Out of Pod Experience

So, man, you have a crush. Excellent! Think of all those nice make out sessions you'll have with her, or all the sleepless, sex-filled nights. You, the master architect, carefully craft a flawless plan to conquer her and kill Mr. Loneliness, the dude who's been wrecking your entire social life. Your problems are a thing of the past, only...

Obstacles. You find yourself in trouble. Your crush, no matter how much you want to ask her out, but she's always hanging around with other friends. When you finally muster the courage to do so, you believe you misread the signs, and drone a dull, mundane conversation. Later you bleat to your friends about how you landed in the dreaded friendzone, and ask yourself: "How the f@#k did I fail when I just flavoured myself with Old Spice?".


Well guess what, brother! What if I told you that relationships are not a machine that you insert kindness coins until sex comes out? But your mom or "friends" might say that you must become a girl's most trusted friend and advisor to get some action. Never has a bigger lie been told. I am here to free you from this drape that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth. Fret not, average male, for I have arrived to cut off the chains of friendzone that shackle you.

The friendzone is a social construct made by people as a scapegoat - it is a reason made by the weak to believe that they have done nothing wrong, when it is actually their own indecisiveness and meekness that postpones a possible relationship. It has been made by mice to lighten the load on their fragile minds. To these people I say - enough is enough!
Inaction is the enemy. Not letting your crush know that you like her (don't confess, be sublime) will make her unaware of what you want, leading to confusion and a perpetual limbo. You will be looked on with uncertainty, and you will stare dumbly at her. Then, Isaiah Mustafa will pop out of nowhere, steal your crush and you will be devastated. You will awake nearly a century later on your deathbed, cursing that man and yourself for not seizing the moment. There really isn't any friendzone, it is merely a lie made by people to help you feel better.

But you fear rejection? A no is a no and can be painful, sometimes. There were moments when my dream girls denied me and I ended up crying to sleep. But I woke up the next day stronger, telling myself that it is better to regret hitting on them than regretting inaction.

So nay, do not give in to this lie! Be bold, be strong and forward! Your crush awaits!

Is this some kind of war ?
Why are they picking on her? And how?
What are they trying to gain from all the delays , or to make her vain?

Pandas have it harder. Its like they are 360 days a year non stop in that zone, and when they are not, they dont even know what to do. Nevertheless, they dont care.

Thing is, seems to work like this. If when you the very first time you met, there was this thing where you both got impacted and felt kind of shy, confused, and WOW!, then things can work out. There might be a get to know each other phase, a friends (ignoring the attraction) phase, a don't want to commit phase, an I'm in a exploration about maybe dating this other person phase... Infinite degrees along a spectrum of uncertainty and unsettledness, between is it This Way or is it That Way? Dread on dread.

Anyway, (personal experience only, as a male hoping to meet female Ms. Right), my best guess is: If it went well at that first instant of meeting, everything else can be worked out along the way. But if both sides didn't feel that sparky thing at the second, it might be a lost cause.

(That said, you see stories about people married since 1945 or something. Wife says, "After the 30th time Harold asked me out, I had no choice but to accept." Lived happily ever after. Who knows).

Edit: It's harder when you and everybody else are in school-- pretty much all in the same situation, nothing to distinguish you from anybody else. As you get a little older, you have specializations, and "props." Encounters happen because of situations, not generic parties or whatever. You meet because of some shared pathway, so that filters out a lot of stuff. It's just easier.

I lol'd, just awesome.

It is not a virtue to try to make woman vain.
It is not only vicious, but it also leads to war.

I am so glad we have those forums so we can get relationship tips from people who probably never had a relationship in the first place but think it's a good idea to share their insight about the topic.

There's also f**k zone, as in,

"if we r not gonna f**k, then why are we wasting time? you ain't my friend!"

Something to this effect was actually said by my wife multiple times over the years while we were hitting on and off. The relationship started with natural physical attraction, and ended because :reasons:. This went on for like 2 years. We'd meet up, fall for each other like animals, awesome fireworks, but then once we get into proper 'relationship' we'd get into fights and do/say silly things and end up in bad ways. I mean we just couldn't be good 'friends' because so many things clashed and we'd never had patience or respect for each other in a way you tolerate & accept & have patience for your real 'friends'.

But the fire was there from the start and we always hit it off again somehow. Then we grew into a relationship over long term. By getting used to each other, learning to respect/understand each other, communicating better, accepting our differences, etc.

This was the only relationship in my life that actually got better over the years and went all the way in a traditional sense - e.g. marriage & a child & now a happy family. We were absolutely not 'good friends' to each other in any way in the first years. But now we're best mates & family. Of course, every relationship is different, but for me, this one worked because the most important thing - the spark/chemistry/fire - was there. Everything else we adapted as we've matured together. So my advice to my friends have always been to find girls you can hit it off with naturally and have great actions you both enjoy, then work onward from there. Too many guys have it other way around, thinking they have to work through relationship to get the 'action'.

I mean guys, think about it this way - if a girl has to really make sustained effort and planning and cunning and dedication and take brave actions to get you finally turned on, i.e. actually 'hard', you probably won't consider her as a viable long term partner.

So if you need that much extraordinary bravado and mental strength to get action with a girl, maybe you ain't the right man for her either. Just move on.

That's pretty much the most coherent thing you've ever said (well, the first line, anyway). Well done!

And here I thought friend zone was when you confess to your crush you like them, but they reject you and say "let's just be friends." And then you still have to deal with your lingering feelings, making everything awkward, and you can't just break things off, because people will think you are a jerk... Hence being stuck in the friend zone.