These forums have been archived and are now read-only.

The new forums are live and can be found at https://forums.eveonline.com/

EVE Fiction

 
  • Topic is locked indefinitely.
 

First act of EVE screenplay - Feedback please
Author
Previous Topic Next Topic
Exioce
Trisomy 21
#1 - 2013-02-17 17:02:11 UTC
Back in the day I wrote a fair bit of EVE fiction, focused mostly on the Caldari as figures of mockery. Despite the fact that my chosen race was Gallente, I guess I did that because I found the Caldari the most interesting of all the races.

Recently, with the arrival of Dust 514 an idea for a story started brewing in my head. The central question for me was what might be the effect of immortality on the psyche of your average soldier. I know immortality has been a fact for pod pilots since the beginning of EVE, but for the reason that soldiers see death up close and personal the effect on them intrigued me where it did not before.

I certainly wanted to create a narrative that dealt primarily with people, rather than power political or pew-pew. I also didn't want to lose the story in technology or terminology as so many are. The universe of EVE can be alien enough without adding such things to it unnecessarily.

So here it is, the first act of an EVE screenplay. 26 pages that equate to 26 minutes of screen time, a self-contained story even if I didn't take it any further, though I had a decent plan for the rest.

Clicky

Please do let me know what you think.
Ilunes Lailara
Aggressive Diplomacy
#2 - 2013-04-25 11:24:57 UTC
It was a fairly good read, a decent intro to a space adventure of some sort. I do have a few problems with it though. My main concern is that in order to link mind and computer you'd need a neural interface, something reserved for elites and something which would require a new clone to work (you're told in the NPE that your original self has been liquidated iirc). Now, it seems the main character's role as a ''central processor'' isn't really central to the story in large, so it could be substituted for some other high intensity corporate job, perhaps being forced to use performance increasing drugs to do a simillar task with the same results on his body?

The rest of my concerns are comparatively minor. Firstly, a 0.2% increase in the efficiency of operations for a corporation as big as Lai Dai translates to massive cost savings, I'd adjust that downwards a few zeroes. And secondly, while a tuxedo is the way we'd dress formally in 21st century western cultures, the Caldari would have some other sort of garnment, I bet.

My suggestion would be to avoid inventing groundbreaking new tech (like your implantless neural interface), but by and large the plot seems interesting enough. I'd love to read more of it.
Enya Sparhawk
Black Tea and Talons
#3 - 2013-04-25 21:41:22 UTC
Exioce wrote:

I certainly wanted to create a narrative that dealt primarily with people, rather than power political or pew-pew. I also didn't want to lose the story in technology or terminology as so many are. The universe of EVE can be alien enough without adding such things to it unnecessarily.

So here it is, the first act of an EVE screenplay. 26 pages that equate to 26 minutes of screen time, a self-contained story even if I didn't take it any further, though I had a decent plan for the rest.

Clicky

Please do let me know what you think.

Hmmm, I don't really see how this would equate to 26 mins. of screen time...

I like the idea behind the story...It is an interesting idea for a story since it presents a world that the average player doesn't really think about. And I agree with you, losing a story in the technology is always the wrong direction to take it. (If I wanted to experience the tech, I'd play the game right?)

Exioce wrote:
Recently, with the arrival of Dust 514 an idea for a story started brewing in my head. The central question for me was what might be the effect of immortality on the psyche of your average soldier. I know immortality has been a fact for pod pilots since the beginning of EVE, but for the reason that soldiers see death up close and personal the effect on them intrigued me where it did not before.
This is too broad of an assumption... even Dustbunnies are limited in their immortality by their helmet... it would be different if they were truely immortal or even indestructable...

Also, how would they react knowing that the ones they were killing were exactly like them? Would it be a lesson in human futility? More meat for the grinder from a never ending cow?

Just a few thoughts... I hope it helps...

- Ens

Fíorghrá: Grá na fírinne

Maireann croí éadrom i bhfad.

Bíonn súil le muir ach ní bhíonn súil le tír.

Is maith an scéalaí an aimsir.

When the lost ships of Greece finally return home...
Temba Ronin
#4 - 2013-04-27 01:33:10 UTC
Nicely done sir, it was a very good read. It has potential.

The Best Ship In EVE Online Is "Friendship", Power To The Players!
Keitunen Eto
Outer Reach Executive Group
Outer Reach Corporate Authority
#5 - 2013-04-27 05:13:59 UTC
Finally you brought this to EVE. I contacted you already, and you still have my backing with Lore and everything else you'd need. It is a great potential story that I am excited to follow and it would be a great intro.

Keep it up and ill follow.

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.