These forums have been archived and are now read-only.

The new forums are live and can be found at https://forums.eveonline.com/

Warfare & Tactics

 
  • Topic is locked indefinitely.
 

Trinkets friendly Advice Column

First post
Author
Previous Topic Next Topic
Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#61 - 2012-12-28 05:01:32 UTC
Dear Trinkets friend,

What is your opinion of the Micro Jump Drive? Is it worthwhile for Factional Warfare?

Curious in Colelie

Curious in Colelie,

I have reviewed the MJD, and although I have never used it, I have encountered one battleship which was fitted with it. I supply the following questionnaire for you to fill out ahead of using the MJD to gauge your suitability for its use. This should inform you of the requirements in mental state, emotional mettle and chutzpah required for deploying this device in PVP.

Is your favoite D&D monster the:
A - Blink dog
B - Gelatinous Cube
C - Troll
D - Faerie dragon

When faced with danger, what does the ostrich do?
A - Sticks its head in the sand
B - Teleports 100m in its current direction
C - Cries in Local about being blobbed
D - Docks up

When invited to a BDSM party which pecadillo do you indulge in?
A - Schrodinger's Pussy
B - Oil Wrestling for Consenting Adults
C - Hide the Interdimensional Sausage
D - Sexy Manacles of Doom

Which is the most deadly of the following animals?
A - Whale with Featherduster
B - Tiger with Fire Axe
C - Shark with Laser Beam
D - Mosquito with Ebola

If you answered A to any of the above, you have the essence of the combat capabilities of a MJD equipped battleship.

Sincerely,
Trinkets friend

~~ Localectomy Blog ~~
Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#62 - 2013-01-07 06:05:33 UTC  |  Edited by: Trinkets friend
Dear TF,

I missed Sudden Buggery's latest annual report, can you resend it?

Concerned Shareholder in Sirekur

Dear Concerned Shareholder in Sirekur,

I provide it below.

Sincerely,
Trinkets friend

Quote:
Dear shamholder, I provide below the Annual Report of Sudden Buggery as required by CONCORD bylaws to be delivered to you within the month. Please read through and send hatemail before the AGM, which will be held as soon as your mom gets out of my bed.

2012 Sudden Buggery Annual Report

CEO's Address to Shamholders
Ï am proud to be the CEO of such a bunch of villainous spacenerds as you lot of deranged boat violencers. In 2012 we have seen Sudden Buggery go through the eye of the needle and out the other side - in 2013 I hope to not repeat the corp drama llamas as much, and to provide you all with increasing access to bulk killmails and fun tiems nau.

As shareholdings in EVE are all a bunch of bulllshit and I run this as a dictatorial mess, you are referred to as shamholders.

- CEO, Trinkets Friend

Overview of Operations

Sudden Buggery is involved in the business of delivering high-quality murderous buttsex to all and sundry. The corporation moved its operations for delivering said instantaneous buttsex out of wormholes and into Faction Warfare, joining the Minmatar Militia around August 2012.

Income and Expenses
Sudden Buggery's income is measured in killmails. Adjudging by performance on Battleclinic, Sudden Buggery has added around 600 kills in 2012, which is a fairly reasonable addition to the killboards. Expenses, in terms of lossmails, remain low, with around 200 added in 2012, including several billion when Khanh'rhh betrayed us in J144218 and accounted for 39 of those kills. Therefore, at least 39 losses are a tax writeoff.

This was an exceptional one-off expense, which was met primarily out-of-pocket by yours truly. It cost us most dearly with members and morale, which suffered in June-July, resulting in low income. But membership has continued to rebuild, presenting the corporation with outstanding growth opportunities.

Primary Trading partners
We are currently trading with the Amarr militia, who represent the bulk of our low-price income of cheap T1 ships. Occasional high-value transactions such as Vargurs, carriers, T3 cruisers and the like continue to be won, representing the majority of our ISK efficiency income. The best marketing was achieved by the CEO, Trinkets friend, followed by izrid, Miskoranda and Xyphen Zee. New employees such as Commander Ted, Silverblacks, Airro Fairlight and Tonkar Ekanon have opened up order books for good corporate income with our Amarr partners.

