Crime & Punishment

Dear Santa,

my nan always told me you're only there for the good children, so I can see that we're probably going to have a problem here.
Since you are all-knowing, I'll be honest with you, no need to deny it: I haven't always been as good and well behaved as I was supposed to be.
So normally I'd wish for world peace, happines and icecream for everybody, but apparently that's not going to happen anymore.
So do what you must, unleash the Krampus.
Let him feast on the flesh of the unbelievers and strike terror into the hearts of the wicked.
Let him strike down with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And they will know your name is the Lord when you lay your vengeance upon them.

yours sincerely,

Zimmy

Dear Santa,

Thank you for visiting James 315's sovereign space again this year. I would like to remind you that, in order to transport any goods of value (including presents) through highsec, every highsec resident or visitor is required to have a valid mining permit. Please, confirm your legal status in highsec by renewing your permit. Otherwise, both your sleigh and reindeer shall be put at risk of being decommissioned by our Knights. As always, you can purchase your mining permit from any New Order Agent of your choice for only 10 million ISK per calendar year.

I wish you happy holidays and another happy Code-compliant year!

Yours in compliance,
Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri, Knight of the New Order of Highsec

p.s. I don't need anything for Christmas, James 315 has given me all I need.

Dear Santa,

For Christmas I would like the following:

- One Klingon woman with thighs like a hippo.
- A family sized tub of goose fat.
- One hippo.
- One goose.
- A time machine to the 70s to ensure that a Mariachi band and animatronic dinosaurs are present at my conception.
- A time machine to come back to 2016/17 with the aforementioned band and dinosaurs.
- I'd also like Grandma back, I miss her. Though I suspect she's having too much fun playing Bingo with Zsa Zsa.
- I want a holographic simulation of William Shatner dressed as a baby fighting Patrick Stewart dressed as Gollum.
- I'd like the watchlist back.
- I want to be able to wear two monocles at once. Over Goggles.

I have been relatively good, and feel that I have offset any naughtiness by dispensing advice and replacing ships. On the karma scale I think I'm fairly neutral.

Thanks in advance,

Your pal,

Little Morty (aged for her pleasure)

Dear Santa;

As an Authentic Horror Of Science I demand the following:

One (1) self-cleaning hamster cage.

CONCORD loses its Happy Magic Funtime Gear and becomes a slightly more dangerous version of The Faction Police.

Speaking of Faction Police, get rid of them. They have worked hard and deserve a rich retirement. The fish are biting, you know.

Fix the bounty system. No, I have no ideas how, but yer Santa. Fix it.

Have the bloody Locator Agents tell us if our Special Friend is online or not.

I've been a very, very good hamster this year (compared to any Jita Scammer...) so please, at the very least, consider the self-cleaning cage......otherwise I'll have Red Frog haul all my trash to your Secret Starbase in Thera.

With snuggly loves, *squeak*

Dear Santa,

Remember that sense of motivation and purpose I once had?

I'd like that back, please.

Yes, that and a beer. Oh, and a Fedo. Maybe some chips (that's crisps for the Euro-folk in the room).

Oh and may my enemies yelp in confusion and fear upon the sounding of alarms for shield, armor, and structure.

Merry Ho Ho,

Moon

Dear Santa,

For christmas I would like a toy firetruck, a hoola hoop, and a functional bounty system.

Also please fix the wine client for mac, I can't run two accounts even on max potato settings.

Toxic

Dear Santa,

If I see your sled in Kubinen, it's getting blown up just like everything else that ain't blue.

Sincerely,

~ Remiel Pollard, Space Cowboy.

PS. Seriously dude, don't test me.

MERRY EVEMAS!!!