Intergalactic Summit

In the beginning, the Minmatar arrived on the planet Matar. Though it wasn't called Matar at the time. The Minmatar called it Matar, well, not at first, that came much later. Anyway. Whatever it was called, the people that were later called Minmatar, lived upon the planet.

And due to the relatively mild climate of the planet, the Minmatar multiplied rapidly, on account of one of their favourite hobbies being reproduction. Other favourite hobbies of the Minmatar include rolling in the mud, whittling sticks, doodling, and banging a loud drum very loudly. The Minmatar religion began as a collection of beliefs in the spirits of mudholes, trees, doodlesticks, and music, and was all very eclectic and diverse. Particularly credulous people, that believed in as many of these spirits as they could, were called Elders, since most of them were very old, and were looked up to for inspiration and advice.

Time passed, and eventually the people of the planet realised they were all people, and that they lived on a planet, and so they called themselves "Minmatar", and called the planet "Matar", and the star that the planet orbited "Pator". These names have some form of importance to the Minmatar, but that's not important right now.

What is important, is that due to the then existing Minmatar Space Program, which consisted of launching spacecraft made by gluing whittled sticks together with special mud, a method which allowed them to colonise several planets in both the Pator System and elsewhere, anyway, this space program had the inevitable consequence of space travel, which is coherent radio signals. And as everyone knows, coherent radio signals can be detected by other space-faring civilisations.

Which they were. And that's when the Amarr arrived, in golden spaceships made of metal and doodled with Scripture, which took the Minmatar completely by surprise, as their religion was mostly handed down orally. No, not that kind. By Words and Memory. As the Minmatar were a very vocal community. That is to say, loud and obstreperous.

Being unable to resist in space, with their mudstick spaceships, the Minmatar were quickly defeated in space, and the Amarr began enslaving them on the ground. Many brave Minmatar warriors attempted to resist, by using their whittled sticks as spears, and rolling in the mud to camouflage themselves, but it was mostly in vain, and the Minmatar were conquered. The Minmatar priests kept the religion of mudrolling, stickwhittling, doodling and drumming alive, through whispering to each other, when nobody was listening. This allowed the Minmatar culture to be preserved for the duration.

Time passed, and some interfering busybodies appeared, wearing outlandish garb and full of strange ideas. These were the Gallente, and after communicating their most significant cultural export (Luminaire Lice, a 'socially' transmitted parasite) to the Minmatar people, they filled the Minmatar's heads with ideas of all sorts of things, which the Minmatar had never heard of, but which the Gallente considered rather good, such as dividing into groups and arguing about things and comparing which group was larger, as the largest group of arguing persons had clearly "won", by virtue of being larger. This baffling concept was called "democracy", and to the enslaved Minmatar, it seemed somewhat better than the state they were in at the time.

And so there was the Minmatar "Rebellion", in which Minmatar people, supplied with high-tech whittled sticks by the Gallente, drove out the occupying Amarr, and claimed a whole lot of star systems that they didn't inhabit previously. The Amarr Emperor of the time, was greatly amused and said, "Let us see if they can hold together these worlds, with their sticks", to which some of the Amarr nobles chortled, and others frowned.

And so, the Minmatar Republic was formed, and the Minmatar attempted to govern these worlds they found themselves in possession of, according to pseudo-Gallente methods of government, instead of the traditional method of drum circling. It didn't go well, more on this later.

Meanwhile, a great cultural revival occurred, where the arts of doodling on yourself with magic ink was rediscovered, and was used by the Minmatar to determine which Minmatar was destined for greatness, and which were not, the secrets of magic doodling having been suppressed during the Occupation. The Minmatar whose magic doodles said they were destined for greatness were very pleased, the ones whose magic doodles said they were destined for a career in local government were rather discontent, and the ones whose magic doodles said they were destined to be scurrilous rogues laughed and got wildly drunk and lived down to expectations.

Eventually, a bunch of people who'd been hiding somewhere, said "We are the Elders", and caused a giant war against the Amarr, as they thought that not enough Minmatar had died in the last war, and as a result the Minmatar Republic collapsed in on itself, due to nobody knowing what was going on, and whether drum circling or representative democracy was supposed to be how to govern a nation.

And then came the "One True Minmatar", or "Sanmatar", known as Maleatu Shakor, who was widely considered to be a visionary, on account of being blind. He threw out everyone who he didn't like the look of, and put people he did like in positions of power, in a remodelled Tribal Republic, which brings us up to the present day.

Exam Questions:
1. ) Would you say that Emperor Heideran IV was directly responsible for the Invasion of Caldari Prime ? If not, what would you say ?
2. ) Does it surprise you that mud was ineffective as birth control in pre-spaceflight Minmatar society ? What does surprise you ?
3. ) Discuss the feasibility of using special mud and whittled sticks to evacuate Matar by spacecraft prior to the Amarr invasion, given the climate and ecosphere of Matar at the time.

No...

Indeed, this is exactly what an idiot might think & write about our history and beliefs.

Will we be seeing sequels on the other main civilisations of the cluster, equally accurate and informed?

Perhaps you might see if you can track down Archbishop or Merdaneth? I seem to recall they had a knack for comedic writing of this sort.

This article was aptly named.

Outlandish indeed!

Your a cheeky little ..... aren't you.

You fly ships painted gold and you have the nerve to call us outlandish.

Personalty if came from a society that determined merit based solely upon whose bottom one shot... I don't believe I would...., oh never-mind.

Much like the girls from Callie, I don't even..........

Okay, I giggled.

I am personally unfamiliar with the history of the tribals, so the response I'm getting from other capsuleers is confusing me here. Is this not accurate? Am I missing a joke here? This all seems fairly well researched to me.

Oh. Oh. I'm the idiot this guide was made for, aren't I?

It is not accurate.

Special mud.