose Bierce on Oscar Wilde's Lecture in San Francisco 1882
Pampers Toralen
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#5 - 2014-01-26 21:40:42 UTC
Krixtal Icefluxor wrote:
She needs to get that situation cleared up post haste, before you should get involved in any way whatsoever.

Getting involved now would be a huge dangerous mistake.

There are plenty of ladies out there your age or at least a bit younger than her as well. I know, I dated older people too when I was much younger ( 21 - 36 spread once), but the issues that the 2 age groups deal with are completely different.

At your age it would be tragic to strap yourself to someone who has not managed to finish off some ugly business, where they dude is intimidating her. She needs a restraining order for if something happens.

Let go and move on.

I'm 48, just so ya know.


I do see your point, she's been single six months, he knows where she lives, and what i don't understand this guy is a firefighter he supposed to protect lives not destroy them she's ready to move on he knows it, but he wont leave her alone.
Krixtal Icefluxor
INLAND EMPIRE Galactic
#6 - 2014-01-26 21:42:14 UTC  |  Edited by: Krixtal Icefluxor
Pampers Toralen wrote:
Krixtal Icefluxor wrote:
She needs to get that situation cleared up post haste, before you should get involved in any way whatsoever.

Getting involved now would be a huge dangerous mistake.

There are plenty of ladies out there your age or at least a bit younger than her as well. I know, I dated older people too when I was much younger ( 21 - 36 spread once), but the issues that the 2 age groups deal with are completely different.

At your age it would be tragic to strap yourself to someone who has not managed to finish off some ugly business, where they dude is intimidating her. She needs a restraining order for if something happens.

Let go and move on.

I'm 48, just so ya know.


I do see your point, she's been single six months, he knows where she lives, and what i don't understand this guy is a firefighter he supposed to protect lives not destroy them she's ready to move on he knows it, but he wont leave her alone.



Just leave the situation as there is a good chance it won't go well for you.

(A lot of firefighters and police are huge scary egotists and this behavior is quite common).

This would be a huge, huge mistake.

Just drop it. I am. Good luck (I have nothing else to add. I've seen this go down a bajillion times).

"He has mounted his hind-legs, and blown crass vapidities through the bowel of his neck."  - Ambrose Bierce on Oscar Wilde's Lecture in San Francisco 1882
Pampers Toralen
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#7 - 2014-01-26 21:43:35 UTC
Thank u
NightCrawler 85
Phoibe Enterprises
#8 - 2014-01-26 21:47:52 UTC
The situation should be taken care off, but by the two of you, together!

Think like this, here you have this girl who has not just gone trough cancer, which would be mentally wrecking on its own, but is also getting over an abusive relationship which comes with a whole new heap of issues, concerns, fears and so on.
You leaving her right now,unless she tells you to (note not saying "you shouldent get involved in this, i dont want you to get hurt," and so on) but directly saying "I dont want to see you anymore, because I dont like you".

Now for the x.. Chances are this guy is talking out of his ass. Attempting to scare her but not really going to go that far. If she had the guts to leave him he knows that she has enough willpower to withstand him and he does no longer have full control over her (even tho he can keep trying).

But no matter what.. Go to the police, file for a restraining order, and have her move to your home town when you are both ready to take the relationship further.

This girl is obviously not afraid to be alone, and she did not warn you about her x before hand which should indicate that she did not really expect it to be an issue.
So honestly, talk to her, figure out how worried she really is about this, how likely it is, and if she is now afraid of being alone.. Well first off you have a reason to stay over more often, and if he comes over drunk out of his mind yelling and screaming banging on the door (i trust he dosent have a key), have her call the police.

Phoibe Enterprises

The Eve Reader -  Audio Recordings of Eve Chronicles
Pampers Toralen
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#9 - 2014-01-26 22:00:15 UTC
NightCrawler 85 wrote:
The situation should be taken care off, but by the two of you, together!

Think like this, here you have this girl who has not just gone trough cancer, which would be mentally wrecking on its own, but is also getting over an abusive relationship which comes with a whole new heap of issues, concerns, fears and so on.
You leaving her right now,unless she tells you to (note not saying "you shouldent get involved in this, i dont want you to get hurt," and so on) but directly saying "I dont want to see you anymore, because I dont like you".

Now for the x.. Chances are this guy is talking out of his ass. Attempting to scare her but not really going to go that far. If she had the guts to leave him he knows that she has enough willpower to withstand him and he does no longer have full control over her (even tho he can keep trying).

