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Rubbish Jokes
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Jim Pooley
Swiss Army Spoons
#41 - 2013-07-07 19:27:02 UTC
What do you call a really small woman?

Dot!


(I'm here all week)
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
#42 - 2013-07-07 22:07:19 UTC
A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the
dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head!

But the father loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and
compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad
takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him.

Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar
patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief,
the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out!

The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked,
begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink!"

The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out.

The bar goes wild, but the bartender is clearly disapproving.

The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons
chant "Take another drink!" The bartender ignores the whole affair.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs
his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is
in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.

The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left... then to the
right... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs
over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in
grief. The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while he
was a head."

Cynter's Law of feature suggestion: Thou shalt not suggest NPCs do something players could do instead.
Jayem See
Perkone
Caldari State
#43 - 2013-07-07 23:40:47 UTC
Cynter DeVries wrote:
"That boy should have quit while he
was a head."


Priceless! Laughed my ass off! ShockedBig smile

Aaaaaaand relax.
Alex Grison
Grison Universal
#44 - 2013-07-08 02:10:22 UTC  |  Edited by: Alex Grison
Jayem See wrote:
I am a big fan of terrible jokes.

I love something that is so cringe-worthy it makes me laugh, in spite of myself.

I'll start off with one that has tickled me since I was about 8 years old.

Q What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A No idea (no eyed-deer keep up)

Q What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A Still no idea

And as a bonus "I" related crapfest:

Q What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A A fsh

Post away - the more cringe-worthy, the more I will enjoy it!


Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, ears or legs?

A: Can't hear, still no eye-deer


Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, ears, legs or pe­nis?

A: Can't hear, still no fuc­kin­g eye-deer



Why can't mike drive a car?

Mike is a rock.

yes
Captain Stupid
Swiss Army Spoons
#45 - 2013-07-08 05:30:20 UTC
Two biscuits were rolling along together, when one got run over. The other one said "oh, crumbs"

I'll get my coat......
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
#46 - 2013-07-08 05:35:26 UTC
What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

Cynter's Law of feature suggestion: Thou shalt not suggest NPCs do something players could do instead.
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
#47 - 2013-07-08 06:02:29 UTC
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Cynter's Law of feature suggestion: Thou shalt not suggest NPCs do something players could do instead.
Indahmawar Fazmarai
#48 - 2013-07-08 12:50:25 UTC
Cynter DeVries wrote:
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.


I laughed at that.
Kult Altol
The Safe Space
#49 - 2013-07-08 13:01:56 UTC
What's a cow with no legs?











Ground beef.

[u]Can't wait untill when Eve online is Freemium.[/u] WiS only 10$, SP booster for one month 15$, DPS Boost 2$, EHP Boost 2$ Real money trading hub! Cosmeitic ship skins 15$ --> If you don't [u]pay **[/u]for a product, you ARE the [u]**product[/u].

Totalrx
NA No Assholes
#50 - 2013-07-08 13:44:48 UTC
What do you call a leper in a bath tub?

Stew

Two guys walk into a bar. You think the second one would have dodged it.

The hydrogen atom was positive he'd lost an electron.

Two rival chemists walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have some H20".
The second one says "I'll have some H20 as well"
The first chemist is heart broken that his assassination attempt failed.
Anja Suorsa
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Caldari State
#51 - 2013-07-08 14:31:52 UTC  |  Edited by: Anja Suorsa
Why are Pirates called Pirates?
Because they-yarrrr.

What do you get when you push a toilet down a hill?
A loo roll.
Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
#52 - 2013-07-08 14:47:06 UTC
Mrs. Carrot got into a bad accident. Mr. Carrot went to the hospital and asked the doctor, "Doc, is she going to live?" Doctor says, "Yes, but she'll always be a vegetable."

A dog runs across a train track, trying to beat the train that's coming. The train runs over the end of his tail. The dog whips his head around to check his tail and the train runs over his head too. Moral: Never lose your head over a piece of tail.

I couldn't figure out why the ball was getting bigger... Then it hit me.
Abraham Azadian
Sharks With Frickin' Laser Beams
#53 - 2013-07-09 10:26:03 UTC
Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says to the other, does this taste funny to you?
Rana Ash
Gradient
Electus Matari
#54 - 2013-07-09 11:33:48 UTC
Never trust an atom

They make up everything..
Lysanne Reqetta
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#55 - 2013-07-09 11:52:02 UTC
A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.
The bartender said, "Doesn't that get in the way?"
The pirate replied, "Yarr, it's drivin' me nuts."

An antimatter particle cloud walked into a bar. There were no survivors.

Blatant alt posting? In my EVE? It's more likely than you think.

NEVER FORGET - NOVEMBER 2013 - THE GREAT SIGNATURE MASSACRE
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
#56 - 2013-07-09 12:36:42 UTC
Schrodinger's cat is in a bar. Or maybe isn't.

Roses are red / Violets are blue / I am an Alpha / And so it's you
Liafcipe9000
Critically Preposterous
#57 - 2013-07-10 07:16:58 UTC
the worst stupid joke ever: Amarr.
Kult Altol
The Safe Space
#58 - 2013-07-10 18:12:14 UTC
Liafcipe9000 wrote:
the worst stupid joke ever: Amarr.



As the resident Amarr forum warrior...its true. Straight

[u]Can't wait untill when Eve online is Freemium.[/u] WiS only 10$, SP booster for one month 15$, DPS Boost 2$, EHP Boost 2$ Real money trading hub! Cosmeitic ship skins 15$ --> If you don't [u]pay **[/u]for a product, you ARE the [u]**product[/u].

Rainus Max
Fusion Enterprises Ltd
Pandemic Horde
#59 - 2013-07-10 21:00:48 UTC
Once upon a time, there was an inflatable boy. The inflatable boy lived in an inflatable house, with an inflatable family. He went to an inflatable school with an inflatable teacher and even an inflatable principle.

One day, the inflatable boy took a pin to his inflatable school. The inflatable teacher let out a gasp and sent him to the principle's office.

The inflatable principle said, "I'm very disappointed in you son. You've let yourself down, you've let me down and you've let the whole school down!"
Lysanne Reqetta
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#60 - 2013-07-10 23:51:52 UTC
[23:50:38] gleaoks > mu chicken dies ity was murder most fowl.

Blatant alt posting? In my EVE? It's more likely than you think.

NEVER FORGET - NOVEMBER 2013 - THE GREAT SIGNATURE MASSACRE