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Funniest Threat

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Nexus Day
Lustrevik Trade and Travel Bureau
#21 - 2013-06-18 03:07:50 UTC
The James 315 gang in Abuddban repeatedly threatened to blow my ship up. Why?

Because I kept bumping them.
Erotica 1
Krypteia Operations
#22 - 2013-06-18 03:23:22 UTC
Nexus Day wrote:
The James 315 gang in Abuddban repeatedly threatened to blow my ship up. Why?

Because I kept bumping them.


This is a thread of threats, not promises. Interfering with official New Order business is a crime. If you are guilty of this, you would deserve to have your internet spaceship blown up.

As far as threats I have received? The funniest ones I cannot post here in this family-friendly forum.

See Bio for isk doubling rules. If you didn't read bio, chances are you funded those who did.
Sergeant Acht Scultz
School of Applied Knowledge
Caldari State
#23 - 2013-06-18 03:36:59 UTC
Allieoren Sunji wrote:
Hello!

Your Corp has been selected by me, a leader in TEST ALLIANCE PLEASE IGNORE. surely you know of the recent war with the Goonswarm Federation, and as such we have started to recruit new allies. This works 2 ways! your corp may pay 200 million isk, or they may pay 50, and be set as blue for the war, if you decide to be set to blue and become new allies, you are to have your pilots report to KARAN and prepare to join fleets and battle. if you decline, we respect your bravery. However, Declining this will mean you and your corp will have war declared on them by TEST, and hunted down to be destroyed by more than 15000 members.

NOTE: If i do not hear back from you by Friday, then you WILL have war declared.

Thank you for your time and best wishes,
-Shroomduck Aivo,
Leader of TEST ALLIANCE Enforcement Squad Diplomatic relations.





Lol

LolLol


LolLolLolLolLolLolLol

removed inappropriate ASCII art signature - CCP Eterne
Nexus Day
Lustrevik Trade and Travel Bureau
#24 - 2013-06-18 03:53:43 UTC
Erotica 1 wrote:
Nexus Day wrote:
The James 315 gang in Abuddban repeatedly threatened to blow my ship up. Why?

Because I kept bumping them.


This is a thread of threats, not promises. Interfering with official New Order business is a crime. If you are guilty of this, you would deserve to have your internet spaceship blown up.

As far as threats I have received? The funniest ones I cannot post here in this family-friendly forum.

Never happened no matter how much I dared them. But then I was in a combat ship bumping their ships, not some mining ship with paper thin tank. Guess the risk/reward just wasn't there for them.

I even offered to let them pay me to stop bumping them. Seemed right as they couldn't bump miners with me bumping them. You think they would have appreciated the sentiment. Anyway we all ended up getting a good laugh.
NightCrawler 85
Phoibe Enterprises
#25 - 2013-06-18 03:59:21 UTC
Not really "funny" i guess..or it was but still serious enough to make sure i avoided any interaction with the person again.
Had to kick a member from the corp (long story) and he was not exactly happy about it. Next thing i knew i was getting a pretty detailed description on how he was going to find out were i lived, come with a baseball bat and beat me to death with it Lol

For in-game threats.. Well... Had someone set me KOS because i refused to have cyber with him. Problem was that he happened to be IN the corp and me being very new to online gaming was convinced that i had done something wrong rejecting him and that he had a reason to threaten me Lol

Phoibe Enterprises

The Eve Reader -  Audio Recordings of Eve Chronicles
Mallak Azaria
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#26 - 2013-06-18 04:03:41 UTC
NightCrawler 85 wrote:
Had to kick a member from the corp (long story) and he was not exactly happy about it.


Please tell me more.

