Out of Pod Experience

Ah, budget carriers. Unless your father is an arab prince that fills his bath tub with crude oil every night, or your dad is America's #1 plastic surgeon, many of us will have difficulties flying. Or maybe that's just my parents being cheap - a kid like me could never know the truth behind that. So, like a thirsty man shuffling through a barren desert, we stumble upon the oasis of low-budget airlines (it's actually a mirage, there's no pleasant water to drink).

In practice, it sounds almost too good to be true - inter-European tickets for only 20 euros? Yes, please - sign me up! When my parents bought the ticket and didn't listen to my pleas to pay a little bit extra to fly Lufthansa, little did they know that this was the first step in Dark Lord Ryan's plan to ensnare unwary customers and steal their money. So, my mummy helps me to the airport, picking up my girlfriend on the way. This is when the reason communists hate capitalism starts to become very clear.

Looks like I forgot my boarding pass. No big deal, we can just ask the clerk to print it out. Sure, he can do that, for only the small fee of 50 pounds. Having no choice, really, I have to cough up and we finally proceed forward. That is when a clerk tells me that my girl's carry-on needs to be verified by the same guy that let us pass unhindered, and we have to go back. There was a pretty long queue, so I told the man that if we step out now, we lose the flight. I didn't raise any scandal, but we had to go when he threatened me that he will call security and have them "beat my head in".

Of course, we had to pay another fee - 10 euros for the carry-on. And another one - we missed our flight because of Mr. Hard@ss, so we need to buy more tickets. Another 40 euros gone. We spend the day in the airport, and 2 hours after midnight, the flight starts boarding (after 6 hours of delay). The inside looks like one big, screaming, cheap ad. The seats and bins are coated in this yellow plastic that is covered in advertisements for snacks and scratch cards. Wherever I looked, I saw signs demanding that I hand over the 2D version of Her Majesty to the crew. You had to pay for absolutely everything - a glass of water, a napkin, hell, even the toilet cost me money (1 pound). And the seats are terrible - they feel like they're made out of concrete, have no reclining function whatsoever, and for the entire flight you are stuck looking at the terrible yellow plastic that makes your eyes bleed. And on the back of the seat in front of you there is a safety guide printed out there, and you just have to effing stare at it. And all of that because of the lack of SEAT POCKETS!!!

The crew was toxic, too. Remember the water cup that I mentioned? I only got that after 3 hours - I didn't make a huge scandal, but the flight attendant was clearly unfit for her job - rolling her eyes, making annoyed grunts and patronizing me over the intercom (i.e. saying my seat number and telling me in a sarcastic voice that "my water has arrived" or making fun of my accent). That was embarrassing and unnecessary - if I'd wish for somebody to die, it would be that b#tch.

Just don't fly with this bad airliner. It takes the definition of "frugal" to the extreme and charges enormous prices for everything - in the end, you will end up paying more than five times your flight, because these greedy wankers tax you for every little eff-up that you make. DO NOT FLY - I'd rather give my one pound to Lebanese terrorists than to Ryanair (not serious, but just trying to show you how much I hate them).

All of this was made possible by the Satan of airliners - Michael O'Leary, the CEO of Ryanair. Seriously, this guy is effed in the head - he wants to remove seats to create a standing cabin - basically turn airplanes into a huge bus with wings, and, when asked about the 50 pound charge for printing a forgotten boarding pass, he said that "people should pay for being stupid".
Seriously, f#ck him.

they are not well known for being a good company, I don't think I have even heard anyone say something good about them!

I flew with them a bunch of times, they're terrible but they get you there. They don't obey speed limits and coming in to land they pretty much drop from the sky so your stomach is in your mouth, and back in the day when Cork airport didn't have a proper terminal they would land and make you run across the runway to the terminal while chucking your bags at you before another plane landed and killed you all. Good times.

Yeah, that's true, but I still would rather choose a flight with a C-130 if I had the choice to do so.

Don´t ever drink water that is not out of a bottle on an airplane!
According to people in the know those water containers hardly ever get cleaned and I doubt this gets better for a budget airline.
Also don´t ever even touch that plastic tray in front of you, they at best get some rudimentary swipe which likely will NOT entirely remove whatever substances passengers before you - or their children that got their diapers changed on exactly that tray - left there.

But these flights are perfect for people like me. I tend to prepare myself to sleep on a flight, e.g. Sleeping pills, (prescription) tranquilisers, staying up all night the night before, etc. Basically what happens is as soon as I get on my seat I fall asleep (usually before the plane even starts moving), and I wake up only when I arrive, usually only because flight attendant has to shake me to wake me up.

I don't need water, loo, meals, or anything. Basically I'm like in coma during the whole flight, so these budget airlines suit me perfectly lol

I do fly with decent airlines for work or for holiday with my family, but I used to fly around a lot before and when I fly alone I always bought the cheapest possible flights heh.