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YC 118 New Eden Capsuleer's Writing Contest Submission - "Heartache"

Author
Morgan Agrivar
Doomheim
#21 - 2016-11-11 01:46:42 UTC
"I am on everyone's side...and no one's side." He replied, leaning back in the chair and putting his boots up on the table. I took two or three steps and knocked his feet off of the table. He knew better than that but I was beginning to think that he did it for a reason. He usually did not go against the rules set in the house.

"Keep them off of the table." I growled at him. He sat up in the chair and smiled as he shrugged. He leaned back in his chair again and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Look. I was against this the whole time. You can ask them if you don't believe me." Johnathan said, motioning to his brothers next to him. "My marriage to Margaret happened because I love her and I want her to have my children. I want to be with her and make her happy. No one forced us to be together." His face went soft and sad. "I disagreed with the proposal because it forced Morgan into a situation that none of us have been in."

"So you are on her side I see..." Anthony said to him, but Johnathan waved a dismissive gesture to him.

"No, I am also against her decision to become a capsuleer." He replied, leaning back in the chair and looking at me. "You realize just how dangerous this decision is, don't you?"

"I am fully aware of the consequences and what could happen." I said, looking to my right at the large window looking over the farmlands. "I fully researched the way it is done, and how many ways it can fail. Rashaeli and I did not make this decision off of a whim. We put a lot of thought into this..." I let my voice trail off, my thoughts going back to Rashaeli again and how this plan to go together fell apart because of my selfishness. I could feel my face start to get warm and the vision in my eyes started to blur due to the rush of tears. I turned more towards the window so my three brothers could not see the tears starting to fall.

"Morgan..." I could hear Marcus start to say but I shook my head and interrupted him yet again.

"I have made my decision." I said, my voice cracking with barely contained emotion. I turned and started heading towards the exit out of the room. "Have dinner without me. I am not hungry." I hurried past them and turned down the hall. I knew they saw the tears since I heard at least one chair move suddenly. I turned to my left and ran up the stairs. As I entered my room, I threw the door closed and fell upon my bed face first. I pulled the covers around my face and started to let those tears fall without holding back.

I don't think I could have held them back. I felt so damn guilty every time I looked at the picture on my desk with the two of us. I felt guilty every time I looked at my packed bags sitting next to my closet. I felt guilty every time I looked down at the necklace Rashaeli got me last year that I really never take off. I turned over onto my back and wrapped my left hand around that necklace, bringing it up to my blurry field of vision. I wiped my eyes with my right forearm to clear my vision as I looked at the pendant.

The necklace was simple, a silver chain with a silver mounted piece of tritanium. The tritanium was carved into the shape of a heart with our initials carved into it. Rashaeli bought the sliver of tritanium herself and learned how to carve it. She told me it took a month to do it and then paid to have it mounted into a necklace. She thought it was silly, but she doesn't realize it is my most prized treasure in the whole universe. It is simplistic and somewhat gaudy, but I don't care one bit. Rashaeli created it and she did it for me. I took my right hand and clasped the heart shaped pendant in both of my hands and brought it to my lips. I closed my eyes and let those tears fall down the sides of my cheeks into my blonde hair spread out on the bed under me.

I woke up, startled by a knock at the door. Looking up at the ceiling, I didn't realize that I fell asleep still holding the pendant. Not knowing how long I was asleep, I sat up on the bed as another knock came from the door. I slid off of the bed, padding over barefoot to the door. I turned the knob and opened the door.

"Morgan." My mother said as I looked at her. "Come eat."

"No, thank you." I shook my head at her. "I am not hungry." I turned and walked back towards the bed, not even bothering to close the door behind me. I plopped back down on the bed face first once again and just laid there.

"May I come in?" I heard her ask behind me, probably still at the open door. I just somewhat waved my hand, not really caring if she did or not. I sighed into the bed as I heard the door close, then footsteps walking away to my right inside the room. I heard her start to drag my chair back towards the bed, so I lifted my head and looked over towards her. She sat down properly in the chair and folded her hands in her lap as she raised her gaze towards me.

