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Crime & Punishment

 
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Message from CoolKidz (R1fta)
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ice semple
Order of the Silver Dragons
Silver Dragonz
#1 - 2012-01-26 19:55:47 UTC  |  Edited by: ice semple
This is the original message, copied and pasted straight from the mailbox. Nothing has been changed, no names have been changed, original caps remain, and we lol'd when we saw this.

The squeamish may want to divert their eyes as this is pretty graphic, thx R1fta!

Also, well aware that this is against the forum rules, but in this case, an exception should be made since this is so damn funny rather than something that will incite flame and/or hate.



WHITE FLAG STOCKS DEPLETED IN GELFIVEN
From: Miura Bull
To: Black Rebel Rifter Club, ice semple, Tauren Tom,

GREETINGS DRAGON MEN,

DISTURBING NEWS HAS REACHED OUR LOCKER ROOMS. THE REBELS ARE DISPONTED AND IN SHOCK AND DSBELIF THAT MEN OF DRAGON NATURED AGGRESSIVENESS HAVE RETREATED FROM OUR ADVANCING ARMY. WE EVEN HAD MASS PRODUCED BODY BAGS ON ORDER THAT WE NOW HAVE TO RETURN. UNFILLED.

WE FELT A GREAT DISTURBANCE IN THE THRUST OF OUR RIFTER ENGINES

AS IF A MILLION AUTOCANNONS SUDDENLY JAMMED IN TERROR AND WERE SUDDENL;Y SILENCED.



WE ARE SAD THAT SUCH COWARDICE EXISTS. WE FIND THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOUR TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE FROM NOW ON WE WILL BLOT OUT THE SUN WITH OUR SUICIDE THRASHERS, A WHOLE WING OF ARTILLERY CLAD BATTLESHIPS ARE DOCKED WITH KAMIKAZE PILOTS READY TO UNDOCK AT A MOMENTS NOTICE. ANY AND EVERY PILOT OF YOUR CORPORATION AND YOUR ALLIES WILL BE TARGETTED IN THIS SUSTAINED TERRORIST CAMPAIGN.. LET IT BE KNOWN THAT WHEN THE FLEET UNDOCKS, THEY WILL BE LEASHED TO THEIR PODS LIKE A RABID DOG, FOAM WILL FROTH FROM THE MOUTHS OF THE AVENGERS.

NO ASTEROID WILL BE LEFT UNTURNED. BLOOD WILL FLOW ON THE MOONS OF GELFIVEN.

UNLESS.

YOU PAY A RANSOM DEMAND OF 17 BILLION ISK AND SAY SORRY FOR BEING NAIUGHTY BOYS.


THIS PAYMENT SHOULD BE MADE BY MIDNIGHT TOMORROW TO GUARANTEE THE SAFETY OF ALL MINING OPERATIONS AND PILOT SAFETY OF ALL YOUR MEMBERS. THE APOLOGY SHOULD BE IN THE FORM OF AN ANCHORED CAN IN THE ICE BELT OF TEONUSUDE FOR ALL TO SEE. RENAMED WITH YOUR APOLOGETIC WORDS.


THIS WILL NOT END. WE ARE LEGION. WE ARE R1FTA.



IF YOU NEED TO DISCUSS THIS MATTER FURTHER PLEASE DROP ME A MESSAGE. IF I AM BACK FROM MY PAPER ROUND BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS I WILL TRY AND GET ONLINE FOR A FEW HOURS. ALSO AT NIGHT IF MOM LETS ME PLAY ON PC FOR A FEW HOURS I IWLL ANSWER THEN. BUT IF MY BROTHER WANTS TO GO ON XBOX IN MY ROOM WE WILL HAVE TO CAHT ANOTHER TIME.

AWAITING YOUR RESPONSE

MIURA BULL.

AGED 15.

CEO AND CULT LEADER OF R1FTA
Shukuzen Kiraa
Wildlands Tactical Response Unit
Out of the Blue.
#2 - 2012-01-26 20:03:39 UTC
I lol'd
Tauren Tom
Order of the Silver Dragons
Silver Dragonz
#3 - 2012-01-26 20:05:45 UTC
Re: POS

From: Tauren Tom
To: Silver Chair

You didn't want that manticore anyway right?

2011.12.28 05:29:00

Victim: The name has been removed to protect this derps identity
Corp: Black Rebel Rifter Club
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Manticore
System: Illamur
Security: 0.3
Damage Taken: 1714

Involved parties:

Name: Caldari Sentry Gun I / Expert Distribution
Damage Done: 1060

Name: Small AutoCannon Battery / Order of the Silver Dragons (laid the final blow)
Damage Done: 654

Destroyed items:

Ballistic Control System II
Small Warhead Calefaction Catalyst I
Small Hydraulic Bay Thrusters I
Targeting Range Dampening
'Malkuth' Siege Missile Launcher I

Dropped items:

Phased Muon Sensor Disruptor I, Qty: 2
Ballistic Control System II
Covert Ops Cloaking Device II
Juggernaut Torpedo, Qty: 39
Catalyzed Cold-Gas Arcjet Thrusters
Phased Weapon Navigation Array Generation Extron
Targeting Range Dampening
'Malkuth' Siege Missile Launcher I, Qty: 2
Juggernaut Torpedo, Qty: 937 (Cargo)

POS
From: Silver Chair
Sent: 2011.12.28 23:07
To: Tauren Tom,

You didn't want that POS anyway, right?