This post was lovingly crafted by a member of the Goonwaffe Posting Cabal, proud member of the popular gay hookup site somethingawful.com, Spelling Bee, Grammar Gestapo & #1 Official Gevlon Goblin Fanclub member.
ACE McFACE
Dirt 'n' Glitter
Local Is Primary
#27 - 2013-06-18 04:11:08 UTC
Erotica 1 wrote:
Nexus Day wrote:
The James 315 gang in Abuddban repeatedly threatened to blow my ship up. Why?

Because I kept bumping them.


This is a thread of threats, not promises. Interfering with official New Order business is a crime. If you are guilty of this, you would deserve to have your internet spaceship blown up.

As far as threats I have received? The funniest ones I cannot post here in this family-friendly forum.

Yeah yeah, can you also tell them to blow up my ship. I want to see them try to actually engage in PvP.

Now, more than ever, we need a dislike button.
Bloody Wench
#28 - 2013-06-18 05:15:24 UTC  |  Edited by: Bloody Wench
These are the mails I got after a paultry 500k bounty I placed on someone raging in jita local about scammers.

Quote:

HAHAHAHAHAH
From: NAVATORON
Sent: 2012.12.06 19:50
To: Bloody Wench,

500,000 on my head HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA your a 0 kill 1 loss Players thats almost 2 years old HAHAHAHAHAAHAHHA My and my alta lofty29 will be looking for you.. Its Ganking time!!!!!

500,000 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

HAHHAHAMORON
From: NAVATORON
Sent: 2012.12.06 19:54
To: Bloody Wench,

HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! LMFAO AT YOU .. that all you got moron.. Do you even know how Bounty works? Seems you dont moron!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! LMFAO KID

Re: Re: HAHHAHAMORON
From: NAVATORON
Sent: 2012.12.06 20:06
To: Bloody Wench,

HAHAHHAHAH>.. it took you that long to find that page HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOu cant even copy a link the right way HAHAHHAHAAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just found you with a locator aget.. Coming for you kid HAHAHHAHAHAH



I never did hear back from him. Shame, I thought we were going to have a long relationship.

[u]**Shepard Wong Ogeko wrote: **[/u]  CCP should not only make local delayed in highsec, but they should also require one be undocked to use it. Then, even the local spammers have some skin in the game. Support a High Resolution Texture Pack
NightCrawler 85
Phoibe Enterprises
#29 - 2013-06-18 05:39:11 UTC
Mallak Azaria wrote:
NightCrawler 85 wrote:
Had to kick a member from the corp (long story) and he was not exactly happy about it.


Please tell me more.


When i say long i mean really long...As in over a couple of months.. And now that i have finished the post, i fail at making short posts Lol

Basically he was a real life friend of a long term corp member, brand new. As in..no clue about anything, not even finished the trial yet at that point. We had just joined a new alliance the same day and neither the CEO or my self could be around due to real life stuff, so instead this brand new player goes to the alliance leadership to speak on our behalf, and the alliance leadership has no idea who he is and thinks he is an alt of a director.
Well...an hour or so later i managed to get online, and with some damage control later it got taken care off, but got some rage from the new member because he felt it was his right to be a part of director/CEO meetings within the alliance.

Sure, this happens, new player being overly exited and underestimating how complicated the game is,grind my teeth and at least try to explain how politics in EVE works (explaining that to someone who does not yet understand the very basics of EVE can be aggravating to say it mildly). And of course, still getting a pissy attitude, because he was smart enough to get it without any help or explanation.

Over the next month or so he kept trying to get into closed meetings, but now the alliance leadership knew his character name and that he was not an alt of one of the directors or the CEO so that failed. So instead he started to bad mouth the corp in alliance chat and in private chats with the alliance directors as soon as the corps leadership was not online (this is when that alt you never really use or make public even if its in the corp comes in handy Lol ). Some of the chats i saw, and some of the chat logs i received was.. amusing to say the least. And of course the alliance leaders had just as much fun with it as we did because he really did not make any sense.

