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Amarr surfers blame Shakor for poor waves
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Muck Raker
Gutter Press
#1 - 2013-04-06 16:33:29 UTC
Amarr surfer dudes planning on marking the upcoming 5th anniversary of the Elder Fleet surprise attack on several Amarr planets, have blamed Sanmatar Malaetu Shakor for poor waves on several beaches.

The coastal city of Xerah, on Sarum Prime III (Mekhios), is home to many Amarr surfer dudes and chick, and was a primary target of the Elder Fleet during their failed invasion of the Throne Worlds.

"Yah, the Elders totally bombed Xerah, was most unbodacious" said one Amarr surfer dude.
"It's like, the wrecks of their cruddy ships that fell into the water have totally ruined the waves, dude", said an Amarr surfer chick.
"Empress Jamyl is one cool chick, She'll tell that jerk Shakor what's what", said another.

City officials in Xerah agreed that wreckage from the battle of Mekhios has altered the wave patterns on the shore, claiming that "Where once there were tall waves suitable for surfing, now the wrecks, acting as a breakwater, prevent good surf."

Other people in Xerah were also unhappy at this state of affairs.

"Matari don't surf" said one elderly Amarr woman.

Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours!
Andreus Ixiris
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#2 - 2013-04-06 16:34:07 UTC
Looks like they need to take some radical steps.

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.
Eli Green
The Arrow Project
#3 - 2013-04-06 16:43:04 UTC
Slow news day?

wumbo
James Syagrius
Luminaire Sovereign Solutions
#4 - 2013-04-06 20:04:20 UTC
Eli Green wrote:
Slow news day?

No, I find Ms. Rakers human interest stories very enlightening. I have a completely new insight on Amarrian culture now. You are a true educator and a lover of truth Ma’dame. Your service to your readers is... groovy?

“Here also are the heralds of his praise."
Pieter Tuulinen
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#5 - 2013-04-06 20:16:36 UTC
Andreus Ixiris wrote:
Looks like they need to take some radical steps.


Man, it's like... who knew the righteous were so, like, RIGHTEOUS, am I right, brah?

For the first time since I started the conversation, he looks me dead in the eye. In his gaze are steel jackhammers, quiet vengeance, a hundred thousand orbital bombs frozen in still life.
Sepherim
Imperial Shipment
Amarr Empire
#6 - 2013-04-06 20:37:54 UTC
Yah, it's da ****, sis. we all go surfin' an' no waves anymo'. No more beach boys to be 'round or hot chicks to impress. Da ****.

Sepherim Catillah Praetoria Imperialis Excubitoris Liuteneant Ex-Imperial Navy Imperator Commander
Andreus Ixiris
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#7 - 2013-04-07 01:17:59 UTC
Pieter Tuulinen wrote:
Man, it's like... who knew the righteous were so, like, RIGHTEOUS, am I right, brah?

Tubular.

Gnarly.

Groovy.

Mondo.

Outrageous.

Funky.

(Are all levels of Super Mario World's Special World)

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.
Fredfredbug4
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#8 - 2013-04-07 02:11:36 UTC
I do say, those Alter Boys do have rather, how you say "Gnarly" and "Righteous" moves.

Watch_ Fred Fred Frederation_ and stop [u]cryptozoologist[/u]! Fight against the brutal genocide of fictional creatures across New Eden! Is that a metaphor? Probably not, but the fru-fru- people will sure love it!
Xindi Kraid
Itsukame-Zainou Hyperspatial Inquiries Ltd.
Arataka Research Consortium
#9 - 2013-04-07 08:56:24 UTC
Remember, when there's no news, just make you own.
Grideris
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#10 - 2013-04-07 09:26:29 UTC
Dude, that's like, totally not cool. Those wrecks, they're like, totally messing up their waves.

However, I believe that the older woman is wrong. I've seen Matari surf before. It was pretty sick.

http://www.dust514.org - the unofficial forum for everything DUST 514 http://www.dust514base.com -** the** blog site with everything else DUST 514 you need
Sakura Nihil
Faded Light
#11 - 2013-04-07 16:02:31 UTC
Never change, Muck Raker.

Never change.

Glory

Faded Light is recruiting
Katran Luftschreck
Royal Ammatar Engineering Corps
#12 - 2013-04-07 21:37:16 UTC
Only the truly enlightened soul can experience true oneness with the waves.
Let God's bodacious light lead thee into the path of the most tubeular pipeline and protect thine heart from the frothy embarrassment of the heinous maytag.
For our golden boards shall never falter no waiver in the totally righteousness of their cause.
To bring the glory of grooviness to even the most unwashed barneys.
- The Book of Kahuna

http://youtu.be/t0q2F8NsYQ0
Adel Khamez
Ministry of War
Amarr Empire
#13 - 2013-04-08 01:19:52 UTC  |  Edited by: Adel Khamez
I require a copy of this Book of Kahuna.

It is approved, I hope? I should then become tubular, if God wills it.

Amarr Victor, Deus Vult!
Andreus Ixiris
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#14 - 2013-04-08 01:45:46 UTC
The waves on Gallente Prime are better anyway.

It has seventeen moons! When you get even two or three of them lining up it's surf city like you wouldn't believe.

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.