Alliance Operations
Sudden Buggery is part of Swift Angels Alliance. The corporation is the evil twin to the Alliance's soft, squishy ceentre. We wear our sinister curly moustaches with pride and lead the fine gentlemeen from Alliance astray.

Strategic Vision
2012 was a year of flux; 2013 will be a year of strengthening the corporation income stream and minimising expenses. The corporation will seek to grow to between 30-60 active members, across all 3 timezones, and will investigate further joint venture opportunities with w-bros and various pirate groups throughout New Eden and beyond, specifically, fat ISK fountains in C5's, nullsec roaming, black ops hotdropping and so on.

Occupational Health and Safety
Sudden Buggery takes its OH&S very seriously. We had one major OH&S incident, as explained prior, but most OH&S incidents were minor, with only a few significant events recorded subsequent to the Mid Year Budget.

The Sudden Buggery OH&S committee got drunk and handed out various Corporate Bullletins regarding proper PPE and work ppractises, and reminds employees to never warp to zero. We remain committed to a fatality-free workplace but remind employees that New Eden is a risk-prone environment with all high-value cargoes best lugged on alts.

Taxation
Sudden Buggery runs a low 10% tax rate. Tax income to the corporation stands at 54M ISK for the year and expenses are 144M ISK.

Auditor's declaration
No one in their right mind would audit the accounts of Sudden Buggery, and thus the truthiness and correctitude of these statements rest entirely with an inebriated ghost lemur, who has passed out from eating fermented goji berries. When he wakes up, we will press him for details, but clearly the corporation is making a nett ISK loss and people should be ashamed.

Closing statements
Sudden Buggery stands for all that is lols. Keep the lols coming.

TF

~~ Localectomy Blog ~~
ShahFluffers
Ice Fire Warriors
#63 - 2013-01-07 07:10:26 UTC
Dear Trinkets Friend,

If an offer was made to join one of the more "distinguished" (see: "laughably inebriated, bloodthirsty, and drama prone") alliances in Minmatar Militia what would be your response?

Yours truly,
~Fluffers

How did you Veterans start?
Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#64 - 2013-01-10 12:08:40 UTC
Dear Shah Fluffers,

While humbled by your offer, I feel I can do an Emperor palpatine and turn my alliance evil. Just needs a few more months.

TF

~~ Localectomy Blog ~~
Machiavelli's Nemesis
Angry Mustellid
#65 - 2013-01-10 12:12:29 UTC
Dear Trinkets Friend,

Do the amarr militia actually exist or are they a figment of some professional crybaby's diseased imagination?
Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#66 - 2013-01-10 12:20:22 UTC  |  Edited by: Trinkets friend
Dear Machiavelli's Nemesis,

This is the classic Schrodingers Noob question. it works roughly like this;

If one puts a mentally diseased crybaby in a spaceship, alone in a plex, and does not teach him how to d-scan or align out, how do we know whether he is alive or dead? (in this analogy, we assume Minmatar cannot d-scan either). Without entering the complex ourselves, to discover if he is alive or gankable and reducitble to tears and cold sweat, we cannot pierce the essential ineluctable quantum dichotomy of the problem.

The Schrodinger's Noob is thus reduced to a waveform, generally represented by audio waves akin to the noise "ub blub blub blub". The nature of the wavefore of the Schrodinger's Noob is unkno'wn until it is observed by warping a gang into the complex, whereupon the observer collapses the waveform into one of its two quantum states of "escaped"or "ganked". Escaped, you may hear the noise "lol noobs" or "good try", and ganked you hear "ub blub blub blub".

Given that there is observer bias, related to the puissance of the scientist measuring the waveform probability volume of Amarr faction warfare plex alts, one may hear more blubbing than another scientist who only hears about how terrible he is at ganking said Schrodinger Noob.

thus, your question is answered - you must open the box to discover the tears!

Sincerely,
TF

~~ Localectomy Blog ~~
Doctorkaba
Brutor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#67 - 2013-01-11 15:49:53 UTC
xD Wow Trinkets, I didn't know you were professed in the eve scientific ganker arts! Well in that case let me ask you this:

Dear Trinkets friend:

How long does it take for a frig (of the amarrian WT variety) to warp into a medium that has been reported 5 other times to be camped by a cloaky pilgrim, if the reports were from 2 caldari and 2 minmatar with only 1 reliable amarrian source?

