Intergalactic Summit

So I've been sucking down vodka banana smoothies on the terrace of Atalantikiyo's here on Hilaban... what number is this, sweetie? Planet? The planet's number? You know, it's under the gate... to... you know... somewhere else.

Well anyway, I've been sucking down vodka banana smoothies in this gloriously overwhelming afternoon sun, three of my favorite boys curled up on the tiles around my feet - I just love running my toes up and down the bumps on their inhumanely long slender abdomens...

Why hello, Duchess! What a stupendous concoction of haberdasher mastercraftery rests upon thy regal noggin!

Bumps, smoothies... yes, while sucking down vodka and reading the wire, that discussion on "Tests of Faith" caught my attention (given that I so adore both). Now, whether or not this or that blood addled madman on this or that throne represents a "test of faith," a "sign," or (as is more likely the case) "business as usual" - the Empire's failure to assimilate these *adorable* creatures (now sweetie, you know he bites when you pinch those ) certainly qualifies as dropping more than a few ordained balls.

Behave!

The Ni-Kunni, the Udorians, the Khannid, the Parthinians, the Mohikans, the Kilts and the Kumquats, you name it, going back centuries into longer stretches of time, time and again, efficient Amarrian social integration flawlessly expanded the size and diversity of our Empire, repeatedly. Then, not that terribly long ago - at the height of its relative technological superiority - said Empire could not manage to assimilate three societies which had collectively gotten about as far as attaching an internal combustion engine to a buggy and calling it a powered wagon.

Although Jovian meddling certainly tossed the mother of all monkeys at that wench... wrench at these monkeys...

Gar-sewn! Another smoothie!

Right, although the Jove (may they rot in their vacuous graves) played foil to God's project plan, it wasn't really *all* them, now, was it, sweeties? Somewhere around my seventh smoothie... and I've completely lost track how many tummy bumps - kitchy kitchy kitchy koo koo!

Somewhere around then, it hit me.

It is the humble man who knows his place before God, and so it is humble Humility who rules the Virtues.

Trying to assimilate three substantially different beast tribes all at once - without vanquishing their respective primal aspects in turn - was not humble and led to catastrophic failure. Really, I should have seen this from the holos hidden away by Great Auntie Kali up in the monastery attic. Only two members of my extended clan have ventured into space, at least for any extended period of time, and we couldn't have been more different, Great Auntie Kali and me. She was a vicious, conniving, cruel dominatrix with a taste for bare bottoms and... so we couldn't have been more alike, Great Auntie and me.

Though she did not participate in the original seizure of Pitter-Pa'tor, after swimming in one of the lakes that you're not really supposed to swim in, she informed the family that the Lady of that Lake had demanded Auntie take to the stars. So off she went to Patagonia. She made nice with a Vharsoothian clan that offered to show her where Sebiestor were hiding in muddy holes - nothing changes, does it, sweeties? Who *is* a good boy!?

Well, there you have it. Had the Empire contented itself to assimilate one feral tribe at a time, matters would have proceeded as smoothly as a Versoopial teen's curving back. I therefore submit that rather than trying to re-assimilate the whole bloody lot of them, we just pick *one* of the Matari tribes to tango with at a time.

Gar-sewn! A tango!

The example of success would then surely facilitate swirling with the other two. But which to pick first?

Mummy has her favorite, doesn't she, sweetie boo-boo-moogie-woogie-woogies!

I attempted to run this speech through my perscomp's gibberish translator program, but it made the system have a fatal brain aneurysm.

When one knows that the Amarr Empire actually attacked the Jove that were initially not involved in anything at all regarding the Minmatar rebellion - or uprising, depending on the observer - it starts to get hard to argue that the Jove are to blame for said rebellion/uprising.

Now then, some Amarrian think-tanks also like to believe that God project plans - if God is to be unflawed - are unlikely to be played foil with by mere mortals, which often leads them to believe that Vak'Atioth was not part of God project plans, some even going as far as to state that they actually went against God project plans.

Except now we're united against the threat of the Reclaiming. So you can't go after just one tribe.

We bite. Viciously.

It appears that alcohol and carnal desires are clouding Pilot Noh's judgement to cause her to suggest such an insane idea otherwise, she'd recall from history, that while Matari may disagree among ourselves we've always fought as one against outside threats.

Also confirming that, unlike her boy toys, we do bite rather viciously...

With radioactive ordnance and thermonuclear missiles.

There is nothing at all worse about the Federation than the Republic, I daresay that with better fashions in both ships and fabric I prefer the Federation. In the past few months I have even done a bit of fixing their view of me and the Nation didn't seem to mind that, and i have to think that the tolerance that the Federation espouses is real, whereas most other empires are simply lying....

I suppose the question is why all the hate, hasn't the Federation done enough for the republic to earn your gratitude rather than contempt?

And where do you gather this tidbit from? Within the Liberation Force people from all the tribes fight side-by-side. Just sayin. Our Vherokior partners in HUANG seem to trust us well.

Is there a name for your kind of barking-dog crazy, or does "generic IGS nutter" cover it sufficiently?

Oh, *really*?

If in fact that is your grasp of slavery's history, then I am not the one living in la-la land and you, sir, need to read a book. Perhaps two. In reality, down through the ages, collaborators have been a primary vector for acquiring slaves among native populations and transporting said to ports where big ships come and pick them up.

So who might collaborate in contemporary Matari society?

Even a cursory examination of available materials quickly reveals an answer:

The Vherokior have been under-represented throughout Matari history. Isardsund Urbrald sought to address this by transferring power to the tribes and away from the central government. He was opposed in that effort by... the Sebiestor.

It is the Sebiestor who have historically dominated Matari society, lording their tinkerer skills over the other tribes. Naturally, the crafty little devils like the idea of a strong central government - one which they have traditionally dominated.

But wait! The Brutor are the rising stars of Republic life, and they see the present age as "their time." Oh, dear. That puts them in direct conflict with... the Sebiestor.

Meanwhile, the Krusual - who share the ingenious traits of the Sebiestor but have instead been demonized for them - harbor the least favorable opinion of their tinkering rivals among the lot.

Now, is there a common thread? Oh, look at that! It's that nobody actually likes the Sebiestor.

Add to this the economic difficulties which confront the entire Republic, and denials that some tribes might seriously consider jettisoning the least popular among them have a brassy, hollow ring.