Out of Pod Experience

Greetings all.

A couple of times recently I've had someone phone me, claiming to be from Microsoft Tech Support. They say that they have detected a virus on my system and claim they can fix it for me, but only if I follow their procedure to give them remote access to my computer.

Basically its an obvious scam reported many times online to gain remote access, to either collect bank details from my computer, or to place an actual virus on my computer, only to then demand a fee to remove it again.

The first time they called, I told them I didn't have a computer.

Second time I pretended to run my own Anti-virus software company.

So I ask you all, what would be the best reply I should give to them the next time they call. What would be an awesome response, something funny, or some way to waste their time.

Thanks in advance

1, If they have called you on a personal number ie: home or mobile then just tell them you are very busy at the moment and can you call them back! At this time ask the caller for their personal number ie: Home number and you will call them back this evening when you are free to sort the issue out. When they refuse to give you the home number then tell them that they called you on yours so what is the problem calling them back on that number!

2, If you recognise the number when they call just answer with " Cyber Investigations department" they will drop the call very quickly.

I'm pretty sure that that in itself is also a crime



e: unless, of course, you work for Flowers By Irene :)

I just say "Me no speak english, you want buy fish?" And when they say no, I just continue with "You want buy fish? We have great fish! Fish for sale! Cheap fish. you want buy? Why you call if you no want buy fish? You call, you buy! Where do I send fish? We have shark ready for delivery! Only 10000 dollar! You buy!" and I just continue till they hang up.

Oh my gods lmao we get this **** a lot on our phones. And I love messing with there heads every time. Userly I say "really? Im a computer technician and I dont know how your detecting this because my computer is offline at the moment" or some other bs like that. They userly get off the line when they think there talking to cops tracing there call.

First time we got a call like this i did do a bit of investigating online. Yes it is a scam and microsoft do not have a technical department that makes calls to housephones

This happened to my friend awhile back. He was told he needed to download some software to improve the security of his PC. He told them he didn't have a PC, he had a MAC. So the guy said it was fine he could use Safari to go to whatever link he was trying to get my friend to go to. My buddy asked him why a guy from Microsoft would be trying to install PC software on his MAC. The scammer didn't really have an answer for that. GOT EM!

an old co worker did this once, kept one of them on the phone for two hours, said it was hilarious hearing him get frustrated. he eventually caught on said '**** you' and hung up

"Hi this such and such form microsoft, you have a virus"

"Hello Microsoft, You've reached the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation, Why are you calling us from an unsecure outside line? This is a security violation. Please wait while we check with the local Microsoft security representative in our building and inquire why you are contacting us from your location and why you broke security protocol."





"Hi this such and such form microsoft, you have a virus"
"Hello Microsoft, this is sex bomb bomb hotline, for all your non-legal needs. How may i assist you?"




"Hi this such and such form microsoft, you have a virus"
"Hello Microsoft, this is the [insert city you live in] Police Department, please be aware this line is for emergencies only and contact of this line without a real emergency can result in a $10,000 fine and up to a year of jail time"





"Hi this such and such form microsoft, you have a virus"
"Hello Microsoft, You've reached microsoft tech support, please hold"



"Hi this such and such form microsoft, you have a virus"
"Hello Microsoft, this is OldGrannyXXX for all your naughty cougar needs"




.....this is fun xD

one last one
"Hi this such and such form microsoft, you have a virus"
"Hi this such and such(use a different name) from microsoft, you have a virus"

just repeat what they say as if you have the same script

Had one of these phone calls a few weeks ago. This is how it ends:



"Hello, this is Microsoft Support Hotline blablablabla...."
Me: "Hi,
"We encountered a problem in..."
Me: "Wait...wait...can you hear this?"
"No, can't hear. What do you mean?"
Me: "I can hear your mother crying, because you're scamming people, motherf****!"
"F*** you!"
Me: "Thanks Sir, have a nice day!"
*hung up*


Maybe this can inspire you too.

This is how you can help:
The best thing is to hold them in the line for as long as possible. Because during this time they can't call other people which may fall for their scam.

Tell them you're sure glad they called, because you've been having trouble with your computer but you can't fix it until you get your disability check, your brother-in-law used to fix it for you before he ::WHOOP:: caught is leg in a combine, and you need your computer running to Google about disability law because they only gave you a partial disability, but you have a full disability because of working as an exterminator and Phil Crawford thought it would be funny to put a little ::WHOOP:: Fipronil in your beer can, and actually if you could spare just a few dollars until my disability check comes, just say no if you don't have it, you're just happy to ::WHOOP:: have somebody to talk with, it's been lonely since Dale left, you watch a lot of videos all day but it's not the same you know, what's your name anyway? ::WHOOP:: actually you've been trying to find a live contact at Microsoft because....