But no matter what.. Go to the police, file for a restraining order, and have her move to your home town when you are both ready to take the relationship further.

This girl is obviously not afraid to be alone, and she did not warn you about her x before hand which should indicate that she did not really expect it to be an issue.
So honestly, talk to her, figure out how worried she really is about this, how likely it is, and if she is now afraid of being alone.. Well first off you have a reason to stay over more often, and if he comes over drunk out of his mind yelling and screaming banging on the door (i trust he dosent have a key), have her call the police.



Hey,

Yes she is not frightened of him no more, she has sad if he comes to her house she will indeed call the police, when we was speaking i did mention, u need to try and get away, and she told me she's not running no more, I'm sick of being frightened is about time to be happy, don't get me wrong iv told her u would never have to worrie about me laying hand on her, as my mother brought me up to respect woman.

Iv said u do know he only txt's u to try and bring fear into you, he has lost his power and wont come and harm u anymore, as he's a coward because u have told him if he comes near u you be on the phone straight away u don't fear him no more.
luckily he hasn't got a key.
NightCrawler 85
Phoibe Enterprises
#10 - 2014-01-26 22:05:51 UTC
Pampers Toralen wrote:
[
Hey,

Yes she is not frightened of him no more, she has sad if he comes to her house she will indeed call the police, when we was speaking i did mention, u need to try and get away, and she told me she's not running no more, I'm sick of being frightened is about time to be happy, don't get me wrong iv told her u would never have to worrie about me laying hand on her, as my mother brought me up to respect woman.

Iv said u do know he only txt's u to try and bring fear into you, he has lost his power and wont come and harm u anymore, as he's a coward because u have told him if he comes near u you be on the phone straight away u don't fear him no more.
luckily he hasn't got a key.


Then there really is no question here..

She wants to be happy, and having one of the first guys she feels comfortable around run off because she was honest about her past.. Well.. i doubt that would make her happy, would not make you happy, and she would still have trouble with this guy (if he actually would try to do something).

Stay with her, enjoy your time together, and dont let a jealous x ruin something that can potentially turn out great Big smile

Phoibe Enterprises

The Eve Reader -  Audio Recordings of Eve Chronicles
Pampers Toralen
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#11 - 2014-01-26 22:08:46 UTC
NightCrawler 85 wrote:
Pampers Toralen wrote:
[
Hey,

Yes she is not frightened of him no more, she has sad if he comes to her house she will indeed call the police, when we was speaking i did mention, u need to try and get away, and she told me she's not running no more, I'm sick of being frightened is about time to be happy, don't get me wrong iv told her u would never have to worrie about me laying hand on her, as my mother brought me up to respect woman.

Iv said u do know he only txt's u to try and bring fear into you, he has lost his power and wont come and harm u anymore, as he's a coward because u have told him if he comes near u you be on the phone straight away u don't fear him no more.
luckily he hasn't got a key.


Then there really is no question here..

She wants to be happy, and having one of the first guys she feels comfortable around run off because she was honest about her past.. Well.. i doubt that would make her happy, would not make you happy, and she would still have trouble with this guy (if he actually would try to do something).

Stay with her, enjoy your time together, and dont let a jealous x ruin something that can potentially turn out great Big smile


You sir have won the internet's thank u ever so much.
Sodium Canine
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
#12 - 2014-01-26 22:27:22 UTC
1. I never understand why people take their personal issues to the internet, you're just begging to get trolled or worse, in a place where really, no one cares.

2. That said, letting a third party determine what decisions you and your new girl friend makes is putting him in control, which is what he wants. Know what I mean?

3. Good luck with the police. They're usually not much use until after the fact. In my country, I would suggest buying your gal a SP 101 with 38+p JHP loads. Easy to fit in a purse, easy to handle, no hammer spur to get caught on clothes or what not, and packs enough of a punch to do the job. Its what my wife carries, and she likes it very much.

However, in your country, I guess that's not an option. Do they let you have tasers? I really do not know of any other way of fixing crazy other than move somewhere he won't bother to come after you.

4. If she's as cool as you say, suck it up and deal with her issues. That's part of the deal of being in love, I'm afraid.

Anyway, just my opinion, and I'm sure it smells as bad as all the others! Good luck, what ever you decide.

My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
Rain6638
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#13 - 2014-01-26 22:35:16 UTC
if you want to do something nice, just ask her what she wants and go with it. if you do something despite the risk, that's what makes it meaningful.

if you don't have any other reason, do it for karma. i've done it. I was 21 and I made a friend who was twice as old. I knew it could be me one day, in that position, so I did what I knew would make her happy and she turned out to be one of the best friends I've had.

