Out of Pod Experience

How to get laid!
1. Crawl up a chicken's ***.
2 wait...

start selling blow. but be careful when using it yourself, else this may backfire terribly...

And you didn't? Now THAT'S ****'d up!

The dirty bit is probably easiest to fix. Living with your grandma depends on how old you are - the older you are the more it will count against you unless you can pull off that you're such a caring soul you moved in to take care of her in her frail old age.

Ignore the idiots with 'game' language (alphas, betas etc, this is not Brave New World) and focus on meeting people you have things in common with. Making friends naturally leads to meeting people who could be fwbs or more. Join clubs for interests you have, even if it's geeky stuff and/or likely to be more dudes there than girls - you will have a much better shot with girls who are on the same page with you and share common interests, and if you are not 'smooth' so to speak you will have a lot better luck trying to date/sex women who already like you because you're a friend.

Join a book club. LARPing group. Tabletop gaming, whatever, something you are genuinely into and go there with an eye to meeting new people regardless of gender/hotness (people notice *fast* if you are only paying attention to people you might have a shot at sexing, and it will work against you).

Make female friends. Cannot stress this enough. You will look like a good guy to be with, because you have female friends, and if you actually spend time with them and come to understand them as people, you *will* become a better guy to be with.

Plus, they might set you up with someone.

Not sure if you're a guy speaking from experience or a lady who is actually helping a guy out. Either way, this is spot on. I think the best thing that ever happened to my dating experience was to not even try or worry about it and just focus on myself and improving myself. Once I did this and just made friends in general across the board no matter what gender they were, the ladies just came out of the wood work. I was like a brand new person. Once I also realized that girls don't want to be quacked at all day and just treated as equals, It is actually really simple and not rocket science. The key is just not giving a **** and just be you.

I'm a lady. :)

But also speaking from experience in that I have a lot of dude friends who one might describe as 'awkward', some of whom have social anxiety issues and/or Aspergers. And I met my boyfirend (who got me into playing EVE) at a LARPing group, as did some of my mates in the group.

Also it's not massively my thing but I know a *lot* of girls who get giddy about the idea of matchmaking their sweet but awkward buddy.

Don't think I didn't appreciate this advice. It's just hard to come up with a reply to everything you and others have said without making some huge document of it. Yeah I'm a lazy chug.

I actually met a girl last weekend though, see I practice boxing and wrestling with my brother and a couple of my friends are friends with a woman wrestler. Well I guess they figure since I only weigh 20 or 30 pounds more than her that she would easily dominate me because she's professional right, but I actually put on a serious man-handling - the first dude to beat her, lol! Took her down, mounted and tapped her out with an arm-bar, holy ****, actually, lol, she wouldn't tap at first and I kept pulling on her arm until I heard some weird noises coming from her arm and that's when I like go, man that was intense... Anyway, we're going to the movies today, her body ain't that nice but she's very very pretty and I'm not gonna be picky - she's also very cool, we wrestled at a party where her and I held our alcohol better than everyone else the whole night, which is something I've always been good at.

Sorry, I wanted to let the thread die but I had to thank you all for the replies still and I figured at least one of you might want to hear this. Thanks for all the serious advice and the jokes alike, this thread was fun for me. I'm 19 btw

That's it

Do i detect the faintest hint of sarcasm there?

Good luck dude.

Srsly, weird place to ask for dating advice, but I wish you the best, and keep on ignoring those PUA monkeys.

@Kittanha Khadijah

All good advice. I'm glad you took the time to answer.

@OP

Like most teens I was naive and knew nothing. I was super shy (without need as I would come to find out). As time went by I learned (probably much later than most), and I actually performed social experiments and studied the data when I was in college (more for fun than anything). There was some hilarious results. haha

I met my wife at twenty-three and got married at twenty-five. I'm approaching 40 now, and I've learned more and more over the years about all kinds of relationships.

A bit of additional advice with the understanding there is always an exception to most rules:

#1 Your goal should not be to use women to simply get "laid." Women deserve friendship, companionship, and/or love depending on what she wants.

#2 If you want to have friends, show yourself to be friendly. Treat women with respect.

#3 As Kitt said, get involved with social groups based on your interests. Find others with the same.

#4 If you are a gamer, I highly recommend that you only get involved in a long term relationship with women who are gamers. I can't stress that enough!

#5 Be a strong man. Be confident in yourself (as much as possible).

I've never met one girl who was interested in anything outside of friendship with a guy who was weak, wimpy, crippled by shyness, a whiner, a "poor me" nobody loves me, nobody wants to have sex with me, or a man who they feel couldn't protect them.

And for the love of man kind everywhere, don't be a push over "yes" ma'am anything you want kind of a guy. You're not a servant. You are an equal. Don't ever beg a woman for sex, nor try to talk a woman into sex.

#6 If a girl doesn't want more than friendship, don't waste your time pursuing her further. Be friends yes, leave it there and move on.

#7 Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat healthy, take a shower everyday, stay well groomed (trimmed, clean finger/toe nails, shaved, if you have a beard keep it tidy etc). Learn how to dress yourself so you look nice. Women do all these things and they look for guys who do the same.

#8 Get an education and a career. Preferably a career that pays you well enough to support a family comfortably. One thing women want without question is the feeling of security even if they are just dating you.

#9 Be romantic in a relationship. But don't be a dripping, blob of lovey dovey goo all the time. If you send flowers everyday she will get used to it. Give flowers yes, but do it when she isn't expecting it (minus holidays like Valentines). That goes with anything.

#10 When you make love to a woman, her pleasure should be just as important to you as yours is to yourself. Don't be a selfish lover... that is absolute... A selfish lover is a terrible lover. The lowest of terrible that exists. You make sure and satisfy her deeply and she'll do the same for you. I can't stress that enough. Sex is a whole different subject, so I'll stop there.

#11 Don't be an idiot and act like an ass. Don't be Mr. Overly Arrogant. Don't be Mr. I'm so cool. Don't be Mr. Ego. Don't confuse arrogance and pride/ego with confidence.

#12 Be you. Be yourself. Relax. Don't change yourself to be what you think she wants.

#13 Women want relationships and sex just as much as men do. Women are just as sexual as men. So stop being afraid. They are just as nervous as you are.

#14 Remember this always. A woman that loves you wants to be your Venus. She wants to be at the top of your list. She wants to be your star. She wants to be the most important thing in your life.

#15 Communication is one of the most important things. Women are emotional creatures, and they want you to communicate with them. But don't open the flood gates and pour all your internal thoughts and emotions out at one time. Don't be an emotional bore/rock either. Everything should be measured.

#16 Listen to your woman.

#17 I think this is so important to remember. There will always be women out there who find you attractive and want you. The flip side is there will always be women out there who think you are unattractive and don't want you. Don't waste your time on the latter.

#18 Be nice to her friends and be willing to hang out with them.

#19 Have fun! Dating is so fun. I miss it. All levels of relationships are fun. Sex is fun.

#20 Your life is your life. Her life is her life. Your lives are meant to compliment one another, not destroy one or the other.

#21 Trust your woman. Don't smother her. Don't accuse her. Encourage her to be as independent as possible and be able to take care of herself.

#22 Don't be a liar.

Well that was longer than I intended. haha

Cheers!

DZ