"I want to be alone, mom." I said, dropping my head back down onto the bed.

"I know, but you need to hear what I have to say before I leave you alone for the night." She replied softly. I sighed again and turned onto my left side so I was lying on the bed but facing her. I placed my right arm over my eyes to hide the fact that I have been crying and that they were probably puffy right now.
Morgan Agrivar
Doomheim
#22 - 2016-11-11 01:48:05 UTC
"If you are here to try to convince me to stay and marry that a**hole, you are wasting your time." I said, looking at her after I moved my arm down to the bed. She shook her head and smiled back at me.

"Oh, no. That is not why I am here." My mother said with a grin. "Quite the opposite honestly." My face probably scrunched up in confusion, not understanding what she meant. She laughed at my expression and smiled even wider.

"I don't understand."

"Let me guess...the meeting with your brothers in the kitchen was the three of them telling you to stay and marry Roland." She ran her hand through the bangs of her auburn hair, smoothing out the stray hairs. I sat up on my bed and looked at her, rubbing my red eyes.

"Well, apparently Johnathan was against it." I said as I dropped my hands back down to my lap. My mother leaned back in the chair, looking me over.

"Morgan, you are such a pretty girl. Do you know how many suitors have come to your father and I asking for your hand?" She said, cocking her head at me. I looked at her with a puzzled expression because I hadn't heard anything about men coming to the house wanting to marry me. She grinned at me as she leaned forward in the chair. "I lost count." My eyes went wide.

"What?"

"Had to be around seventy or so men and boys looking to marry you." She leaned back in my chair and crossed her arms over her chest. I looked down at my skirt, taking a deep breath before speaking.

"Why Roland?" I asked, looking back up at my mother. I could see the smile on her face fall into a frown. I instantly regretted saying that, since I think my mother is so beautiful when she smiles.

"Morgan, that was all your father." She growled with an angry look on her face. "While all those suitors came and we both decided to reject them, I had no say when it came to Roland." She looked down at the hem of her skirt before looking back up at me. "Your father is trying to do the best he can to make sure this family stays together, and that we continue to thrive and succeed. Do not be so harsh to judge his decision with Roland...and you. He is trying to make sure you had success in front of you when you became a young woman."

"But he was sending me..." I started to protest as I got off of my bed. Mother just raised a hand in response, stopping me.

"I know, Morgan. I know..." She sighed heavily as she started to wring her hands in her lap. "Your father and I had a huge fight about that. It was the most heated argument we have ever had in our long marriage."

"Mom?" I said quietly, making her look back up at me. "In that meeting, you said that you gave up a dream to be with him. What was that dream?" Her eyes went wide in shock, then she slowly started to smile.

"It bothered your father to hear that you wanted to go be a capsuleer." She replied, smiling back down at her skirt. "I was betrothed to your father at an early age. But I had the same dream you did, Morgan...I wanted to go out and be a capsuleer myself."

"Really?" I said as my eyes went wide, shocked at the news that I just heard. I never expected her to even be interested in anything outside of this area, much less the planet.

"Yes." She nodded. She looked over at the window at the far end of my room. "I had a choice of either going off to school and becoming a capsuleer or marrying Joseph and becoming his wife. I was leaning towards the school for a long time until he got down on both knees and promised me that he would take care of me forever and would always make me a happy wife."

"And that worked?" I said, raising an eyebrow at the cheesy scenario playing in my head seeing a young Joseph on his knees begging her not to go.

"I decided to take a chance on him and married him a month later." She smiled at me as she straightened out her skirt. "We were still in our last year of primary education, but I never regretted that decision I made back then. So when Joseph and I talked some more about this last night, he is agreeing to this for my sake...for my dreams that I gave up to be with him...for you." I smiled at my mother as she smiled back at me. My smile faded when a thought came to my mind.
Morgan Agrivar
Doomheim
#23 - 2016-11-11 01:50:13 UTC  |  Edited by: Morgan Agrivar
"Who are my parents, mom?" I asked quietly, hoping this wasn't a bad time to bring this up. She sighed and looked down at her skirt. "Am I from Dantbeinn II?"