Sinisterly,
DK

Want some pvp help? Like to fly small and fast frigates? Then join the in game channel Tenori_Tigers!

Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#68 - 2013-01-13 01:15:31 UTC
Dear Doktorkaba,

In the commission of any great work of science, the first step for a scientist is to frame an hypothesis which is testable by rigorous and repeatable experiementation. Then, one must carry out the experiement, consider if the results answer the hypothesis, and promulgate the findings to peers for them to repeat the experiements, gather their own data, and from this support or contradict your hypothesis.

It is the methodology of the correct ways to collect of scientific data which I must address, in order to answer your question. In geology, which is a Science - despite what one may gather from watching movies such as Volcano, Dante's Peak, or The Core - the scientist must colect data and separate facts from interpretations. This may be as simple as determining what a rock is, or as complicated as disentangling considerable layers of nested assumptions and interpretations, to determine if an observation is, in fact, a basic fact.

In this case, the hypothesis that an Amarrian pilot could have any source of information is based upon the assumption that the Amarrians have reliable sources of intelligence; in fact, if I may be so bold, I must upbraid you, good sir, for intimating that the two words "Amarrian"and "intelligence" could be used together in the same sentence!

For without good intelligence, it is clear that the Amarr pilot will continue to derp into the Pilgrim innumerable times. Since that is impossible, it is inevitable that it will happpen - and now we get into the concept of a half-life decay curve and probabilistic life expectancy of Amarrian plexing frigates.

Q.E.D,

Trinkets friend

~~ Localectomy Blog ~~
Alexandra Sarn
Le Coq Sportif
#69 - 2013-01-13 06:20:41 UTC
Dear Trinket,

Today the selfproclaimed "elite of the minmatar militia", Sudden Blobbery from the Soft Angels alliance tried to have some friendly "pvp" with me. What does it mean for these sad little kids? Sending 7 ships to fight my frigate. As you yourself said " If it had been a BUGRY guy, and not a militia scrub, we'd have handed him his first loss, and a ******* good one. Alas, twas not to be."* Since it WAS a BUGRIS guy or something like this, I thought I will have another hilarious loss, but then your brilliant baitship explodes?! http://24fl.killmail.org/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=15886679
Now I understand that losing a 7v1 engagement is so humiliating for the "elite of the minmatar", that no words can describe it. Please advise me how should I play, I don't want to hurt the feelings of your little minions.

With love,
(still) All Assets in Aset, a.k.a. Amarr Alts Are Allowed (to undock my ships..enjoy your "victory")



* http://localectomy.blogspot.hu/2012/11/the-mystical-beast-escapes.html
Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#70 - 2013-01-13 22:30:39 UTC
Dear Cynthia Nezmor's 7th alt,

You have failed the Turing test.

Trinkets friend

~~ Localectomy Blog ~~
Cynthia Nezmor
Nezmor's Golden Griffins
#71 - 2013-01-14 10:55:56 UTC
Trinkets friend wrote:
Dear Cynthia Nezmor's 7th alt,

You have failed the Turing test.

Trinkets friend


Silent tears are the best, right? "elite" Lol
Priscilla Orti
State War Academy
Caldari State
#72 - 2013-01-14 15:42:12 UTC
Cynthia Nezmor wrote:
Trinkets friend wrote:
Dear Cynthia Nezmor's 7th alt,

You have failed the Turing test.

Trinkets friend


Silent tears are the best, right? "elite" Lol



I don't see what's silent about this. Also, shameless attempts to bump your ego a few points in a thread that's clearly intended for humor make you out to be quite the daft ****.
Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#73 - 2013-01-15 08:01:23 UTC
Deat Trinkets friend,

As you are aware, the Gallente captured all the systems in the Cal/Gal zone. This was apparently done under the myth that they would get a medal or something. I will not get into the whole politics of the Cal/Gal zone, as I don't think you're going to care. But I have heard that the Gallente, now they have 'won' the war, will be heading down to the Minmatar/Amarr warzone. Should I be worried that I will be evicted from Kamela?