To give an example on how his "mind set" worked.. We were camping a gate or something (cant remember anymore) and we were waiting for an attack. There was one of the alliance directors he really liked and admired and he obviously wanted to protect him. So there he was sitting shouting in chat that "I will orbit you so they will hit me instead of you!" (please note that he was always right and everyone else was wrong, even about basic game mechanics ) Lol

Anyway..his attitude got worse and worse, and corp members and alliance members alike started to become miserable having him around and put up with his attitude. Since he was a real life friend of a corp member (who had gone inactive the week after this person joined) we had put up with it for much longer then we should. At this point i should also mention that he had also started to trash talk the rest of the alliance leadership when they were offline as well.

Ironically enough he had gotten close to another CEO that we knew, but was not in the alliance (at that time) and they had applied to join the alliance about 24 hours before. So i talked to the member in question, a lot of whining and then a nice...well lets just say that his farewell message in alliance chat would make the forum admin sigh and get ready to remove parts of the post. I had already removed his roles the day before, so he could leave instantly.
What neither him (or me) knew was that as soon as he realized he was getting kicked he had applied to the other corp that was joining the alliance, and their 24 hour timer to join the alliance was up about 2 minutes before. So his good bye message was followed by a very confused sentence with even more harsh language the forum admins would not approve off before he left that corp Lol

You would think that was the end of it.. but no.
The CEO that just joined talked to me about the member in question, felt secure he could control him, then convinced him to rejoin that corp. That lasted for about 2 weeks or so before he was kicked (or left, cant remember which), and then he joined the corp that had created the alliance! Of course this lead to some..well lets just say that he felt that he had archived something great, and tried to..well in his mind..rub my face in his victory and kept trash talking us within the alliance but dident take long before he started to trash talk them as well and cause issues within the new corp. If i remember correctly he got kicked from this one.

I first heard from him a couple of weeks later. Back then i used to have many of the corp members on MSN/Skype so that they could get a hold of me if needed and his real life friend had me on MSN. So the member had gone over to his house, his real life friend had fallen asleep and he gave me the very detailed description on how he was going to kill me because i kicked him from the corp and supposedly ruining his enjoyment of EVE because i removed him from the only place he enjoyed him self Lol

As far as i know he still plays, so getting removed from the corp cant have been that bad Smile
This was back in 2007 so a bit hard to remember all the details and so on, but yea..thats basically a rough summary, sorry for how long it became Sad

Phoibe Enterprises

The Eve Reader -  Audio Recordings of Eve Chronicles
Halcyon Ingenium
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#30 - 2013-06-18 05:42:23 UTC
RAIN Arthie wrote:
Just wondering what the funniest threat you ever recieved on EVE was? I had a guy threaten to make it his career to get me to quit playing. :)


I ninja salvaged some idiot doing a level four mission. He said he would declare war on me. I'm still waiting for that Caldari Provisions war dec.

By the way, since we're already talking, do you want to buy a rifter? I've got the cheapest rifters in Metropolis. If you can find a cheaper rifter, buy it!
Mallak Azaria
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#31 - 2013-06-18 05:48:46 UTC
NightCrawler 85 wrote:
So the member had gone over to his house, his real life friend had fallen asleep and he gave me the very detailed description on how he was going to kill me because i kicked him from the corp and supposedly ruining his enjoyment of EVE because i removed him from the only place he enjoyed him self


You should've reported it to CCP, if only to ruin his life even further.

This post was lovingly crafted by a member of the Goonwaffe Posting Cabal, proud member of the popular gay hookup site somethingawful.com, Spelling Bee, Grammar Gestapo & #1 Official Gevlon Goblin Fanclub member.
NightCrawler 85
Phoibe Enterprises
#32 - 2013-06-18 06:00:21 UTC
Mallak Azaria wrote:
NightCrawler 85 wrote:
So the member had gone over to his house, his real life friend had fallen asleep and he gave me the very detailed description on how he was going to kill me because i kicked him from the corp and supposedly ruining his enjoyment of EVE because i removed him from the only place he enjoyed him self


You should've reported it to CCP, if only to ruin his life even further.