Silver Chair
In the grand scheme of things... You're all pubbies. So HTFU.   "It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses." - Elwood Blues
Carlo Falcone
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#4 - 2012-01-26 20:15:56 UTC
Funny things, those internet spaceships.
Mr Morita
Pandemic Horde Inc.
Pandemic Horde
#5 - 2012-01-27 17:40:28 UTC
Tauren Tom wrote:
Re: POS

From: Tauren Tom
To: Silver Chair

You didn't want that manticore anyway right?

2011.12.28 05:29:00

Victim: The name has been removed to protect this derps identity
Corp: Black Rebel Rifter Club
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Manticore
System: Illamur
Security: 0.3
Damage Taken: 1714

Involved parties:

Name: Caldari Sentry Gun I / Expert Distribution
Damage Done: 1060

Name: Small AutoCannon Battery / Order of the Silver Dragons (laid the final blow)
Damage Done: 654

Destroyed items:

Ballistic Control System II
Small Warhead Calefaction Catalyst I
Small Hydraulic Bay Thrusters I
Targeting Range Dampening
'Malkuth' Siege Missile Launcher I

Dropped items:

Phased Muon Sensor Disruptor I, Qty: 2
Ballistic Control System II
Covert Ops Cloaking Device II
Juggernaut Torpedo, Qty: 39
Catalyzed Cold-Gas Arcjet Thrusters
Phased Weapon Navigation Array Generation Extron
Targeting Range Dampening
'Malkuth' Siege Missile Launcher I, Qty: 2
Juggernaut Torpedo, Qty: 937 (Cargo)

POS
From: Silver Chair
Sent: 2011.12.28 23:07
To: Tauren Tom,

You didn't want that POS anyway, right?

Silver Chair


tl;dr for everyone else:

That must have been a cheap POS.
seany1212
M Y S T
#6 - 2012-01-27 17:44:57 UTC
ice semple wrote:

Also, well aware that this is against the forum rules, but in this case, an exception should be made since this is so damn funny rather than something that will incite flame and/or hate.


An exception should not be made, not so damn funny and who is Dragon Men and R1FTA? Roll
Mikhail Illiad
Fevered Imaginings
#7 - 2012-01-27 18:32:57 UTC
Needz moar context!

There once was an interesting signature here... It has long since disapeared. 
Ravnik
Infinate Horizon
#8 - 2012-01-28 11:29:16 UTC
Nice mail. I wet my pants reading it. But that was just down to old age i fear, nothing to do with the laughing...

The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long - and you have burned so very, very brightly..........
Ahrieman
Codex Praedonum
Divine Damnation
#9 - 2012-01-28 14:05:04 UTC
I always did like R1FTA. In fact, I have to admit that I miss them hanging around Heimatar low sec. Sad

Solo Rifter since 2009
Zack Evans
Pyromaniacs Anonymous
#10 - 2012-01-28 18:31:11 UTC
lol, MB was always quite the heretic. Almost makes me embarassed to say I used to be in r1fta. lol I was kicked for being a "spy", say part is I wa son a LoA while on deployment for Southern Partnership -.-;
ice semple
Order of the Silver Dragons
Silver Dragonz
#11 - 2012-01-31 18:28:53 UTC
Mr Morita wrote:


tl;dr for everyone else:

That must have been a cheap POS.

it was a small throwaway tower we put up to test effectiveness of certain guns. so yes, it was a cheap POS... probably cost less than 100mil to setup....
Tauren Tom
Order of the Silver Dragons
Silver Dragonz
#12 - 2012-02-20 21:43:16 UTC
ice semple wrote:
Mr Morita wrote:


tl;dr for everyone else:

That must have been a cheap POS.

it was a small throwaway tower we put up to test effectiveness of certain guns. so yes, it was a cheap POS... probably cost less than 100mil to setup....



Total cost was only about 50 mil since the modules were looted from another tower we had bashed in the area :)
In the grand scheme of things... You're all pubbies. So HTFU.   "It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses." - Elwood Blues
Michael Harari
Genos Occidere
HYDRA RELOADED
#13 - 2012-02-22 13:15:45 UTC
Tauren Tom wrote:
ice semple wrote:
Mr Morita wrote:


tl;dr for everyone else:

That must have been a cheap POS.

it was a small throwaway tower we put up to test effectiveness of certain guns. so yes, it was a cheap POS... probably cost less than 100mil to setup....



Total cost was only about 50 mil since the modules were looted from another tower we had bashed in the area :)


MODULES I FIND ARE FREE
MrWhitei God
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#14 - 2012-02-22 13:46:39 UTC
<3 R1FTA
Ahrieman
Codex Praedonum
Divine Damnation
#15 - 2012-02-22 16:14:41 UTC
Was curious to see who necro'd this thread. Then looking at the culprits, I facepalmed.

MrWhitei God wrote:
<3 R1FTA


But, my thoughts exactly.


Solo Rifter since 2009
Miura Bull
Screaming Hayabusa
#16 - 2012-02-26 19:03:15 UTC
Zack Evans wrote:
lol, MB was always quite the heretic. Almost makes me embarassed to say I used to be in r1fta. lol I was kicked for being a "spy", say part is I wa son a LoA while on deployment for Southern Partnership -.-;



Wait. Is this the same Zack Evans who begged and pleaded to be let back in? P Oh and hi Tom.