Crime & Punishment

As leader of Dec Shield I received an amazing number of sob stories from victims of various crimes against humanity. This is the best of the stories I heard, set during the peak of highsec Incursion farming around a year ago.

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One day I was convo'd by an incursion bear who had been brutally betrayed by an awoxer within his corp. The victim was seething mad and it took a while to work out the course of events that led to his downfall. All of which I'm about to share with you as a cautionary tale of lulz.

About a year ago when incursions were released, they were given massive isk/hr rewards to encourage people to try out the new content. This led to farming multiple billions a day per character in highsec incursion groups. Which in turn led to multibox farming, and massive fleets of faction battleships/mauraders, etc.

The story begins with an awoxing spy infiltrating one of these highsec incursion corps. Wasting no time, he undocks a normal battleship and finds a corpmate out in open space in a faction BS. He warp scrams him, nukes him down to oblivion, and pods the guy. No Concord response because he's a member of that corporation. -1 faction BS, -hundreds of millions in implants. He loots and salvages the wreck.

The awox victim is shouting into comms at his other corpies to come avenge him. They're confused at what's going on, how could he be ganked in highsec without Concord protecting him they ask themselves? Another corp faction BS warps out to their staging spot, and is promptly tackled by the awoxer, who then proceeds to kill him. The pod escapes. -1 faction BS. He loots and salvages the wreck.

The corp finally figures it out through all the yelling what's going on. "BOOT HIM FROM CORP!" "WE CAN'T! IT WON'T LET US!" They don't understand that if the player is online and in space that he cannot be booted from corp. Why do the game mechanics curse them so!?

They gather their incursion fleet together and undock to go kill him. Afterall, blood can only be repaid with blood. The awoxer is still sitting there, waiting for them. He knows the game far better than them, and is about to prove it. The incursion fleet closes around him, tackling, webbing, dpsing. They have a full complement of logistics, and there's no way he can break their tank. Right as they're about to break his tank, 3 neutral logi come out of warp and begin repping him. Stalemate.

How can he have logi repping him when we're trying to kill him? We'll just kill his logi and then him. A faction BS shoots one of the neutral logi... CONCORDOKKEN! -1 faction BS, -1 logi who was repping faction BS. He loots and salvages the wrecks. The Incursion bears are beside themselves with anger. Sputtering meaningless threats and struggling to hold back tears. Why is the game so unfair? Why will Concord defend him but not them! He must be a hacker! Off to go file a petition...

Time passes. Enough time for the Concorded victims to reship and come back out to the field where they still have him pinned down. He's taunting them in local the whole time, blood pressures are still boiling. The awoxer knows he can't escape, and that he can't break any of their tanks with so many of their logi on field. He ejects from his ship and warps his pod out.

The incursion bears are delighted, they're going to get to kill his battleship and reclaim their lost loot. But wait! Why destroy it when you can steal it! A faction BS boats to 0 on the empty hull and tries to board it. No success. They're confused why they can't board it. Must be a bug. The pilot ejects from his faction BS to try boarding it. The awoxer's pod warps back on to grid... boards the now empty faction BS. Warps it out before the corpies know what's going on. -1 stolen faction BS.

HoW!? WHY?! IT'S NOT FAIR! The game does everything it can to benefit him and hurt us! They don't understand the ghost rider rules that prevent an empty ship from being boarded by someone other than the pilot while it's being targeted. They're all still on field, warp scramming and shooting his empty battleship. They WANT that loot back.

He docks with the stolen faction BS. He drops corp. CONCORDOKKEN! The ENTIRE incursion fleet gets wiped out by Concord for shooting his now neutral empty battleship. All their logi get wiped out for repping pirates. He undocks in his pod, warps back to his battleship and boards it. He loots and salvages the entire field. At this point he had to eject ammo just so he could make room to continue to loot faction mods.

The corpies are frothing at the mouth with rage. They will not be denied their vengeance. Taunting continues in local. Their comms are on fire and not a single coherent thought can be found amidst their impotent tears.

He flies to the station they'd docked up in and sits on the undock. He taunts them in local about how generous they were to contribute all the faction loot to his personal reserves. They can't hold back the rage. They reship into another wave of whatever ships they have on hand to try one last attempt to gank him and reclaim their loot. They undock all at the same time. Concord is waiting for them. BLAP. Their entire fleet wiped out again. He loots and salvages them, again.

They had never done highsec ganking before, and thus weren't aware of Concord rules. At this point the awoxer docks up and wishes them a pleasant evening and logs out for the night.

Let this be a lesson to all of Eve about the power that knowledge of game mechanics brings.

8.5/10 would read again

More stories imo

Best.

Story.

EVAH.

I give it two thumbs up and a flash of the boobies.

Now all that's left is to name and shame

I will believe this story, I have to, its too awesome to be fake!

Corps and game mechanics where a complete joke, makes me wounder why it took CCP an incredible amount of time to....just saying.

Hilarious story, even thought it sounds just to good to be true.
dare I say it.... killboard (to early?)

That was a great story would read again!

I love the lessons this teaches.

This should be part of the new player tutorials.

You sir are a hero.

lol what a great story. Been a while for C&P to have one of those.

Tip of the hat to you good sir