What you have to keep in mind that even at that point i was very..naive when it came to rules like that. I honestly had no idea that what he did could be considered "wrong" by CCP. Also remember that at that point i was also convinced that is someone sent me a picture of them jerking off it was because i did something wrong and they were doing something completely normal by sending nude pictures to some random person they met online Lol

Phoibe Enterprises

The Eve Reader -  Audio Recordings of Eve Chronicles
Yummy Chocolate
Brutor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#33 - 2013-06-18 06:38:58 UTC
I'm not that good of a troll.

Frostys Virpio > CCP: Continously Crying Playerbase

Felicity Love >... was thinking "moar popcorn"... but now, seeing the truly awesome contribution this thread is going to make to the Greater Glory Of EVE.... imagonnamakkadapizza....
Hrothgar Nilsson
#34 - 2013-06-18 07:01:37 UTC
I trolled a well-known Dodixie scammer a year ago, who has been scamming there daily for years, I suppose, and he put a "500mil bounty" on my head.

He had a friend in a Tornado show up who asked me to undock, which I did in a Thorax, with a month's worth of skills. He was supposed to alpha me, I guess, but he got concorded, and I re-docked my Thorax. The scammer swore I would be hunted down and griefed out of the game. He was totally serious about it too. He was livid, frothy mouth pissed because I wouldn't stop trolling him. I even formed a corporation for his buddy's corp to war dec, which they did.

Despite being available as a target for most of the last year in different parts of the galaxy afterwards, nothing's come my way since. And if it did, who cares? They're just freaking space pixels.

I've... seen things you people wouldn't believe...

Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion...
Merovee
Gorthaur Legion
Imperium Mordor
#35 - 2013-06-18 08:59:26 UTC
I was told to P-Off after pummeling ice miners with snowballs. Ya I know big deal. Lol

Empire, the next new world order.
RAW23
#36 - 2013-06-18 11:40:40 UTC  |  Edited by: RAW23
My favourite: http://www.eve-search.com/thread/1544967-0/page/5

Caliph Muhammed wrote:

On a side note Raw, not that you ever will have the effect, but should my fund end I assure you my future time in EVE will be war decing your 1 man corps and suicide ganking you when you run to the NPC corp. And no one you hire or bring into the matter will prevent it. Keep poking that finger in my eye and ill break it off and shove it up your ass.



RAW23 wrote:

Terrifying

Given that I've flown about 40 jumps in the last 6 months this approach will give you plenty of time to calm down a bit and do a little meditation.

Also, the threat to break my fingers and shove them up an orifice was most poetic.


Caliph Muhammed wrote:

Im patient. My dec will be ever present and permanent. You can not play, play under someone elses thumb or trade during a war. Take your pick. And considering im on more than most I assure you're not going to enjoy having your high sec freedom hindered. So talk yourself right into your new EVE playstyle. I promise you i'll make your misery in EVE my characters sole purpose.


RAW23 wrote:

I must admit, it's a long time since an MD post has made me laugh so much. I actually had to wipe away a tear of mirth. I have 18 characters and, if memory serves, I don't think any of them are in the same corps at the moment. How much will it cost you to keep permnent wardecs going on all of them (I'll move any in NPC corps to player corps once you get a few decs going to give you a more target rich environment). Tell you what, if you get five decs going I'll give you the details of another character if you haven't found it already and for each additional dec that you let run for a month I'll let you have the details for another. I also look forward to your attacks on my POSes. I'm sure you'll be able to muster a battleship fleet large enough to take them down. They only have about 120 ewar batteries anchored on each. And one of them actually has a handful of labs too, so big payday there!


Caliph Muhammed wrote:

Im not interested in your characters or your chat. Watch your back on Raw because if I catch you slipping, you're getting smoked. Tomorrow, next year, 5 years. Doesn't matter.