"Yes you are, Morgan."

"So it was a Minmatar family where something bad happened to them?" I asked, sitting back down on my bed. She shook her head.

"Actually, no." She replied, not looking at me. "You are registered as Minmatar born but your parents were actually Caldari citizens who just happened to live on Dantbeinn II." I sat there stunned, wide eyed from the news.

"W-wait...I am Caldari?" I said slowly, looking down at the floor.

"Genetically, yes." She said as I looked back up at her. "But you were raised Minmatar and being Minmatar is what is in your records."

"W-w-what happened?" I managed to stammer, still trying to process all this information. Caldari? What?, I thought to myself as I looked at her.

"We became friends with them, your father and I..." She replied as she sat up straighter in the chair. "Things were great and our three boys had fun playing with their two girls, so naturally we spent a lot of time together." I nodded absently until the news hit my brain like a fist to the gut.

"Wait...two girls?" I asked quizzically, standing back up.

"Morgan, you have a blood sister." Caroline replied calmly. "There was an attack on your home from some unknown people. Your Caldari uncle brought both of you to us in the dead of night. You had blood all over you and your nightgown, but it wasn't yours." She frowned as tears started to fall down her cheek. "He said that our friends...your parents, were attacked and killed for something in their past and that these people were seeking revenge against your whole family. The uncle dropped you off with us, asking us to take you in as our own daughter. After we agreed, he took your sister and left. We have not seen them since..." She brought her dress sleeve up to her eyes and started to wipe the tears away. She then looked back up at me as I just stared at her. I slowly fell to my knees on the floor, my strength failing to keep me up. I sat back on my heels, looking past the woman who acted like my mother for as long as I can remember.

"When did this happen?" I managed to croak out, my emotions betraying me.

"You were three years old when it happened, so that is why you have no memories of it." She smiled weakly at me as my eyes focused back onto her.

"And my sister?"

"She is two years younger than you, Morgan. So that means she is around fifteen years old now." She crossed one leg over the other and leaned back in the chair. "Her name was Stephanie."

"Was?" I sat up, fear running through my body.

"We honestly do not know what happened to the two of them. They could be alive or they could be deceased. We do not know..." She looked back at the window as she continued. "That is why I wanted you to go and learn to be a capsuleer...so you can go look for her." She looked back at me as I sat back on my heels again. "You will do that, won't you?"

"Yes." Was all I could say in reply. I couldn't say more than that. These last five minutes have just blown my unknown life all to pieces. I think I could have fallen into the mill grinder and experienced less pain than just now. I looked back at the ceiling, trying not to cry again with the new experience of feeling betrayed and abandoned by yet another family.

"I will leave you alone now. Make sure you get something to eat before you go to sleep, young lady." She smiled as she stood up and moved the chair back to the vanity. She brushed off her skirt and headed towards the door. She turned the knob and then opened the door. As she started to head through, she stopped and looked back at me. "Morgan, even thought I am not your mother, I love you as a daughter." She then turned and started to walk out.

"You are my mother." I replied softly, looking at her. She stopped in her tracks and looked back at me with wide eyes. "You have always been my mother. It doesn't matter that you didn't give birth to me. You are my mother and always will be in my heart." Tears started to fall down her cheeks once again. She smiled at me one more time and then closed the door behind her.

As the door closed, I fell back upon my bed, looking up at the ceiling with a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I reached down with both hands and covered my abdomen, not really sure why I was feeling this way.

I have a sister?, I thought to myself, the tears starting to stream down my cheeks into my hair on the bed. I brought my hands from my stomach to my face, covering it as I started to cry very hard. I turned onto my left side and cradled my pillow in my arms. I have to have more than just a sister out there but a family...a Caldarian family, I thought while covering my face with the pillow in my arms. I didn't know how to feel about that. The Caldari people where known to be fanatical in making isk and gathering power, which every other race felt was completely selfish...especially to the Minmatar. Being a race of ex-slaves, people who strived to gain power over others did not sit well with these people.

