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A Warning to the Cluster

Hienz Doofenshmirtz
School of Applied Knowledge
Caldari State
#1 - 2014-01-03 06:28:55 UTC
::Communications Detected::
::Decrypting Transmission::
::Priority Alert::

The following document has been obtained and is being released as a warning to the cluster. Quafe is not as wholesome as they appear. Beware what you drink. You have been warned. Further information can be found here: Lost Stars


From: Riesves Boricon
To: Poire Viladillet, CEO, Quafe Corporation
Subject: Re-Introduction of Quafe+

Marketing has come across a possible use for the canceled project Quafe+. They believe there is a possible way to replicate the biomass without significant cost to the company or much possibility of negative imagery or backlash. I have included portions of the Material they have come up with. While it is a bit off the wall it does test well in focus groups.


“Quafe+, Quench your thirst, With your friends.”

Have you recently lost a good friend, or loved one that you would like to Memorialize. Quafe has you covered, thru a new process we can, for a small fee, take a donated tissue sample and create a Quafe beverage unique to your recently departed friend, we will then make a small batch and send you a case of this limited memorial run Quafe+ on the label can be a picture of your friend or loved one and a short story about them. Further more, the rest of the run will be sold in stores so that the memory of your friend can be shared with people across New Eden. What better tribute than to share your friends with the universe? Please contact your nearest Quafe agent for forms and submission guidelines today.

::Transmission Terminated:: do you know?

Jaffar Wildfire
UnHoly C0nF3SSi0ns
#2 - 2014-01-03 06:36:19 UTC
mmm, that wonderful "old friend" taste.
Katran Luftschreck
Royal Ammatar Engineering Corps
#3 - 2014-01-03 07:19:54 UTC
At least it's a "warning" thread that isn't some wet-behind the ears wannabe terrorist threatening to single-handedly destroy the entire Amarr Empire... again. Speaking of which, it's been nearly a week since we've had one of those. Are they slacking, or just finally growing up? Sorry for any accidental hijacking.

So ... Quafe cloning services around the corner? Quafe secret clone vats? Could Quafe be covering up for some new Federation secret research project? And where is Gutter Press when you need them, dammit?!

Caviar Liberta
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#4 - 2014-01-04 01:00:37 UTC  |  Edited by: Caviar Liberta
Jaffar Wildfire wrote:
mmm, that wonderful "old friend" taste.

Of course as a means to be more eco-friendly Quafe Corporation will be introducing Soylent Quafe.

So on the anniversary of the passing of a friend, loved one or family member you can drink a can or bottle to their memory.
James Syagrius
Chatelain Auxiliary Response
Intaki-Business Logistics Union
#5 - 2014-01-04 05:25:43 UTC
Why do I have a sneaky suspicion there is going to be a can of Quafe with Mr. Doofenshmirtz... picture on it very soon.

Those Quafe police simply don't play.
Erica Dusette
Division 13
#6 - 2014-01-04 05:30:59 UTC
Why does it have to be a dead person?

What if you simply enjoy the taste of your friend and want to carry a sample of him or her around with you?

This project needs less morbidity and more.... hrmm, something.

Jack Miton > you be nice or you're sleeping on the couch again!

Part-Time Wormhole Pirate Full-Time Supermodel

worмнole dιary + cнaracтer вιoѕвσss

Arkady Vachon
The Gold Angels
Sixth Empire
#7 - 2014-01-04 07:16:00 UTC
And this is why I drink coffee... Even the homemade hooch that my loadmaster and his crew make down in the cargo docks, and cut me in on, is better than Quafe.

Nothing Personal - Just Business...

Chaos Creates Content

Saya Ishikari
Ishukone-Raata Technological Research Institute
Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
#8 - 2014-01-04 07:45:09 UTC
Oh joy... I can now get my favorite degreaser as a genetically engineered derivative of the deceased...

"At the end of it all, we have only what we've left in our wake to be remembered by." -Kyoko Ishikari, YC 95 - YC 117

Katran Luftschreck
Royal Ammatar Engineering Corps
#9 - 2014-01-04 17:33:07 UTC
I can't wait to see what the Blood Raiders end up doing with this.

Claudia Osyn
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#10 - 2014-01-04 21:24:41 UTC
Katran Luftschreck wrote:
At least it's a "warning" thread that isn't some wet-behind the ears wannabe terrorist threatening to single-handedly destroy the entire Amarr Empire... again.

To be honest, I was a bit disappointed. This is still entertaining though.

A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.

Constantin Baracca
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#11 - 2014-01-05 04:11:57 UTC
If I do get my cousins turned into Quafe for some reason, do you think they would taste decent with rum?

"What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?"

-Matthew 16:26

Anabella Rella
Electus Matari
#12 - 2014-01-05 15:22:19 UTC
I always had a feeling Quafe was bad news but this confirms it.

P.S. I think your parents misspelled your first name.

When the world is running down, you make the best of what's still around.