Intergalactic Summit

Jovians.

The most enigmatic of the humanoid races of New Eden. Well, other than those wacky Drifters, I guess, but they're irrelevant.

The Jovians have long intrigued, baffled, mystified, and annoyed the other inhabitants of New Eden, with their advanced technology and condescending attitude.

But what do we really know about them ?

Let us start at the beginning.

The Jovians are called Jovians, after the planet Jove, which is their homeworld, well actually the habitable moons of Jove are their homeworlds, but that's a minor detail, and is the 5th planet of the star system Zeta Reticuli. Observant readers will immediately note that Zeta Reticuli does not appear on the star maps of New Eden. And with good reason.

Because Zeta Reticuli has one of two possibilities - either it is not in New Eden, or, it is hidden. Some say that it lies on the "other side" of the EVE Gate, a rather ludicrous proposition, along with other mythical worlds, such as "Earth", "Gaia", "Terra", "Tau Ceti", "Soekhiviti", "Cueball", or "Alpha Centauri".

Discounting the idea of yet another mythical world, then the obvious revelation is obvious, Zeta Reticuli is equipped with a Stellar Cloaking Device, which is capable of hiding an entire star system. Since the Jovians are known to have advanced cloaking technology, this is a far more reasonable proposition.

Now then, having established that Zeta Reticuli is the Jovian's home system, we can now discuss the Jovians themselves.

Standing slightly taller than the average nude Gallente woman, the typical Jovian has a somewhat spindly appearance, with thin limbs, and a generally underdeveloped musculature. The facial features are somewhat small and underdeveloped, however the eyes, being large and black are very noticeable, as is their enlarged cranium. Their skin colour tends towards grey, giving them a unique appearance. This is all due to the large amount of genetic engineering that the Jovians have inflicted upon themselves.

The enlarged cranium gives the Jovian some rather unwelcome abilities, i.e. Psy abilities.

Common Jovians have only rudimentary psy powers, however Jovian officers, leaders, and specialists, have advanced psy powers, including telekinesis, and also psychic attacks, intended to disorientate, confuse, or panic normal humans. A Jovian employing psy powers often utters a distinctive phrase, "Ayyy lmao", which can help to recognise Jovians that are disguised as normal humans.

If you are feeling sudden panic attack, rapid change of thoughts, overflowing anger or other strong emotional spikes, you may be under JOVIAN PSYCHIC ASSAULT.

ACT IMMEDIATELY
1. Take Cover. Strong emotions can disorientate you and make you vulnerable to attack.
2. Try to control yourself. It is possible to resist Psionic attack. Concentrate, Motivate, Prevail.
4. If the attack is too strong, or your resistance ineffective, drop your weapon and lie down, to avoid friendly fire and self-injury.

The Jovians employ their psy abilities in their missions, which have generally been to observe and interfere with other civilisations within New Eden.

Landing on planets in their distinctive, organic-looking, saucer craft, the Jovians abduct citizens and animals and subject them to all sorts of strange experiments, in an effort to find the cure to the Jovian Disease, a form of ennui that causes them to lose the will to live. And to write obscure poetry that annoys scholars who are asked to interpret it.

The abducted subjects are taken aboard the mysterious Jove Observatories for these experiments, many of which involve being probed with strange and peculiar implements, before being returned. Previously, authorities treated anyone claiming to have been abducted by Jovians to be insane, but with the recent revealing of the Jovian Observatories, found across all of New Eden, then those abductee's testimonies have been vindicated.

The Jovians have become somewhat less active in recent years, as more of their schemes have been revealed, and the emergence of the so-called "Drifters", who may be a rogue cyber-faction of the Jovians, or something else.

However, the Jovians may only appear to be less active, and have possibly instead developed other forms of cloaking device, with which to continue their observations and interference in human affairs.

With this knowledge of Jovians and their behaviour, you may be able to avoid becoming one of their experimental subjects.

Remember, forewarned is forearmed.

RESIST JOVIAN PSY-ASSAULT. CONCENTRATE. MOTIVATE. PREVAIL.

Disgusting! Indecent! Filthy!

By the way, what does "ayylmano" mean on Jovian?

Nothing will protect your mind from any Jovian attack better than a good prayer. With God on your side your mind is invincible!

Why are you trying to put all that pressure on me? I don't care how much they pray, their minds are their own responsibility.

I'm displeased about your lack of empirical data on the effectiveness of tin foil hats against Jovian mind rays.

Sound advice there. I am not sure though if you have maybe just encountered a nude Amarrian holder in one of your more frivolous establishments. Spindly appearance, feelings of distress at this sight - it all fits the bill!

I'll admit, this one made me chuckle.

That's actually a pretty accurate description.

Ayy lmao is actually an ancient traditional fedo recipe handed down to Jovian court jesters by the Talocan. Either that, or OP is on boosters. One of the two is more likely than the other.

ANCIENT CAPSULEERNAUTS DID 7/11 ALWAYS FORGET


http://imgur.com/zSm02KR