...friend. WIIIINK WIIIINK.

[ 2013.06.21 09:52:05 ] (notify) For initiating combat your security status has been adjusted by -0.1337
Pampers Toralen
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#14 - 2014-01-26 22:52:18 UTC
[quote=Sodium Canine)

3. Good luck with the police. They're usually not much use until after the fact. In my country, I would suggest buying your gal a SP 101 with 38+p JHP loads. Easy to fit in a purse, easy to handle, no hammer spur to get caught on clothes or what not, and packs enough of a punch to do the job. Its what my wife carries, and she likes it very much.

However, in your country, I guess that's not an option. Do they let you have tasers? I really do not know of any other way of fixing crazy other than move somewhere he won't bother to come after you.

4. If she's as cool as you say, suck it up and deal with her issues. That's part of the deal of being in love, I'm afraid.

Anyway, just my opinion, and I'm sure it smells as bad as all the others! Good luck, what ever you decide.[/quote]

unfortunately, here in the uk if a man breaks into your house when we could be chilling on the sofa, and he struck her and i retaliated and hurt him i would be sent to prison.
that being said if that did indeed happen i couldn't be responsible what i would do to this poor excuse of a man.
Pampers Toralen
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#15 - 2014-01-26 22:53:44 UTC  |  Edited by: Pampers Toralen
Pampers Toralen wrote:
[quote=Sodium Canine)

3. Good luck with the police. They're usually not much use until after the fact. In my country, I would suggest buying your gal a SP 101 with 38+p JHP loads. Easy to fit in a purse, easy to handle, no hammer spur to get caught on clothes or what not, and packs enough of a punch to do the job. Its what my wife carries, and she likes it very much.

However, in your country, I guess that's not an option. Do they let you have tasers? I really do not know of any other way of fixing crazy other than move somewhere he won't bother to come after you.

4. If she's as cool as you say, suck it up and deal with her issues. That's part of the deal of being in love, I'm afraid.

Anyway, just my opinion, and I'm sure it smells as bad as all the others! Good luck, what ever you decide.


unfortunately, here in the uk if a man breaks into your house when we could be chilling on the sofa, and he struck her and i retaliated and hurt him i would be sent to prison.
that being said if that did indeed happen i couldn't be responsible what i would do to this poor excuse of a man.
[/quote]

Broken quote sorry.

would that make me as bad as he is?
Rain6638
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#16 - 2014-01-26 22:56:07 UTC
I'd like to add she was the most enthusiastic friend I've had.

...had. you know... HAD. WINK WINK

[ 2013.06.21 09:52:05 ] (notify) For initiating combat your security status has been adjusted by -0.1337
Pampers Toralen
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#17 - 2014-01-26 22:58:11 UTC
Rain6638 wrote:
I'd like to add she was the most enthusiastic friend I've had.

...had. you know... HAD. WINK WINK


Don't get me wrong i was planning to take it slow, but the white shirt and pants well, all i can say after the scratching I'm sleeping on my front tonight 😉
Pampers Toralen
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#18 - 2014-01-26 23:10:05 UTC  |  Edited by: Pampers Toralen
Sodium Canine wrote:
1. I never understand why people take their personal issues to the internet, you're just begging to get trolled or worse, in a place where really, no one cares.


I don't have many friends in RL so I asked for advice from the next best thing an amazing community who i love. And share, interests with.
You must of cared, as u gave me advice, and posted in this thread, don't worrie I'm glad u did.
Alice Saki
Nocturnal Romance
Cynosural Field Theory.
#19 - 2014-01-26 23:19:30 UTC
It's OOPE, It's a safe place.

FREEZE! Drop the LIKES AND WALK AWAY! - Currenly rebuilding gaming machine, I will Return.
Shelby Dusette
Division 13
#20 - 2014-01-26 23:59:12 UTC
Alice Saki wrote:
It's OOPE, It's a safe place.

Made me feel all warm n' fuzzy, with some little tingly things in my belly!

Good luck Pampers!

There are many ways to approach the situation you find yourself in, and it's natural in your position to want to dive in.

Follow your heart, but slowly, while keeping logic (and the law) firmly in mind. You'll be ok!

ѕнєℓву

ㅤ

ѕσ мσιѕт ♥ ѕυcн вяανє ♥ мany lєgισи ♥ wow
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