Concerned in Kamela

Concerned in Kamela,

Quite aside from eating goji berries and the severed heads of opponents, the Rohingya Muslims of Burma have been waging a guerilla war against the oppressive regime of Myanmar - aka Burma - ever since independence from the British.

You must adopt the mindset of a macaque mascot finger-cuffed to the rifle-barrel of a Rohingya freedom fighter, who struggles day-to-day to feed and clothe himself in the deep spider and snake infested jungles of the Naga Hills, one of the most forsaken and inimicable places to inhabitate. This redoubtable scion of democracy knows he may well perish trying to overthrow a superior and tyrannical enemy, yet the exigencies of the situation propel him to sacrifices which would make lesser men cry.

The role of the macaque mascot is not so much as a pet - for it is true that the Caldari FW force is but a lapdog in effect - but as a source of companionship as the poor, bllighted freedom fighter struggles through hip-deep leech-infested swamps day in and day out to plant a lone antipersonnel mine in the latrine of the Burmese commander. But even companions, when the extremity of the situation calls for it, may serve another purpose - that of food.

Would it not be remiss of the Rohingya warrior to preserve the life of his monkey, and endanger the lives of his community, at risk of genocide or worse, if he starves to death in the jungle (and his macaque, finger-cuffed to his Kalashnikov, eats his corpse for sustenance). Or does he take his pet macaque, and make a macaque vol-au-vent, allowing him to fight on and preserve the struggle?

Perhaps a harsh lesson, here, for the Amarr, but you must feast upon the macaque cuffed to your assault rifles, ignore the leeches infesting your pudenda, wade through the razor-grass swamps in your underpants, and scale the slippery mud bank out the other side. For without you, Concerned in Kamela, we Minmatar will be distraught and listless.

With much gravid expectation,
Trinkets friend

~~ Localectomy Blog ~~
Luvvin McHunt
The Church of Awesome
#74 - 2013-01-18 05:14:04 UTC
Dear Trinket,

How many nullbears with no senses of humor does it take to run one small plex in Kehjari while 4 other plexes are showing on the system scanner?

Thanks
KehjariIsALibraryNowSHHHHHHH
Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#75 - 2013-01-19 03:19:21 UTC
Dear kehjari'sALibraryNowSHHHHHH,

In The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, by Steven S. Covey, the secret to WINNING! in the Charlie Sheen way is detailed;

1. Be Proactive
2. Begin with the End in Mind
3. Put First Things First
4. Think Win/Win
5. Seek to understand and be understood
6. Synergize
7. Sharpen the Saw

Being a highly successful spacenerd requires attention to all these facets of syngerising the multidimension virtual gestalt of interpersonal developmental meta-cognisant quantifiable performance indicators. it is clear that these nullbears are failing at point 6, in that they are from nullsec and not faction warfare, and therefore wasting time in a plex is a lose/lose situation, leading to their ill-humor.

In order to metastasise their ISK-making paradigm into 'boatloads'instead of 'thimblefuls' they must integrate the contextualised selectivity of militia groundstate quantum dichotomy from negative to positive; this will then allow them to gather LP's and front-load their ISK-shovelling expertise via upwardly-mobile vertically-integrated LP store logistical and distributional architectures vis a viz Jita 4-4, which should improve their bucolic humor.

Therefore, the answer to your question is 3.14159265 nullbears per arc-tan intersection of the conic projection of the angle between your elbow and fasces minor.

Sincerely,

TF

~~ Localectomy Blog ~~
Wiedzmin 3
Viziam
Amarr Empire
#76 - 2013-01-19 19:31:20 UTC
Luvvin McHunt wrote:
Dear Trinket,

How many nullbears with no senses of humor does it take to run one small plex in Kehjari while 4 other plexes are showing on the system scanner?

Thanks
KehjariIsALibraryNowSHHHHHHH


Hilarious how you ask this from the guy who needs SEVEN people to run a novice plex.
Cynthia Nezmor
Nezmor's Golden Griffins
#77 - 2013-01-21 10:43:09 UTC
As a man with a wide variety of skill you can help me I hope:

[10:34:11] EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Isbrabata
[10:36:45] Cynthia Nezmor > Kibborg hello

Here the farmer warps out from the plex.

