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P&P Fiction Contest - "Hiraeth"
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Johnnie Blaze
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
#1 - 2015-11-08 13:10:05 UTC  |  Edited by: Johnnie Blaze
Hiraeth

Hiraeth (n) A Deep, wistful, nostalgic sense of longing for home; a home that is no longer or perhaps never was. A yearning and wistful grief for people and things long gone.


"Death is inevitable" they used to say. Those days are long gone.

I wake up screaming again. Drenched in sweat and whatever medicinal goo they put in this tank. Disoriented I open my eyes and see i'm in what they call "your home-bay". There is nothing about this prison that feels like home. As I try to open the glass door I hear mumbling. The same mumbling I hear every time I wake up. "relax....don't get up... you need to rest for a minute...".
I hear a feint click noise. The door opens and I see 3 men with white coats. Before I get a chance to say anything they force an oxygen mask on my face. "Just hold tight, you need a minute to come to your senses". The words feel like daggers slicing through my head. I have heard this before, not once, not twice, but hundreds of times.
Maybe this is what "home" feels like.

Questions are not allowed in the medic facility. After waking up somebody guides you to your quarters. From there on you are free to go wherever you want. At least that is what they say, but it does not feel that way. It feels like I'm stuck in an unending circle. As I'm getting out of these hospital clothes I feel something touching my legs. I look down to see the only brightness I've ever felt in life, my quarter-bred fedo named Nesta. A sweet smile comes on my face. I bend over to pat my little buddy. Fedo's are prohibited in personal quarters, but I couldn't care less. Nesta is what gives me the motivation to do what I do.

2 hours have passed since I woke up. I guess it's time to get to work. My first job is turning on my tablet to see what assignments I have planned out today. While reading through my mailbox somebody knocks on my door. I order Nesta to hide in the closet. I open the door slowly. You never know what surprises lie ahead in this twisted universe.
This time it is my friend Sedurick Andedare who brings me a visit. I know what this means. Sedurick is a well-known pirate in New Eden. He finds joy in the misery of others. Sed gets straight to the point. He needs my help for one of his underworld schemes. He received some intelligence about a fully packed freighter that will be travelling through a null-security system.
The plan is to destroy the freighter and loot whatever cargo we can carry. He sees I'm not really enthusiastic, piracy is just not my thing, he knows that. Flattering me with billions of Insterstellar Kredits he convinces me to aid him in his so called "masterplan". Whilst Sedurick is explaining the details, the only thought on my mind is: "I need a drink". So we move our so called business-meeting to the local pub: the Space Maze. Another hour has passed. We drunk and laughed, but I feel no joy inside. I feel empty, like the bottle of spiced wine in front of us. As time passes my thoughts fade deeper and deeper. I long for silence, I long for sleep, I long for peace. Endless peace. Such a thing does not exist anymore... As Sedurick and I part our ways he yells something to me: "Johnnie Blaze, tomorrow is a day that we will not forget". I smile and turn around, strolling to my quarters.

The next day I wake up in my bed. This time no nightmares, no sweat, and no white-coated gents. It feels like a good day. After getting up I play with Nesta for a while. People say fedo's are mindless creatures, designed to destroy what we throw away. They are wrong. When a fedo feels the touch of love it grows to be the best companion a capsuleer could ask for.

