EVE Fiction

[My thanks to the organisers of this competition for giving us all an opportunity to express ourselves creatively, I pray my work will be well received, as it is difficult to outlive immortal critics]

I refused to think of myself as a person, I had not done so for a year. It hurt too much. People lived lives. I did not. They fought, drank, and gambled. They made war, made art, made love. I did not. They took pride in their vocations and thought of the future. I did not. My friends barely spoke to me and I saw no reason in changing my routine now. We had been through school and our military service together, but now adulthood was approaching and we would all go our separate ways. I could sense the heady, distinct mix of emotions in each of them. Excitement, fear, the hubris and impetuosity of youth. Motivated, trained, and ready.

I had lost all motivation to work beyond serving the State. In fact it was the only reason I could find to do anything. Breathe, eat, sleep. The world was falling away from me. It did not want me, so why would I want it? My final report called me a 'very traditional student' and an 'exemplar of Caldari Virtue'. If that is what it meant to be exemplary, then I would be the finest citizen since the days of the Raata Empire. A small, weak, part of my mind cried out against this future. It bemoaned what I was denying myself. It would be silenced. Like my feelings it would be locked away until it faded and decayed to nothing. I would make myself a machine and do what must be done. I did not like myself and had become well practised in concealing my true nature. Above all I despised myself for counterproductive impulses I was unsure I could control. I kept women as far removed from my life as possible.

New year, and I was sent to University. The prestigious Science and Trade Institute no less alongside one old friend, named Jenny. Not long after we arrived she persuaded me to accompany her to some kind of mixer at a semi-reputable establishment nearby. I had resolved to keep her safe, even though she was superior to me in hand to hand combat, so I agreed. We joined the throng of new students vying to get into the event. Jenny and her new friends and me, clinging to the fringe.

I drank heavily and danced hard. As if by instinct Jenny's new squad had formed a defensive circle. In the darkness, strobes flashed as rapidly as my beating heart. The music incomprehensibly loud; the rhythm surging through the air and straight into my body, driving me to keep going. Even at the edge of dancefloor we were all pressed up against one another. I felt certain that this facility was violating safety regulations. Such was the mass of people in there, the air purifiers couldn't keep up. Soon we were all hot, slick with sweat and sticky from spilt drinks. There was barely even enough room to dance in place. Try as I might, I and the other revelers were always brushing up against one another. Perhaps a hand, or an arm, even a buttock on the more energetic dancers. After cutting myself off from everything for so long even inadvertent human contact was invigorating. Jenny had convinced me to wear a loose, thin top that showed a lot of my chest. I felt naked, especially since she banned me from bringing anything to defend myself with. When I cast an eye to the few people I could discern in the heaving mass of flesh, I realised that I was not the worst offender. The Gallente and Minmatar in the crowd were barely wearing anything at all and quite a few of them were moving as if this were some kind of religious experience. I elected to ignore the possibility that this was due to substance abuse.

The disinhibiting effects of the Alcohol began to set in and combined with the sensory overload I was already experiencing I began to lose my grip on my higher faculties. My inner demons began rattling the bars of their cages. So much bare skin. Lust, blind, all-consuming, predatory Lust, the one thing I dreaded and despised about myself above all other failings. It swiftly overtook me. This was not home, I would not be dogged by my previous failures at courtship, and even if I failed now, who would recognise me after tonight? I had to seduce one of these women, maybe even one of the men, I was beyond caring at this point. I searched the crowd with the eyes of a primal hunter. I had no knowledge of how to flirt effectively and the noise here made it impractical. Like a beast of the forest I would impress a mate with an athletic display of dancing prowess.

Then we locked eyes upon one another. A woman in the group Jenny and I came here with. From her haircut, a flamboyant sidecut with the fringe dyed a bright blue, she was clearly Gallente. But there were other distinguishing features. Unlike a svelte Caldari there was a roundness and softness to her, like you could speak to her without having to click your heels and salute first. Her face was framed by an exquisite jawline and high, strong cheekbones. There was a look in her eyes that I did not recognise and for a moment I was lost in her deep brown irises. Her red lips were curled into a knowing smile that seemed both coy and direct all at once, promising all and nothing. We moved in sync with one another, flowing like water. The drink only enhanced the otherworldly aspect of this encounter. In a moment, a flash of a strobe, she was inches from me. Her soft, pale skin glistening with sweat she quickly and gently ran a hand down my chest. A near imperceptible shiver of pleasure ran down my spine. Her smile grew: she knew she had me. She pulled back and the dance continued for a few more agonising minutes.

The woman decided enough was enough, she beckoned me. I lunged at her and she, almost as if she had been expecting such an aggressive advance, threw hands around my head and pulled me in. Our lips pressed together and I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close; her ample bosom was trapped against my chest.[P1]

Thank you for your submission!

For those readers of Eve Fiction who don't read the IGS, the contest is referenced and explained here:

https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=446183&find=unread