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Crime & Punishment

 
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A little story I want to share that I thought was comical.
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Fateforsaken
Pator Tech School
Minmatar Republic
#1 - 2013-02-07 00:16:46 UTC
[23:50:02] Fateforsaken > hi
[23:50:14] Nick Cloud > Hello.
[23:50:19] Fateforsaken > whats up
[23:50:23] Nick Cloud > I have a message for you.
[23:50:43] Nick Cloud > But you need to agree to receive the message and can not speak of this conversation at al..
[23:50:50] Fateforsaken > sure
[23:51:18] Fateforsaken > is it about that guy i podded two days ago?
[23:51:25] Nick Cloud > No.
[23:51:32] Fateforsaken > ok proceed
[23:51:57] Nick Cloud > I am using an account that is not tied to my corporation at all. So there can be no tracing
[23:52:04] Nick Cloud > I need you to assassinate a target for me
[23:52:12] Fateforsaken > umm ok
[23:52:28] Nick Cloud > Valeria Raskolnikova.
[23:52:50] Nick Cloud > Valeria's Death will cause her to lose her power in her corporation
[23:53:01] Fateforsaken > Valeria Raskolnikova
[23:53:06] Nick Cloud > this will take her corp in a new direction which will be in the best interest of my Corp.
[23:53:13] Nick Cloud > Yes that is the target
[23:53:37] Fateforsaken > so where does this guy hang out?
[23:53:38] Nick Cloud > Our corporation will then be able to dominate one piece of the market and become very wealthy
[23:54:02] Nick Cloud > We need you to accept the mission before we give away much more information
[23:55:41] Fateforsaken > so from what i gather this guy is in caldari militia, seems to only fly frigates..., how would me killing this guy do anything to affect trade sales?
[23:56:39] Fateforsaken > also what would I be getting in return for doing this?
[23:56:54] Nick Cloud > He is mostly a political leader through influencing leaders outside of Eve. We have inside information from one of their corp members
[23:57:15] Nick Cloud > Showing their incompitence will surely cause them to lose that influence
[23:57:22] Nick Cloud > The subject is in Kanakka
[23:57:38] Nick Cloud > You receive 15% profit from our market dominance
[00:00:36] Nick Cloud > Fateforsaken we need an answer on this. We need you to take out the target while we track their location
[00:01:58] Fateforsaken > kanakka doesnt exist
[00:02:06] Fateforsaken > think you have the spelling wrong
[00:02:44] Nick Cloud > Sorry! Kinakka
[00:04:12] Fateforsaken > so, hes in a faction active territory with 19 other pilots in a low sec system
[00:04:30] Fateforsaken > im guessing i need to provide my own friends to take him out?
[00:04:47] Fateforsaken > thats if he doesnt dock up
[00:05:07] Nick Cloud > You could suicide him. Or Bring friends. Up to you how you take him out. This is why we hired a professional
[00:05:38] Fateforsaken > did you just see me on bounty hunter thing?
[00:05:47] Nick Cloud > Possibly.
[00:05:53] Fateforsaken > cause i kind of just got lucky
[00:06:04] Fateforsaken > happened to kill some pirate afk in his pod at the gate
[00:06:11] Nick Cloud > I think you still have the skills we require.
[00:06:47] Fateforsaken > so honestly there really is no incentive for me to actually get this guy besides, a proposed 15% profit which may or may not exist
[00:07:11] Fateforsaken > for all i know your in this guys corp and your just disgruntled
[00:07:28] Fateforsaken > cause hes a douchebag fleet commander in comms
[00:08:20] Fateforsaken > your plan to assassinate someone really is not going to give way to a political uprising
[00:09:01] Nick Cloud > Fateforsaken. I have explained the situation now I need a yes or No answer.
[00:09:06] Nick Cloud > This is a huge amount of ISK
[00:09:18] Nick Cloud > and we need you to do one simple task.
[00:09:33] Fateforsaken > na man, too much work and not really any gain
[00:09:48] Nick Cloud > Whhhhhaaatttever
[00:09:51] Nick Cloud > It was all fake anywase
[00:09:55] Nick Cloud > WHat a waste of time
[00:09:58] Fateforsaken > lol
[00:10:01] Nick Cloud > lol
[00:10:05] Fateforsaken > so who are you with anyways
[00:10:10] Fateforsaken > or are you just roleplaying
[00:10:12] Nick Cloud > I'm a noob to eve
[00:10:23] Nick Cloud > and have no idea what is going on 95% of the time
[00:10:36] Nick Cloud > So I targeted a random person
[00:10:40] Nick Cloud > and asked for money
[00:10:40] Fateforsaken > so did you just start messaging random people on the bounty hunter board
[00:10:45] Nick Cloud > and they wouldnt give me any
[00:10:53] Nick Cloud > so i told them I'd get them killed
[00:10:57] Fateforsaken > LOL
[00:10:59] Nick Cloud > then I contacted you
[00:11:00] Nick Cloud > hahahha
[00:11:09] Nick Cloud > and 2 other bounty hunters hahahha
[00:11:15] Fateforsaken > o man im going to post this on boards
Zol Interbottom
Blimp Requisition Services
#2 - 2013-02-07 07:58:07 UTC
indeed