If I have the pleasure of making you avoid playing on Raw23 to me it's a win and satisfying. I require nothing more for motivation.
...
going to hunt Raw23 down now and forever more in the game and im going to kill you whenever the opportunity presents itself.

There are two types of EVE player:

those who believe there are two types of EVE player and those who do not.
RAW23
#37 - 2013-06-18 11:44:12 UTC  |  Edited by: RAW23
RAW23 wrote:

I'm sitting 50km off Jita 4-4 in an unfitted Slasher named 'Stressball'. Come and work off some angst.


Caliph wrote:

Raw23 I want this to be a challenge. So seeing as how you aren't yet fully aware of the caliber of intellect you're dealing with, i'm going to help you out. Consider this an act of sportsmanship and fairplay to one I feel disadvantaged.

Number 1. I will never attack you when you ask me to. Sun Tzu would be most displeased. Sitting in a frigate taunting me hoping im not keen to neutral logistics or the other nuances of EVE is a faux pas on your part. Even if your proposition was completely honest, I do not allow my adversaries to dictate the terms.

I told you before i'm a very patient person. I have all the time in world. Let us hope the circumstances surrounding your current bravery are always present.


RAW23 wrote:

mmm ... just woken up. I left RAW afk on that gate unarmed and undefended in a frigate for an hour last night but didn't get to check his status before closing my laptop and going to bed (my wife is verrry anti-eve). Was a bit disappoint to find him still sitting there this morning. Anyway, I'm back in position and will go afk fo a few hours again.


He never did kill me Sad

There are two types of EVE player:

those who believe there are two types of EVE player and those who do not.
Jeffrey Asher
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#38 - 2013-06-18 12:55:50 UTC
Mallak Azaria wrote:
An Australian dole bludger & his wife were going to hunt me down & bury me in a field after I awoxed their mining fleet & refused to buy them a new Orca.

Edit: They also claimed to have CCP Devs on speed dial & I was going to get banned, because they had speed dial banned people before Roll



It always makes me proud when my fellow country-folk have their priorities so right, I mean why go and earn real money when you can pay some of the money the government gives you to sit around all day and earn pretend money in EVE? How are you even still allowed to post after their call to CCP?

I haven't been around long enough yet to get REALLY insulted in game, to be honest it is making me feel just that little bit unloved, but I am sure I will annoy some 12-year-old soon and finally get my misspelled, vitriolic hate-mail, and be forever hunted down by them in their T1 frigate.

And thank you all for the laughs in this thread, it has kept the wolves at bay until this latest unscheduled shutdown finishes.

The power to cause pain is the only power that matters, the power to kill and destroy, because if you can't kill then you are always subject to those who can, and nothing and no one will ever save you.
Pepper Solette
Doomheim
#39 - 2013-06-18 13:13:54 UTC
I recently war-decced a 34 man corp as stated in another post a couple weeks ago.

After killing i think 11 in the first day, i started posting to their glorious leader the kill mails to see if i could provoke a reaction..

This is just one of the responses i got.


Let me reiterate, i am a one man corp going after 34 guys..................



From: XxXxXx
Sent: 2013.05.30 17:38
To: XxXxXxXx

well it showd what kind of a cheap pussy you are

i think you can find enough corps to wardec

cause you didnt made your homework :D

i call my corp Highsec Corp

and i have not moved in my main corp yet for this little war

nor my alliance

its your choice

surrender or we will start moving in our support


The Alliance he spoke of is SMA. (SpaceMonkeys Alliance). I know the brothers quite well.

I would have paid good money to read any mail he sent to them asking for help against a 1 man corp.

** Miko Sunji:  "There is no better way to find out if you can swim, than swimming for your life."**
flakeys
Doomheim
#40 - 2013-06-18 13:15:07 UTC
Did he say funniest threat or funniest thread?


I really need new glasses ...

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.
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