Crime & Punishment

For ransoming its best to set up a channel with a nice welcome message. Something to the tune of "Shut down all your mods and meet my demands" kinda thing. Your victim will inevitably be Russian and not understand any of it but its a little more professional.


Also start a blog.

This.


And keep the stories coming

I'm very glad many of you find my diary here as fun to read as I find it is to write.

As to keeping a blog, I'm sad to say that's just not something I can do right now. I mentioned I'm my own boss and work from home. While I might make that sound like it's all sexy stalker clowns and pantless afternoons, it's proven to be more work--and far more draining at times--than any job I've had working for someone else.

If I were to start an "official" blog on some other site, I'd feel a need to keep it going. I'd feel responsible for it, and to it. In other words, it would feel like work and I do quite enough of that already. Keeping my little chronicle here, in a forum thread, feels just casual enough that every post is still fun. Playing EVE and writing about it here gives me exactly the sort of break I need.

And while I have every intention of keeping the stories coming so long as I continue to have adventures I think are worth writing about, I also feel like I have the freedom to let this thread slip quietly away one day.

Well you've made me reactivate my pewpew account.

Only has 2 mil SP on it, and you've seen way more action that myself!

So far I've tried scramming a badger and an ibis to find that the new targeting colours are awesome, when it's not and I'm trying to target with the Safety on :D

Eventually got my targeting working...under a jump gate. Guns don't like frigates :)

Looking forward to more updates

Just want to say what dozens have already, but keep it up! :) Very enjoyable read following your adventures. Low sec needs more pilots like you. Actually EVE in general. Glad to see your perseverance is starting to pay off too :)

Just use public courier contracts to get stuff shipped to the nearest highsec entry.

http://eve-kill.net/?a=pilot_detail&plt_id=1444675

Try having my isk efficiency, then you'll know how it truely feels to be a pirating failure

Look, Ma! I'm in a corporation! So far, so good. I'd like to write more about all the wonderful and hilarious adventures I'm having with them, but...

The First 30 Days: A Postmortem

Real life is the single greatest threat to the pirate. Forget CONCORD, forget the traps, and forget sexy stalker clowns. (Man, that chick had issues!) Real life hit me with a wrecking shot this weekend, but I'll spare you the details. This ride's supposed to be fun, after all.

So I'll just tell you a gorgeous and brilliant woman showed up at my door with a bottle of tequila, two large pizzas, and said "Hey, I just downloaded every Friday the 13th movie ever made and I have no one to watch them with. Do you want to? I'll hold you during the scary parts."

And I was all like "Oh, I'd love to, but I'm all sweaty from bench pressing 250 all day." And she was all "That's okay, we can take a bath before the film fest. Let me just get my Star Wars rubber ducky collection first."

Anyway, my pirating fun should be resuming in another day or two. In the meantime I'm just chilling out, working my mining wench semi-afk while sorting out all the lubricants, rubber chickens, and wondering how many yaks I really need staffing the bathroom. (Someone needs to guard the plunger in this house, and yaks are cheap. Don't ask.)

I'm also reflecting on my first month as a low sec pirate. It's been a strange trip, both harder and easier than I thought. Also? Way more fun than I'd expected, and my expectations were pretty high. So with that said, below you'll find the first six things that come to mind as being the most important lessons I've learned so far.

1. Have fun.

I hear some people say EVE is hard work. Then I wonder how a game can be work. Then my brain goes all spiraling into a typhoon of Zen and I need a cigarette. So taking a game too seriously increases your risk of cancer. That's what we call Science, right there.

2. Do not think for at least your first five fights.

Let's face it, your first few times out, you won't be thinking during the fights anyway. When you first start out, it's not about winning or losing, it's about getting over the WTF spaz attack that grips everyone the first few times they PvP.

Grab a T1 frig or dessie, find a hand-me-down PvP fit, hop into the nearest low sec system, and jump the first ship you find in a belt or in a plex--no matter what that ship is. Just get out there and do it. Five fights. After that, then you can think about things like target selection and tactics.

3. Always throw a "gf" in local--especially when you lose.

And when you lose, toss your opponent an EVE Mail, thank them for the fun, and ask them if they have any tips. You might be surprised by how friendly "pirate scum" can be.

4. Learn to use your on-board scanner.

It's your constant partner, and will always have your back if you treat it well. Beverly and I do wonderful and terrible things to each other in the night. That's trust, my friend. True trust. And maybe something I need to discuss with my therapist. Stop judging me!

5. Make friends.

This is a multi-player game. Sure, you can have a blast going solo, but games--at least for me--are almost universally better played with others. Also, there are a lot of old timey players here. You can learn from them if you slap down your jerking ego long enough to be polite.

6. Have fun.

Yep, last lesson's same as the first, but it bears repeating. Especially at the end of any "list of lessons" like this. Because, at the end of the day, if you're having fun, you're doing it right.

That's what I got so far. Well, that and try to remember to buy ammo before you get eight jumps from the hub. It's a real drag when you don't.

Glad to hear it, and welcome to the show!


I think you're absolutely right about giving your victims a smile in return for their involuntary generosity. I still need to work out that whole channel thing, and a list of hat lines.

Glad you like my diary. And toss me a "howdy" if you see me.

Your diary is very entertaining Duke, and you're exploits have encouraged me in my own pirating adventures. Keep up the good work, and fly safe!