Out of Pod Experience

You probably didn't know this, but several years ago a longtime friend and I were walking down Richmond Street in London Ontario, Canada (my hometown and country) when something unexpected happened. Let me explain.

We were returning home after a night of enjoying ourselves at a local bar. It was after 2:00, so all the local establishments had stopped serving and were encouraging their patrons to go home. My longtime friend has a name, but I don't want to tell it to you because you're an internet stranger. We'll call him Squinty.

Anyway, Squinty and I were about 10 minutes from home when we passed familiar territory - the street frontage of a local bar (The Martini Bar), which we had both frequented due to friends who worked there (both in the upstairs bar and in the restaurant downstairs). Although commotion was not uncommon on Richmond Street, it was not a typical occurance in front of the Martini Bar, which more often than not was frequented by an enlightened and non-confrontational sort of patronage. This uncommon occurrance warranted further investigation.

Squinty and I quickly assessed the situation at hand and made note of all the variables. We're professionals, so that's what we do (we're not). Among several facts, the following was apparent:

1) A group had gathered to witness a commotion
2) A smaller group than all those who were witnessing were picking on a *young lady - surrounding *her and pushing *her back and forth and tautning *her
3) All of the assailants were male
4) A crowd had gathered to witness the spectical (which is what alerted Squinty and I to the situation in the first place)

After a brief look, there was more than enough reason for two stalwart young men to investigate further. Upon a closer look, we confirmed that a *lady was being assaulted by four men. Squinty and I sprung into action, pushing our way into the centre of the commotion and challenging the assailants. Squinty was right on my coat tails - not leading the charge but also not leaving me to solo PvP these four neutrals.

Hero that I am, the first thing I did was grab the *damsel in a bear hug from behind, pick *her up, rotate on the spot, and put *her down behind me - the result is I am now in between *her and *her assailants.

Being ten feet tall and bullet proof (read: drunk) I bellow at the fellows, challenging their manhood for antagonizing a lonely young lady "Get your hands off her!!!!" I challenge them, hoping they choose to take on an opponent their size (disregarding the four vs. two odds).

This challenge is met by laughter and amusement. Fair enough, I think - they outnumber us and don't take us seriously. Little do they know, WE'RE FIERCE!!! I prepare for their attack and assume Squinty is doing the same.

But nothing happens.

Instead, they continue laughing and turn and walk away.... a result I was hoping for, but not in the way I was expecting.... This doesn't make sense. Granted, Squinty and I aren't small guys, but we're certainly not huge (we were both rather average stature, at around 6 feet and around 170lbs at the time - I'm fat now, but this isn't a story about now). But outnumbered four vs. two, there was no real contest. We must have really sold how tough we are!!!!!!

It is at this moment that Squinty and I both realize our victory. A sweet moment for the outnumbered dorks. As the saying goes - to the victors go the spoils. Now we're not sexpecting much from the *damsel we helped (as we're dorks) but a friendly thank you would be appreciated.

Well, a thankyou we never received. You see, by the time Squinty and I were confident the assailants were leaving and not coming back, the *young lady had picked *herself up and was dusting *herself off. Squinty and I turned to address *her, but fell to the ground laughing before we could get a word out. Our laughter continued for several minutes after, and when we sobered (from the laughter) *she was gone.

You've probably noticed by now that every reference to the *woman in this story comes compete with an asterisk (*). Well, there's a reason for that - the *woman in this story is a dude.

From behind (the only angle Squinty and I got before we tried to activate hero mode) the guy looked 100% female. He had long hair down to his mid-back as well as a rather slender build. I expect the Wobbly Pops Squinty and I consumed didn't help our judgement either. From the front, the dude had a ZZ Top beard. I'm talking a 12 inch long belly scratcher. Definitely a dude, no questions asked.

Regardless of the end result, I remain proud of this story. It is one of the few times that I've seen what I deemed to be an injustice and then chose to act to stop it. In the end, Squinty and I didn't save the damsel we had set out to, but we may well have stopped a skinny long haired blonde guy from getting his ass beat down by four dudes. And at the end of the day, isn't that what Easter is all about.

Yes, yes it is.

Happy Easter forum readers. May the bunny be kind to you and your loved ones.

o7

Justice wins again! \o/

You are both heros this world needs. 🙇

lol - you meant well so kudos for that.

Lol, That gave me a good laugh

Glad to hear some of you enjoyed my story. A few beers gave me all the motivation I needed to tell it.

Wish I could say I was always as altruistic as I was that night, but I would be lying. I have more than a few stories that shine me a a somewhat different light, but I'll keep those to myself