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Arek'Jaalan Archivist Quashes Rumours! Denies Soter Plot to Corner Coffee Market!
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Muck Raker
Gutter Press
#1 - 2011-11-03 19:05:23 UTC
Recently, some amazing information was passed to Gutter Press regarding a Cover-Up at the Arek'Jaalan science collective project!

Disturbing!

There were allegations that legitimate scientific research was being suppressed and not added to the mailing list, possibly as part of a Conspiracy!

Gutter Press managed to get some questions answered by the chief archivist, Morwen Lagann, who revealed much about the inner workings of the mysterious scientific project, which has been the subject of wild speculation in the past regarding the possibility of ancient machines from wormhole space invading and killing us all.

Ms. Lagann revealed that the current volume of legitimate scientific mail is reduced compared to previously, and multiple updates per day are no longer the case at present.

Amazing!

Ms. Lagann also denied overwork was a factor, and that former Luminaire General Julianus Soters plot to corner the synthetic coffee market was not having an effect on the Arek'Jaalan collective.

Fascinating!

However, darker rumours continued to appear, regarding the Mysterious Construction Project that is code-named "Site 1", Ms. Lagann being either unable or unwilling to provide details on the project.

Sinister!

Some people in the Federation have expressed concern at these developments:

"I don't know what they're building, but it worries me", said one Quafe enthusiast. "Particularly after that endorsement of Starsi by that Dr. Tukoss recently. Can you really trust someone who drinks Starsi? I don't think so."

"Building things is generally more constructive than destroying things, which is what most capsuleers seem to do. I don't know", said a junior Federation Senate staff member.

"Who are you, and who let you in here?" said a Federation Navy NCO in Dodixie, adding "I don't care what is going on in Eram." indicating that the Federation Navy is indifferent to these developments.

Gutter Press will continue to bring you stories from across the cluster.

Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours!
Tiberious Thessalonia
True Slave Foundations
#2 - 2011-11-03 19:13:43 UTC
Muck Raker wrote:
Recently, some amazing information was passed to Gutter Press regarding a Cover-Up at the Arek'Jaalan science collective project!

Disturbing!

There were allegations that legitimate scientific research was being suppressed and not added to the mailing list, possibly as part of a Conspiracy!

Gutter Press managed to get some questions answered by the chief archivist, Morwen Lagann, who revealed much about the inner workings of the mysterious scientific project, which has been the subject of wild speculation in the past regarding the possibility of ancient machines from wormhole space invading and killing us all.

Ms. Lagann revealed that the current volume of legitimate scientific mail is reduced compared to previously, and multiple updates per day are no longer the case at present.

Amazing!

Ms. Lagann also denied overwork was a factor, and that former Luminaire General Julianus Soters plot to corner the synthetic coffee market was not having an effect on the Arek'Jaalan collective.

Fascinating!

However, darker rumours continued to appear, regarding the Mysterious Construction Project that is code-named "Site 1", Ms. Lagann being either unable or unwilling to provide details on the project.

Sinister!

Some people in the Federation have expressed concern at these developments:

"I don't know what they're building, but it worries me", said one Quafe enthusiast. "Particularly after that endorsement of Starsi by that Dr. Tukoss recently. Can you really trust someone who drinks Starsi? I don't think so."

"Building things is generally more constructive than destroying things, which is what most capsuleers seem to do. I don't know", said a junior Federation Senate staff member.

"Who are you, and who let you in here?" said a Federation Navy NCO in Dodixie, adding "I don't care what is going on in Eram." indicating that the Federation Navy is indifferent to these developments.

Gutter Press will continue to bring you stories from across the cluster.



I suppose a single source story is technically better than a zero source story.

Clearly Gutter Press is improving, and on its way to being a legitimate news source!
Julianus Soter
Blades of Liberty
#3 - 2011-11-04 03:34:22 UTC
Moira. Corporation seeks only to provide high-quality coffee products to the scientists that need them. I would like to thank the FedMart agents who brokered the sales of Synethetic Coffee to the Arek'Jaalan program, via Moira. funds.

Moira. Corporation CEO, Executor, Villore Accords, @Julianus_Soter https://zkillboard.com/alliance/99001634/
Astrid Stjerna
Sebiestor Tribe
#4 - 2011-11-04 04:02:40 UTC
One of these days, someone should write a truly ludicrous article and see if they could get Gutter Press to publish it.

Something like, 'Rabid turnip turns on gardener'.

I can't get rid of my darn signature!  Oh, wait....
Akrasjel Lanate
Immemorial Coalescence Administration
Immemorial Coalescence
#5 - 2011-11-04 10:52:34 UTC
Gutter articles are ****.

CEO of Lanate Industries

Citizen of Solitude
Jason Galente
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#6 - 2011-11-04 13:34:55 UTC
Tech4 did it better. They actually separated fact from speculation.

Only the liberty of the individual assures the prosperity of the whole. And this foundation must be defended.

At any cost
I'm 5particus
REV0LTING
#7 - 2011-11-12 12:28:59 UTC  |  Edited by: I'm 5particus
When the Sleeper are attacked they often broadcast pleas for mercy over local channels and the Arek Jaalan are covering this fact up.

We Minmatar understand the consequences of unjustified outside aggression, the slaughter, the pain, the suffering of the survivors.

As hosts to the Arek Jaalan it must be made clear that their continued aggression in not acceptable.
Jev North
Doomheim
#8 - 2011-11-12 12:51:58 UTC
I'm 5particus wrote:

When attacked the Sleeper are attacked they broadcast pleas for mercy over local channels and the AJ are covering this fact up.

They do? They are?!

Bloody scientists, always sucking the fun out of everything.

Even though our love is cruel; even though our stars are crossed.
Herzog Wolfhammer
Sigma Special Tactics Group
#9 - 2011-11-16 03:31:22 UTC
I have heard that Soter is known to drink too much coffee.


But then so do it.

Try putting a sack of grounds in your pod goo sometimes - it's practically a booster.


Bring back DEEEEP Space!
Tarryn Nightstorm
Hellstar Towing and Recovery
#10 - 2011-11-19 03:30:12 UTC
Ah, good to see you're back in fine form, Mizz Raker.

Most others in this thread:

Ya know, it's still perfectly possible to be a Big Bad Scawwy Dark-n-Edgy Capsuleer(TM) and to have a sense of humour--at the same time, even! Just sayin...Blink

Star Wars: the Old Republic may not be EVE. But I'll take the sound of dual blaster-pistols over "NURVV CLAOKING NAOW!!!11oneone!!" any day of the week.
Elson Tamar
Aliastra
Gallente Federation
#11 - 2011-11-23 23:49:59 UTC
No it isn't
Jonas Xiamon
#12 - 2011-12-02 00:55:46 UTC
Ahh, another wonderful and informative news article.

I usally write one of these and then change it a month later when I reread it and decide it sounds stupid.