"If you're quitting for the 3rd time you clearly ain't quitting" - Chribba
Claire Coffee
Coffee Inc
#3 - 2013-02-07 08:14:34 UTC  |  Edited by: Claire Coffee
*SPOILER ALERT*

TL;DR:
A person picks a random person to kill a random person promising nonexistent enormous rewards cause he's bored.

[b]DRINK COFFEE Do stupid things Faster with More Energy[/b]
Eugene Kerner
TunDraGon
Goonswarm Federation
#4 - 2013-02-07 08:35:46 UTC
True Roleplay it is...

TunDraGon is recruiting! "Also, your boobs [:o] "   CCP Eterne, 2012 "When in doubt...make a diȼk joke." Robin Williams - RIP
Valeria Raskolnikova
Intelligence Reports
#5 - 2013-02-07 18:03:27 UTC
yes, this was a rather strange contact yesterday night...

read about nick cloud´s an my convo here:

part 1:



[ 2013.02.06 23:24:53 ] Nick Cloud > Hey Valeria
[ 2013.02.06 23:24:59 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > evening, what can i do for you?
[ 2013.02.06 23:25:11 ] Nick Cloud > You could send me money? \
[ 2013.02.06 23:25:12 ] Nick Cloud > jk
[ 2013.02.06 23:25:26 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > ok, done
[ 2013.02.06 23:25:26 ] Nick Cloud > Actually I just wanted to talk about money
[ 2013.02.06 23:25:44 ] Nick Cloud > You sent me da moneys?
[ 2013.02.06 23:25:45 ] Nick Cloud > What?
[ 2013.02.06 23:25:53 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > 0,1 isk...
[ 2013.02.06 23:25:53 ] Nick Cloud > I see no increase in my wallet size
[ 2013.02.06 23:25:58 ] Nick Cloud > AW MAN
[ 2013.02.06 23:26:01 ] Nick Cloud > U ARE TOO GENEROUS
[ 2013.02.06 23:26:13 ] Nick Cloud > You know how much it costs to start this convo with you?
[ 2013.02.06 23:26:15 ] Nick Cloud > A lot
[ 2013.02.06 23:26:23 ] Nick Cloud > at least reemburse me for that
[ 2013.02.06 23:26:29 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > you wanted da iskies, you got´em. and no, nothing, my cspa = 0
[ 2013.02.06 23:26:42 ] Nick Cloud > cspa?
[ 2013.02.06 23:26:44 ] Nick Cloud > Donde?
[ 2013.02.06 23:26:52 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > esta?
[ 2013.02.06 23:26:53 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > la
[ 2013.02.06 23:26:58 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > zapateria
[ 2013.02.06 23:26:59 ] Nick Cloud > biblioteca
[ 2013.02.06 23:27:05 ] Nick Cloud > BIBILIOTECA
[ 2013.02.06 23:27:09 ] Nick Cloud > Me Llamo tbone
[ 2013.02.06 23:27:29 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > i love my wife
[ 2013.02.06 23:27:35 ] Nick Cloud > hahaha
[ 2013.02.06 23:27:43 ] Nick Cloud > I wish I had a wife
[ 2013.02.06 23:27:53 ] Nick Cloud > Valeria
[ 2013.02.06 23:27:57 ] Nick Cloud > I made a mistake recently
[ 2013.02.06 23:28:02 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > ok, nick
[ 2013.02.06 23:28:10 ] Nick Cloud > and theres only one thing that can make me feel better
[ 2013.02.06 23:28:15 ] Nick Cloud > ,,,, i peed myself
[ 2013.02.06 23:28:24 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > thats ok
[ 2013.02.06 23:28:26 ] Nick Cloud > so please Valeria
[ 2013.02.06 23:28:30 ] Nick Cloud > I beg of you
[ 2013.02.06 23:28:31 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > yes, nick
[ 2013.02.06 23:28:40 ] Nick Cloud > reemburse me for THAT valeria
[ 2013.02.06 23:28:42 ] Nick Cloud > for THAT
[ 2013.02.06 23:29:01 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > one diaper for nick in the left corner, please
[ 2013.02.06 23:29:09 ] Nick Cloud > also my corp went to war and my only good ship got blown up :'(
[ 2013.02.06 23:29:13 ] Nick Cloud > It wasnt my fualt