"These people..." I chuckled to myself, shaking my head at the irony. "I sat with my classmates and shared my hatred of the Caldarians with them, only to find out I am one. Well, isn't that f**king great." I wiped my tears from my eyes as I started to sit up on my bed. I placed my right hand behind me to keep me upright as I used my left arm to finish wiping the tears from my face when a thought that crossed my mind made my heart drop into the black depths of my stomach.
Morgan Agrivar
Doomheim
#24 - 2016-11-11 01:51:04 UTC  |  Edited by: Morgan Agrivar
"Oh no..." I gasped, bringing my left hand to my mouth. I sat there in shock, that thought coming back to me again and again as the final revelation shook me to my very core. "I am a f**king Caldarian and I just applied to a Minmatar military school. Oh fu..." I collapsed back onto the bed, bringing my hands back to my eyes as the thought of my dreams of going to Republic Military School crashing down around me since I am not Minmatar. The tears and grief slammed into me as I started to ball again, this time not having any control whatsoever in trying to corral the emotions.

They need to know..., I thought to myself, in between the racking sobs hitting my body. As time passed, the sobbing slowed down and I could finally get control of my breathing once again. I sat up on the bed and stood up, not even bothering to wipe the tears away. I walked somewhat unsteadily towards my vanity and picked up a small towel. After cleaning my face, I set it down on the stool and turned back at my desk. I stood there for a moment, wondering what I was going to write to the Academy to explain all of this. It was possible that I might have to pull my application from the Republic Military School. I grimaced as I sat in the chair, feeling physically sick as I had to write the words in my head before I opened the holoscreen to send the message to the Academy. I pressed the button to bring the screen up and then started to enter in the information I needed to send them an urgent message. As I brought up the screen I needed, I looked to my left to see that picture of Rashaeli and myself hugging in the holopicture.

"Well, Rash, your sacrifice might be all for naught..." I said sadly, turning to the holoscreen as my fingers started typing the truth of who I was to the people who thought I was someone else.
Morgan Agrivar
Doomheim
#25 - 2016-12-17 04:18:04 UTC
Checking in to see if anyone is interested in seeing the entire Chapter 1 finished?

Honestly was disappointed in how my story fared during the writing contest being in the bottom third of the contest and I walked away from completing it, but if there is enough interest, I will definately finish out Chapter 1 and might move on to Chapter 2.
Miyoshi Akachi
Blue Republic
RvB - BLUE Republic
#26 - 2016-12-17 09:34:59 UTC
I would I think like to see this finished ^^
Morgan Agrivar
Doomheim
#27 - 2017-01-03 03:14:54 UTC
Miyoshi Akachi wrote:
I would I think like to see this finished ^^

Alright, I will finish Chapter 1 for you...
Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
#28 - 2017-01-26 19:20:10 UTC
Morgan Agrivar wrote:
Checking in to see if anyone is interested in seeing the entire Chapter 1 finished?

Honestly was disappointed in how my story fared during the writing contest being in the bottom third of the contest and I walked away from completing it, but if there is enough interest, I will definately finish out Chapter 1 and might move on to Chapter 2.

Just wondering, how do you know where your story ranked in the contest? I only saw an announcement with the winning stories listed.
In any event, looking forward to reading from the beginning!
Morgan Agrivar
Doomheim
#29 - 2017-01-27 08:30:47 UTC
Khergit Deserters wrote:
Morgan Agrivar wrote:
Checking in to see if anyone is interested in seeing the entire Chapter 1 finished?

Honestly was disappointed in how my story fared during the writing contest being in the bottom third of the contest and I walked away from completing it, but if there is enough interest, I will definately finish out Chapter 1 and might move on to Chapter 2.

Just wondering, how do you know where your story ranked in the contest? I only saw an announcement with the winning stories listed.
In any event, looking forward to reading from the beginning!

They listed the top three and then three 'honorable mentions' which would basically be fourth through sixth. There were nine total submissions and I am good at math.

I should have Chapter 1 finished within a month. Wish I could finish it quicker but work...
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