It is time to set the plan in motion. I ping Sedurick. He sends me the coordinates of the freighter. I hop in my Tengu, fitted with a covert cyno. After double-checking everything I undock the station. I look at my navigation computer and see I will have to jump through 11 systems before getting to my assigned location. My Tengu is built for speed so this isn't going to take very long.
6 stargates passed already. I'm starting to feel anxious. Sweat is dripping from my forehead. My hands are starting to shake. I don't know if I want to do this. I am not a pirate, I don't want to harm innocent people. Suddenly Nesta jumps in front of me. The little fedo had followed me and hid himself in my ship. I can't be mad at him, he just wants to be with me. Knowing Nesta is here does makes me feel better...
1 more jump to go. I ping Sedurick to ask him if everything is going according to the plan. He confirms so I jump through the last stargate. When entering the system I see there is nobody in local communication system. This is good news. We don't want spectators. I cloak up next to the gate the freighter will be coming through. Now we play the waiting game. Sedurick pings me again. He informs me that the freighter is 2 jumps out. Also that there will be a third member for our heist. I do not like this news. He explains to me that we need a professional bumping pilot. This is to keep the freighter from jumping back through the stargate he came from. I can understand the reasoning but I'm not happy that this wasn't explained earlier when we covered all the details.
While Sed and I chatter some more I see the gate flash.We got company! I get ready for action, fingers on the trigger. The ship decloaks, but it is not the freighter. It's our bumper-pilot, Charles Maonaigh, who's flying a Machariel Battleship. He positions himself next to the gate. Sedurick tells us over comms to get ready, the freighter is jumping in!
Johnnie Blaze
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
#2 - 2015-11-08 13:17:04 UTC
The gate flashes. I am ready, at least I think I am ready. As the freighter decloaks, I decloak simultaneously. I target him to scramble his warpdrive. When the warp scramble hits I see Charles starts bumping the freighter away from the gate. I see the freighter pilot panicking in local comms. He's asking for us to stop harassing him. I feel bad for him, he's an innocent capsuleer...
But Sedurick ensures me that he is not as innocent as he looks. This guy is supposedly an alias of another well-known pirate. Sed orders me to light my covert cyno, so I stop thinking and hit the cyno-button on my control panel. Here comes number 3 of our team, Sedurick himself, flying a pimped out Panther. Because my cyno is lit I can't do anything anymore for a while, so I just sit there... looking at the freighter in distress.
I tell myself this is the last time I'm doing these kind of assignments. Minutes later the freighter explodes. The pilot warps his pod away from us while raging in local comms. Suddenly the gate flashes again, we got more company! Sedurick warps away before checking the loot. He sees I'm close so he orders me to pick up whatever cargo I can carry and warp of. As I'm approaching the freighter wreck I hear my targeting signals beeping loudly. So loud that Nesta makes a squealing noise that I have never heard before. I look at my control panel and see that Charles has targetted me. I open the fleet communication system to try and ask Charles what the hell is going on. But comms are being jammed... Charles' warp disruptor module prevents me from warping away. Meanwhile a Sabre decloaks. Because of the confusion I forgot that another pilot had jumped through the stargate. Before I know it the intruder has locked me aswell. I try local comms, asking for some explanation. The only answer I get is a simple "Game over" from the Sabre pilot. I'm starting to see what is going on. I'm being double-crossed. A warp disruption probe pops up in space, launched from the Sabre. There is no escape anymore. As both ships are starting to break through my shield I look back and see Nesta shaking in a corner. As we're looking at each other I realize that this is the end of our friendship...
My Tengu's shield fail, internal fire is lighting up. I hold Nesta firmly while getting in my pod. But it is no use. Because of the warp disruption probe I will not be able to warp my pod to safety. Bleeping lights, warning sounds, electric circuits failing, fire all over the place, I have experienced this before. I know what is coming. As the Tengu blows up, my pod is all what's left.
After the explosion there is complete silence. Nesta's breathing is the only thing I hear. The 2 attackers don't hesitate any longer and shoot my pod to pieces.

Darkness takes over. Again the nightmare begins...

This time I don't wake up screaming. I wake up speechless, opening my eyes to what feels like a dream. The only thing I can think about is Nesta. He is just a memory now...
I hear the mumbling again. The glass door opens, but I stay put, I don't feel like moving at all. I feel nothing. The doctors are concerned so they start doing some quick tests. Meanwhile they are talking to each other, about what they've done last night, about their activities while being off duty. As they chatter I stand up and look around. The men in white don't even notice me because of their conversation. I get out of the tank, slowly. My mind is as blank as a rookie's skill-chart. As I move to the hallway door I see my name on a computer. I look back to check on the doctors. They are laughing, to busy with themselves too notice me.
As my curiosity grows I decide to take a look at the computer. I see that I'm looking at the Neural Hardwire Transmitter. This device makes sure that when your clone dies, your consciousness gets transferred over to your next clone. Thoughts fill my head quickly. "Johnnie Blaze, tomorrow is a day we will not forget" pops into my mind. Maybe I do want to forget, maybe this endless circle is what's been causing my emptiness, maybe I don't want to live forever.
I don't have any answers to these questions, nor will I ever have any. The thought of not waking up appeals to me. I look over my shoulder to see what the men in white are doing. One is already prepping another clone, the others are still talking. Like the auto-pilot on a ships navigation computer, my fingers delete my clone's saved identity without thinking further. I quickly walk to the hallway door and leave the medic facility without being seen. While walking to my quarters my hands start to shake. Similar like when I'm about to start a fight. I try not to think. I notice my clothes are drenched in sweat when I arrive at my quarters. I'm scared to open the door. There is no fedo waiting for me anymore, there is only coldness.
My tablet is ringing, Sedurick is trying to contact me, but I don't want to talk. I just want to be left alone, so I open my door and throw the tablet on the floor. I'm trying to step inside but something is holding me back. I turn around and close the door. I see the sign to the Ship Hangar on the wall. Maybe a flight in space will clear my mind, so I walk to the hangar and get in a shuttle. While undocking my navigation computer asks for a destination, but I can't think of one so I shut the navcom off.
Johnnie Blaze
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
#3 - 2015-11-08 13:18:23 UTC
In the distance I see XHQ-7V's sun shining bright. I turn on manual flight control and start flying towards the sun. The heath is so appealing, something I haven't felt for a while, it feels like the touch of Nesta.I now know what to do. I have craved for this a long time. Everything is starting to make sense now. The nightmares, the double cross, the loss of my best friend, the doctors not paying attention, the Neural hardwire transmitter with my name on it.
All these events have led to this point. Suddenly my shuttle's warning sounds are beeping. I look up and see nothing but brightness. It is time to join my friend. No "home-bay" this time, no bad dreams, no mumbling, just the warm feeling of light.
I close my eyes as I let go of the control stick. The shuttle's warning sounds fade in the distance. My thoughts are with Nesta.

The light takes over. A new dream begins...