[10:36:52] Kibborg > ку)))
[10:36:55] Cynthia Nezmor > please post your thoughts here http://localectomy.blogspot.hu/
[10:37:22] Cynthia Nezmor > as you are one of the "the PVPers are those who don't see farmer-type activities as a means to an end, neccessarily, and resent imposition of FW plex button orbiting in the defensive as detracting from PVP."
[10:37:28] Cynthia Nezmor > :trinketsfriend:

How to translate this to Russian? Or is there a way to communicate this inquiry to him with some non verbal communication?
Dan Carter Murray
#78 - 2013-01-24 00:19:12 UTC
Cynthia Nezmor wrote:
As a man with a wide variety of skill you can help me I hope:

[10:34:11] EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Isbrabata
[10:36:45] Cynthia Nezmor > Kibborg hello

Here the farmer warps out from the plex.

[10:36:52] Kibborg > ку)))
[10:36:55] Cynthia Nezmor > please post your thoughts here http://localectomy.blogspot.hu/
[10:37:22] Cynthia Nezmor > as you are one of the "the PVPers are those who don't see farmer-type activities as a means to an end, neccessarily, and resent imposition of FW plex button orbiting in the defensive as detracting from PVP."
[10:37:28] Cynthia Nezmor > :trinketsfriend:

How to translate this to Russian? Or is there a way to communicate this inquiry to him with some non verbal communication?

teach me russian please

http://mfi.re/?j7ldoco 50GB free space @ MediaFire.com
Machiavelli's Nemesis
Angry Mustellid
#79 - 2013-01-24 02:24:44 UTC
Dear Trinkets friend,

why have all the professional amarr whiners on this forum suddenly stopped complaining about how every single game mechanic is a conspiracy imposed by CCP to favour the minmatar over them? Has CCP's invisible army of winged monkeys/minmatar LP farmers switched sides or something?

Or is all of the amarr's recent success down to skill and sheer hard work in a way we minmatar would never experience without CCP holding our hands all the way?

...rofl...
Trinkets friend
Sudden Buggery
Sending Thots And Players
#80 - 2013-01-24 13:54:36 UTC
Dear Machiavelli's nemesis,

You raise a very interesting question (unlike those above, who raise nothing more than their dirty laundry) as to the recent swinging of the pendulum in the Amarr-Minmatar faction wafare zone.

A tenet of Capitalist Economic theory is that the reward of capital - in this example dominance of particular systems and the Tier of the faction's warzone control - flows to those who have the skills and experience which are relevant to the most economic allocation of capital, based upon supply and demand.

It is clear that looking at the warzone recently, there is a demand for less and less Stabber Fleet issues, as the price has tanked. This is due to oversupply caused by long-term entrenched oversupply of Minmatar LP's, which is counterbalanced by long-term scarcity of Amarr LPs which have padded our killboard ISK efficiency with bloated Omen navy issue killmail values. Likewise and so forth throughout the LP stores.

As Marx would say, capital is deployed most efficiently towards its best return. In this case, one assumes that the Amarr dominance of the warzone is caused by a hunger for LP's and increased LP rewards from gaining tier 3; however, one must not presume that there is no self-interest at heart in the actionss of the Minmatar in abandoning, for example, isbrabata and the Aset pocket to the Amarr. For it is true that the price of SFI's crashed, and thus, so too must the price of ONI's and Slicers; balancing this out is a greater supply of LP's for the Minmatar in plexing the vast Lebensraum opened up by the Amarr (a kind of Siberia in Space, full of Cynthia Nezmor's alts stuck in a perpetual deplexing gulag) coupled with a short-term supply shock caused by lots of PVP and worthless deplexing - the upshot of which should be a rejuvenation of SFI prices, and more profitability for all.

In the end, one can ascribe - correctly, I may add - a certain villainous organisational puiscance to the Amarr attack. But one cannot entirely eliminaate a scurrilous self-serving edge to the Minmatar's response, based in base self-interest.

Sincerely,
TF

~~ Localectomy Blog ~~