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"Demon Sightings" revealed to be multiple conspiracies !

Shirley Serious
Gutter Press
#1 - 2017-01-15 13:20:08 UTC
News reaches Gutter Press that several purported "Demon Sightings" were in fact conspiracies by enemies of the Empire, and not in fact genuine supernatural apparitions !

Conspiracy !

Reports of demon sightings had increased by 10% in the last three months of YC 118, with many linking them to the construction of a "Summoning Facility", by one of the more widely-known Sani Sabik heretics, a Khanid self-appointed "prophet" called Nauplius. The particular facility had been destroyed in the early days of YC 119, an event that allegedly caused numerous demons to "rampage through the material realm".

Rampage !

Numerous other sightings have been reported, throughout primarily the Khanid Kingdom and Ammatar Mandate, some local residents claiming them to be linked with Nauplius's activities.

Other people are not so sure of these claims.

Dubious !

Gutter Press agents spoke to several law enforcement officials within the Mandate, who told us that most "demon" sightings in the Mandate were actually a conspiracy involving Minmatar malcontents and dissidents, using the disturbances caused by Sani Sabik capsuleers as cover for their nefarious activities.

Deception !

Meanwhile, a brainologist working at Hedion University's Cyberpsychology Centre, claimed that capsuleer misuse of implants and boosters are the most likely cause of demon sightings amongst capsuleers.
"Lots of capsuleers used those enhancers that the Covenant were throwing around space at the end of October. It's possible at least some of them contained some kind of malignant agent.", claimed the researcher.

Other cyberpsychologists pointed the finger of suspicion at the Talisman implants, which are manufactured by the Covenant, and are often used by capsuleers, claiming that demon sightings are likely to be a conspiracy by the Covenant, using Talisman implants loaded with malware as bait for unwary capsuleers.
"Anything you stick into your brain that was made by the Covenant, should be considered suspect", claimed one cyberpsychologist.
"Augmented reality, causing the user to see things that aren't there. In this case, demons. Sure, it's possible", claimed another.

Implants !

Gutter Press also contacted a Sani Sabik academic, that claimed that "demons" do exist, though their appearance in reality is extremely rare.
"If you consider the universe as being shaped like an onion, with our realm in the middle, and Paradise at the core, and Hell being the outer layers, then 'demons' are entities that enter our realm from the lower layers, the Sefrim of course entering our realm from the upper layers"

Onions !

A Theology Council spokesman had this to say about the issue of demon incursions.
"Why do you keep bothering us about this kind of stuff ? Go bother Cardinal Graelyn. He loves that kind of question."

Dismissive !

Whatever the truth of demon intrusions, Gutter Press will be the first to report it !

Just the facts.

Hoi Andrapodistai
#2 - 2017-01-15 14:12:21 UTC
This article contains numerous errors which leads me to the tragic conclusion that Shirley Serious is either still in captivity under Samira Kernher or has been mentally damaged by such captivity.

Chief among the errors, of course, is placing my prophethood in scare quotes and describing me as self-appointed. In fact I was appointed by God and my prophethood is not in doubt. Ms. Serious goes further, however, in that she also repeatedly places the word demon in scare quotes, implying that their existence is dubious. Their existence is not dubious.

I call upon Gutter Press to make personal contact with Shirley Serious (who to my knowledge has not actually been seen in public since I met her years ago), ascertain whether she is not mentally broken and whether she can be fixed, and report on these results to its readers.
Valerie Valate
Church of The Crimson Saviour
#3 - 2017-01-15 17:02:17 UTC
I said a four dimensional toroidal onion. Not a conventional onion.

Doctor V. Valate, Professor of Archaeology at Kaztropolis Imperial University.