[ 2013.02.06 23:29:17 ] Nick Cloud > I DIONT KNOW
[ 2013.02.06 23:29:20 ] Nick Cloud > PLLLEEEASSSEE
[ 2013.02.06 23:29:23 ] Nick Cloud > HELP MEEE
[ 2013.02.06 23:30:09 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > you are a member of -tru- with 841 members... why do you contact me?
[ 2013.02.06 23:30:24 ] Nick Cloud > I just felt a connection
[ 2013.02.06 23:30:49 ] Nick Cloud > Valeria reemburse me or your gonna have every suicide ganger in this zipcode coming after you!
[ 2013.02.06 23:31:27 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > you know my zipcode? thats interesting and strangely comforting. somebody knows where i live!
[ 2013.02.06 23:31:37 ] Nick Cloud > Metaphore
[ 2013.02.06 23:31:40 ] Nick Cloud > thats it valeria
[ 2013.02.06 23:31:43 ] Nick Cloud > all my funds go to this
[ 2013.02.06 23:32:29 ] Nick Cloud > Valeria you got a bounty o9n your back!
[ 2013.02.06 23:32:29 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > thanks for that, at last i got a bounty!
[ 2013.02.06 23:33:02 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > 500k is really THE incentive for bounty hunters to do their work.
[ 2013.02.06 23:33:20 ] Nick Cloud > For sure! i'm contacting all the worlds best bounty hunters tot rack u DOWN
[ 2013.02.06 23:33:50 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > *rrrRRRrrr* i´m soooo shivering. nick, you make me crazy
[ 2013.02.06 23:33:59 ] Nick Cloud > be afraid
[ 2013.02.06 23:34:00 ] Nick Cloud > Very afraid
[ 2013.02.06 23:34:13 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > yes, i am. (fm4)
[ 2013.02.06 23:37:31 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > but i have to say: THAT is a really interesting convo. never had one like these for ages.
[ 2013.02.06 23:37:58 ] Nick Cloud > I've got 2 out of the top 10 bounty hunters ready to hunt you right now
[ 2013.02.06 23:38:07 ] Nick Cloud > i'm giving you one last shot
[ 2013.02.06 23:38:09 ] Nick Cloud > Re
[ 2013.02.06 23:38:10 ] Nick Cloud > Emburse
[ 2013.02.06 23:38:11 ] Nick Cloud > Me
[ 2013.02.06 23:38:14 ] Nick Cloud > For peeing myself
[ 2013.02.06 23:39:25 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > hmmm, sorry. but i have certain standards...
[ 2013.02.06 23:39:49 ] Nick Cloud > You asked for this
[ 2013.02.06 23:40:02 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > if i get no proof of your soiled sheets or underwear...
[ 2013.02.06 23:40:14 ] Nick Cloud > hm...
[ 2013.02.06 23:40:16 ] Nick Cloud > this is true
[ 2013.02.06 23:41:09 ] Nick Cloud > Well I'm giving the orders anywase
[ 2013.02.06 23:41:11 ] Nick Cloud > Watchyouself
[ 2013.02.06 23:41:23 ] Nick Cloud > I've got a team of 42 suicide gankers
[ 2013.02.06 23:41:32 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > ok, but afk 5 (cig)
[ 2013.02.06 23:41:33 ] Nick Cloud > stalking you waiting for the right moment to strike
[ 2013.02.06 23:41:39 ] Nick Cloud > cloaked and
[ 2013.02.06 23:41:42 ] Nick Cloud > ready to punce
[ 2013.02.06 23:41:55 ] Nick Cloud > 2 top bounty hunters going after you with titans
[ 2013.02.06 23:42:11 ] Nick Cloud > also I will rise to power and lead all 4 "races?"
[ 2013.02.06 23:42:18 ] Nick Cloud > and we will all decalre war on you
[ 2013.02.06 23:42:34 ] Nick Cloud > I will destroy continents crumble empires and ruin legacies to find you
[ 2013.02.06 23:42:38 ] Nick Cloud > and BRING YOU DOWN
[ 2013.02.06 23:45:28 ] Nick Cloud > Valeria
[ 2013.02.06 23:45:32 ] Nick Cloud > Are you there?
Valeria Raskolnikova
Intelligence Reports
#6 - 2013-02-07 18:04:02 UTC
part 2:

[ 2013.02.06 23:46:42 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > yes, there again.
[ 2013.02.06 23:47:14 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > you said something about titans. that is a brand of condoms in uk, i understand
[ 2013.02.06 23:48:17 ] Nick Cloud > I have my assasins on you.
[ 2013.02.06 23:50:01 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > just for my clarification: you were the pool-boy at the last reception at sir douglas`s place, weren´t you. yes: fanny, may, claudette and me were rather impressed.
[ 2013.02.06 23:54:29 ] Nick Cloud > Valeria I have NO idea what your talking about
[ 2013.02.06 23:54:33 ] Nick Cloud > Also where are you right now?
[ 2013.02.06 23:54:37 ] Nick Cloud > In eve?
[ 2013.02.06 23:54:39 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > kinakka
[ 2013.02.06 23:54:41 ] Nick Cloud > the assasins want to know
[ 2013.02.06 23:54:46 ] Nick Cloud > Kinakka?
[ 2013.02.06 23:54:48 ] Nick Cloud > Are you lying?
[ 2013.02.06 23:55:01 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > my tongue is as pure as my heart
[ 2013.02.06 23:55:12 ] Nick Cloud > Well where is kinakka
[ 2013.02.06 23:55:47 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > black rise
[ 2013.02.06 23:58:21 ] Nick Cloud > So your really in Kinakka?
[ 2013.02.06 23:59:04 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > yes, still
[ 2013.02.06 23:59:22 ] Nick Cloud > Swaaaggg
[ 2013.02.06 23:59:24 ] Nick Cloud > Umm stay there
[ 2013.02.06 23:59:26 ] Nick Cloud > Or you know
[ 2013.02.06 23:59:29 ] Nick Cloud > reemburse me
[ 2013.02.07 00:03:45 ] Nick Cloud > Valeria what are you even doing in Kinakka?
[ 2013.02.07 00:04:07 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > watching gates, i´m in faction warfare like you
[ 2013.02.07 00:09:28 ] Nick Cloud > Valeria
[ 2013.02.07 00:09:33 ] Nick Cloud > They are coming for you finally
[ 2013.02.07 00:09:35 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > nick
[ 2013.02.07 00:09:54 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > i hope so
[ 2013.02.07 00:11:02 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > but now, i´m logging off. hope for others to be more convincing. even i would have liked an invitation to a goonswarm-corp. ok, next time...
[ 2013.02.07 00:11:31 ] Nick Cloud > BYYEEEE FRIIIEENNNDD
[ 2013.02.07 00:11:39 ] Valeria Raskolnikova > bye, nick


but, now i at least have 500k bounty on my head :)
Dominus Erebrus
Federal Navy Academy
Gallente Federation
#7 - 2013-02-07 23:44:02 UTC
WOW .. Valeria can i pod you - you get 250k of your bounty! :)
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#8 - 2013-02-07 23:55:14 UTC  |  Edited by: Unsuccessful At Everything
This thread, delivers it does.

EDIT: Just wanted to say that this is the most proof I have seen in C&P in forever.

Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?
FallenCleric
State War Academy
Caldari State
#9 - 2013-02-08 19:50:01 UTC
funny story political leader lol